


watercolors // junhao

by minghaos_mullet



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, angst but happy ending i promise, aromantic jihoon, changkyun is a bad guy i'm so sorry, domestic wen junhui, jun and minghao need help coping lol, junhao are lovable dumbasses, mentions of child neglect and absent parents that led to trauma, monsta x is here, rated mature just bc of sadder themes, they're so wholesome it's painful, this fic is really fucking long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 62
Words: 104,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29571900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minghaos_mullet/pseuds/minghaos_mullet
Summary: "the only things consistent in my life are the watercolors that appear on our skin when we touch, and you, my soulmate. please, don't leave me."//in a world where watercolors appear on your skin after your soulmate touches you, xu minghao has done everything he could to avoid meeting his. to him, finding a soulmate would disrupt his consistent and numerical world that functions on routine. on the contrary, finding a soulmate means everything to wen junhui, whose carefree and spirited life can only be complete with his soulmate at his side. however, he runs from a dangerous past, and desperately needs help escaping it.the lives of two college students, who are vastly different, will forever change when watercolors appear on each other's skin.//on wattpad under the same title! updates will be on wattpad first, then will be updated here. this serves as a backup for my wattpad account.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	1. 一//하나

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> original fic is up on wattpad under the same title  
> intentional lowercase

一//하나  
one  
//minghao 

rain was xu minghao's most favorite thing.

because no matter where he went, it was the one thing that remained consistent.

it also smelled nice afterwards. an added bonus.

it was raining on an extremely important day, though minghao wouldn't realize its significance yet, it just seemed like a normal day to him. normal except for the fact that he was extremely late to class. the calming presence of the gentle rain outside was disturbed by the frantic young man, who had just slept in past his alarm, and had just enough time to throw on some clothes, brush his teeth, and comb his hair.

class started at 8:00 am, and it was currently 7:50 am. he normally walked to school, which took him exactly seven minutes. ideally, he would leave at 7:38, so he would arrive exactly at 7:45, which was a nice number if you think about it. it was precisely three quarters past seven and one quarter until class started, and it ended in 5. numbers that ended in 5 were the best numbers, in minghao's opinion at least.

if starting school late wasn't cliche enough, when minghao opened his dorm door, he was welcomed to the sight of his neighbor from across the hall.

wen junhui.

wen junhui didn't have a first period class, so he could afford to tiredly stand in his doorway, with mussy brown hair and tired eyes, dully chatting to the domino's employee who was handing him pizza. the 21 year old was a dance major, like minghao, and was in the same advanced contemporary dance class as him; it was was the last class on mondays, tuesdays and thursdays at 4:30pm.

"pizza at 7:50am. what the fuck, wen junhui," was all that minghao thought.

minghao had rarely talked to him, which didn't really mean anything, because he didn't really talk to anyone unless he had to. and talking to him certainly wasn't important now, because the time had just ticked to 7:51am and minghao was definitely late.

being late was somewhat of an oddity for minghao. he was never late. he always knew the time, and he was good with numbers. like the rain, numbers were consistent. minghao was consistent.

but not today, because he slept in past his alarm, and was now running down the rainy streets of seoul trying to get to college as quickly as possible.

when minghao arrived at his first period class, music theory, it was 8:01. despite the fact it took him 7 minutes to get to school while walking, traffic was heavy this rainy monday morning and the 7 minutes did not equate for the time it took for minghao to get to the school building his class was in once he arrived at campus. that took him 2 minutes and 30 seconds while walking.

fuck.

seokmin and seungkwan, two of minghao's friends, (actually, his only friends), noticed him walk in late and followed each of minghao's steps with wide eyes and agape mouths.

"since when are you late to class?" seungkwan asked. his black hair was combed neatly and his striped blue button-up was crisp, giving off a friendly exterior that contrasted against the judgmental and slightly worried look he gave minghao.

"today is the first, only and last time," minghao muttered, taking a seat beside them. luckily, their teacher, mr. kim, was always late, so minghao's own tardiness would go by unnoticed in the school records.

"did someone die?" said seokmin, who was fiddling with the sleeves of his honey-yellow sweater. minghao debated answering yes, just to make his innocent expression turn guilty for asking an abrupt question. he decided against it.

"no. it's just an off day." and that was it.

in reality, minghao was extremely close with both of them. they had been friends for six years at this point, and were all used to minghao's quietness. their dynamic consisted mostly of seokmin and seungkwan talking and bickering endlessly, which minghao enjoyed. even if he didn't talk as much, simply listening to them and being around them made him feel complete, which is all minghao could ask for.

the two of them were in the middle of a debate about the best method of straining pasta when mr. kim finally arrived at 8:13, according to minghao's watch, to start teaching class.

like always, mr. kim entered in a unique suit, this time with small orange daises on it, and it was one of those days where he didn't put effort into styling his shoulder length hair, which instead hung around his face like a cloud. minghao liked him, he was fair and had a good sense of humor, and didn't perpetuate the stereotype of a boring music theory class.

once class was over, the three of them had a free period. they took this time to go the nearby bakery, going's cafe, and get some breakfast. it was still raining, even harder when they arrived at 9:30.

at the register was hoshi, who was also in minghao's advanced contemporary dance class. he waved at them began an energetic conversation with seungkwan and seokmin as they took their orders. minghao zoned out, and was in the middle of thinking about his schedule for the day, when a high-pitched shout disrupted it.

"what the fuck do you mean, we're not soulmates?" a woman was shouting, holding a man's arm and continuously tapping his skin. "where's the colors?"

"hold on- just because we don't have the soulmate marks doesn't mean-" the man began slowly, before being interrupted by his woman and presumed date.

"oh shut up! there's no point of dating someone who isn't my soulmate, dumbass," and on that note she left the bakery.

seungkwan sucked on his teeth. "damn, she sounds upset."

"it's stupid anyways, overreacting about the soulmate stuff won't help anything," minghao said with an eye roll.

what the woman had been looking for when she touched the man's skin, were the soulmate marks. splashes of pigments that looked like watercolor that appeared where the skin was touched. only one person made these marks appear on your skin, and that was your soulmate.

minghao found the entire concept of soulmates stupid. in fact, he hoped he never met his, it would mess up his routine and the consistence of his life he felt peace in. disturbed by that thought, he pulled the sleeves of his baggy sweater down a little farther.

mocking the voice of a radio show host, seokmin announced, "one iced americano for xu minghao, right away," as he passed the drink to his friend.

"minghao, why are you so stubborn about the whole soulmate thing anyway?" hoshi suddenly asked, leaning against the register counter.

"like i said, it's just stupid. there's more important things to worry about," he replied with a shrug.

"you never know, maybe when you find your's you'll change your mind," said hoshi in response, but he wasn't looking at minghao. he was looking at a short young man with dyed silver hair, sitting in the corner of the cafe, quietly eating a pastry as he typed on a computer.

"have you even talked to jihoon yet?" asked seungkwan, following hoshi's gaze.

"does taking his order count?" hoshi responded halfheartedly. he shook his head and ruffled his bleached blonde hair. "it's whatever. enjoy your food and drinks, maybe i'll see you guys later at school."

the three of them left, huddled under seungkwan's umbrella as they walked back to campus. minghao watched the rain fall with a smile, taking comfort in the dull, rhythmic patter of raindrops meeting the pavement, drowning out whatever strange conversation seokmin and seungkwan were having regarding chickens.

time went by, and it was soon 4:30 pm and time for minghao's advanced contemporary dance class. their instructor, mr. jung (who was also named jihoon, but was not hoshi's jihoon. he tried to get the class to not call him by his surname, but minghao didn't, and neither did hoshi), arrived at class early and was busy shuffling through some papers.

minghao was absentmindedly stretching on the floor on his own, counting the time between each stretch. that was interrupted by the sound of someone falling on his ass in the middle of the studio.

the person in question was wen junhui. he and hoshi were joking around with some sort of internet trend dance, tripped, and fell. chan, hoshi's partner in crime in the dance class, was laughing the loudest among the three of them and joined junhui on the floor as he laughed.

junhui was everywhere.

"okay, class, gather please," said mr. jung, too preoccupied with organizing his papers to give a shit. "we have our first large-scale project that will take us to the end of the first semester, so that's about a month and a half. you and a randomly selected partner will be responsible for choreographing a partner dance, and will perform it at the end of the year for the school's 'winter holiday art assembly.' you're representing an advanced class, so i expect good choreography that accurately portrays the contemporary dance form and the emotions you choose to portray. there's not much guidance with this, class time from now on will be used to work on your dance."

minghao blanched. there was a lot of instruction thrown at once, but his mind lingered on 'randomly assigned partner.' the only person he knew here was hoshi, and he was too apprehensive to introduce himself to a brand new person, and work with them for a month and a half.

fuck.

mr. jung began to list off partners. he heard hoshi's name, but not his own followed afterwards. once again, fuck. there goes that.

"xu minghao and wen junhui."

junhui looked over at minghao with a kind a puppy-like expression.

triple fuck.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The is a work of fiction and does not assume anything about the real relationship of Jun and The8, other than them being friends and colleagues. Romantic scenes are purely fictional and do not represent how I view the members, this work is meant to be based on the members at a surface level, nothing more.  
> Events and character traits are fictional as well - the ways characters act in the book are not meant to correlate with the real personalities they're based on.
> 
> Except for the disclaimer here, this work will be written in all lowercase for aesthetic purposes.


	2. 二//두

二//두  
two  
//minghao

minghao didn't necessarily like the fact he was awkward.

while yes, he wasn't the person to go out of his way to talk to people, it's not like some knowledge of how to handle social interaction without freezing up and wishing you remembered how to speak wouldn't be helpful.

because he and wen junhui were in an extra studio, supposed to be planning for their partner dance, but neither had said a word.

junhui tried and minghao had to give him that. despite being in general an outgoing guy who was funny, sort of popular, and knew everyone, he was also fairly quiet like minghao. and minghao was awkward.

now everything is awkward. dammit. and it's now 4:47 pm and neither of them have really started on anything. 

"sooo," junhui said, drawing his words out to make up for the tense silence. he spoke chinese to minghao. "how about we warm up a little bit? i can play some music, if you don't mind."

minghao had already warmed up, but he didn't say that. "sure," sufficed instead.

minghao watched junhui go over to the shelf and hook up his phone to the speakers. jun's broad shoulders were displayed generously by his sleeveless grey shirt, and his muscled calves were defined clearly by his dance leggings. he knew jun was a good dancer, in fact he was fantastic, and minghao had silently admired his talent for awhile. but despite that, and despite even being neighbors for fucks sake, he didn't know how to strike up conversation.

junhui plopped down on the floor after turning on a radio playing upbeat music with steady beats. as minghao sunk into splits, he quietly counted the beats in the music, making note of the rhythm.

"what are you thinking we could do for the project?" asked junhui.

minghao gulped. his brain began to frantically form words. "i-i'm still not really sure... uh-"

"hey, it's okay! we can work on this together, you don't have to worry. also, you can loosen up, we've been neighbors and classmates for awhile now, there's no reason to be so nervous. also it's nice to be with someone from china, speaking korean is still a bit of a struggle," said junhui with a smile.

after rain, one of the thing minghao loved most was junhui's smile. he noticed it shine the brightest when he was dancing, and it was the most genuine thing he had ever seen. so when he smiled at him after saying that, minghao felt more relaxed.

"thank you, junhui," minghao said.

"call me jun. how about we warm up the first partner dance from earlier in the semester, to get an idea of each other's style? if that makes sense," junhui- no, jun said.

minghao nodded, and went over the steps of the dance in his head as junhui switched the music. he had originally partnered with hoshi for this dance, and it had sucked the energy out of the both of them to learn. it was fast paced and dramatic, with several leaps and a move where hoshi literally had to lift minghao in the air for an "artistically sporadic assisted jump," as mr. jung described it. 

hoshi said mr. jung was full of it.

minghao tore off his hoodie and rolled up the sleeves of his t-shirt, pulled his mulletesque hair back into a small ponytail, and assumed the opening position for the dance. jun did as well, and the music began to play.

it started off slow, the beats landing in gentle pin-pricks, designating for slow but precise movements in the opening. and then it sped up, and jun and minghao danced in unison to the aggressive song.

with his mind counting in eights and his body reenacting each step with grace and vigor, minghao relaxed into the music. jun did as well, and minghao noted how while his own steps were lighter and sharper, jun's were more forceful and strong. still just as detailed, and as always he danced incredibly.

after powerful and rapid leaps and turns, it was time for mr. jung's favorite artistically sporadic assisted jump. minghao recounted the dance moves, lept and felt jun's hands catch him around the waist, and when minghao landed, jun had abruptly stopped, his hand holding minghao's arm in the air.

"jun..?" minghao asked. jun wasn't responding, just staring at minghao's extended arm.

following his gaze, his eyes landed where jun's palm was gently pressed against minghao's arm. minghao's skin around the area was flashing a gentle red, like streaks of watercolor. the colors shifted and pulsed, like flames up minghao's skin, but the only feeling there was warmth, comfortable and soothing, enveloping his skin and to his chest. jun's palm was dappled in spots of striking blue, swaying like ocean waves, calm in contrast to the fiery red on minghao's skin.

"holy shit-" jun breathed, and snatched his hand back in lightning speed.

minghao stared at the spot where jun's hand had been in disbelief. the red markings slowly faded from his skin, and then it reverted back to it's original honey skin tone.

no fucking way.

"we're- we're soulmates?!" jun exclaimed.

it couldn't have been possible couldn't? no- minghao didn't need a soulmate- he was fine. all he needed was the time, right? what fucking time was it? did it even matter? soulmates? 

while his mind was overthinking and turning in many different reactions and languages too fast for minghao to keep up with, jun was staring at his palm as if it wasn't his, then to minghao's still extended arm, and back to his palm. abruptly, he walked forward and poked minghao's elbow.

the same warm feeling spread from where he was touched to his chest, although much more briefly, because jun jumped back as if he had been electrocuted and the same colors of red and blue were disappearing from the boys' skin.

so minghao, of course being the sensible man he was, turned and left the studio.

jun was saying something, but minghao didn't hear it, because what the actual fuck was going on and where the fuck was he going? he knew the answer to neither of these questions, because he is in fact, an awkward dumbass.

when minghao stopped freaking out he was standing in the men's restroom and staring at his arm where jun touched him in the mirror. he had no shoes on and was still in his dance leggings and shitty dance t-shirt. he didn't have his phone either, so there goes calling seokmin or seungkwan to verbally freak out on.

"minghao..?" called a voice.

minghao panicked- not jun, could he handle talking to jun? no.

it was hoshi, with a concerned look on his face and his hair slicked back with sweat. "what happened? jun is freaking out and looking for you."

minghao opened his mouth, and despite thinking of a well-thought out and calm explanation, he blurted, "jun's my soulmate and i'm an awkward dumbass. i don't know what to think and i kind of just ran out of the studio and my brain is going everywhere. this wasn't supposed to happen."

hoshi stared at him for a few seconds, then his eyes widened in understanding. "no fucking way."

"that's what i've been thinking. what does this mean?"

"this means that jun is your soulmate and you need to go talk to him," hoshi stated. "how'd you figure it out? what color was it?"

"we did the first dance we learned this semester and jun and i did the 'artistically sporadic assisted jump' and he touched my arm. my arm turned red and his hand turned blue. also fuck no, i'm not talking to him, i don't know what to say. awkward dumbass, remember?" minghao answered. he ran his hands through his hair and took out the hair tie that had been keeping his hair out of his face.

"okay okay, how about we just get you back to the apartment?" hoshi suggested.

"can you get my stuff, it's left in the studio. i'm not sure how to talk to him," minghao asked.

"of course, but you have to talk to him eventually." with that, hoshi ducked out of the bathroom. he returned shortly after, with minghao's sweatshirt, shoes, and backpack.

sighing in relief, minghao gave hoshi a brief hug and thanked him. 

"get home fast, aren't you guys neighbors?" he reminded minghao.

"well shit, yeah. if mr. jung asks why i left early, say i'm sick." that wasn't entirely a lie. minghao's stomach was a little upset, which tended to happen when he got nervous.

he ran as fast as he could out of the building and speed walked down the city streets. during this time he called both seungkwan and seokmin to tell them what happened. both conversations were made up of, "holy fucking shit," "how the hell?" "what are you going to do" and minghao hopelessly telling them that he doesn't fucking know.

"you know, the color that appears on your skin is supposed to be the color of your soulmate's aura," seokmin dutifully informed minghao as he walked up the steps to his apartment. "what color did your skin turn again?"

"red, like fire," minghao responded. he fumbled with his apartment keys. "his aura is red then? and mine is blue?"

"something like that," said seokmin over the phone. "i have to hang up now, try not to freak out too much, okay?"

"no promises," minghao muttered as he finally got the door open.

he flopped down on his couch barely big enough for three people and stared at the ceiling. he had just found his soulmate, and it was jun, of all people.

he wasn't upset that it was jun, he thought to himself. just surprised. and still in shock. right as he remembered to check what time it was, he heard a knock at the door.

"minghao? you in there? it's jun."

\---


	3. 三//세

三//세  
three  
//minghao

nothing was consistent anymore.

for one, it had been raining all day and it was november.

minghao slept in past his alarm and he was late to class.

he didn't know what time it was.

he also had a soulmate.

and for some reason, instead of ignoring jun at the door and not talking to him like he had planned, he walked over and opened it.

the look on jun's face suggested he was just as surprised at minghao that he actually responded. his hair was drenched in rainwater, and his hoodie was soaked. his warm brown eyes, that were often half asleep, were wide and stricken with concern and shock.

"do you not have an umbrella?" was all that minghao said.

jun shook his head.

well shit, minghao thought to himself. what happens now?

"do you want to come in?" the words left minghao's mouth without him realizing.

"sure. let me go get changed first," he replied, and quickly ran into his own apartment.

instead of doing anything, minghao stood in the middle of his apartment, staring at his open apartment door at jun's, waiting him for come back. when jun's door opened, he was wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans.

he slowly walked in and sat on minghao's couch, the only furniture in his tiny apartment except for the tiny dining table with three mismatched chairs and his desk in the corner of the room that was cluttered with planners, journals and assignments. there was a small counter, oven, fridge and sink against the wall that served as a kitchen, but most of the counter space was taken by minghao's coffee machine. the door to his even tinier bedroom was next to it. most of the student rooms in the apartment looked the same.

"nice apartment."

"thanks." minghao grabbed one of the chairs and sat across from jun. "uh, sorry for running away."

smiling- jun was smiling again, but this time it felt different. the same warm feeling minghao got when he touched him was there again, flooding his chest and soothing his nerves. "it's okay, this whole thing is- well, it's bizarre."

"i don't really know how to react to all of this," said minghao. he sighed. "i mean no offense, but, i don't really want a soulmate. i don't really see the point in having one. for me, at least."

furrowing his brow, jun said, "well, you can't really 'not have a soulmate.' everyone has one. and we know each other."

"i don't know, this is just a lot and really making me confused-" minghao sighed.

"it's not because i'm a guy, right?"

minghao blinked. that hadn't really registered yet. girls had never really taken any interest in him, but then again, he was always busy with school or moving to even care, so guys hadn't either. at least as far as he could remember. but this surprised him the least out of everything. 

"no, it's not because you're a guy. i just didn't expect to meet my soulmate, and i've been trying to avoid accidentally doing so," he confessed.

"that's why you're always wearing long sleeves and jeans in the summer time?" his head tilted in understanding. "you understand how that could be concerning without any context, right?"

minghao sighed. "i do. but the sole reason of wearing long clothes was to not accidentally meet my soulmate."

jun sat back in his couch and sucked on his teeth. "why do you dislike the whole thing with soulmates so much? are you disappointed that it's me?"

his last sentence dropped it's tone a little bit. minghao picked up on it and raised an eyebrow. "no, i'm not disappointed that it's you at all. soulmates just, change everything, and i only have so much time to do stuff- what time is it?"

pulling out his phone, jun told him it was 5:32 pm. "you really do work like a clock, don't you?"

"what?"

"it's just, you always leave right at 7:38 for school, i hear you in the mornings. i see you at lunch exactly at noon, and i get home first around 6:20ish, but you don't get home until exactly 6:45," he explained. "i stay late after dance practice, but you stay even later."

"the fuck? are you a stalker?"

"hell no, it's just hard not to notice, honestly. thin apartment walls, also the studio you always use is closest to the exit."

minghao didn't really know what to say. he had always been aware of jun, but that stopped at admiring his powerful presence while dancing and his striking smile. the repetition and pattern that minghao followed were, well, rigid. if you paid attention you could notice it.

"you know what?" jun said suddenly, standing up. "i'll walk you to school tomorrow."

"what? you don't have a first period class, though," minghao pointed out.

"who's the stalker now? anyways, just wait for me. actually no, i'll be out right at 7:38, okay? just trust me on this," he said firmly.

"uh, okay?" minghao watched jun walk over to his door.

jun winked. "see you tomorrow hao!" and with that, he left and closed the door gently behind him.

hao? only his mom had called him that. and sometimes seungkwan, when he wanted to annoy minghao.

dumbfounded with whatever the fuck this current situation was, minghao leaned back into his chair and stared up at the ceiling, which was looking shittier than normal with water damage. the broken pipes needed to be fixed.

a lot of things needed to be fixed. this wasn't normal. minghao didn't know what was going on and how to react to any of it.

he groaned and massaged his temples. fuck it. just entertain what jun wants tomorrow morning. warmth from jun's touch was still on his mind, and he replayed the events that led up to it and when it happened. it was like nothing he'd felt before, and it was comfortable, and reminded him of his mom's hugs.

minghao shook his head and pulled out his watch. 5:35 pm. he would have time to make himself dinner and then work on assignments. maybe he'd be done around 9 and could take a shower, watch whatever caught his eye on netflix, and fall asleep at 10:30.

so he did all of that, except for sleeping. instead he fell asleep sometime past midnight, he didn't know or check, because his mind was stuck on the boy who brought vibrant watercolors to dance on his skin and warmth to flood his heart.

\---

minghao woke up at 6:45 at his normal alarm, feeling like a soggy leaf mushed against the ground. he was tired as hell. the rain had stopped sometime during the night, so the dull hum of early morning traffic was the only noise in the background.

falling into his routine immediately, he washed his face, ate breakfast and did his hair. he chose a long, red, plaid coat for the colder weather. that paired with distressed jeans, and an alternative-style t-shirt he had found in the thrift store. his fashion sense had always been unique (seungkwan said it was iconic), but creating outfits and having a good sense of clothing made him happy.

when he opened the door to leave for school at 7:38, jun was standing outside of it, fist raised to knock.

"hello!" he said with his signature smile. he was wearing a high collared black shirt with a navy blue button up over it, unbutton and tucked into his jeans. 

in actuality, minghao forgot he would be here. he had gotten so caught up in his normal way of going about things, that the fact that jun said he'd walk him to school had slipped his mind. 

"you're actually here."

"of course, i said i would be. shall we go?" jun said excitedly.

as they walked down the hallway, minghao noticed how short he was next to jun. while minghao was taller than most, and certainly looked that way with his slender figure, jun was even taller and his broad shoulders made him seem even bigger.

they walked through seoul in silence, but it wasn't an awkward one. jun's face was bright as he took in all of the sights and sounds that passed by, and seemed to be legitimately enjoying every waking moment of this.

"so, what did you want to talk about?"minghao asked suddenly.

"right!" jun clapped his hands together. "i have a proposition for you. i understand that you don't want a soulmate, and i respect that you have your reasons. the thing is, i genuinely want to get to know you, as a person and as my soulmate. 

so how about, until the 'winter holiday art assembly' when we perform our partner dance, we act as actual soulmates? and on that day, you can decide whether or not you want to continue to be with me, or just to completely forget about it all and go back to how your life was without a soulmate."

minghao looked at jun with an eyebrow raised. "what does 'acting like soulmates' entail?"

"getting close to each other, doing stuff together," jun said, talking with his hands. "maybe going on some... dates. just entertain the idea for me. you don't want this, but i do, so at least give me this month and a half to try it out, and see if you want a soulmate in your life."

he huffed. "that sounds so cliche."

"please, minghao. just try."

jun's eyes were pleading, and he stuck his bottom lip out for maximum effect. acting cute didn't actually work on minghao, but still he sighed and answered, "alright. let's do this."

with a satisfied laugh, jun held out his palm and said, "here's to soulmates for a month and a half?"

minghao had to chuckle at the absurdity. he looked down at jun's palm, still confused over everything and confused at how he even agreed to this in the first place. as far as he was concerned, this broke everything he was used to. he couldn't predict what would happen next. he was sure he didn't want a soulmate, and he thought by the end of all this, he still wouldn't. but something in him rebelled against this, and urged him to do something that would forever change his life.

"soulmates for a month and a half," minghao repeated, and held jun's hand. the watercolor splashes of red and blue shone on their palms as they walked down the street together.

"just a month and a half," he thought to himself. "and then it's over. you're just doing this for jun."

he didn't know it then, but minghao had never been more wrong in his life.

\---


	4. 四//사

四//사  
four  
//minghao

minghao didn't hold jun's hand for very long, he quickly got shy and nervous. people were staring at them as they passed, which was too much attention for him. jun didn't say anything when minghao let go, and still walked by his side all the way to his first class of the day.

when seungkwan and seokmin arrived, they rushed toward minghao and began to bombard him with more questions.

"how did it go with jun?" 

"did you even talk to him?"

"fucking bet, you didn't talk to him, right?"

silencing them with a glare, minghao shook his head. "no, but he walked me to school this morning."

"oh shit, you have to explain this," seungkwan said, eyes widening. he clapped his hands together and scooted his chair close to minghao's. "spill the tea."

seokmin slapped him on the shoulder for talking like a twitter stan.

"i explained to him i don't want anything to do with soulmates," said minghao. his friends began to protest. "hold up, i'm not finished yet. the thing is, jun said he wants to try this and he seems to really want a soulmate in his life. so he said to 'act like soulmates' for the next month and a half until the winter holiday art assembly."

"acting like a soulmate? but you are soulmates," seungkwan said disdainfully.

"is it like a free trial?" seokmin clarified.

"yeah, like a free trial. after that, jun said i can choose what happens next," said minghao.

with an eyebrow raised, seungkwan asked, "what do you want to happen next?"

"i have no intention of doing anything after. i'm just going to do this for jun." minghao looked down at his watch. 7:57. 

with a scoff, seungkwan asked, "then why did you agree?"

"for jun. and i'm not someone who's so stubborn at the expense of other's feelings," minghao sighed. "saying 'no' and continuing to avoid him, which i almost did, is rude."

"isn't this just leading him on?" asked seokmin with a huff. "i don't know, this whole situation seems incredibly easy for emotions to get too involved and end up with people getting hurt.

"it's not, he knows how i feel. i don't know, but i already agreed and it's happening," minghao said. he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

was he leading jun on? jun knew how he felt, and yet still came up with the idea. but his friends brought up valid points. why did he agree? this was unlike anything minghao had ever done before.

"are you ever going to tell him why you don't want a soulmate?" seokmin asked. "or for that matter, us?"

"i don't know," he replied with a sigh. his mind spun thinking of that, and his stomach grew uneasy. those circumstances were uncomfortable to even be reminded of, and the consequences of him telling people about them usually ended up in minghao being judged or bullied.

"mr. kim is here," seungkwan pointed out. "minghao, just be smart about this. from what i know about him, jun is a very carefree and unrestrained person. maybe being around someone like that will be good for you."

"it'll be fine, i'm always smart about everything," minghao said with a shrug.

"you're smart with numbers, theories, routines and patterns. but people and emotions, those are a lot harder for you." seungkwan nudged him gently and looked at him with a soft gaze. "just don't make us worried?"

seokmin nodded and looked at them with a meaningful expression. their concern was touching. minghao nodded. "okay, i won't make you guys worried."

following their interrogation, his two friends proceeded in quiet chatter as mr. kim continued the lesson. minghao drifted off, his mind going back to the feeling of his hand in jun's, and the warmth he felt when he was around him. but he shook it off, that wasn't important, and it didn't mean anything.

it didn't.

and yet his mind always went back to jun.

\---

四//사  
four  
//junhui

jun could not believe what had happened that morning. he actually held minghao's hand. his soulmate.

he had thought of countless scenarios of how meeting his soulmate would go, and yet he had never imagined it would happen like this, and it had certainly never crossed his mind that it would be xu minghao; his soulmate, who didn't even want one.

to him it was absurd. soulmates were everything, and almost everyone's goal was to end up with their soulmate and feel complete.

and when jun first touched minghao's arm in the studio, when their skin was painted in strokes of blue and red, jun felt that for once. and he craved it.

"earth to wen junhui," teased a voice, followed by a hand being waved in front of his face.

jun playfully smacked it. "i'm here, wonwoo. did you say something?"

"i asked you why you're at school so early, you don't have classes in the morning," wonwoo said. sleeping on his shoulder was his boyfriend and soulmate, mingyu, who's black hair was a tousled mess and his clothes rumpled. wonwoo was mindlessly stroking his back as he slept. jun was a bit jealous, in all honesty. he wanted something like that, but considering how minghao was, didn't know how possible it could be.

"i walked minghao to school early," he said.

"and your plan you talked about last night? about letting him 'try out being soulmates' for however long?" wonwoo raised an eyebrow and judged him silently behind his wire-rimmed glasses. "which is incredibly stupid if you ask me."

"he agreed," jun replied. "which was a lot more than i had expected to be completely honest with you."

"i can't believe he doesn't want a soulmate," wonwoo scoffed.

mingyu hummed against wonwoo's shoulder, still half asleep. "he'll come around, once you find your soulmate it's difficult to avoid them."

"that's what you tried to do for a week, because you're a shy little shit," wonwoo murmured and ruffled his hair. "go back to sleep, you have a test soon and you barely slept last night."

"not my fault my roommate is a caffeinated twitch streamer who never shuts up," he said in response. "what does minghao look like?"

"he's shorter than i am, but still tall. tall and skinny, he could be a model if he wanted to. his hair is basically a fashionable mullet but he looks good with it," jun replied. "he's quiet and keeps to himself, but you'll know him when you see him."

mingyu sat up and looked across the courtyard. "is that him?"

jun followed his gaze. sure enough, there was minghao, quietly exiting one of the buildings. two of his friends, who he knew as seungkwan and seokmin were beside him, talking loudly and wildly in contrast to minghao. something in his heart tugged, and his hands felt cold an empty in remembrance of the warmth he felt when he held minghao's.

"yeah," jun breathed.

it'd be a lie if jun said he had never thought about minghao before. minghao's aura was intoxicating, especially when he danced. despite his rigidity and strict routine, when he danced he was a whole other person. smooth, fluid, full of emotion and energy and yet precise and calculated. he never talked to anyone unless he had to, avoided situations that took up his time, and went about his life in clockwise schedule and repetition.

"oh i've seen him around," wonwoo realized. "he's cute. lucky you."

"he seems quiet," said mingyu. "funny, 'cause you're chaotic and loud when you get hyped up."

jun scowled. "are we judging my soulmate now? also i tend to be quiet at first, i just get energetic easily and when i do it's..."

"-a lot," mingyu finished. jun playfully hit his head. 

"this coming from the human puppy dog and his evil boyfriend," he teased.

"i feel loved." wonwoo pulled mingyu up as he stood. "it's time for us to go, good luck you hopeless romantic."

"see you guys," jun said, but he wasn't paying attention to him. he was watching minghao walk across the courtyard, and his heart felt heavy.

maybe minghao didn't want a soulmate, and if by the end of this he still didn't want one, jun would respect that. but jun was going to try his best to show him otherwise, and would put all of his effort into winning minghao's heart.

\---


	5. 五//다섯

五//다섯  
five  
//minghao 

minghao hadn't checked the clock all day. the bell rung when it did and he made it to each class on time, but he he never knew the exact moment; his mind was too stuck on jun. 

in that sense, it aggravated him. this was precisely part of the reason why he didn't want a soulmate.

regardless, when he stood in front of the studio door for their dance class, he was still thinking about him. only, this time he was nervous, because now he was going to be with him.

apprehensively, he opened the door to the studio. the door hinges seemed to be louder than usual.

"hao! right on time i see!" 

and there was jun, still dressed in his clothes earlier from today. "don't get changed, i have other plans."

"other plans? but we have to practice," minghao said, his mind fading into white, and the sounds blurring into white noise, except for jun's voice. his voice, which echoed in his head like raindrops pattering against the windows in a storm. now minghao was thinking about rain. 

"how are we going to do that when we have no dance to even practice?" jun laughed. his laugh. minghao was thinking about his laugh now.

inwardly he scolded himself and his sporratic thoughts, which jumped from topic to topic in flustered confusion in the presence of jun.

"okay... what did you have in mind?"

in a swift and smooth action that put an aggresive halt to minghao's discomposed confusion, jun walked up to him and tugged on his sleeve. "let's go into the city. we can look for some inspiration for our dance and come up with the concept."

minghao gulped and met jun's eyes, which were gentle and friendly. his cheeks slowly grew hot. "o-okay."

jun smirked. "alright, hao, let's go."

\---

五//다섯  
five  
//junhui 

the discovery of that minghao was easily flustered was delighted jun. it was clear that when he stepped into the studio, he didn't know what to think. and jun thought it was absolutely adorable.

"where exactly are we going?" minghao asked. as he walked next to jun, his eyes were scanning everything around him, seeming to notice even the smallest of details in all that passed.

"we are going to the park to see the autumn leaves," answered jun. 

minghao swung his head around to face jun. "isn't that what couples do? on dates? is this a date?"

"we're supposed to be giving this 'soulmate' thing a go," jun chided. "but yes, let's say this is a date."

with a puff of cold air, minghao turned his head back and said nothing. jun wondered if the pink tinge on his cheeks was from being flustered or from the cold.

"the winter art holiday assembly thing is december 20th," he said suddenly. "today is november 5th. that's 46 days, including the assembly."

a dark and anxious knot formed in the bottom of jun's stomach. it didn't seem like enough time. but when minghao looked back at him, with his gentle and thoughtful eyes, optimism took over. jun leaned in close with a smirk, and those thoughtful eyes widened at the sudden closeness.

"then i have 46 days to make you fall for me. get ready, xu minghao."

trying to stifle his laughter by looking away and feigning innocence, jun began to hum to himself. minghao gaped at him. "you're so shameless."

"please, it's charming." he replied with a tease.

"charming my ass." 

"well, your ass-"

"no."

jun laughed, and his chest swelled when he saw minghao try to hide his own laughter by turning his head away.

the two of them walked more closely together than they had realized, jun brightly talking about whatever came to mind and minghao listening quietly. even if he didn't speak, he still listened to jun's energetic and bright storytelling, that switched spontaneously between chinese and korean.

jun didn't even when they arrived at the park, having been too caught up in his wild thoughts. the park was large and fenced, with a wide gateway with vines intertwined around it. a stone path lead through it and twisted in many directions, leading off into different groves of warm autumn colors. a few people could be seen navigating the trees, including other couples.

jun tugged on the sleeve of minghao's coat and pulled him with him, walking deeper into the grove. the leaves were vibrant in a range of colors. some were as bright yellow as the sun, and others looked like they had been drowned in red wine. together the leaves created a fiery and striking look.

click.

at the sound of a picture being taken, jun whipped around. minghao had his phone out, and was taking a picture of a pinecone admist some of the fallen leaves.

"hao, you continue to surprise me, you know," jun said with a chuckle.

without looking up, minghao adjusted his angle and took another photo. "what do you mean?"

"you seem to be a very... numerical person. and yet, you enjoy artsy things like dance and photography," jun noticed.

"i am a numerical person. dancing requires beats. and pinecones follow a phenomenon known as the fibbonachi theory, a naturally occuring numeral sequence found in some plants, such as pinecones, characterized by their spirals," minghao replied. 

"so you only take pictures of stuff having to do with numbers?" jun asked.

minghao finally looked up at him and absentmindedly touched the side of his hair. then he held up his phone at jun. click.

"no, not always," he said with a smile, and looked down at the photo he just took.

now it was jun's turn to be flustered. "for someone who doesn't want a soulmate, you're a bit of a flirt."

the other stood and smiled a little. "i took a picture of the tree, not you."

"your camera roll is missing out."

minghao just hummed in response. the two of them continued to stroll through the park, minghao stopping every now and then to take photos, and jun just watched, finding his actions endearing.

"even if we don't find inspiration for the choreography here, it at least gives us a better chance to get to know each other," said jun, skipping down the path. "here, why don't we exchange phone numbers so we can send ideas to each other?"

with an eyebrow raised, minghao scoffed. "is this an attempt to smoothly ask for my number."

"yes, did it work?"

minghao handed him his phone. "just type your number in."

inwardly, jun pumped his fist in the air in victory. after exchanging phone numbers, jun looked at what minghao saved his name as.

"minghao not hao," jun smirked, reading the name entered. "clever."

"what the fuck is 'beautiful bǎobǎo jun?' the only people who call others 'bǎobǎo' are embarrassing parents and cheesy couples," muttered minghao. "i am continuously in awe at how shameless you are sometimes."

jun mockingly stage bowed. "thank you, i try my best. do you want me to call you bǎobǎo instead?"

"don't you dare, i will wushu martial arts your ass in a matter of seconds."

"maybe that'll turn me on, bǎobǎo."

"god-"

\---

五//다섯  
five  
//minghao 

minghao hated to admit it but he enjoyed going to the park with jun. it was a beautiful, albeit somewhat cold, day. but it was a good one. he would never admit it to jun but he didn't mind his stupid and flirtatious jokes.

after exploring the park some more, they walked back to their apartment together, and now minghao was laying on his bed staring at his phone.

he had told jun he took a photo of the trees, but that was a lie. in a split second decision motivated by who knows what, minghao took a photo of jun. he didn't know why. maybe his artistic side was drawn to the lighting, but it wasn't even good. 

minghao groaned, hating the feeling rising in his stomach. he knew that when soulmates find each other they're drawn to each other's prescense. that seemed to be the most likely answer, but not the one he wanted.

his text-alert on his phone went off. minghao expected to see a message from jun, but was instead surprised to see it was from his dad.

\-------------  
爸 dad  
hey kid. just letting you know that i have surgery tonight on my heart. it's minor and expected to go well, see if you can stop by tomorrow? 

maybe around 6:00?

明浩 minghao  
okay dad, i'll stop by tomorrow. tell dr. ahn i said hi.  
\-------------

minghao sighed and shut off his phone. right.

after following his normal nightly routine, he drifted off to sleep, and his dreams were dotted with autumn leaves, pinecones, and a familiar smile.

\---


	6. 六//육

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: medical imagery/hospitals

六//육  
six  
//minghao

wednesday went by like a blur. he didn't have dance class today, which meant no jun, and minghao hadn't seen him on campus either. he didn't want to admit to it, but it felt a bit, oddly empty, without his presence.

and now, it was 6:00 and minghao was opening the door to his dad's hospital room.

"right on time," his dad said, looking up at his son with a wide smile.

they were strikingly similar in appearance. his father was thin and lean, with a longer face and same gentle eyes. the wrinkles on his face reminded minghao of rivers, but his pale and sickly complexion suggested that the rivers and life on his face had gone dry. but despite that, and the abundant amount of tubes and machines strung around him, his smile was wide and blinding.

"hey dad," said minghao, pulling up a chair beside his dad's hospital bed. "how'd the surgery go?"

"dr. ahn was the surgeon for it, so of course it went well," his dad respond. he lifted a hand and ruffled minghao's hair. "what about you, kiddo? school is going well?"

"it's going fine."

without minghao realizing, his dad poked his cheek, causing him to jump. "don't lie to me, you get sulky when you lie. what's going on?"

crossing his arms over his dad's bed and laying his head down, minghao's head swirled. he debating not saying anything about jun for a moment. he counted in his head the seconds it took for him to answer.

1... 2... 3... 4...

fuck it.

"i found my soulmate," minghao whispered.

it was silent for a moment, and then interrupted by his dad's sigh. he reached out and patted his son's shoulder. "if it were anyone else, i would probably congratulate them. but i know for you, it doesn't work out that way."

"yeah," he mumbled in response.

"why don't you tell me about him, anyways?"

minghao shot up. "him? how the fuck did you know?"

"i noticed the things you didn't," his dad responded. "you never talked about girls, only other guys, for one thing. now that might not mean anything, but that one time we watched romeo + juliet together, you kept subtly complimenting leonardo dicaprio's looks and never said anything about claire danes."

"okay but imagine if you had been wrong."

"i'm never wrong. also it's completely okay that your soulmate is a man. soulmate stuff works in different ways for everyone, but in my opinion, it is never incorrect."

minghao slumped back into his seat. his mind was shifting from many things, mostly shock from how dad simply accepted the fact he had a soulmate, who was male more importantly, so quickly. but also thinking about something else. "if it's never incorrect, then what about mom?"

the gentle look on his dad's face never faltered, even when it sunk into sadness thinking about minghao's mom.

she was the reason for all of this mess. 

"i loved her, and i still do," his dad murmured. "fate wasn't wrong for bringing us together, even if she decided to leave in the end."

"but if she hadn't left, you wouldn't be here right now," cried minghao in exasperation.

it was true. albeit an uncommon phenomenon, it wasn't unheard of for soulmates who experienced heartbreak to develop heart problems. despite being a condition that seemed so cliche and on the nose, it was a brutal one. for some soulmates, if they experience heartbreak, it could lead them to have "lover's heart disease." it could be brought on by rejection, betrayal, or the death of their soulmate. 

there was no cure, only treatment for the fatal side effects that continued to get worse as time was spent without their soulmate.

when minghao's mother left his dad, her soulmate, that's when his dad went into heart failure for the first time. minghao was 6. and ever since, his dad had been getting worse.

moving out of china to korea helped dull the effects, and then they kept moving. from different cities all across south korea to the next, to nullify the thoughts of his wife. and then 5 years ago, minghao's dad went into severe cardiac arrest, and they haven't moved since. 

from that day, his dad had practically lived at the hospital, and it slowly became minghao's second home.

"that doesn't matter now, kid," murmured his father. "come on, tell me about your soulmate."

with a sigh, minghao nodded. "his name is wen junhui, he goes by jun. he's chinese too. he's tall, and he's in my dance class. we're partners for a dance project actually, and that's how we found out about each other. when he touched my arm, we saw the watercolors."

"what colors?"

"when he touches me, my skin turns red. and his turns blue."

minghao's dad chuckled, which soon grew to loud and unconstrained laughter. "he must be a very spirited person. you know how they say the color your skin turns when your soulmate touches you, is the color of their aura? well you've found yourself a very unique man."

"there's more," minghao said. his throat felt dry. "i told him i didn't want a soulmate. but he does, so he made a proposition. to act like soulmates until the assembly at the end of the year, when we perform our dance. i guess he wants to use this time to convince me. after that, he said i can choose if he wants us to stay together or not."

a moment passed. minghao stared sheepishly back at his dad, who simply blinked in thought. "wow. my son is actually a dumbass."

"dad-"

"hold on, just listen for a moment. you understand how risky this is? let's say at the end you choose to reject him. i have 'lover's heart disease,' what are the chances that you could get it too?" his dad asked.

"no one knows the chances. there are no numbers or statistics or anything to explain it," minghao muttered.

"but there's recent research that it could possibly be genetic. minghao-"

he stood and waved his hands to stop his dad from finishing. "it'll be okay. i'm just going to do it for jun so that he can experience having a soulmate. he's aware of how i feel. i won't get attached so when i reject him, i can do it easily."

"this is a horrible plan. it feels like you're leading him on. he might be aware of how you feel, but does he know why?" his dad asked.

"no, no one does," minghao said. his voice rose. "when i mentioned it before we moved here, i would get teased and bullied for not having soulmate parents. you know this. that's why i don't want a soulmate, i didn't ask for any of this."

his dad's voice rose, and the following words became enunciated and sharp like daggers. "do you not want a soulmate because you were bullied, or because you're scared of what happened with your mother? why are you so afraid?" 

it grew quiet, except for the beep of the medical machinery. the heart rate monitor was going faster than normal, and minghao's own was rapid and thudding in his chest.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 beeps-

his dad groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "you know that i love you, and that i worry. please, minghao. just be smart about this. don't end up like me. i'm sorry for yelling at you."

"it's alright," he responded softly. he leaned forward and gave his father a gentle hug. "don't get too worked up, it's bad for your heart. i'll be okay. i gotta get back to the dorm."

"alright, have a safe trip home."

when minghao left the hospital, his mind was shrouded. thinking about his mother were painful. he had next to no memories of her, except her nickname for him.

hao.

which jun also called him.

dammit, jun.

minghao sighed. none of this was jun's fault. it was just his luck that his soulmate was xu minghao, who swore to himself 5 years ago, that he never wanted a soulmate.

which made it hard, when the only thing minghao's soulmate wanted was him.

\---


	7. 七//칠

七//칠  
seven  
//junhui

jun's finger hovered over minghao's contact in his phone that night. he was supposed to be studying. it was 9:23, and he hadn't heard minghao come home at his normal time, 6:45.

sure, maybe it was a bit stalker-esque of him.

yet he knew how focused minghao was on his time and routine, so he wondered what happened to cause him to stray. especially this late.

jun groaned and collapsed on his desk, burrowing his head into his open textbook. he was supposed to be studying.

"fuck it just text him," jun muttered.

\-------------  
jun  
haoooo~

jun  
how are youu??  
\------------

no response. an hour passed, and jun had only made marginal progress on studying, but he heard minghao's apartment door open.

\-------------  
minghao not hao  
fine.

jun  
well that's lovely.

jun  
i'm fantastic by the way, and i'll have you know that studying for chemistry is absolutely riveting.

minghao not hao  
i don't recall asking.

jun  
i just felt it. oh, i'll walk with you to school tomorrow!

minghao not hao  
k.  
\-------------

ouch. but jun didn't really mind, minghao's texts were just as quippy as his personality, and he found it a bit charming. 

jeonghan said he was a morosexual. maybe he was. his soulmate was an awkward dumbass with sarcasm masked behind each word.

but at least he was back at his apartment now.

assuming it was him. what if-

"shut up wen junhui," jun chided himself. "you and your paranoid ass trying to distract yourself from studying. study."

the light overhead began to flicker. a horrible, twisting feeling rose in jun's stomach, as his once lighted room suddenly became dark. jun froze, suddenly caught in freezing cold claws of anxiety, digging into his skin. frantic, he scrambled for his phone and turned the flashlight on, and set it on his desk so that the light from the phone somewhat illuminated his room.

his chest felt tight as he inhaled and exhaled. a moment passed, but it felt like hours. all jun could do was sit there, trying to calm his frantic mind.

he was right back there in that feeling of helplessness. right back there, frozen and in shock. he was alone and he was running and alone and running and he couldn't stop running-

breathe. 

it's just the dark. you have a phone flashlight on.

it's just the dark.

it's just-

and the overhead lights flickered back on again. the whirring hum of electricity in the apartment seemed loud in jun's head.

breathe...

the text-alert went off on his phone.

\-------------  
minghao not hao  
the landlord says there's some issues with the electricity in this sector. they're working on fixing it.  
\-------------

jun let out a heavy exhale and slumped into his chair. his nerves still felt as if they were on fire, and his stomach was now feeling sick.

"junhui, you big baby," he muttered to himself, and left his desk to get a drink from his water bottle. 

he looked back at minghao's text and sighed.

fuck.

he sat down with a sigh. what a shitty day. he looked over at the photo on his desk and traced the beaten-up silver picture frame. within the picture, was a girl in her late teens, dressed in a chinese volleyball uniform, with her dark brown hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. his sister. and there was jun beside her, not even a teenager yet, holding a trophy in his hands. his sister's trophy; her team had won a volleyball tournament. 

"hey, qianxia," he muttered, a wave of nostalgia hitting him as he remembered that game. her club had won finals, and qianxia's notorious and powerful hits had guaranteed it. that day was clear as ever in his mind, the thrill and hoarseness of his voice as he cheered her on, jumping up and down in joy and pride for his older sister.

he missed her more than ever.

\---

七//칠  
seven  
//minghao

once again, when minghao opened his door to go to school, there was jun. his hair was a tousled mess, his college sweatshirt was rumpled and hung largely over his frame, and the image was complete with jun's goofy and large smile.

"hao," he greeted with a lilt to his voice.

"how often are you going to do this?" minghao asked as he started to walk down the hallway.

chuckling, jun ran up to minghao and walked beside him. "who knows?"

"you're going to get bored, i'm not incredibly talkative," said minghao.

"that's okay. actually, i'm not incredibly talkative either, not as much as one might think, at least. i'm usually kind of quiet," jun said, skipping down the stairs of their apartment.

"that's not what it seemed like on our adventure yesterday."

jun skipped the last step and stood in front of minghao. he winked. "you mean our date?"

heat rose on minghao's face and he stepped around the other. he hurriedly opened the door and began to briskly walk down the sidewalk.

"you're so funny," said jun with a laugh, suddenly appearing at minghao's side. "i talk when i'm excited, and i was because i got to spend time with you."

minghao tugged on his plaid jacket. "what's there to be excited about?"

"lots of things, be kinder to yourself. i think you're fun to be around."

minghao looked away. "it's a bit cold today."

suddenly, jun draped his arm over minghao's shoulders, and minghao was pressed into jun's side. he didn't protest, it felt, oddly comfortable there next to him. which was strange, minghao had only really allowed seungkwan and seokmin to be somewhat cuddly with him, and here was jun, who he still didn't really know yet, putting him at ease.

it felt warm. similar to the warmth minghao felt when he touched jun's skin, but different. instead of that relaxed and honeyed feeling he felt when he touched his skin, it was gentle and almost soft, like drinking coffee on a cold day. 

"if it's cold then stay right here," jun murmured, his eyes looking somewhat dazed.

'he has nice eyes,' minghao thought to himself. they were droopy with drowsiness, which seemed to be jun's norm. but his eyes were dark like chasms, dusky brown like pools of coffee.

maybe minghao just wanted coffee.

"how long will you keep staring at me?" jun giggled. he teasingly poked minghao's nose and froze for a moment, staring at his skin. heat flushed minghao's face, from blushing and from his soulmate's touch. "whoa. i don't think i'll get over how cool that looks."

minghao blinked when jun poked him again, this time on his forehead.

"jun-" minghao protested. he caught his wrist at jun's third attempt at poking his face, sending watercolors of red up his skin, and blue on junhui's. when he released it, the watercolors faded as if they were clouds that dissipated in the air.

"see, it's cool!" jun exclaimed.

"let's just get to school," minghao huffed, sinking into the collar of his jacket.

jun pulled minghao closer to him. "come on, we're supposed to be acting like soulmates for... how many more days?"

"44." minghao said. his heart thudded in his chest at the increased closeness.

"right. also, it's thursday, so we have dance today. get ready because i have a little choreography planned," said jun with his characteristic grin.

the rest of the walk was like yesterday, with jun rambling about whatever came to mind, and he dropped minghao off at his classroom like he had done 2 days ago. minghao wondered why he didn't yesterday, but didn't ask. 

he also wondered why jun was acting skittish. he walked faster today. but he didn't ask either.

seokmin and seungkwan annoyed minghao for more information about jun, but he was barely listening. when mr. kim walked into class late, minghao didn't even know what time it was.

as much as he tried, he couldn't stop thinking of jun.

\---


	8. 八//여덟

八//여덟  
eight  
//junhui

"minghao!" exclaimed jun when minghao opened the door to the studio later that afternoon. he was already dressed, in tighter grey sweatpants and a red hoodie. excitement blossomed in jun's chest, and he unknowingly walked with a bounce in his step as he walked up to minghao.

minghao crossed his arms tightly to his chest, which jun noticed he did fairly often. "you said you had some choreography ideas or something?"

"yes! and a song too, actually," jun grinned. he grabbed minghao's sleeve and pulled him to the opposite side of the studio, where a shelf stood with speakers attached. he swiped through his phone and clicked on the song. "give it a listen?"

the music started out slowly, with gentle acoustics, followed by soft lyrics. minghao closed his eyes as he listened to it, tilting his head and focusing on the song. in tandem with the beat of the song, his finger tapped on his thigh. he shifted when the chorus turned to a darker sound, still flowing with the original acoustic, but with stronger sounds that continued with the rest of the song.

when it ended, minghao opened his eyes with a surprised look on his face. "actually, i like it a lot. what sort of a concept were you looking for with this song? it's kind of romantic, and the lyrics talk about rain..."

"i was thinking that because we're soulmates, we could do a piece that has to do with that," jun blurted. "you know? and the song talks about rain because it was raining when we met- i don't know i just like the song and if we related the choreo to us being soulmates then it would be cool..." he trailed off.

minghao was staring at him, with an unreadable expression on his face. his neutral look was surprisingly intimidating, and there was no way to tell what he was thinking.

"okay. let's do it."

jun blinked. once. twice.

holy fuck.

"i didn't think you'd agree- at least not so easily," he admitted.

the idea first came to him at the park. being close to minghao was an entirely new feeling, yet so familiar, and if they could make a dance out of them being soulmates it would be amazing. but considering minghao's inexplicable reluctance to even being with jun, he expected him to protest.

"it's a performance, and i'm a performer," minghao stated simply, rocking on the balls of his feet.

oh. that was somehow underwhelming, and somewhat soul crushing. jun brushed it off. it was something and he could work with that.

"great! well, here's some of the moves i had been thinking of," jun said, pulling on minghao's sleeve once again and leading him to the center of the studio.

as jun began dancing, he was amazed by how quickly minghao caught on. sharp eyes that watched and counted each movement, expressing the details in fluid and graceful ways. 

they began coming up with the ideas for the opening to the song, re-listening to it over and over again and bouncing ideas off of each other. while they didn't make too much progress, it was a good start.

minghao tore off his sweatshirt, revealing a tight black shirt, and stretched his arms. jun couldn't help but watch the muscles in his arms and shoulders. he had always been in awe of minghao's build. despite being thin, he was strong. and whenever jun had watched him dance, it was clear there was strength in each dance step.

"we need a strong point in the dance, several if possible," minghao said, scratching the base of his neck in thought. "something that really encompasses the emotions within the song."

a thought flashed within jun's mind. an action. maybe it was a bad idea, but jun didn't care. he acted on it.

he leaned forward, looking down at minghao, and grabbed his bare upper arms. he relaxed as a wave of warmth spread up his arms and into his chest, warmth that felt so soothing. minghao's breath halted, and both of them were still, stricken by the warmth and dappled in watercolors that painted jun's hands blue and minghao's arms red.

"if we do something like this," jun murmured, suddenly feeling drowsy. as if he was drunk on this feeling. "moments where we touch. we said the choreo should be about us being soulmates, so let's show it."

minghao looked up at jun with wide eyes, his mouth slightly open in a shocked pout. his cheeks slowly reddened. 

"jun," he said quietly. and that was all, and jun snapped back to reality.

jun let go of his arms and stepped back, surprised at the sudden intimacy that he didn't even think about initiating. he exhaled, feeling contrarily cold without minghao in his arms. he looked around and rocked nervously. "sorry, i uh- wow."

"no, it's okay. you're actually right, it would add to the performance."

performance. that again.

part of jun wanted to demand to know why minghao continued to separate himself from this. why he was being so apathetic regarding soulmates. why even agree to any of this. 

but the other side knew to not ask. that would be up to minghao to decide when he opened up to jun, if he even wanted to, and jun couldn't force him.

he would just have to go along with minghao's way of being soulmates while simultaneously separating himself from anything having to actually do with it. fine. jun could work with that.

and if he tried hard enough, maybe minghao would be more inclined to accept it.

to accept him.

jun smiled. "let's keep practicing then."

\---

八//여덟  
eight  
//minghao

minghao was exhausted. he collapsed on the studio floor, panting for breath. they had gone over the actual time meant for class, making up choreography and also practicing to other songs on their own time. mr. jung still assigned different things amidst all this.

"sadistic bastard," minghao thought.

what annoyed him was that jun didn't even seem tired. he was as hyper as ever, if not even more so. he was currently listening to the song they had chosen for their choreo for the 100th time, moving his arms and legs in small movements to simulate choreo. his tongue was pressed to the side of his mouth in thought as he repeated segments of the song and wiggled his hands.

it was kind of cute.

"let's go on another date sometime," jun said without looking up.

minghao was taken aback by his bluntness. "i have to study."

jun looked down at him and ran a hand through his hair. "study later."

"how have you survived college?"

a shrug. "no idea. you're ranked really high with grades anyways, right? you can handle taking a little break from that."

minghao sat up and stretched his arms behind him. "rank eight. i'm only at a high rank because i study."

jun sighed. "wow. hey, instead how about we have a study date? there's a library literally right next to our apartment, after school tomorrow how about we meet there at 7:00 and we study?"

minghao watched him, thinking. "sure. what time is it right now, by the way?"

"6:32," jun told him. "if you leave now you'll be able to get back to the apartment at your usual time."

"are you not coming?"

"no, wonwoo wants me to come over for a little bit," jun told him.

minghao had no idea who wonwoo was but wasn't surprised. he barely knew the names of students even in his class. "okay, i'll see you tomorrow then."

"i'll be there right on time," jun called as minghao left the studio.

minghao flushed.

he was looking forward for 7:38 tomorrow morning.

\---


	9. 九//아홉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: description of a panic attack

九//아홉  
nine  
//minghao

"when are you going to introduce us to your soulmate?" seungkwan asked the next morning.

he and seokmin had arrived earlier than minghao, and saw jun drop off minghao at the door. again, jun had walked with him to school. minghao listened to jun ramble, which seemed to become the norm, but he still enjoyed it.

"i don't know," minghao replied meekly.

"do you at least have a photo of him? i've not seen him up close," seungkwan continued.

minghao pulled out his phone and swiped to the photo he took at the park and handed it to seungkwan. seokmin leaned over his shoulder and the two squinted at the photo of jun.

"he's cute i guess," said seokmin. seungkwan nodded in agreement.

"you guess? also why are you judging the attractiveness of him?" minghao asked with a scoff.

seungkwan passed the phone back to minghao. "then introduce us so we can judge his personality."

"what's with all the judging?"

"we need to make sure he's a good fit for you!" seungkwan said. "in all the time we've known you, you have never wanted a soulmate and you've kept to yourself. pardon me for just being nervous and a bit protective of you."

"tell us about him, then," seokmin added.

"yeah. and if he's suspicious or has personal demons or anything like that. an ex-girlfriend who wants him dead. an old rival or some shit."

minghao sighed. seungkwan was known for being overly protective with his friends, so he wasn't exactly surprised. and seokmin's instinctive curiosity about everything paired with that basically made them private investigators whenever someone new entered minghao's life.

they weren't jealous, and they never overstepped boundaries. minghao knew it came from a place of concern.

"he's very nice," minghao said simply.

seungkwan and seokmin stared back at him with deadpan expressions.

nervously, he scratched the back of his head and then fiddled with the zipper of his jacket. "well, he's a really good dancer. like, amazing. he's really creative, he likes to make choreography. he also talks when he's excited and..." minghao trailed off and thought to himself, when he's around me, he said. 

"and what?" seungkwan pressed. seokmin lightly smacked his head.

"and just in general. he speaks chinese with me. but also, i feel like he doesn't actually think things through. but not in a stupid way, that sounds bad. he's just a lot more, free spirited and confident because of it."

"how does he make you feel when you're around him," seokmin asked, cutting off seungkwan who tried to say something else.

minghao thought for a moment. how did jun make him feel? flustered for sure. fuck jun and his endless flirty remarks. confused, because he was intending to end all of this once the assembly was over. everything that had remained so consistent in his life was uprooted, and there was jun in the middle all of it, utterly unpredictable.

but even amidst all of those things, one thing did stay consistent.

"he makes me forget what time it is," minghao said. "i don't check the clock when i'm with him."

seungkwan scoffed. "okay if you're going to say that at least make it cheesy. 'time stops when i'm with him.' or, 'the time i spend with him is endless.' something like that."

minghao frowned. "but it's not cheesy. i never check the time."

"that's good, though. right? all you do is check your stupid watch. sorry for calling it stupid. but it might be a good thing, so you're not so worried about that," seokmin brought up.

"is it? speaking of, what time is it, i think this is the longest that mr. kim has been late to class," minghao muttered, pulling out his phone. 8:23.

"oh put that away," seungkwan muttered, lightly smacking minghao's phone. "you're like a fucking... paranoid grandma."

"and you're a helicopter mom."

"whatever, there's mr. kim so you can stop worrying now," seungkwan sighed, looking over to the door where their teacher ran in, wearing a very vibrant blue suit.

"what does he do every morning that makes him so late?" asked seokmin under his breath. 

seungkwan haughtily scoffed. "i bet he just plays league of legends, or takes videos of his dogs."

"class is fun when he shows us those videos, though," seokmin muttered. "maybe he'll show us."

mr. kim opened class with a video he took of his dog playing fetch.

\---

九//아홉  
nine  
//junhui

jun nervously waited at a table at the library. it was empty, the librarian was on her break somewhere. the library itself was fairly small, but stuffed with many bookshelves that were congested with different volumes of literature. there was a small table in the corner of the library, well-lit and quaint, but had an unfortunate view of the adult novel/borderline pornography section directly across from it.

whatever.

jun checked his clock, inwardly scoffing at how much he felt like minghao by doing so. it was 7:00. if minghao stayed true to himself he should be here at any moment-

"jun?" called a voice.

minghao.

"hao! i'm over here!" jun shouted excitedly. "toward the back."

minghao popped his head past the shelves and made his way through to him. and jun had to admit, minghao looked great. granted, he had seen him that morning when he walked him to school. he wore a plaid shirt unbuttoned at the top, tucked into highwaisted and (fashionably, jun thought) baggy pants. over top of that was a long grey coat that swung with each of his steps. 

minghao paused and looked back at the unfortunate adult novel section. "jun why did you choose the spot with the po-"

"i didn't see it when i sat down but everything else here is cute," jun interrupted. he stood up and pulled out a chair. "come sit."

minghao raised an eyebrow as he sat down, ignoring jun's grin. "so what are you working on?"

"stupid biology. i literally do not give a shit about mitosis," he answered with a huff.

minghao took out his journal and a textbook for advanced chemistry. of course he was doing advanced chemistry. in what seemed to be a subconscious gesture, minghao tapped his pencil on the spine of his textbook. "you can ask me for help. i'll study on my own but you can always interrupt me for help."

jun sat back down in his chair with a loud and excited grunt. "thank fucking god. i'm hopeless at biology."

"no you're not," minghao scoffed.

this time, jun raised an eyebrow. "just wait and see."

much to minghao's dismay, jun was utterly hopeless at biology. jun was thankful for minghao's patience, but he could see the frustration appear on his face when jun couldn't grasp a concept. still, minghao persisted, which jun appreciated.

he was a dance major, so it's not like he cared very much about science. but he at least needed to pass the class, and it was the only class he was in danger of failing. math was fine, though he had to struggle a bit to understand concepts, but when he did he was really good at math.

he was hoping that same thing would apply to him for biology, but it wasn't seeming that way. and while he didn't normally care about how 'smart' he seemed because of his grades, because grades don't determine someone's intelligence, getting papers passed back marked with d's and f's were blows to his ego.

"how are you so good at science?" jun mumbled in defeat. he buried his head into his textbook.

"i moved a lot as a kid. didn't really have time to make friends, and curriculum would always be different at whatever new school i move to. so i taught myself so that i would have an easy time in class, and passed time studying because i didn't have friends," minghao answered simply.

jun raised his head and frowned. "dude. that's actually pretty sad."

minghao shrugged. "maybe."

"why did you move from china?" jun asked. "and then continue to move?"

it got quiet, and minghao stopped writing down notes. jun panicked. "wait, uh if that's a touchy subject you don't-"

"no, it's okay," minghao assured. he put his pencil down and looked back at jun. "it got rough for my dad and i in china, so we moved. and he just kept moving us, because it was hard staying in one place for too long."

"what made you stay here?" jun asked.

nervously, minghao ruffled the back of his long hair. "five years ago, my dad got sick. so we're stuck here."

"do you like it here?"

another blanket of silence fell over the two. minghao pursed his lips, debating. "i think i do. i want to finish college here."

"good," said jun with a smile. "because i like you, hao."

a strangled noise sounded in minghao's throat. "t-thank you?"

jun snorted. "flustered as always."

"hey-"

a loud electrical hum cut off minghao's voice. overhead, the lights brightened, and then with a dull rumble, shut off. jun froze as everything became dark.*

"well fuck, the landlord said there were electrical issues in this sector but i didn't think-"

jun wasn't listening. the only thing he could hear was the fuzz of white noise. a cavernous, empty hole opened in his stomach, swallowing him up, reaching his lungs. his breath constricted, and jun gasped.

he couldn't see anything.

everything was dark.

dark. dark. dark. fuck.

jun felt like he was dying.

"holy shit, jun, are you okay?" minghao's voice, followed by a gentle hand on his shoulder. "what's going on?"

falling over himself, jun shot out of the chair and felt his back against the wall. he crumpled against it and drew his knees to his chest.

"i-" jun started, trying to bring himself to form a coherent sentence. "i'm having a panic attack."

\---


	10. 十//십

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning: description of a panic attack

十//십  
ten  
//minghao

"i'm having a panic attack."

minghao instantly sat down on the floor beside jun. "alright. it's okay jun, i'm here."

jun put his head between his knees, not answering. his breathing was rushed and heavy, and was sporadically interrupted by a sharp and hyperventilated gasp.

minghao's brain raced. "is it the dark? let me get my phone flashlight, okay?"

he turned on the flashlight app and placed his phone on the floor beside him. jun relaxed a little bit at that. minghao bit on his lip, scrambling around in his mind trying to remember how to respond. how his dad responded when he was younger.

his dad hugged him. right. normally, minghao would shrivel at the thought of skinship, but that didn't matter. jun's comfort was more important than his own.

"jun, is it okay for me to touch you? do you want a hug?"

"yes please," jun whispered.

minghao took off his coat and pulled jun into his arms, pressing his head into his chest. jun was shaking into it, and gripped minghao's back tightly. minghao laid the jacket over the two of them.

"you're safe," minghao said quietly. he reached up and ran his hand through jun's hair soothingly. "you're okay. how about you focus on breathing with me, we'll take some deep breaths together, alright?"

jun nodded into his shirt. minghao inhaled slowly, and then exhaled, which jun copied. they repeated it, and minghao apprehensively placed his hand on the back of jun's neck. in the light he could see the watercolor marks appear, and warmth spread up his arm. jun sighed as it did, his breathing becoming more relaxed and stable.

"you're safe," minghao repeated. "keep breathing with me, count the breaths if that helps. take your mind off of whatever is causing you anxiety. you're safe right here."

he continued to whisper soothing things to jun, pressing him close to his chest and rubbing the back of his neck and head. jun's grip on minghao loosened, and soon his breath was a lot deeper and less rushed. he buried his head into minghao's shoulder.

time ticked by.

they sat there for awhile. occasionally jun would hyperventilate or shake as aftershocks.

the worst part about anxiety attacks were the waiting.

"i'm sorry," jun whispered eventually.

"no, no," hushed minghao. "don't be sorry. we can't control these situations. panic attacks happen, and we just have to deal with them. but you're safe, and you're okay."

"but who's scared of the dark? i'm literally an adult," mumbled jun.

minghao pursed his lips. "you know, i'm scared of grasshoppers. also bugs in general. but grasshoppers, mostly."

it was quiet. and then suddenly, jun was quietly laughing.

minghao lightly smacked jun's back, but he laughed with him. "i know, it's stupid. but people have stupid fears sometimes and you shouldn't be ashamed of them. we can't really control these fears, you know? don't shame yourself for it."

jun nodded and sighed, relaxing into minghao. minghao had to admit, it felt comfortable having jun in his arms. like he was meant to fit there. delicately, he traced circles on the nape of jun's neck.

"thank you," jun said after a moment.

"should we go back to the apartments?" minghao asked.

jun answered softly, "yeah. can i keep your jacket?"

"yep, let's go." minghao stood, keeping jun close to him and holding his hand. he quickly shoved their textbooks into their backpacks. with one hand holding the flashlight and lighting the way, and the other holding jun close to him, they stumbled out of the library.

it was dark outside, and the streetlamps were off. jun shifted uncomfortable and shuffled closer to minghao. he looked up, noticing how the apartment windows had no lights on. 

"there must have been a big power outage," minghao thought aloud.

"i don't know if i can stay here tonight," mumbled jun worriedly. he began to speak in a rushed and hurried voice. "but i don't know where else to go. wonwoo and mingyu live together in a tiny-ass apartment that's basically on the other side of seoul..."

with pursed lips, minghao considered his options. "okay, how about you stay with me tonight?"

jun looked down at him with wide eyes. "wait, are you sure?"

"will you be okay? it'll still be dark, but i can turn my flashlight on. you seem to be less anxious when another person is around," minghao said.

minghao wasn't really thinking. but jun was scared, and minghao knew how that felt. if this were anything else, he would be less inclined to help, but seeing jun this way made everything in his body hurt. maybe it was because of them being soulmates. but regardless, it didn't matter, jun needed him right now.

"okay, let's go," jun replied softly.

minghao led them up the stairs, clutching onto jun. they stopped by jun's dorm to grab clothes, and jun quickly changed. back at minghao's apartment, he curled up on the couch. minghao had grabbed some candles and lit a few.

"you better?" minghao asked, sitting beside jun, who still had minghao's coat.

"a little." jun was scratching the top of his forearm, minghao had noticed. gingerly, he took jun's hand in his, and traced shapes onto his palm, watching the strokes of watercolor dance on his skin.

"how are you so good at dealing with this?" jun asked, eyes trained on minghao's finger.

minghao sighed. "when i was younger, i had pretty bad panic attacks sometimes. my dad helped me deal with them."

"how come?"

right. the reason. minghao stopped tracing shapes briefly. he swallowed, debating telling him or not. and if he did, how much should he explain?

would jun even understand? minghao looked at him, and couldn't help thinking about how much he seemed like a lost puppy. 

"remember how i said we moved from china?" minghao began. "well, we moved because of my mom. she and my dad were soulmates, but she left us. i got panic attacks because of that."

he expected jun to say something brazen. a snide remark about soulmates, or off-handed remark about his dad. the type of response that usually followed when he mentioned it before, and the responses that had made him stop mentioning it whenever he decided to open up to people. 

but instead, jun grabbed his hand. "i'm so sorry. that must have been hard on you and your dad."

minghao was stunned, and could only nod in response. the two of them sat like that for a while longer, comforted by each other's presence.

after a bit, minghao spoke up. "we should go to sleep, don't you think?"

"do you have any spare blankets? i can sleep out here-"

"no," minghao halted him. "you can sleep in my bed with me."

jun froze and gaped at the younger. minghao lightly smacked his arm.

"don't be like that, dumbass. there's enough room, and you're still pretty shaken up," minghao muttered. "come on. i'll blow out the candles out here and set up some light in my room."

after quickly changing and setting up a spare flashlight he kept in his dresser, minghao pulled jun to his room. jun stood at the edge of the bed awkwardly, tugging on his pajama pants. 

"please," sighed minghao. he grabbed jun's wrist lightly, and pulled him into the bed. he laid the covers over him and laid down beside him.

"thank you," jun whispered, before falling asleep. minghao followed after, and they slept soundly.

\---


	11. 十一//열한

十一//열한  
eleven  
//junhui

warm.

that was the first thing that came to mind when jun woke up.

his mind still foggy from sleep, he shifted in bed, and then realized where he was. in minghao's room, and jun had wrapped his arms around minghao, pulling the younger into jun's chest. watercolors splashed on their bare arms touching, and where minghao's shoulder and nape met, the spot where jun had tucked his head.

"oh shit," jun thought to himself.

he laid there for a moment, stunned and unmoving. the blankets shifted around them as minghao began to wake up. jun closed his eyes again, feigning sleep.

minghao got up and gently removed jun's arm that had been draped over minghao's side, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"jun," he murmured. "i know you're awake."

in response, jun just groaned. "no, i'm not."

minghao huffed. "we have school today."

jun shot upward. "wait, what? what time is it?"

gentle laughter. minghao was laughing. "it's 10:34 on a saturday. come on, get out of bed."

if jun were to describe minghao's laughter, he would say it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. it was very soft and gentle, but rang like sleigh bells at christmas, bringing joy and warmth to everyone who heard it.

"fuck you, xu minghao," jun sighed, but was also laughing.

he left the bed and exited the room, jun following. shuffling in the apartment's weak excuse for a kitchen, minghao pulled out a box of frosted cereal and two bowls.

"this is all i have," he said. "and no milk. unless you want water or something in it, but only a monster would eat cereal with water."

"that's fine, hao, milk-less cereal is badass," replied jun jokingly.

jun watched minghao, who seemed awfully calm despite everything. he had got the impression that minghao was shy, kept to himself, and that he didn't want anything to do with jun outside of what he felt like he had to do. he didn't have to help jun with the panic attack, and certainly didn't have to let him sleep in his apartment.

so why? what made minghao change his mind? it had only been six days since they even had a proper conversation, despite knowing each other beforehand but never saying a word.

was it because they were soulmates? ever since the watercolors appeared, jun had definitely felt some inexplicable pull toward minghao. maybe it was stronger for minghao then jun?

"are you trying to blow up your cereal bowl with your mind?" minghao said suddenly. "you're frowning at it."

"what will you give me if i blow it up?" jun rested his head in the palm of his hand and grinned at minghao, who didn't respond, just stared back silently and judgingly. an idea came to jun. he tapped on his cheek and gave him a flirty stare. "how about a kiss?"

that did it. minghao immediately blushed and looked away, nervously eating his cereal. "fuck off, wen junhui."

"you're so easily flustered," laughed jun. though, he definitely wouldn't have minded if minghao did.

\---

十一//열한  
eleven  
//minghao

minghao felt utterly helpless.

in the last 24 hours, he had done everything opposite of what he would normally do.

minghao was shy, kept to himself, and certainly didn't invite people over to his house, and especially didn't let them sleep and cuddle with him.

but jun was different.

minghao groaned. jun had gone back to his apartment, leaving minghao to quietly freak out in his own apartment alone.

minghao wasn't supposed to get so attached. he was supposed to go along with this for jun's sake. if he got attached, then jun would too, and ending everything with him once the assembly came around wouldn't go as smoothly.

he knew the attraction soulmates felt toward each other was strong, but minghao had no idea it'd be as strong as this. and jun was legitimately a good person, which made all of this so much harder.

this wasn't minghao. minghao stuck with the same two friends, studied for college, and always knew what time it was. and most importantly, kept to his routine. that was normal.

but whenever jun appeared in front of him, he forgot about all of that.

he couldn't tell whether he liked it or not, which only made him more nervous.

he definitely liked jun as a person, and in the moment, spending time with him was great. but was it worth breaking everything he knew prior? what if-

"hey hao!"

jun reentered the apartment, distracting minghao from his thoughts. which was probably a good thing, once minghao started worrying his mind drifted off on endless tangents.

"what do you want to do today?" jun asked, sitting down at the couch.

"first of all, i would like to get dressed," quipped minghao, gesturing at his old star wars shirt and baggy basketball shorts from the night before.

"after, how about coffee?" jun leaned forward and eagerly rubbed his knees.

momentarily minghao forgot that the closest coffee shop was the one where hoshi worked at, who he hadn't talked to since monday. but he only remembered that after he had agreed.

after pushing jun out the door, minghao begrudgingly swapped the clothes he slept in with a cozy sweater, distressed jeans, and a parka over it.

in the hallway, jun was pacing, and grinned sheepishly when minghao exited his apartment. jun lead the way, with a bounce in his step. minghao followed, half paying attention to jun and half wondering if hoshi was working that day.

jun walked with a certain air of nervousness, he noticed. his head would occasionally look back, eyes scanning around. minghao noted it in his head, but brushed it off as an anxious symptom.

well, hoshi was working that day, minghao soon figured out.

the moment the pair arrived at the coffee shop, they were welcomed by hoshi's booming and exciting voice.

"jun! and- and is that minghao?" he shouted. he waved them over to the register.

"hoshi!" jun yelled back, running up to him.

hoshi high-fived jun, smiling wildly, which reminded minghao of a hamster. "wonwoo called me last night because he hadn't heard from you. were you okay?"

jun blushed.

wait, he blushed. minghao had to look twice.

"yeah," jun answered. "i'll call him, but my phone is dead. do you have a charger?"

hoshi nodded. "go into the back. i know you're friends with the boss so it shouldn't be an issue."

"thanks," said jun, shooting him a pair of finger guns as he walked around the counter.

hoshi looked back to minghao with a mischievous look. "so, how's the soulmate life?"

blanking on what to say, minghao just nodded.

"i've never seen you this flustered."

minghao scratched the back of his head. "i'm normally not. but we're... we're figuring this out."

that was simple enough. he didn't know hoshi too well yet to tell him anything else. hoshi was nice, and had always been happy to partner with him in their dance class, but minghao never really made other attempts to socialize with him outside of class and the coffee shop.

"oh shit, jihoon is here," hoshi gasped. he looked to minghao, feeling somewhat embarrassed. "uh-"

minghao nodded reassuringly and moved to the side, letting jihoon walk up to the register.

"hey, soonyoung," jihoon said, somewhat bluntly.

minghao was stunned for a moment. hoshi was adamant that he go by his nickname, hoshi, instead of his actual name. jihoon must've been the only exception.

"your usual?" hoshi said with a smile.

with a friendly chuckle, jihoon nodded. "yes please, thanks man."

"that'll be right out!" said hoshi, somehow smiling even wider. once jihoon paid and sat down he looked back to minghao and whispered, "dude, i just got manzoned. did you hear him? 'thanks man.' god, i fucking hate one-sided attraction."

minghao shook his head and chuckled lightly. "okay, i might not be an expert on all that lovey shit but maybe try and talk to him outside of being the cash register."

jun suddenly appeared, slinging his arm over minghao's shoulders. "i witnessed all of that, that was extremely sad, man. go talk to him right now, or we won't order and give you money."

hoshi stared at them for a second, eyes wide and mouth ajar as if he stepped on his dog's tail by accident. "fine, i'll go. let me grab his coffee then."

in amusement, jun and minghao watched hoshi bring the coffee over to jihoon. he walked nervously, probably thinking of what to say. minghao saw another person walk that way too late; in a split second, hoshi collided with them and spilled coffee all over himself and jihoon.

"dammit!" hoshi swore, then slapped a mouth over his hand. "wait, sorry-"

jihoon jumped out of his chair and tried to dry off the burning coffee on his clothes, jumping up and down.

"here-" hoshi grabbed a napkin from his apron and started wiping jihoon's arm. jihoon reached out to take some of the napkins and brushed hoshi's arm, and then the two suddenly froze.

minghao and jun gaped at them. dappling jihoon's hand were watercolors that flickered in warm yellow, like sunshine. and on hoshi's skin, were watercolors of light blue that swayed like ocean waves.

minghao could only help thinking, "how fucking cliche."

\---


	12. 十二//십이

十二//십이  
twelve  
//junhui

"hoshi that bastard," minghao grumbled next to jun.

the two were sitting on the opposite end of the cafe, watching hoshi and his newfound soulmate jihoon on the other. minghao was drinking an iced americano, while jun had just plain coffee.

"why is he a bastard?" asked jun, slowly sipping his coffee.

"he's been complaining to seungkwan, seokmin and i about his 'one-sided' crush on jihoon for literally a year now," said minghao. "and now they're just realizing that they're soulmates. stupid."

without realizing, jun folded his arms into the pocket of his sweatshirt and slouched forward. "and we've been neighbors since last school year."

minghao paused. "well, then. we're both bastards too."

"now that i'm thinking about it, how come you hardly spoke to me? i saw you all the time, and even though this is our first year with a class together, we literally live across from each other," said jun, suddenly thinking back.

he had attempted to introduce himself to minghao when jun first moved in. minghao had been living at his apartment for a month beforehand, and jun wanted to make friends.

but minghao didn't answer when jun opened the door. if they passed in the halls, minghao might've said hello back to jun, and on the off chance jun tried to make small talk minghao would awkwardly shuffle away and maybe give him a sentence of words.

"i'm shy," minghao replied quietly. "there was never anything against you. i'm just... shy."

jun hummed in response. even though minghao had hardly spoken a word to him before all of this, jun had always felt something towards minghao. not strong enough to be considered a crush, but definitely an attraction. a curiosity.

which made sense.

maybe jun was almost as bad as hoshi.

the vibration of his phone interrupted him from his thoughts. the screen flashed brightly, '187cm monster'is calling.'

"hold up, it's mingyu," jun announced and stepped away to take the call.

"jun! you're alive!" cried mingyu through the phone.

"i am sorry. there was a power outage last night," replied jun, bouncing between the balls of his feet.

"oh shit- are you okay? how did you deal with it? where did you sleep?"

jun looked toward minghao who was still aggressively judging the new soulmate couple between sips of his drink. "so many questions. actually, minghao was there. he calmed me down. and i uh- i slept at his apartment instead."

mingyu didn't reply for a moment, and jun thought the call had gotten cut off, until mingyu shouted into the phone, "holy shit WHAT?"

scowling, jun replied, "nothing that you're thinking happened. i couldn't sleep at my apartment alone, and minghao offered. okay? that's all."

"damn. well, maybe i shouldn't judge. when i first met wonwoo he was just my roommate. that's so weird though, i thought minghao would be the type of person who didn't want anything to do with you?"

"kind as ever. and yeah, i had thought so too," muttered jun, looking back at minghao once more. "i think this was more about him being selfless and kind, not about soulmates."

"well, speaking of soulmates, has minghao actually given you a valid reason as to why he doesn't want one?"

jun thought back. to the night before, when minghao was helping him through his panic attack. "well, not really. but he mentioned something about his mom and dad splitting up even though they were soulmates," he said, lowering his voice.

"goddamn. who would even do that?" mingyu said in an opinionated tone, jun noticed.

"i don't know, but i don't even have context for it, so save the judgement," he chided.

"sorry. i have to go, i'm finally moving back in with wonwoo after being stuck with chan for two weeks. that was actually hell, the kid doesn't fucking sleep. goodbye jun!"

"bye," he responded. wonwoo's older brother had visited him, consequently kicking mingyu out of their criminally tiny apartment and forcing him to crash with his cousin, chan. jun actually enjoyed the chaotic teenager's company, but mingyu had a very strong love-hate relationship with him.

he made his way back to minghao, who had almost finished his drink in such a short time. jun eyed his side profile, following the shape of his face with his eyes. his forehead was covered by his black fringe, sloping into his straight and slender nose bridge that lead to his round and (extremely cute) nose. his jawline was defined but gentle, his cheekbones high yet soft, and his puppy-like eyes were narrow in concentration as he scrolled on his phone. and his lips...

they looked soft as hell.

inwardly jun bitch-slapped himself. twice. he wasn't sure of how he felt about how much his chest seemed to be fluttering, or about the heated embarrassment shining on his face.

"why are you staring at me?" minghao asked, not looking from his phone.

'shit, he knows, i am a creep. a horrible gay creep,' was one of his thoughts. on the other hand, he also wondered, 'what would happen if i just owned up to it, like a dumbass.'

well, jun was a dumbass. a confident one, which was a dangerous combination. so he replied, "because you're too damn beautiful."

the coffee shop felt way too quiet. his thoughts were panicked and bouncing off the walls of his brain. minghao looked back at him an raised an eyebrow, which was a failed attempt to seem unaffected, because he was also blushing, harder than jun was.

jun innocently took a sip of his coffee. minghao just sighed and shook his head. "i guess i'll have to get used to this."

resisting the urge to pump the fist in the air, jun just grinned out of minghao's view. maybe being a confident dumbass paid off sometimes.

\---

十二//십이  
twelve  
//minghao

newton's third law clearly states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. so if jun was the confident dumbass, then minghao was clearly the awkward dumbass, if not more evident now.

of which jun had probably already caught onto, minghao crumbled at flirts. and sequentially, never had any idea how to respond to them, being the awkward dumbass he was.

seungkwan usually had to point out when people were flirting with him, and when he did, minghao ran away and ignored the person. which minghao couldn't exactly do, because jun was the epitome of a lost puppy who would cry without its owner nearby.

so, minghao simply allowed jun to cling onto the sleeve of his parka and pull him through the streets of seoul, and buried his chin in the collar of his sweater to avoid looking at him.

"oh! that looks cool!" jun exclaimed.

minghao just nodded and followed the older, trapped in his thoughts.

the logical explanation for why he was going along with all of this was because they were soulmates, so they were literally fated to be drawn to each other. nothing more than that, whatsoever. plenty of soulmates ended up just being good friends or almost siblings, which minghao would be okay with. being friends with jun seemed...

it seemed...

it seemed like something he'd be happy with, was what minghao would've wanted to say. but he wasn't how sure that was true, and he wasn't sure if being friends would be enough.


	13. 十三//열셋

十三//열셋  
thirteen  
//minghao

"you're fucking whipped for wen junhui."

monday. 8:03am. minghao had just recounted the details of what had happened that weekend with jun, and that was seungkwan's response.

"no, i'm not," minghao muttered.

seokmin playfully tapped minghao's arm in rapid fire. "did anything happen sunday?"

"no, the power got fixed on saturday, so jun slept at his apartment. and sunday i just went to the gym and studied," minghao responded.

"you're boring," seungkwan said, throwing his hands into the air in mock disgust. "and confusing. for 2 people 'acting like soulmates' who are, actually soulmates, you're already doing so much. does that make sense? maybe not. it's just weird."

seokmin stopped poking minghao and switched his target to seungkwan. "it is weird."

running his hands through his hair, minghao sighed. "i know, i know. i can't really explain it."

"i believe this is what's called gay panic," seokmin informed with a dutiful tone to his voice.

minghao scoffed. "what if i'm not gay?"

seungkwan raised an eyebrow. "bullshit. your soulmate is a dude. and as a fellow homosexual, you give so many gay vibes. you dress like a lesbian somehow, which is iconic as hell in all honesty."

"what if we just end up being soulmate friends? it happens a lot," minghao argued, ignoring seungkwan's tangent about his clothing choices.

"judging by your actions, it doesn't seem so friendly. and by the stories you tell us of jun's flirting, i don't think he sees it that way either," said seungkwan, smacking seokmin's hand away. "but that's probably a conversation you two should have."

"you do know it's okay if you're gay?" seokmin said, turning back to minghao. "or bisexual, or whatever. liking men is okay, and same-sex romantic soulmates aren't uncommon whatsoever. opposite-sex soulmates are more common, sure, and some people might be shitheads about gay soulmates because 'dick go in vagina to make fetus' logic. but that shouldn't matter. love and fate have nothing to do with that, so you shouldn't feel nervous about that."

"i know it's okay. but in all honesty i've never thought about my sexuality, and now it just feels so, real. maybe i'm gay, sure, but that doesn't mean i... love jun," minghao muttered. "or that i'm going to. like i said, soulmate friends."

with a sigh and shake of his head, seungkwan dramatically grasped seokmin's shoulder and shook it. "our companion is in denial."

"we'll get joshua to pray for him." seokmin responded in an equally dramatic voice.

"oh shut the fuck up, both of you." minghao slumped forward into his seat.

"this is a lot, and that's okay. we know you never wanted a soulmate and that you have your reasons," seungkwan told him, reassuringly patting him on the back. "you should probably talk to jun. or not, if you're so set on ending it anyways."

"i'll talk with him," he groaned in response. "i'll figure it out, don't worry about me. how's the cute guy in your art class doing?"

"i'll get back to you on that when i actually have a decent conversation with him, that isn't 'hi i'm seungkwan' and 'hello i'm vernon' and showing him where to sit," seungkwan sighed.

seokmin gave seungkwan a look of mock pity. "heterosexuality was never an option."

"not with this man, oh hell no," seungkwan agreed.

half-listening to the story of seungkwan's new crush, minghao wondered what to even say to jun. if they wanted to just be soulmate friends or whatever. is that even something they could choose?

and if jun didn't, like seungkwan had vaguely suggested, what did that mean for them?

minghao rested his head on the desk and sighed.

at one point in his life, this would never had been an issue. if he didn't have to touch jun, then he never would have come crashing into his life and tearing up its consistencies with a wrecking ball. 

he was so used to everything before this. he had his whole college life thought out and planned, and his daily routines had once seemed so rigid and strict.

and he liked that life.

right?

minghao wasn't sure what the answer was, and that scared him.

\---

十三//열셋  
thirteen  
//junhui

one thing jun knew he would never be over, was how stunning minghao looked when he danced.

the dancer side in him envied his elegance and control. and the other side, the side that was drunk on blue watercolor, was pulled towards him as if it was high tide, and minghao was the shore.

maybe it was a strange analogy, but wonwoo had developed a new fascination towards bbc documentaries about ocean life, and their group chat was consequently filled with marine facts.

'i should have a talk with wonwoo,' jun thought when one of minghao's dances suddenly reminded him of a jellyfish.

"are you not going to work on the assignment that mr. jung assigned?" minghao suddenly asked, pulling his feet into the position to begin a pirouette. jun didn't answer, he simply watched as minghao spun in tight and controlled circles. a video had been assigned to them, and they were supposed to mirror the movements and send a recording of them doing it.

"i am," jun answered after a moment. "you're just fun to watch, and you're better at ballet than i am. but why is he making us do ballet? the class is advanced contemporary, unless that's a secret french word."

"i think it's latin," minghao said, bringing his hands above his head in fifth position, and then doing an graceful and sweeping jump that there was probably a french word for. "also mr. jung does what he wants, and he likes us to try different genres of dance occasionally. learning other genres lets you become stronger in others. now are you just going to let me jeté alone or join?"

"only because you look so lonely," jun teased, copying minghao's movements. "but this is such a weird way to learn. why does mr. jung-"

"shut up and jeté."

jun stopped complaining and continued to dance, minghao leading the movements. jun knew he was good at dance, but seeing minghao execute the ballet moves so flawlessly made him a bit insecure. jun struggled a bit to follow, leaving him in legitimate admiration for minghao's skill with the genre.

"where did you learn to dance?" jun asked.

"actually i learned wushu martial arts first," minghao responded, pulling his feet into tight parallel lines that jun knew was fifth position for feet. "then i b-boyed for a while, and also did a little ballet. once i hit college i decided to continue with dance and major in it."

jun wondered if minghao had abs. he didn't, unfortunately, despite how much he worked out. but it would probably be weird to ask minghao that.

"what a concept. one minute you're tour en l'air-ing and the next you're break dancing and doing aggressive flips and flares on the floor," jun joked, pulling one of the ballet terms he knew out of his ass.

"i wonder if i could tour en l'air directly into a flare," wondered minghao aloud.

jun laughed. "please don't. i bet you could and that intimidates me."

a crash came outside in the hallway. jun spun around, heart racing, fearing the worst- but just saw the school janitor standing angrily over his fallen cart.

it was nothing. he was fine. 

when the video instruction stopped, minghao looked back at jun with an indecipherable look on his face. jun swallowed, unsure of what minghao was thinking.

"jun," he said slowly. "what do you think of me?"

what? jun blinked, going over the question in his head again. "what do you mean?"

"i know, it's weird, and it's only been a week. i guess.. more specifically... what do you think about us as soulmates?"

for a moment jun didn't know how to respond. what did he think? there was something about minghao that had always drawn him in before this, and upon finding out he was his soulmate, he was genuinely happy. until minghao said he didn't want one.

and jun still didn't know how minghao felt about him, or the deal they had made.

"i'm glad that you're my soulmate, if that's what you're asking," jun replied.

for a slight second, minghao smiled, but then shook his head. "no. sorry, i'm being vague. now that you know i'm your soulmate, what do you intend to happen for us, and how do you want us to be together? ideally."

ideally?

ideally, when the assembly date came, minghao would say that he wanted to keep it this way. that he wanted to be apart of his life.

but in a different way then minghao was hoping for.

"i want to be with you," jun told him. he swallowed, scraping for the confidence to say the words that were burning in his throat. "i- i think i like you. not just as a friend."

he nervously shuffled around. "yeah. i like you."

minghao's eyes widened, and he didn't say anything.

jun continued, "when this time comes to an end, and you make your decision, i do truly hope you choose to stay. but if you don't, i'll genuinely respect that. so all i ask in return is you stay with me for the time we have left, and consider my feelings too."

he wanted to say more, but he knew those words would've formed in flustered rambles of incoherent bullshit. instead he folded his hands in front of him awkwardly, waiting for minghao to respond.

"i will stay with you for the time we have left," minghao said with a smile. "let's get back to dancing."

his heart wrenched. minghao smiled, but why did it seem so sad?

fuck.

\---


	14. 十四//십사

十四//십사  
fourteen  
//minghao

tuesday. 7:45.

minghao was still in his apartment, sitting on the love seat, and was staring at the front door.

he was skipping school today.

well, skipping as well as someone like minghao could. prior to the actual day of his first ever school-skipping experienced, he had emailed all of his teachers and some other students that he would be gone and needed the notes and assignments. he fully intended to finish the assignments, take notes, and study.

seokmin and seungkwan didn't know, and his phone was being blown up with texts from them wondering why he wasn't at campus.

and 7 minutes before, at his usual time, jun had been knocking on his door, asking where he was so they could walk to school together. after 2 minutes, he left and went to school.

even though he had no morning classes.

minghao groaned and buried his head in his class. was this avoidance? maybe. probably.

yes. he was avoiding jun.

because jun liked him. well, jun said "i think" so maybe that didn't mean anything, but it definitely meant that he didn't just want to be soulmate friends, or whatever the fuck it was.

minghao maybe would've been fine if jun just wanted to be friends. but now, knowing that being friends wasn't enough, he would definitely have to end it with him once the assembly came around.

which meant he couldn't get attached.

\---

十四//십사  
fourteen  
//junhui

lunch that day was absolutely stifling. mingyu and wonwoo kept throwing him worried glances, and continued to ask if he was alright, which jun brushed off. they were eating outside on one of the park benches, with a view of a very aggressive soccer game going on between some upperclassmen on the courtyard.

"hello, my favorite people!" said a voice.

"you're a liar, jeonghan. today you decided to grace us with your presence instead of eating lunch with the theater kids?" mingyu scoffed.

jeonghan chuckled as he came up behind jun and planted a swift kiss on his head, did the same to wonwoo, and when he tried to kiss mingyu's head he was swatted off.

"normalize men platonically kissing their friends," sighed jeonghan, running a hand through his bleached hair that barely fell past his ears. "there's literally nothing weird about it you dumbass."

"yeah, there is, when you've been kissing the theater kids too," mingyu fired back.

jeonghan sat down behind him and held up his hands with an innocent look. "sorry, from now on, no more kissing theater kids. also, this is a weird conversation to have in front of your boyfriend."

wonwoo chuckled. "you're fine. mingyu's been complaining about how you're gone all the time, so i'm glad you're here now."

"sorry. we're working on a skit for the winter art assembly thing, so most of my lunch has been us practicing," he explained, then looked to jun. "how's the soulmate life, jun?"

"weird," jun muttered. "minghao's not here today. i mean, i won't know for sure until our dance class in the afternoon. but when i knocked on his door to walk him to school, he wasn't there. and when i say this dude works like a clock, i mean it. it's just so weird."

"have you texted him?" wonwoo asked.

"yeah, no response."

jun sighed and laid down on the bench, accidentally kicking wonwoo, who slapped his calf in response. maybe minghao was sick? or had some sort of appointment?

"hey, are you jun?"

jun sat up and groggily looked at the person who had walked up to them. he was fairly tall, dressed in a loose white button up and jeans. awkwardly, he brushed away his brown hair and smiled at him. his face, accentuated by his sharp nose and freckle on his cheek, was oddly familiar.

"yeah," he responded. "who are you?"

"i'm seokmin, a friend of minghao's. can you talk for a moment?"

seokmin. that's why he was familiar. ignoring the quiet 'oh shit' that came from mingyu's direction. he stood and grabbed his backpack. "yeah, let's go."

quietly, seokmin lead jun to a different side of the courtyard and sat down at an empty table. jun sat across from him, feeling somewhat awkward, but when seokmin smiled, his awkwardness lifted. 'he has a really infectious smile,' jun thought to himself.

"is this about minghao?" jun asked.

seokmin nodded. "yeah, he's not here so me and seungkwan were worried. i actually wanted to meet you under better circumstances, but this has me worried. has he said anything to you at all?"

"no, normally i walk him to school but he wasn't responding this morning."

with a sigh, seokmin scratched "he hasn't responded to our texts. did something happen yesterday?"

yesterday.

fuck.

"i told him i liked him," jun blurted. "he reacted kind of weird, and when i walked him home he seemed a bit off. do you think that's what it is?"

with a sharp intake of breath, seokmin nodded. "yeah."

"was that the wrong thing to do? shit, is this my fault?"

frantically seokmin waved his hands in front of him. "no, no it's not your fault. you guys are soulmates and you have every right to confess to him. but minghao... minghao can be a difficult person."

seokmin leaned back and crossed his arms. his face looked solemn, and though jun didn't know him very well, seeing such a negative look on seokmin's face didn't seem like it fit his character. he became slightly worried. with a half smile, seokmin began, "let me tell you about minghao.

"seungkwan and i met him six years ago, in our freshman year of high school. we were all in advanced algebra together, and we first thought minghao would be one of those stereotypical smart kids who skipped the years for math classes," seokmin said. "and at the beginning he was like that. very abrasive and cold, but shy. and lonely. extremely lonely. i made it my goal to become friends with him, despite seungkwan saying not to. 

"it took a year. his dad had to go to the hospital after a severe heart attack," he continued. "and on that day, he opened up to us a bit, so we made sure he wasn't struggling alone. we were, and still are, his only friends. and though it's been so long, there's still so much that he keeps inside. we don't know nearly as much about him as much as he knows about us.

"seungkwan and i worry a lot about minghao. he's so dependent on his routines to keep him going, and he's always anxious about the time. he moved a lot as a kid, and something happened with his family that made it really hard to keep and form relationships with new people," seokmin sighed. "he's such a kindhearted and selfless person, who i legitimately trust with my life. but he's scared, and doesn't like opening up to people."

jun's eyes widened as he listened, making sense of what seokmin was telling him.

"because of that, i think that finding his soulmate was hard. and when you confessed, it made it even harder," seokmin said, bringing the story to an end. "i don't know what exactly it is that he's scared of, but it has something to do with his life before he moved here. please, just try to be patient with him. and listen to him if he decides to open up. he's come a very long way in those six years, and i genuinely think that finding you was good for him."

jun nodded, going over in his mind what seokmin had said. it made sense. "i should go and talk to him, then."

seokmin nodded. "please. he might think he can handle things by himself, but he can't, not after so much time he's spent alone. i hope you can show him he doesn't have to worry about all those things, that his routines aren't necessary, and that it's okay for him to love."

he scratched his head. "granted, that's a lot on you, and certainly not something you can just fix solely by being his soulmate. but if you can even help him realize those things, at least, then it's a major step in the right direction."

"that's okay," said jun. "i want to help him, i want to be there for him."

seokmin smiled at him. "it's only been a week."

half shrugging, jun grinned back. "what can i say? he's kind of irresistible."

with a gentle laugh, seokmin stood and shook his hand. "i like you, you're a good fit for minghao." suddenly his grip tightened. "don't make a mistake because it's not me you have to worry about. seungkwan has tried to drop kick people and minghao is an ex-martial artist. don't fuck up his heart, please."

nodding vigorously, jun responded with a nervous chuckle, "understood."

"good. i'm going to get going, when you stop by minghao's make sure he's gotten some food, and tell him that seungkwan is going to 'lovingly bitch slap minghao' for not responding to his phone." at jun's confused and slightly worried look, seokmin continued, "that's a joke, though, i think. he's never bitch slapped either of us."

"uh-huh, got it," jun responded jokingly. "i'll see you around."

they waved goodbye, and jun made his way back to where his friends were sitting. the day trudged on so painfully slowly, and the last period of the day seemed so far.

finally, it arrived. dance class.

but because minghao wasn't here, he sprinted towards their apartments instead.

once he arrived at minghao's door, he realized he didn't actually have any sort of plan, despite thinking about minghao all day.

well, to hell with it. jun knocked on the door. "hao? you in there? please let me in."

\---


	15. 十五//열 다섯

十五//열 다섯  
fifteen  
//minghao

"hao? you in there? please let me in."

instantly, minghao knew it was jun. knocking over a container of pencils onto the floor in a startled manner, he jumped out of his seat, which skidded against the floor and collided with his foot.

"uh, are you okay? what was that noise?"

goddammit.

maybe he could just let jun stay out there. he'd leave, right?

"i'm not going to leave, hao. open the door please," said jun in a cute voice, almost as if he had read his mind.

well, shit.

knowing jun, he most definitely would not give up.

begrudgingly, minghao made his way over to the door, and opened it to see jun. his outfit was composed of a simple graphic t-shirt half tucked into jeans, and his face was overwhelmingly plastered with a giant smile at seeing minghao.

"minghao!" he yelled.

"neighbors," warned minghao. "fine, come in."

as if he were a puppy who had just been awarded for a new trick, jun walked in and sat on the love seat. he looked around the apartment, his gaze consuming his surroundings, before stopping and looking through minghao's ajar bedroom door.

"did you always have those?" jun asked, pointing at the wall in minghao's bedroom.

starting from the ceiling and ending a little more than halfway down the thin wall, was a collage of photos. polaroids, films, ones inked on printer paper, and others printed onto glossy sheets. jun walked towards it and studied the photos in awe. the varied with subjects, some of nature, of the city, but the overwhelming majority were of seokmin, seungkwan and his father.

"yeah," minghao said, walking up behind him suddenly, which caused jun to jump. minghao scanned the photos with a warm feeling in his heart, remembering the exact places and times of all of them. he pointed to a shelf high above his bed. "those are my cameras."

jun looked at his cameras with wide eyes. minghao had a total of 7, but only two actually worked, 2 more needed film, and the other 3 were broken and served for display.

"how did i not see all these, your apartment is a literal shoe box, especially your room," jun said, gesturing around.

it was true, the front room was already cramped, but his room was even smaller. his bed was tucked against the wall and his narrow dresser was beside it, with a rack ledged above the both of them where other clothes were hung. the walkway was narrow, and the only window in the room was extremely small as well.

"well, the door sometimes covers them if it's open," minghao said. "also, it was in the middle of a power outage, and you were too anxious to really focus on your surroundings, which is something you're not normally aware of anyways."

jun clutched his chest in mock pain. "you hurt me. but wow, i didn't realize how small your place is. i mean, that makes sense, it's the same as mine. but how did we fit in the same bed?"

minghao sighed and pushed him out of his room. he looked up at jun, confused and conflicted. "what do you want?"

"to make sure you're okay."

do not get attached.

"i'm okay."

jun frowned. "liar. why didn't you respond this morning to at least tell me you wouldn't be going to school? or respond to seokmin and seungkwan? seokmin talked to me, he was worried."

seokmin talked to him?

replying in a mumble, minghao said, "sorry. i wasn't feeling good and i just didn't want to talk to anyone."

"well, you're not obligated really to talk to anyone, but a heads up would have at least been nice," sighed jun. he pulled up one of the chairs at the table and pointed for minghao to sit, which he did. "seungkwan said he is going to 'lovingly bitch slap' you for not checking your messages."

"that's a joke. he's never bitch slapped seokmin or i."

"that's what seokmin said."

minghao looked jun in the eyes, feeling mild discomfort. the look on jun's face was concerned, but there was something else behind it. he frowned. "it seems like you have something else to say."

jun nodded and made a clicking noise with his mouth as he tilted his head. "are you doing this to avoid me because of yesterday?"

yesterday. minghao recalled it with a squirm and didn't answer.

"so, you are avoiding me because of it," jun murmured gently. "i know i just said you aren't obligated to talk to anyone, but i would really appreciate if you explained to me what's going on in your brain right now."

do not get attached.

"i don't know," minghao shrugged. 

"yes, you do."

jun's face was still calm and gentle as ever. fuck. "what were you thinking when i said that i liked you?"

that i couldn't like you back, that i would have to end everything with you once our deal is over, and that staying away from you as much as possible would make it easier for both of us.

"it's okay if you don't like me back," jun said, his expression suddenly faltering. "we... we don't have to do this. i'm okay with that."

what? wait-

"no," minghao said hurriedly. "no, don't say that."

he pursed his lips, staring back at jun, who sighed. "then, minghao, what do you want?"

what do i want?

"i... i'm telling the truth when i say i'm not sure," minghao said slowly. "when i asked you before what you thought of me, i was hoping that you would just want to be friends. you know, platonic soulmates, or whatever it is."

"can you tell me the reason why?" tried jun. the look on his face, oh god.

it was so soft. that was the word that came first to minghao's mind. it was also so patient and irresistibly caring. his eyes, which usually were shadowed by sleep or narrowed in playful mischief, were attentive and alert, giving minghao all of his attention.

his presence felt so safe. it was tempting, but minghao couldn't just give in to it. he couldn't trust completely it to stay.

he inhaled deeply. "i'm sorry, i'm just... i'm just nervous. being soulmates, i don't know if i'm ready for it. and i don't want to let you down. if you wanted to be more than friends, i don't know if i could continue to be with you after the assembly."

"but if we were just friends, then maybe you would?" jun clarified.

minghao nodded. "at the very least, be more inclined to. maybe. i don't know. it's not you whatsoever, please believe me."

"i believe you," said jun. but it didn't sound right when he said it fuck. then he smiled, and despite its warmth and openness, it didn't seem to reflect whatever he was thinking. "okay. it's important to be clear with each other, and i'm glad you're talking to me. minghao, you don't have to rush into anything or force yourself to feel anything whatsoever. if you just want to be friends- great. i'm okay with that."

his smile dropped for a moment. "i can't promise anything about my feelings, though. but if you want to take this time to just be friends, i'll do it. and you can still choose how to proceed once the assembly rolls around."

this doesn't feel right. minghao swallowed. "but what about you-"

"i'm okay, minghao," said jun in a reassuring tone. "seriously."

no you're not. this is- this is so confusing.

jun glanced down at his phone and checked the time. "okay, well, i need to get back to my apartment and do some school work, it's been a long day. don't hesitate to text me if you need to talk."

minghao just nodded, and didn't say anything when jun left and quietly closed the door behind him.

leaving minghao feeling utterly helpless. a part of him knew this wasn't right, but he was too scared to consider what was.

\---

十五//열 다섯  
fifteen  
//junhui

"well, i talked to him," jun muttered, sitting at his desk and staring at the picture of his sister.

qianxia, of course, did not say anything because she was a photo. but jun didn't care. sometimes he spoke to it and imagined if she was there with him. she always had something intellectual to say, or some advice to give.

"why is my soulmate so hopeless," he muttered, slumping forward into the desk. blinking to get rid of the stinging tears in his eyes, he reached out and held the photo of qianxia. "i don't know if i can just be friends."

what would qianxia say in this situation?

probably something like to seize the moment and take control. something empowering. something.

"i'll try to ignore my feelings for him," he sighed. "but it just doesn't feel right. what's even the point of having a soulmate who doesn't want you back?"

she probably would've said not to give up. to keep fighting until the last moment. that was what she lived by in her life.

he missed her.

jun groaned.

he had 42 days left until the assembly.

let's try this then, jun thought to himself. friends. i wonder how long that will last.

\---


	16. 十六//열 여섯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: depiction of violence/fight scene

十六//열 여섯  
sixteen  
//minghao

jun still waited for him that next morning at 7:38 to walk him to class.

but this time minghao opened the door.

"hello, hao!" greeted jun in a melodic voice.

it was almost as if nothing had happened the night prior. his smile still shone just as brightly, his voice was uplifted and teasing, and his cheeks were creased by his smile. minghao would've believed the act he was putting on if he didn't see the circles under his eyes. 

"hey, jun," he greeted, closing the door behind him. he met his tired eyes with a frown. "how much sleep did you get last night?"

momentarily startled, jun pursed his lips. "an okay amount."

"how much is an okay amount?" minghao pressed.

jun didn't answer. his expression was quickly replaced by a smile again as he started to walk down the apartment building hallway. "come on, let's just please get to school. or you won't get there at your normal time."

"right," minghao muttered, walking down the steps from the apartment building somewhat distracted and hesitant.

he walked closely behind jun, who was quiet this time,

his stomach twisted with guilt.

maybe...

lost in thought, minghao suddenly collided with jun's back, who had stopped in the center of the sidewalk.

"jun? are you okay?" minghao asked, voice trailing off once he looked up at him.

jun was stiff, with his arm out-stretched and holding minghao back. his eyes were focused somewhere in front of them, where minghao couldn't see due to the crowd. but they were wide and frozen with shock, and was that... fear?

"minghao," he said quietly. "we might have to be late to school?"

"wha-"

with sudden force jun grabbed minghao's sleeve and took off in the direction opposite from school, pushing people aside as they went. not knowing what the slightest fuck was going on, minghao tried to keep up with him.

"jun?!" he yelled. "what is it?!"

jun pulled him against one of the building and looked over his shoulder, eyes narrowed in focus. he panted for breath. "it's not good, i'll explain when we're safe."

"safe?!"

jun grabbed him again and uttered a rushed apology before taking off down the street, running as fast as he could with minghao. minghao swore he could hear shouts behind them.

they turned on a sharp corner between two buildings and ran as fast as they could down the alley. before they could exit, two figures stepped out in front of it and blocked it.

jun swore and minghao looked at them in horror. they looked like normal people, if you ignored their rugged and strong figures. they turned around, only to see three more enter the alley on the opposite side.

two of the men were the same as the others who had blocked their exit. but one of them who entered stood out a bit more. he was young and undoubtedly handsome, minghao noticed, but had a nasty and harsh look on his face. there was a piercing through his brow and his black hair cast dark shadows over his face. 

minghao was pressed behind jun's back against the wall. his back was stiff and his breathing was shallow, and minghao could hear his teeth grind as the men stepped closer.

jun nervously laughed. "hello, changkyun, fancy seeing you here."

the man who was changkyun didn't laugh. he crossed his arms. "we finally found you, junhui. it only took us 3 years. where are your parents?"

"they moved to thailand," jun stated. his hand reached out towards minghao and held him close. minghao held his breath. whoever these people are, they definitely weren't good, and jun was noticeably scared.

"right. if they moved to thailand then they certainly would've had the money to pay back the loan. and i assume they also paid for your fancy art college, so it's obvious that money isn't an issue. so why hasn't the loan been paid back?" changkyun snarled, slowly stepping forward.

"probably because it isn't ours," jun replied. "it was qianxia's."

who the fuck was qianxia?

"right. but you know how this thing works." changkyun shifted his gaze to minghao's and met his eyes. his eyes were absolutely emotionless and as hard as steel. "who's your friend?"

"he's not a friend, just someone i used to go to class with," said jun hurriedly.

that kind of hurt minghao just a bit. granted, they were standing in an extremely tense situation in which minghao was absolutely confused, so he assumed jun lied for a reason.

changkyun raised an eyebrow. "okay, 'someone that junhui goes to class with.' what's your name?"

jun shifted his foot back and pressed it down on minghao's. 

a warning. 

minghao gulped. "it's sunghyun," he lied.

for a brief moment, changkyun's face twitched. then he smiled. "i can hear your accent. so i'm going to assume that was a lie. smart, but we'll find out who you actually are eventually."

"no you won't," jun growled. "changkyun, just fucking leave me alone."

fuck. fuck. fuck. 

changkyun's gaze hardened. "you'll be left alone when we get our money."

"i don't have the money," jun spat. "and it was qianxia's fault anyways."

it was growing tense. minghao shifted, his instincts kicking in as the men stepped even closer. he reached out and gently touched jun's palm with his finger in reassurance.

minghao counted in his head, trying to calm himself down.

1...

2...

"fine then," said changkyun, straightening. he started walking backwards out of the alley. "then let this serve as a lesson and a warning."

3.

the other four men shot forward, and threw a fist. minghao shoved jun out of the way and dodged the punch, his brain scrambling to remember what he learned from doing martial arts. four of them against just minghao and jun. did jun even know how to fight?

a sickening punching sound from jun's direction and one of the men groaning in pain answered that for him.

another punch was thrown, but it was a feint, and minghao quickly dodged as best he could in the cramped alley and delivered a swift kick to his attacker. recognizing the man's imbalance he delivered another, and then a quick jab below his ribs, sending him flying back and stumbling against the other.

minghao panted and watched them rise, and asserted a defensive stance he learned from martial arts. their eyes grew wary, and the one he had sent to the ground was clutching his stomach.

"you okay jun?" minghao asked.

there was a grunt and a sound of someone falling, but minghao couldn't turn back in case the men he was fighting would rush forward. jun's voice came close to his ear in a rushed, "yeah!"

the man who hadn't just been pushed back by minghao ran forward, attempting to kick minghao. minghao jumped and slammed his body into the attacker's, shoving him into the wall with a hard thwack. he crumpled on the ground and moaned in pain.

the other rushed forward, swinging his fist too fast for minghao to react to. in a failed attempt to dodge, the man delivered a strong punch to minghao's chest, and minghao stumbled against the alley wall with a sickening crunch. the man punched him again, catching his jaw.

adrenaline numbed the pain, but his gaze blurred.

no... focus!

minghao ducked under another punch and shot forward, grabbing onto the man's waist and pushing him against the wall as fast and with as much force as he could. the man stumbled and fell backward, joining the other on the ground. when he tried to sit back up, minghao delivered a sharp kick to his stomach, and then his side. the man inhaled sharply in response and writhed.

a sharp, breathy sound of distress that sounded like it came from jun made minghao whip his head around. one of the men was on the ground unconscious and the other had jun held up against the wall with his hands around jun's neck.

"jun!" minghao shouted, running forward. he delivered a quick jab to the man's side followed by a sudden and harsh punch to the man's face, causing him to stagger and let go of jun. minghao rushed forward and sent a high kick in his direction, catching him in the chest and sending him to the ground. 

jun's clothes ruffled against the wall as he slid downward. minghao rushed towards him and caught him. he cast glances at the 4 men, all of whom were on the ground and clutching themselves and curling up in pain.

minghao grabbed onto the sides of jun's face and forced him to look up at him. his cheekbone had been bruised and dotted with beads of blood, and his lip was busted and purple. wincing in pain, jun brushed his mouth with his sleeve, smearing blood across his chin. his eyes were heavy and falling closed.

"jun, focus on me," minghao commanded. he grabbed their bags which had fallen on the ground and looped an arm under jun's, pulling him to stand. as jun leaned against minghao's shoulder he winced. the adrenaline was running off and he had no idea how fucked up his shoulder was. "let's get you to the emergency room."

jun moaned. "don't call the police."

minghao stared at him, stunned, but nodded. limping and supporting a barely conscious jun, he hobbled out of the alleyway. they had gone on some less crowded part of town, because no one could be seen.

jun's phone went off in the pocket of his backpack, which minghao scrambled to grab.

"jun? where are you?" said a low voice.

"this isn't jun, this is minghao," he said. "who is this?"

"oh shit, minghao? this is wonwoo, a friend of jun's. did something happen to jun?"

"yeah, do you have a car? we have to go to the hospital." minghao replied.

"fuck, okay, do you know where you are? are you guys safe? wait- why can't you call 119?"

minghao laughed without any emotion in it and walked towards a nearby parking garage. "jun said not to. we're by the tiny parking garage, somewhat close to our apartments, it's kind of a hidden part of town-"

"wait, yeah i know where you guys are. just wait i'll be there as soon as possible."

"okay," minghao breathed before hanging up, pulling jun to the parking garage, which was devoid of cars.

he slumped against the wall, jun beside him, and minghao inspected him again. his neck was horribly bright red and swollen, matching his cheek. minghao grabbed jun's jacket and slid it off, nervously biting his lip at the marks on his arms. they were thankfully lighter.

a sharp blast of pain spread from his shoulder which had been thrown into the wall. his other where he had been punched was throbbing. minghao inhaled sharply and did his best to ignore the pain.

"jun," he murmured, holding onto the sides of jun's face and avoiding the bruise. "jun, can you look at me?"

jun made a noise, similar to a kid being angry at their parent for waking them up.

minghao sighed. "god, i hope wonwoo gets here soon."

\---


	17. 十七//십칠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: medical imagery/hospitals

十七//십칠  
seventeen  
//junhui

when jun regained his consciousness, his eyes were seared with white and everything really fucking hurt.

he blinked. the room was white. everything was white. a machine was beeping beside him. hospital room. he was in a hospital room.

he had just been in a fight. and minghao-

minghao?

jun jolted forward and then winced, a sore and aching pain flared from his neck and down to his chest.

"oh my god, jun. lay back down."

a warm hand grabbed his arm and pressed him back. warmth flooded his body, causing jun to instantly relax back into the hospital bed. he looked over and met minghao's worried gaze. 

"you throw one hell of a punch," jun said weakly. his throat was horse and his voice was weak and raspy. his lungs felt like they had been set on fire.

minghao sighed. "you're finally conscious and that's the first thing you fucking say?"

"what did you expect..." jun got quiet as he looked at minghao's arm which was sitting in a blue sling. then to the collar of his shirt, where red bruises could be seen from both shoulders. and finally to his jaw, where the skin was scuffed and bright red. "shit. are you okay?"

minghao's mouth widened, and quickly closed as he winced. "am i okay? jun you have a fucking concussion and you were being choked so badly that if i hadn't got to you in time, then... then..." minghao closed his eyes. "it wouldn't have been good. my shoulder was dislocated and my other one and my jaw are bruised and that's it. you should see yourself."

"yeah everything kind of hurts," jun sighed. "my face hurts a lot, i got punched there a few times."

"oh my god, i hate you," minghao muttered. "wonwoo is outside, and mingyu just got here, i'm going to go get them."

jun frowned. "how..?"

"you said not to call 119 and luckily wonwoo called you instead. he drove us here," minghao told him. his voice quieted. "you also got blood all over his car. so, there's that."

jun watched minghao rush over to the door and wave wonwoo and mingyu in, who ran over to his side with worried looks on their faces.

"are you okay?" they asked at nearly the same time.

jun gave them a stressed smile. "i'm okay. seriously."

mingyu sighed. "you look like absolute shit."

wonwoo lightly smacked him. "he got fucking beat up, sherlock."

"shut the hell up, watson," mingyu brushed him off, but pulled wonwoo close in a tight half hug. "we were worried. the doctors said you were okay and would wake up really soon, but still. half of your face is all swollen and bandaged and it just makes me sad."

"are you sure you're okay?" wonwoo pressed. "i'll go get the doctor-"

"i'm okay," jun sighed, attempting to sit up, but immediately winced.

minghao made a coughing noise. "go get the doctor."

"on it."

\---

the doctors wanted to keep jun for one more night just to observe him, but tomorrow, he would be allowed to go home. minghao had told them they were attacked by some older drunk guys, but didn't want to open an investigation. so, good on him.

it was dark outside, some time close to midnight, but jun wasn't tired. a single lamp was on, casting the room in a warm pinkish-yellow glow.

feeling well enough to sit all the way up, jun looked over at minghao, who was scrolling on his phone next to the hospital bed. he stared at the sling and sighed.

"maybe this is a stupid question, but what are we going to do about the dance?" jun asked slowly. his voice had regained its volume, but was still raspy and strained. "even after you get out of the sling, you're not technically supposed to do movement for awhile."

minghao sighed and sat back in his chair. "i mean, i've dislocated my shoulder a few times. we can alter the choreography so i don't use it as much. if it's an issue, we just talk to mr. jung into doing something else, or withdrawing."

jun shifted. "i hope we don't have to withdraw. i like dancing with you."

maybe that was too much, because minghao was silent. then, softly, he murmured, "me too."

jun kept watching him. he was quiet, which for minghao was the standard, but after what had just happened it seemed out of place. the other was avoiding his gaze and still staring at his phone, but then his eyes flicked up and met his. minghao blinked. "what?"

"you're not going to ask about anything?" jun wondered. "like, who those guys were?"

"you'll tell me when you want to," said minghao as if it was obvious. "i just want to know where that dick, changkyun, went. running away before the fighting started. what a coward."

with a sigh, jun shook his head. "changkyun is like that. he doesn't enjoy getting his hands too dirty."

"so you've known him awhile."

"unfortunately," jun muttered. he looked up at the ceiling. "i used to have an older sister. her name was qianxia. i loved her so much. when she turned eighteen, and i was eleven, she won a really big volleyball game. got a scholarship to a school here in south korea. so we moved with her, and it started out good."

minghao nodded as he followed along.

"she got involved in stupid stuff. went to bars a lot, got drunk, got in trouble with the school, lost her scholarship after it continued to happen," he continued. "ended up without much money and a shit ton that she owed the school. our parents gave up on her and wouldn't help. then she made a stupid decision and relied on some loan sharks, specifically part of the notorious group that changkyun is apart of."

he looked at minghao, nervous, and almost expecting to find something hostile or judgmental in his eyes. but there was nothing. his eyes were round and soft, listening to everything jun had to say. it gave him reassurance.

inhaling, jun mentally prepared himself for the rest of the story. "qianxia died three years later. she was twenty-one, and i was fourteen. she was driving drunk and crashed the car off some mountain road. luckily no one else was there, so it was just her. she died with a heavy debt she owed, and since then we've been harassed by them. my parents went back to china to escape them, and i moved to seoul for school, so i was able to escape them for a bit."

jun looked down. he could feel tears forming. his fingers intertwined and shuffled against each other. "her funeral was at night. i think that's why i'm scared of the dark."

gently, minghao reached out and placed a hand on jun's wrist. blue watercolors appeared there, followed by that soothing warmth again. jun exhaled slowly.

"i'm so sorry, jun," minghao whispered. "it's hard to lose the people you love."

jun nodded. "yeah. but it's been seven years. i still miss her. and despite all of that, she was such a good and kind person. and also so, so damn brave. i admire her a lot for that."

minghao nodded and rubbed his thumb on jun's wrist in an subtly affectionate matter. 

"the one thing she wanted most, though, was a soulmate," murmured jun. "and, i think without having my big sister here with me, and knowing that's what she's always wanted, it became a goal of mine."

meeting minghao's eyes again, he sighed. "i don't want this to change your mind at all. ultimately, us staying together is your choice. i firmly believe that people should be able how to decide how to continue their lives. you know, life is short, and we don't know how it will end. so, we should be able to enjoy as much of it as possible and make decisions that make us happy."

"but you want a soulmate," minghao muttered. "you should be able to have that person close to you. you deserve someone better. this... this isn't making you happy."

jun halfheartedly chuckled. "well, i'm okay with not getting what i want. i'm kind of used to it. i just want everyone i care about to be happy. that's all i need."

he leaned forward toward minghao. "and, for the record, i'm glad that my soulmate is you."

his face was only inches away from minghao's. his breathing felt loud, and his heart was pounding, the closeness was so overwhelming. he gazed through minghao's lashes at his wide eyes, tracing his facial features and landing on his lips.

he thought back to the coffee shop, when he had done the same thing, only from afar. it felt the same as the, though, despite being so close. because he knew that nothing would ever happen. the distance didn't matter. he was 

hopeless.

minghao's face softened and his voice grew quiet. "jun, you should be able to get what you want. i'm serious. you deserve it."

"do i?" jun murmured, pulling away.

because he didn't, right? he was failing biology and got average grades and his parents had left him in korea. his sister was gone and now he had loan sharks on his ass again. there was nothing outstanding about his life that said he deserved any of this. everything was at best mediocre and depressing at moments- there was nothing substantial in his life that warranted anything whatsoever.

as much as he would chide his friends for having a mindset like that, when it came to himself, he couldn't move past it. his brain was stuck there. not moving. every day felt like a fucking burden- he was just existing. nothing was happening and no matter what it was he wanted, he never got it. what he got instead were bruises, a stupid and irrational fear of the dark, and one-sided love that left his heart hollow and tired.

and people never knew this, anyways. because jun was friendly, outgoing, and an aspiring class clown. no one really checked in. because he wasn't worth it.

minghao held jun's hand. "yes, you do. take your own advice. you're so caring towards others, now, lend that same kindness to yourself. you deserve so much, and you're worth so much. nobody should experience this sort of pain and loneliness. i imagine it's been hard, without your parents and sister. i... i know what that's like to an extent."

his grip on jun's hand gently tightened. "you are worthy of love, of friendship, and of family. you deserve a happy ending."

"but i won't get that, will i?" jun asked him in a strained whisper.

minghao's face was strained and sad. jun could tell that he felt sorry, it was written all over him. he shook his head. "don't think that. don't you dare. i want you to focus on right now. right now your soulmate is here and you are safe. however many days we have left- i guarantee you'll have both of those, okay?"

his voice broke. "just let me keep you safe. we'll figure out what to do with the loan sharks. you're going to be okay."

jun nodded. "thank you, minghao."

minghao stood and gently pressed him back onto the bed. cupping the un-bruised side his face. his voice a little louder than a whisper, he asked, "is this alright?"

suddenly surprised, jun nodded. gently and lightly, minghao kissed the top of jun's head. it was quick and soft, but affectionate.

a quiet wave of subtle heat filled his body, reaching every single nerve, his bloodstream alive with warmth. but it was calm and peaceful, and everything in that moment felt right. 

"go to sleep, junhui," he murmured. "i'll ask the nurse for a bed and i'll be here."

'i'll be here.'

please, jun thought. please stay.

\---


	18. 十八//십팔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: medical imagery/hospitals

十八//십팔  
eighteen  
//minghao

minghao woke up a lot earlier than normal that morning. sunrise. the bed that he was lent wasn't as comfortable as his bed at home, but he was still thankful.

he sat up and looked down at jun, who was sleeping soundly. the red bruises had become darker, which was not a pretty sight but at least meant he was healing.

coffee.

minghao wanted coffee.

he had been excused from school for the rest of the week- including assignments. but he would probably still study later.

maybe jun would want some coffee when he woke up. probably.

was there a coffee place here at the hospital? also, probably.

with his free hand, minghao facepalmed. his thoughts were sporadic. so much had happened and it was only thursday. monday, jun confessed. tuesday, minghao avoided him and then kind of rejected him. wednesday, they had gotten beat up by loan sharks, jun opened up to him, and minghao...

right. he kissed him.

it was a kiss on the head, though.

guys kissed their friends all the time. which was great. fuck you, toxic masculinity.

but this wasn't just a friendly kiss. there was more to it. 

it was a lot more emotionally loaded, warm, and...

do not get attached, minghao reminded himself, almost as a joke this time.

\---

"are you feeling better?"

minghao stood absentmindedly in the (very long) hospital line for coffee, talking with seokmin over the phone. he had video called both him and seungkwan yesterday after he had been treated, informing them of what happened.

"yeah," minghao responded. "and so is jun, he woke up the other day and seemed fine."

"oh good. did anything else happen?"

minghao looked around him, but then realized nobody probably cared. hospitals were full of angst anyways. "we had somewhat of an emotional moment with jun talking about his past and it got kind of sad so i kissed him-"

"YOU WHAT?!"

"-on the head. damn, seokmin let me finish," minghao muttered. "and it wasn't meant to be romantic."

"still, dude, that's something. i'm proud of you for coming out of your shell. i'm going to tell seungkwan after we hang up."

"good, less explaining from my end," he joked. "oh, how's hoshi and his soulmate?"

"oh, jihoon? they're good, hoshi says. actually, it turns out jihoon is aromantic. and hoshi isn't fazed. they're doing the platonic soulmate thing."

minghao paused, thinking. "they are? how does that work."

"maybe you should talk to hoshi. figure out how it's different. i know you wanted to have that sort of relationship with jun, but after kissing him- come on, dude."

"on the head," he reminded. "it was on the head."

still, it wasn't a bad idea. minghao had no fucking idea what he was doing. talking to hoshi and learning what it was like seemed promising, and maybe it would help him sort out his own feelings for jun.

he glanced at the coffee line, only one person away from his turn to order. "i have to go, seokmin. tell seungkwan i'm alright and that i miss him."

"of course. we'll come stop by your apartment tomorrow. see you."

minghao awkwardly fumbled with his phone and put it into his pocket. his clothes were the same from yesterday. the patches of his t-shirt that weren't covered by his jacket had splotches of blood on them. he needed a shower. and some fresh clothes.

after getting his coffee, and pretending like the barista wasn't staring at those bloody clothes, he quickly left the cafeteria. they provided minghao with a thin cardboard carrier for the two coffees.

when he got back to jun's room, he was still asleep. minghao gently set jun's coffee beside his bed and quietly sipped on his own. he looked at his face, which was peaceful in sleep. 

a gentle knock at the door made minghao turn. a doctor with brown hair that was cut barely after her shoulders, gentle dark eyes, a freckle on her cheek, and a wide smile entered.

"dr. ahn!" minghao greeted, bowing quickly. "what brings you here?"

"don't bow, and please, just call me heeyeon. we've talked about this," she said with a wave. "that just feels awkward, i've known you too long. i heard you were checked in. do you want to step outside so we don't wake him up?"

minghao nodded and followed her out of jun's hospital room, sparing one last glance at him. outside, heeyeon stared analytically at the bruise on minghao's jaw, the marks exposed by the collar of his shirt, and then at his sling.

she sighed. "god, kid, what happened to you?"

"well," minghao trailed off. "okay if i tell you, don't breathe a word of this to my dad. i don't need him worrying and then making his heart freak out or whatever."

she raised an eyebrow.

"i got beat up," minghao said simply.

"i can see that. are you going to tell me the story?" heeyeon asked.

"nope," minghao responded, nervously looking away.

gently, heeyeon smacked his head.

"hey, hey, you're a doctor, you can't abuse patients like that," minghao said, raising his functioning arm up innocently.

heeyeon just sighed again. "kid, do you have any idea how worried i was when i heard you were checked in? i was in surgery all night, and turns out you're in the emergency room with your unconscious soulmate and covered in bruises. you're like a nephew to me, stupid."

"i'm okay though," minghao told her. "also how did you know he was my soulmate?"

"i'm close friends with the nurses who checked you in, they like to 'spill the tea' about patients, if you will. they told me you showed up with watercolors on both of your skin. i mean, congratulations for finding your soulmate." her eyebrows creased. "but knowing you, you're probably apprehensive about it."

minghao looked down. "yeah."

heeyeon affectionately rubbed his arm. "hey, kid, you'll be alright. you've got a good head on your shoulders. you're smart and kind and i think this is good for you. also, it's incredibly unfair that you got your soulmate when you were twenty. i'm still waiting for mine."

at that, minghao smirked. "last we talked there was someone at the library you swore could've been your soulmate."

groaning, heeyeon rubbed her head. "yeah, i even asked her out on a date. turns out we're not soulmates. also, turns out she has a drinking problem. so, maybe that was for the better."

"you'll find her soon," minghao told her reassuringly.

heeyeon made a noise that sounded like a choked fusion of a cough and a laugh. "we'll see. i won't tell your dad that you're here, but make sure to visit him soon, okay kid?"

"i will," he replied, catching her in a half hug before she left.

after watching her go, he slipped back into jun's hospital room and sat down beside jun, who was still asleep. which made sense, considering the sun had only just risen. his breath slowly rose and fell, and he slept on his back with his head tilted in minghao's direction, avoiding pressure on his bruise.

he looked at the bruise again. discomfort rose within him. if it had been 7 years since his sister's death, and it had been 3 years since he'd seen changkyun, then he would be around 18 the last time he encountered them. had they always been this violent? when the fighting broke out, jun didn't even seem fazed by it.

and when he saw them for the first time, jun took off running, legitimately scared.

scared for maybe the same reasons he told minghao to not call the police. what type of group was this? what had qianxia gotten herself into? and did jun know the full story?

11 when jun moved.. 14 when qianxia died. there was a chance he knew what qianxia had really done, but might not have understood it at the young age.

he groaned and silently wondered how they were going to solve this. maybe jun could move back home to china, but his entire life was here. and if he did, then they'd just go after minghao. and his dad was in the hospital. minghao couldn't just run away.

goddammit.

"you're a shit ton of trouble, wen junhui," minghao whispered.

\---

十八//십팔  
eighteen  
//junhui

jun stood absentmindedly at the front desk while minghao filled out some paperwork for jun's hospital discharge. the brightness of the lights were disorienting, but the doctor said any symptoms of the concussion should fully wear off in seven to ten days.

and the bruises would completely fade in two to three weeks. fourteen days to twenty one days. and he had thirty-seven left with minghao, if he was doing his math correctly.

he was nervous. nervous about what minghao would say. nervous about minghao even being with him, now.

minghao pulled out his phone, and jun glanced at it. he had pulled up jun's phone number to write it on the paperwork, but jun noticed something about the name.

"wait, why did you change it from 'beautiful bǎobǎo jun' to 'fucking wen junhui?'" jun complained. he then raised his eyebrows and sent minghao a suggestive look. "if that's what you wanted then why didn't you say anything?"

minghao groaned. "i hate you. bǎobǎo is incredibly cringey, i don't know how i would explain that to anyone who saw."

he pouted. "your loss."

minghao shuffled the paper together to form a neat stack and handed them back to the nurse at the desk. she looked at the two of them with a smile. "are you two soulmates?"

"uh-"

"yes, he's my soulmate," minghao blurted, cutting jun off.

woah. did minghao just-

"that's lovely!" she said, her smile widening. "you know, while this is still something being proven by the medical community, there's a fair amount of scientific research done that says soulmates help the healing process."

minghao's and jun's eyes widened.

the nurse continued, "being in the presence of your soulmate can help, but the healing works better with direct touch. the watercolors that appear when soulmates touch and the warmth that follows after are really strong. if you don't believe me, you can look it up online."

"i've heard about that," jun admitted. "but i thought it was superstition."

"well, it started out like that. but as i said, there is scientific research done on it and that's growing." the nurse's expression changed to a slightly sly one. "and some even say that it's stronger when you ki-"

"thank you," said minghao abruptly. "i hope you have a wonderful day! let's go jun."

minghao grabbed onto jun's sleeve and pulled him away quickly. stifling his laughter, jun followed.

"flustered much?" jun teased.

at minghao's continued silence, jun let out his laughter.

maybe the study was right. there was truly something healing about being around minghao, that jun absolutely loved.

\---


	19. 十九//십구

十九//십구  
nineteen  
//junhui

minghao stood somewhat awkwardly in the doorway of jun's apartment, his marginally better shoulder leaning slightly against the door. his eyes scanned jun's apart, probably making a comment at the blandness of it all in his head.

"you can come in," jun said, sitting down at the large table with several too many chairs. his apartment was extremely boring, he had all the appliances but the only furniture was his bed, his desk, and the big dinner table with a shit ton of chairs for when friends came.

minghao sat down across from him, continuing to look around, then stopping at a keyboard stand with no keyboard on top of it.

"you're a musician, too?" minghao noted.

taking out his phone, jun nodded absentmindedly. "my keyboard is on my bed. i'm going to call one of my friends. we can't stay here, and he's rich, so he probably has an empty apartment."

"aren't you taking advantage of him?"

"not really, he owes me, first of all. he's also aware of who changkyun is and that whole situation," jun replied. the phone rang, and then a charismatic and smooth voice picked up. "hey, jeonghan."

"oh my god, are you okay? wonwoo said-"

"yes, i'm okay." jun watched minghao get up from his seat and walk around the apartment, peaking his head into jun's bedroom to look at the keyboard. "it's not safe for minghao and i to live here, anymore. do you perhaps have a place we can stay? please?"

"yeah, my old apartment. at the moment i'm living in the college dorms to be closer for working on the theater. there's two bedrooms and it's decently sized. if you want, i can drive over now and pick you guys up?"

"oh shit, thank you so much jeonghan," sighed jun. "we'll get some stuff together and i'll see you soon."

"alright."

relieved, jun stood and looked at minghao. "jeonghan has a place..." 

he trailed off when he saw where minghao was. at his desk, staring at the photo of qianxia with his face turned away. when he looked back, he had a slight smile on his face and affectionate eyes that jun felt like he could melt into.

"she's beautiful," he said softly and genuinely, his eyes wrinkling at the corners. "i like her freckles."

jun nodded and smiled back. "she actually hated them. i've always thought they were cool, though. made her more unique."

"yeah," minghao said with a nod, walking back to jun. "what about a place...?"

"right. jeonghan has an apartment and he'll be here soon to pick us up."

eyes widening, minghao said with surprise, "right now?"

"yeah, so get your stuff packed. the longer we stay here the more unsafe it is," jun told him with a shake of his head.

minghao shifted with his brace and nodded. "alright, give me a moment."

jun watched him leave, then went to his room to grab a suitcase. wincing at sudden movements, he mentally chided himself to slow down his reactions. what clothes didn't fit into his suitcase, he nestled into his school backpack. luckily, he didn't have much. he looked at his keyboard. maybe jeonghan could help him load it into his car. 

almost ready, he grabbed his photo of qianxia and gently put it into the front pocket of his backpack, and joined minghao in his apartment.

it was obvious he was struggling. there was an open suitcase on the table, and his backpack on the floor. he had some clothes laid out on the ground, but he was just staring at them helplessly.

"you good there?" jun asked, setting his luggage down at the door.

"i can't decide what to bring," minghao muttered. "how long will we be there?"

at jun's shrug of response, minghao scowled. "alright. i'll bring my favorites then."

right, minghao was somewhat of a fashionista. he always looked good in what he wore, and each piece of clothing had its own diverse and unique style, jun noted. clumsily, minghao grabbed some of his clothes with his good arm. 

"here, hao," murmured jun, leaning down to help. his hand brushed minghao's arm, eliciting a muffled gasp from minghao at the feeling. jun smirked but didn't say anything as he took the clothes from him and packed them neatly into minghao's suitcase.

after helping minghao stuff as many clothes as possible into his bags, they made their way downstairs. conveniently, jeonghan had already pulled up to the front with his car. jun wasn't exactly savvy with car types, but he knew that jeonghan's was a nice sports car that probably cost too much. 

"the infamous minghao!" jeonghan said with a smile upon seeing him. he walked up to him and grabbed his suitcase. "i'll help you with this. i'm jeonghan, one of jun's friends. it's nice to meet you."

jun threw a glance at minghao, who was visibly stiff, probably from meeting a new person. but he smiled back. "thank you, nice to meet you as well."

"i'll get the stuff loaded, you can just hop in the car," jeonghan said.

"can you help me with my keyboard?" asked jun, gesturing back to the apartment complex.

quickly loading the luggage into the back of the car, jeonghan followed jun back into the apartments upstairs. 

"how are you feeling?" jeonghan asked, grabbing one end of jun's keyboard and looking sullenly at his neck.

"i'm sore, and hurts to move my head too quickly," he replied, hefting up the side of his keyboard.

jeonghan grumbled. "i swear to fucking god, changkyun is going to pay. why don't you let me help you? my father's company has resources. we could even help your loan-"

"no one else needs to be involved, and i feel bad for using your apartment already," sighed jun. "the fact that minghao got hurt because of it is already scary. please, just let me take care of it on my own."

jeonghan sighed. the two of them carried the keyboard out of the apartment and made their way to jeonghan's car and loaded it in the back seat. minghao was sitting in the passenger seat, and jun had the edge of his keyboard on his lap.

on the drive there, jeonghan chatted brightly with minghao, seemingly taking a liking to him quickly. at this, minghao relaxed. jun wondered if minghao just attracted more talkative people, he seemed to collect extroverts and outgoing introverts.

jeonghan pulled the car up to an extremely polished complex, with a pristine and and modern exterior. the trees outside of it were large and trimmed, making the gardens look full of life. there was even a man at the door in a crisp black uniform, who rushed up to jeonghan's car to open their doors.

"this is pretentious," jun muttered.

jeonghan shrugged. "you should see the other apartments my family owns. there's a door on the opposite end that's less eye-catching, and if you take it then it's a ten minute bus ride. the bus comes at 7:40 and it's just on the edge of the sidewalk by the exit."

"so we leave at 7:38 still," minghao said.

jun was startled, minghao hadn't talked about numbers or time in awhile. but it's not like he would just completely stop if being concerned about time had already become a habit. he wondered if he didn't mind getting to school a bit later.

"that works. now, just follow me upstairs, i'll have your belongings sent up," jeonghan told them. 

while the lobby inside was small, it was clean and had futuristic decor. it was mostly white and grey, with plants dotting the walls as splashes of color. his parents would've liked the modern aesthetic, jun thought.

they ducked into an elevator, jeonghan pressing the button to the fifth floor, which was the top one. even the elevator felt expensive, with the polished floor and bars of light that created modern-looking shapes on the walls (which made his concussion-induced headache worse). nervous, jun asked, "what about cost?"

"don't worry about it," said jeonghan. "just think of it like... you guys are guests in my house except i'm not living here and you're staying for awhile. i'll even cover the costs of your apartments." he looked back. "i'm hoping you can solve this issue with changkyun and the loan soon. until you do, this place is for you."

"thank you," said jun and minghao at the same time.

with an almost comical 'ding,' the elevator doors opened. 

leading them down a hallway, which was still just as expensive as the rest of the building, jeonghan stopped in front of the room labelled '508.' brandishing a key out of his pocket, jeonghan opened the door and walked inside.

jun was blown away. it was as if he had walked into a hotel, and if jeonghan's family had nicer apartments than this then he was sure his near-broke-college-student ass would be obliterated on the spot.

despite being small sized, the front room was wide and brightly lit, with floor to ceiling windows on the far wall, offering a view of the streets below. the kitchen had all modern appliances, and had a counter with two bar-stools to sit at. there was a circular and glass table in the corner with six extremely comfortable looking dinner chairs that jun was worried to spill food on.

there was a large white sofa and coffee table on the other side right by the windows, so you could sit and look ostentatiously out the window if you desired.

"the bedrooms are on opposite walls," jeonghan said, pointing at a door by the dining table and then at the other door by the sofa. he reached behind jun and opened a sliding door that jun had thought was a closet, revealing a very hotel-looking bathroom that was spotless. "and here's the bathroom. the apartment is still a bit small but it should have everything you need. there's a laundry room on the first floor."

"what the fuck," jun breathed. "thank you, so much, jeonghan."

minghao, who had been staring out the windows like a little kid, turned around. "yes, thank you. this is incredible."

jeonghan nodded, and a knock at the door was followed by some of the staff entering with their luggage and jun's keyboard, setting them gently by the sofa.

"i'll be out of your hair, but if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me," jeonghan said. "i'm so sorry about your current situation, and i know you're a stubborn bastard who refuses help, but i'm happy to. after everything, you deserve it."

jun shrugged, feeling guilty. the entire apartment was almost too nice, and anything more from jeonghan would make him feel guilty. he expected something small or out of the way. his father's company was in real-estate and he knew jeonghan had a few places around seoul, but this had shattered his expectations.

"thank you," jun said again.

"of course. i'll see you guys next week at school when you come back," said jeonghan, exiting the apartment, leaving minghao and jun alone.

\---


	20. 二十//이십

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff time :)

二十//이십  
twenty  
//minghao

the apartment made minghao extremely self-aware of his bloodstained body and clothes and messy hair. he needed to shower.

he pulled his suitcase into the bedroom (he had chosen the one by the sofas) and looked around. the bed, which was either a full or a queen (minghao couldn't tell the difference but it was bigger than the one in his apartment), was decorated with plush white pillows and a large white comforter with a fluffy grey blanket at the foot of the bed.

there was a desk one one end and a closest installed into the wall on the other, next to a large mirror. minghao looked at himself in it, cringing at the mottled bruise that had begun to change colors on his jaw, the marks peaking out from the collar of his shirt, which was spotted with blood. he had his jacket thrown over his shoulder like some pompous business woman who had just fired half of her staff. 

or maybe she killed them, considering the blood.

he hung up his clothes, inwardly thanking jeonghan for allowing them to stay here. it was a massive upgrade from their previous apartment, which he had chosen to be cheap on purpose so that he could pay for college and for his dad's health care. if he sold this apartment, he could probably pay for both.

when he finished, he looked at the shower sling in his bag with a sigh. the doctors had instructed him how to shower with it, but it would require help to put it on. which meant jun.

no, he could do it himself. jun was fine.

minghao sat down on the bed, propping some pillows under his arm and reached for the clip of his sling with his free arm. it was awkward but it came undone, and he slid it out from underneath him.

okay, easy. now he had to get his shirt off.

which wasn't easy. he grabbed the sleeve of his shirt below his injured shoulder, attempting to pull it forward and maybe sneak his arm backwards into it. but when he accidentally moved his shoulder doing so, a sharp and sudden burst of pain exploded from the spot, making him yelp briefly in surprise.

you're fine. count down from 3, don't focus on the pain.

1... 2... 3...

he couldn't reach for the other sleeve because that would require moving his shoulder. he fiddled with his shirt, attempting to get it off to no avail, when he heard the door open. jun entered, with a concerned look on his face.

"i heard you shout, are you okay? why is your sling off?" jun asked.

minghao sighed. "i need to take a shower."

"do you want help with your shirt?" jun walked up to him, looking at his injured arm with furrowed brows.

his pride said no, but the throbbing pain in his shoulder and under helplessness in the situation made minghao nod a 'yes.'

jun grabbed the sleeve over minghao's good arm, pulling it open for minghao to retract his arm into. minghao winced, as he did, causing jun to pause.

"i'm alright, i have a bruise up there but it's fine," minghao said quietly.

jun pulled his shirt upwards over his head, exposing minghao's bare torso, and then shuffled it down his shoulder without moving it much, and then off his arm. he neatly folded the shirt and put it on the bed.

embarrassed, minghao mumbled, "thank you."

jun was staring at his shoulder, which had a large and ugly mark on it from being dislocated. if minghao were to describe it, it almost seemed like his flesh was rotting by how the discoloration appeared. it stretched from the back of his shoulder where he got hit on the wall and wrapped around, reaching for the base of his neck. jun's eyes went across his collar bone and chest, staring at the spots of blood from carrying jun, to the other bruise where his chest and shoulder met from being punched.

"i'm sorry you had to get pulled into this," jun said quietly, his face contorting with guilt.

"jun-" minghao protested, but was interrupted.

"i can help you shower, the doctor said no shoulder movement and it's difficult and painful to do tasks," he said quickly. "just pull on some shorts and i'll help you wash your hair."

once again, his pride said not to let him help. but it's not like minghao could really do anything at the moment. begrudgingly, he nodded. jun smiled and grabbed his sling for the shower, carefully putting it on for minghao. whenever his hands brushed minghao's skin, he relaxed more and more, slouching and letting go off his stiff posture with the warmth.

jun left for minghao to quickly change into some old shorts he slept in, then went to the bathroom. jun threw on shorts as well and an old t-shirt with a low collar, exposing the markings on his neck. at the sight of them, minghao's stomach twisted.

jun smiled weakly, which was somewhat pathetic looking with his busted and swollen lip. "i'm alright, hao. come on, jeonghan's shower is one of those with the benches in them. go sit down."

doing as he was told, he stepped into the glass-door shower and sat down on the tiled bench, which matched the white all over the walls. jun followed, reaching for the shower head and turning it on, holding it to the side while he waited for the water to warm up.

tenderly, jun made minghao turn his body, and tilted his head back slowly. he wet his hair, dragging his free hand through it to gather it back. minghao sighed as he did. the feeling of his hair being combed with was such a calming feeling. next came the soap, which jun lathered into his hair while massaging his scalp, being as gentle as he could. at that point, minghao felt like he could melt backwards into jun, and accidentally let out a noise.

jun giggled. "that was cute."

minghao huffed stubbornly, but didn't respond. jun shielded minghao's forehead as he rinsed his hair, not allowing soap to fall into his eyes. he massaged his scalp again when he conditioned his hair and was just as gentle when he washed the soap out.

"turn this way, i'll grab a washcloth and clean up your chest," jun told him.

minghao flushed, stiffening, but almost immediately weakened when jun placed a hand against his collar bone, soaping up his upper chest with body wash. that familiar warmth blossomed from the spot where jun touched, and when minghao looked down, he saw the watercolor marks gloss over their skin.

"are these jeonghan's soaps? they probably cost more than my textbooks," minghao muttered, making conversation suddenly.

"i wouldn't be surprised," said jun, switching to a washcloth. he looked up and met minghao's eyes. "are you embarrassed?"

yes. "no."

humming in response, jun put some soap on his hands and reached toward minghao's face. with his good arm, minghao caught jun's wrist, surprised.

whispering, jun looked at him and said, "i'm just washing your face. you're okay."

"but i can do that," he mumbled, averting his gaze.

"it's easier for you if i do it," jun said. "it's alright, you can let someone take care of you."

silence fell over them. jun crouched patiently in front of minghao, with an affectionate expression on his face, with hints of worry by the stress marks on his forehead. minghao sighed, "i haven't had anyone take care of me like this since... since i was 9, if that."

"it's okay to be nervous about this, you're vulnerable and not used to it," jun said quietly. his tone was low and reassuring. "but you're safe right here. i can leave if you want. just please, let me do something for you."

"don't leave," minghao said hurriedly. he closed his eyes and let go of jun's wrist.

"i'm here."

as if minghao would break if he wasn't careful, jun pressed his palm to minghao's cheekbone as he put the soap on, murmuring quiet soothing words at minghao's discomfort. but it was soon diminished as the warmth from his soulmate's touch calmed him down, drawing out a relieved sigh from minghao.

jun washed off the soap with a washcloth, patting it against him gently, and then stood. "i'll leave so you can finish off rinsing the rest of your body. if you need help just let me know."

minghao nodded and watched him leave, letting out a breath and leaning against the wall.

his thoughts were everywhere. he was panicked, nervous, and surprised. but at the same time, everything that had just happened had brought a feeling of security and softness that minghao hadn't felt in a long time.

which brought on the terrifying thought of 

what if it left?

\---

二十//이십  
twenty  
//junhui

minghao had called for him again later that night, asking for help to get his shirt back on and his normal sling. jun was surprised at first, after all, he could tell minghao was reluctant to accept his help in the first place.

now, minghao was seated at the dinner table on his school laptop, typing away at something the best he could with one arm. jun was sitting on the sofa, scrolling through social media, as any other twenty-one year old would do. the television that jeonghan neglected to point out was on, after minghao found it hiding behind its own set of curtains that jun had assumed were for another window.

abruptly, minghao came over and sat next to him, his injured left shoulder on the opposite side. "okay, jun, so i was doing research about the whole soulmate thing and how soulmates can speed up the healing process."

jun nodded blankly, confused as to where minghao was going with this sudden topic.

actually, a part of him knew where, because he wasn't stupid. completely. but minghao was unpredictable. especially when it came to the topic of soulmates.

"there's a good amount of research done and even some clinical trials with positive results," continued minghao. "there's no harm in trying, so how about you lay down on my lap and we just, see what happens?"

before jun could really consider even having common sense, he smirked and said in a suggestive tone, "if you wanted me to lay down so you can put your hands on my neck, then you could've said so, hao."

"oh my god, no, don't ruin this. just lay down," minghao sighed.

pursing his lips, jun shuffled on the sofa and laid down on minghao's thigh. minghao quietly put the palm of his hand on the side of jun's neck, which caused him to flinch as he expected pain. yet, almost immediately, warmth spread from the area instead. jun sighed. at that, minghao relaxed his hand.

"is this okay?" he asked quietly, drawing shapes with his thumb on the back of jun's neck.

jun murmured a yes. their attention went to the television, where a cheesy drama was on. they watched it quietly together, losing track of time.

his neck was still somewhat stiff, but any pain and aching he had felt earlier had been diminished gradually.

after awhile, jun fell asleep, and minghao didn't wake him up until it got dark out for them to turn in for the night.

\---


	21. 二十一//이십 일

二十一//이십 일  
twenty-one  
//junhui

serendipitous.

it was qianxia's favorite word in english, and she said it as much as she could, despite not knowing the meaning. listening to music was serendipitous. the stars on cold nights were serendipitous. the beach at sunrise was serendipitous.

qianxia said those moments were especially serendipitous if they were spent with others, and they would always have a place in your memory.

when jun awoke, he couldn't remember, exactly, what he dreamed of.

what he did know, was that his dreams were painted of autumn leaves, the color blue, and that it was serendipitous.

\---

minghao was studying on the counter, doing schoolwork despite being excused from it, when jun left his bedroom. he had been sitting in his bed for probably twenty minutes, debating whether or not he should leave. a pounding ache rammed in his head, a side effect from his concussion. 

"did you sleep alright?" jun asked groggily, walking over to some plastic bags on the counter. "what are these?"

"jeonghan brought some food," said minghao, looking up from his textbook. "i slept alright, considering the sling. i assume you slept wonderfully because it's almost noon."

jun froze, then looked out the window, blinking at the brightness outside. he grimaced at the light, which was making his headache worse. "huh."

"how's your neck?"

slowly, jun reached his hand up and brushed it slightly. it hurt to touch, but significantly less compared to the day before, and he didn't feel anything when he woke up.

"better," he replied. "i think last night helped. but now, i have one of those concussion-induced headaches."

as he dug in the plastic bags, reaching for some microwavable noodles because it was basically lunchtime, minghao walked up behind him. he tossed his right arm over jun's shoulder, his bicep against the back of jun's neck. his arm snaked around his head, his hand relaxing at his temples where he rubbed the spot soothingly.

"where at?" minghao asked, resting his chin on jun's other shoulder.

"a little lower," jun murmured, sighing at the touch when minghao found the spot. "since when are you so affectionate?"

when minghao huffed, jun felt it in his ear and almost jumped at it. minghao said in a blunt tone, "that nurse said this can help with healing. this is me helping you relieve pain, as anyone else with a soul would do."

teasingly, jun retorted, "you have a soul?"

"the doctor prescribed some medication for the headaches, it's on the counter. in a moment, go take some," said minghao, ignoring him. "when jeonghan came, he said he could go fill the prescriptions at any time if you run out."

"he's being so nice and giving, i feel guilty," jun muttered. "i'm not sure how i'm going to pay him back, or if i'l be able to."

minghao was quiet for a moment. "i get what you mean. money was never a struggle for my family, thankfully, my dad had a good job. and the money that my... mom... left for me was enough to put towards college. i also used to be a photographer for events, but it's been about a month since my last gig," he said quietly. "suddenly living here, with everything accommodated for, really puts things into a different perspective."

jun nodded, closing his eyes and relaxing into minghao. "jeonghan was never the type to flaunt his wealth, and he mostly puts his money into the theater program at school, and his friends. i'm grateful to him. i'm just..." he trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"you don't like accepting help, do you?" minghao asked. "stop me if i'm crossing a line, but does qianxia have to do with it?"

of course she did.

after her death, everything changed.

"yeah," jun said in a whisper. he cleared his throat. "i told you my parents refused to help qianxia with her loan, and after her death, they left me in south korea to escape the loan sharks. they helped pay for my college, but not qianxia's loan out of spite. money from her scholarship went to me. but it wasn't enough to pay the loan at the time, and probably still isn't, i bet they raised it a shit ton.

"before i moved to our apartments, i was staying somewhere with a friend who understood the situation. at the time i ran a youtube channel where i posted dance videos. it got viral and monetized, and i was able to make a good amount of money from it," he continued. "one day i found changkyun looking for me near our apartment. i moved out quickly, but my friend refused to, and he... he got beat up after being confronted by them."

"what happened after that?" asked minghao softly.

"visited him in the hospital," said jun. "his leg was broken and would need surgery. he was training to be an olympic swimmer. he never wanted to see me again, and i understood. he moved somewhere else."

jun turned around and looked back at minghao, grabbing onto his wrist. "i don't need people dragged into this mess, they just end up getting hurt. i'm... i'm already scared for jeonghan, but you got hurt too and-"

"junhui, you're crying," minghao said quietly.

well, fuck. jun looked down and wiped his face, exhaling shakily. he was angry at how calm minghao seemed to be. did he not realize what could happen to him? his shoulder already made it so he couldn't dance and now he has to hide away with jun. how was he so fucking calm?

"this isn't your fight," protested jun, his voice breaking.

"but it shouldn't be yours, either. it's not fair to you." minghao raised his hand and cupped his cheekbone gently, sending warmth to the bruise there. "regardless, you shouldn't have to fight alone. you've been alone for too long. i said it at the hospital the other night and i'll say it again, let me keep you safe."

minghao was making a mistake. jun wanted to yell at him and push him away, warn him more. but no words formed except for a quiet, "why?"

minghao's dark eyes were looking at him with intensity, but glossed in emotions jun couldn't explain. they seemed to be staring into every part of his soul, making jun's hair stand on end at the sudden vulnerability. 

for someone so seemingly detached from reality and dependent on being guided by routine, minghao's perception was something so immense and strong. jun couldn't find a good word for it, only characterize it by the fragility and transparency he felt, as if minghao saw everything he held inside.

"because i care," minghao told him simply.

"you shouldn't, you don't even want to be soulmates," muttered jun, looking away.

a sigh from minghao filled the quiet and tense atmosphere. "i might be shit at figuring out what i want, especially emotionally. but when it comes to other people, i'm not blind. my dad has been hospitalized and dying since i was young, so i had to mature fast. i was alone in all of that, without any friends until recently. i needed someone at those times. now you need that, even if you think you don't."

jun felt more tears stream down his cheek. "i think i'll take that headache medicine now."

minghao lightly punched jun's arm at his change of the subject. "dumbass. i'll get you some water."

"thank you," jun sniffled.

minghao walked back over with a glass of water and handed it to jun, then wiped away the tears on his face. "my friends seungkwan and seokmin want to visit after school gets out, is that alright?"

swallowing the pills quickly, jun nodded. "sure. wonwoo and mingyu wanted to come over, too."

minghao nodded, his hand reaching back up to soothe jun's head where he felt the headache most. "sounds good. we'll have to speak korean, then."

"well, shit."

\---

二十一//이십 일  
twenty-one  
//minghao

seokmin and seungkwan quite literally arrived with a bang.

it was almost 6 at night when the two appeared, but seokmin had pissed seungkwan off resulting in them playfully battling each other in the hallway and seungkwan accidentally kicking their apartment door.

when jun opened the door, wincing at the loud sudden noise, it revealed seokmin with his arms around seungkwan's waist, and seungkwan's hands pulling at seokmin's hair.

"hello," seokmin said meekly, staring back at jun.

minghao walked up and glared at the two. "last i checked my friends were 20-year-olds in college, not 2 little children."

"would i be a little child if i brought alcohol?" seokmin asked, pulling back his arm to reveal that he was holding a carton of beers.

seungkwan scoffed. "you have the mental age of a child."

"i will not hesitate to mur-"

minghao scurried out into the hallway and swatted both of them. "come on, let's go inside, dumbasses."

minghao led them inside, seokmin setting the beer on the counter and seungkwan stopping to introduce himself to jun. he was watching seungkwan speak with wide eyes as if he was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen.

"how are your injuries?" seokmin asked, inspecting minghao's sling and then to his bruised jaw.

"alright," he replied, swinging his good arm over seokmin's shoulder and giving him a hug. "i'm supposed to heal great and i'm managing it."

seungkwan came up to minghao and gave him a tight hug. "you had us so damn worried. but now, looking at this fancy-ass apartment, i revoke my worry. the perks of having rich friends. maybe i should be a sugar baby."

jun blanched. "jeonghan is not a sugar daddy, though."

answering with a shrug, seungkwan continued. "just consider the potential."

another knock appeared at the door, and jun answered it, ushering in wonwoo and mingyu. they shuffled in politely, then froze when they saw seungkwan.

"you!" the 3 said at the same time, startling jun, minghao, and seokmin.

minghao quietly wondered how much more cliche his life could get, considering the well-timed dialogue.

"you're the one who broke professor jo's piano," wonwoo pointed out.

"and you two are the ones who i found in his closet-" seungkwan started, immediately getting cut off when mingyu randomly started to yell.

"don't finish that sentence," warned mingyu.

minghao blinked at them and sighed. "lovely reunion."

seokmin smiled. "we have beer."

wonderful.

\---


	22. 二十二//이십이

二十二//이십이  
twenty-two  
//junhui

due to jun's concussion, he wasn't allowed to drink alcohol.

which meant he had to babysit five drunk men alone and sober.

wonwoo was clinging to mingyu's arm like a baby, staring off into space as if he could see into a second dimension. mingyu was smiling broadly and watching seungkwan and seokmin bicker about who was a better drinker, as if he had just witnessed the miracle of life. minghao sat on the couch beside jun, watching as well. the only signs of him being somewhat intoxicated was his delayed reaction to jokes.

everyone was drunk enough to be acting noticeably different, but not so much that they had completely lost their shit. yet.

"let's play a game!" seungkwan announced, abruptly standing up and giving up on his argument with seokmin. "truth or dare. if you refuse to answer a truth or do a dare then you take a drink of your beer."

"no more cliches," minghao muttered, while at the same time the other three drunkards bellowed an echoing 'yes.'

seungkwan looked to jun. "you, you just drink your capri sun."

he looked down at his capri sun in his hand and frowned. jeonghan had bought them a box.

"i'll start!" mingyu volunteered. he turned to wonwoo. "truth or dare."

adjusting his glasses, wonwoo answered truth.

"did you enjoy not having me sleep at your apartment for two weeks?" mingyu asked, pouting.

this time, wonwoo pouted, his expression somewhat exaggerated due to being drunk. his eyebrows creased and his eyes widened, as if he had become that one sad emoji with shine in its comically gigantic eyes. "no, you know i need to cuddle with stuff in my sleep. i missed you."

whether intentional or not, minghao let loose a long and loud yawn.

wonwoo switched his attention to minghao and raised a brow. "minghao, truth or dare."

as if he would rather be anywhere else, minghao answered with 'dare,' dragging out the syllables.

"i dare you to chug the rest of your beer can in less than thirty seconds."

jun threw a look at wonwoo. minghao hadn't even finished his beer but was already out of it, being skinny probably made it harder for him to drink without getting drunk quickly.

"just thirty seconds?" said minghao, with a raised brow. in a swift motion, he raised his beer can and to jun's surprise, very quickly began to guzzle the rest of the drink in no time. when he finished, minghao let out a very comical and satisfied sigh.

"why was that so natural for you?" jun asked, puzzled.

minghao shrugged. "seungkwan, truth or dare."

"dare!" seungkwan shouted.

"you have that kid's... vernon's... you have his number right?" minghao clarified, reaching for another beer. seungkwan nodded in response, at which minghao smirked. "call him right now and tell him you have a crush on him."

eyes blazing, seungkwan sat there quietly. then, took a long drink of his beer. seokmin laughed loudly, hitting each laugh with on-beat claps.

the game continued as smoothly it could go for five drunk men chugging beer, starring jun with his capri suns. half dazed, mingyu and wonwoo laughed loudly at seokmin and seungkwan's nonsensical jokes twisted by alcoholic nonsense. they just confused minghao, who as he got more drunk, the more his grasp of the korean language slipped.

out of nowhere, seokmin shouted, "minghao! truth or dare?"

amused, jun watched as minghao answered truth. mingyu groaned and called him a coward.

"do you like jun?" 

minghao blinked, and jun's mouth dropped open. he looked down at minghao, bewildered. what would he answer? there was some sort of saying about how drunk people never lied. what if he was to be rejected by a tipsy and uncoordinated minghao?

minghao turned and stared at him, eyes narrowing. they traced his facial features, as jun had done to minghao before, but sloppily and agonizingly slowly, before stopping on his lips. heat crept up from jun's neck and spread upwards to his ears.

his face grew closer and jun panicked. "minghao you're drunk-"

"boop." minghao reached out and lightly tapped jun's noise. as he went to drink his beer, he let out his signature giggle. 

"oh, dude, he's flirting," seokmin whispered. seungkwan lightly hit him.

jun knew he was probably blushing like an idiot. he couldn't deny that tipsy and uncoordinated minghao... was quite cute. "okay, minghao again. truth or dare."

"dare-" he started in chinese, but quickly corrected himself to saying it in korean.

could capri suns make you drunk? jun didn't think so before this. but he had thirty-six days left with minghao, and despite everything, he wanted to continue their original deal. "tomorrow, let's go on an official date. if tomorrow you decide not to because you weren't sober, i'll respect that. but what do you say?"

minghao looked between jun and his beer, debating. then, he nodded. "okay, tomorrow let's go on a date."

"whipped," muttered wonwoo.

seungkwan snorted and repeated it. "whipped."

jun stared at the four of them as they started to quietly chant, 'whipped, whipped, whipped.'

at the sound of minghao's giggle, it quieted. he grinned. "maybeeee."

he then looked to jun and said something in a slurred dialect. it sounded like the dongbei dialect, and jun just listened him in confusion. "i don't understand dongbei dialect, least of all when you're drunk off your ass. do you want me to speak cantonese, so that you're confused as i am?"

at minghao's smirk, jun huffed and said in quiet cantonese, "you make my feelings all confused. do you like me or not, stupid?"

muttering into his beer, mingyu joked, "i bet he cussed him out."

jun threw an empty capri sun at him.

\---

shortly after, their friends called ubers and staggered out of the apartment to go home. minghao was lying on the couch, being utterly unhelpful while jun cleaned up the trash. his head was dully aching, and his back felt incredibly sore, but he didn't really mind.

tossing the remaining trash in the bin, he walked back to minghao and raised his eyebrow. "you gonna sleep on the couch?"

"yes," he muttered in response.

"you can't do that, let's go back to bed," jun sighed. he grabbed minghao's waist and propped him up, avoiding his injured shoulders. he held onto minghao and shuffled him back to his room. upon arriving, minghao jumped right onto his bed, letting out a shout of pain when he hit his dislocated shoulder.

"oh my god, hao," jun sighed, sitting down and flipping over to look at his shoulder. "you okay?"

groaning, minghao raised his hand in a 'thumbs up.'

jun looked at his shoulder, but didn't see anything obviously wrong with it. "be more careful, please."

with a shrug, minghao climbed underneath his covers. jun sighed and stood, turning to leave.

"wait, junhui," minghao muttered. "could you sleep here?"

spinning around, jun gaped incredulously. "why?"

minghao sank below his blanket. "please."

he debated it. it could just be drunk minghao speaking, in fact that's probably all it was. but still, it was tempting. giving up, he sighed and nodded, quickly leaving minghao's room to get changed. when he came back, minghao had seemingly fallen asleep.

jun ducked underneath the covers on the opposite side of the bed, leaving a considerable amount of space between him and minghao. he let out a sigh and closed his eyes. before he drifted off to sleep, he heard a very quiet, almost inaudible,

"thank you."

\---


	23. 二十三//이십삼

二十三//이십삼  
twenty-three  
//junhui

they were forming a habit of sleeping in each other's presence, thought jun when he awoke.

a persistent and soothing warmth had enveloped his sleep and became clearer when he opened his eyes to his head resting in minghao's lap. his hand was gently massaging his scalp and temple, down to his neck.

"you're awake," noticed minghao, who was watching some sort of documentary on his phone. "it's 10:32."

"damn," jun murmured quietly, closing his eyes again, relaxing more onto minghao's lap.

minghao shut off his phone and looked down at him. "i woke up an hour ago, to you clutching my arm. so i put you here. feeling alright?"

"nothing hurts right now," he responded. "this is quite romantic of you."

minghao ruffled his hair and scoffed. "romantic? i've cuddled with seungkwan and seokmin before plenty of times."

ow. "i can't believe i'm being friend-zoned mid cuddle," jun complained. 

"live with it," hushed minghao.

"what about our date today?" jun sat up, catching minghao's wrist.

minghao tilted his head. "i need to think about it."

narrowing his eyes, jun huffed. "how long will you need to think about it."

"stop pouting, you're like a baby," teased minghao. "i need to run an errand first."

an errand..? where? suddenly the thought of changkyun reappeared. a twisted and rotting feeling grew in jun's chest at the idea of him being found.

"where? can i come?" he tried.

"to get coffee at going's cafe. and no. the bus arrives at 10:50, and i'll arrive at the coffee place at around 11:05," minghao told him. "i need to get dressed and leave by 10:45. that's a good time."

as he gently pulled back his wrist from jun's grip, jun frowned. "it's been awhile since you really talked about time stuff. are you alright?"

minghao nodded and made a dismissive motion with his hand. "leave so i can undress, please."

exiting with a wounded expression, jun plopped down on the couch in the living room while he waited for minghao. he watched the door eagerly, wondering why he needed to go to the cafe so desperately and why jun wasn't allowed to go with?

was he going on a date with someone else...? no.

as soon as the thought arose he shot it down. minghao wouldn't do something like that.

the door opened to minghao dressed in high-waisted jeans with a white t-shirt tucked into them, and a long blue coat over top, the left sleeve hanging limply at his side to accommodate his sling. he had even combed his hair and it looked like he had put foundation on.

he looked stunning. and jun wanted to keep him in the apartment where only he could appreciate how stunning he looked. jun pouted. "you look so nice. all this to get coffee?"

minghao sighed and walked over, wincing slightly. "i'm still hungover. i'm just going to grab some coffee, but i'll be back."

"and our date?"

minghao ruffled jun's hair. "i'll decide after."

watching him leave, jun shouted after him. "this is suspicious!"

before he left, minghao looked over his shoulder and yelled back, "just trust me!"

\---

二十三//이십삼  
twenty-three  
//minghao

on his way to going's cafe, minghao quietly wondered how many cups of coffee you'd have to drink in order to overdose.

his nerves were on fire. the thought of being discovered by changkyun sparked it, but the whole reason of why he was going there fed the flames.

finally arriving at the cafe, minghao opened the door and ducked inside. it wasn't incredibly busy, so he could spot hoshi's familiar bleached blonde hair and wide smile.

"minghao!" he called, waving him over to a table at the side of the cafe. he was drinking an extremely large cup of coffee and wasn't in his uniform, his shift didn't start until later.

smiling weakly, minghao walked over and sat down in the chair across from hoshi. "hey."

"oh god," exclaimed hoshi, upon seeing the sling under minghao's jacket and discolored jaw. "what the hell happened?"

"jun and i got jumped by some guys on the way to school," he informed him. "we're both okay, though. he has a small concussion and i dislocated my shoulder, and both of us have some bruises."

"jesus. will you be able to dance?" hoshi asked worriedly.

sucking on his teeth, minghao shook his head. "not sure, we'll have to talk to mr. jung."

hoshi eyed him with a concerned expression, mouth ajar and eyes widened. "please don't push yourself to do anything that could hurt you more."

"we won't," said minghao. "how are you? and how's jihoon?"

raising an eyebrow at the sudden change of subject, hoshi answered, "i'm good. great, actually. and so is jihoon."

"seokmin mentioned it a bit," minghao continued. "how is it working for you?"

"well, jihoon told me that he's aromantic. which means he doesn't experience romantic attraction," hoshi informed. "the types of love he feels are either platonic or familial, all of that, just not romance."

minghao tilted his head, working to understand. "so what does that mean for you two as soulmates?"

"we'll be platonic soulmates, is what we decided," he replied. "and i'm fine with that. my crush on him was really just 'attractively'-based. let's be honest, i never got to actually know who he was."

hoshi then smirked. "and he's not asexual too, and i know for damn sure that i'm not-"

"no, no, shut up," minghao groaned. hoshi giggled at his reaction.

he took a sip of his coffee. "but you know, we're soulmates. so that should mean something."

"what does it mean?" asked minghao. he sighed, thinking back to jun, who was probably scowling in their apartment like a lonely puppy. "that's kind of why i asked to meet you here. i'm... i'm confused."

"what with?"

"just- everything," he sighed, slumping forward. "i can't figure out what i want and i don't want to hurt junhui in that search, you know? he told me that he likes me, and in a state of panic i told him let's just be friends."

hoshi was quiet for a moment, thinking. "what's exactly happened since you guys figured out you were soulmates?"

"he made the deal to 'act like soulmates' until the assembly, then i decide what happens to us. we started off doing that, sort of. he confessed to me and i avoided him for a whole day. told him that i just wanted to be strictly platonic. then we got jumped and now we live together because the old apartments weren't safe. which is cliche," minghao sighed. "and there's just a lot of past stuff that i can't go into, chasing both of us."

blinking, hoshi sat there for an even longer moment. "fuck, dude. how dramatic."

"i know."

"what happened after he confessed? go into detail please," hoshi sipped some off his coffee, watching him with wide eyes.

"when he told me he liked me, i just shut down," minghao mumbled. "i told myself i couldn't become attached. when he came up with the deal initially, i told myself i was going to leave, regardless. him liking me would just end up badly for him, and i don't want to hurt him. so i told him we could be platonic soulmates."

"does being platonic feel right?"

no.

it felt so wrong and minghao knew it.

but the alternative was too vast and uncontrollable. too wild and unknown. open to too many mistakes and from what minghao knew, people left because of it.

that's why he wanted to leave him first. that's why they had to be platonic, so when minghao did, jun wouldn't be left a heartbroken mess like what minghao had seen up close with his father.

"it's easier," minghao muttered. 

hoshi sighed. "it shouldn't be about what's easier and what isn't. relationships are never easy. and when you care for someone so much, they get even harder. everyone is born with a soulmate. someone who is supposed to be our perfect match. it's up to us to interpret the watercolors and how those help add clarity to our relationship.

he leaned forward and met minghao's gaze. "but they don't define it. the watercolors point out the person who is 'perfect' for us. the word 'soulmate' is just the beginning. from there, you need to march forward and figure out what your relationship means because of it. the way jihoon and i complete each other is going to be different for how you and jun do. that's what gives it meaning."

"i don't even know what the meaning is," minghao muttered. "and i'm worried that whatever it is, if we figure this out, that... that he'll just leave anyways. i'm scared of fucking it up and him realizing that i'm not good enough for him, that i'm just a broken clock stuck in an endless and useless cycle. the only thing i'm good at is living within that cycle, and if i don't, then bad things happen. people leave and people get hurt."

"that's so sad that you think that of yourself," hoshi muttered. "i know we're not incredibly close, that we only know each other because of dance and the two idiots, but i am thankful that you chose to talk to me about this."

he leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling. "you know, i think both of you are lonely. for different reasons. jun is lonely because he won't ask for help. you're lonely because you don't want people to leave."

minghao raised an eyebrow. "damn. calling me out like that."

"let me finish. alternatively, you're someone who tries to be incredibly considerate about feelings and helping others. and jun, jun is the most loyal person i've ever met. whatever you think gives your relationship meaning, what those colors represent, is something the two of you have to find," hoshi told him. 

"in the time you have left, try and figure it out. you'll know," he continued. "your cycle isn't everything. you don't have to let it keep you trapped in a box. just because it worked in the past, doesn't mean it worked in a good and healthy way. let yourself live. let yourself accept new people."

"i can't believe i'm talking to someone who was too shy to approach his crush-turned-soulmate for the longest time," minghao deadpanned. "you should be a therapist or something."

chuckling, hoshi rubbed the back of his neck. "i'm actually thinking of switching my major to psych."

"go for it, you'd be good at it," said minghao.

"why thank you," hoshi said with an incredibly wholesome smile. he looked at minghao with an expectant expression. "so what are you going to do now?"

minghao pulled out his phone and sighed, a light and relaxed smile appearing on his face. 

\-------------  
明浩 minghao  
i'll be back in about 20 minutes. be ready.

fucking. wen junhui  
???

fucking. wen junhui  
for our date??

明浩 minghao  
yes.  
\-------------

he looked back to hoshi with a smile. "i have a date to get to."

\---


	24. 二十四//이십사

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flufffff :)

二十四//이십사  
twenty-four  
//junhui

they were on a date.

and it wasn't like before. like the trip to the park to see the autumn leaves when neither of them knew each other, or the failed study session. those weren't really dates.

this was.

minghao had come back to the apartment to pick up jun, and the two of them walked side by side down the streets of seoul. when jun brushed minghao's hand and he didn't flinch, jun held it in his. for a moment he held his breath, scared he would take it away and yet

minghao's grip tightened around jun's.

his hands were soft and they were gentle. seemingly delicate and slender, but strong. not like jun's, that were larger and slightly more rough. they fit snugly in his palm, like they were meant to be held there. it was unlike the first time they held hands, when jun had just proposed their deal and minghao held them quickly and apprehensively.

this time minghao meant it.

"where are we going, hao?" jun asked, unable to keep his grin down.

"first, we are going to a music store," said minghao. "you can get some new music sheets for your keyboard, is what i was thinking. i haven't heard you play anything yet. then, we're going to go see 'kim jiyoung: born 1982' because i saw your gong yoo phone wallpaper and because feminism."

"observant. also, good choice," jun nodded.

"then finally, i made reservations at a restaurant, at 5:00," he finished.

"when did you have the time to do that?" asked jun, surprised at the sudden romanticism, and also doubting it. minghao had no experience with this, is what jun assumed, so he wondered if he had gotten help.

minghao shrugged. "i'm just that good. we'll get back to the apartment exactly at-"

"nope!" jun said loudly, earning some stares from korean passerby startled by the abrupt shout of chinese. he lowered his voice. "i mean, nope. no time stuff. don't worry about that. just... just experience this in the moment. don't think ahead or what we'll do next and the time needed to get there. just be in the present for a bit."

"but-" minghao started, but jun cut him off.

"please," he tried.

a moment of silence between them as they walked hand in hand. jun was looking at him, but minghao's eyes were straight ahead. his brow was furrowed and his lips were pressed together in a thin line. then finally, he sighed, and looked up at jun and then nodded, uttering a quiet 'okay.'

it was progress.

\---

everything was perfect.

each aspect of the date was purely, perfectly, perfect.

maybe that sounded redundant, but jun was experiencing one of the happiest days he had ever had in his life.

the music store was extremely large, and jun dragged minghao down the endless rows of sleek electric keyboards to another one filled with polished guitars. minghao watched jun dart between the aisles, playing with some of the instruments, an amused grin stuck on his face. when jun pointed it out, minghao looked away and blushed.

"you saw nothing."

in the corner there was a very elegant keyboard, when jun drew closer he recognized it as an older model. beaming, he sat down and turned the instrument on, messing around with chords and melodies, before playing a piece he had learned a while ago.

when he looked up at minghao, he found him smiling again. it was broader and reached his eyes, turning them into crescents. jun's chest bloomed at the cuteness of it, suddenly distracted, and missed a note. 

remembering he had to buy something for him, jun quickly asked if he could borrow minghao's phone to check the price of something, claiming his phone was dead. while minghao looked away, jun hastily opened his spotify and found the song he was listening to most. on the way out, he located the sheet music for it and bought it without minghao realizing.

'kim jiyoung: born 1982' almost made jun cry in the theater. they were almost late, much to minghao's silent complaint (you could see it in his eyes). sensing that jun was close to crying, minghao quietly grabbed onto his wrist and drew circles on the top of jun's hand with his thumb.

the simple gesture was enough to calm him down, and jun really felt like hugging minghao after the movie ended, but was scared to make minghao uncomfortable.

and then, they finally made it to the restaurant.

minghao had found reservations at a very expensive looking chinese restaurant that had an actually affordable menu. their table was towards the back, near a wide and open window, not too close to any other customer.

they sat across from each other, silently looking at their menus and not meeting each others eyes. jun felt like a fucking middle school student on a date, not a college junior.

"how has... how has this been?" minghao asked after they ordered their food, finally initiating conversation.

"it's been good, i really loved it," jun replied earnestly, looking to him.

minghao was sitting in his chair rather stiffly, his good arm folded in his lap and the other hanging limply in its sling. his brows were slightly furrowed, his mouth curved in a week smile, and his eyes staring blankly back at jun.

"are you okay?" jun asked, leaning forward slightly.

minghao let out a slow and heavy breath. he rubbed the back of his neck. "i'm okay. i'm very okay. i'm glad that you liked this. i was... i was nervous."

he switched from rubbing his neck to absently tucking away his hair. "actually, i met hoshi at the cafe earlier. i needed help... sorting out everything. emotions, fears, feelings..." his eyes met jun's at the last word and then darted away. "he helped me with ideas for the date, honestly. i've never gone on an actual date and have only seen them in movies."

"that's okay," said jun reassuringly. "did you not go on dates much as a teenager?"

he shook his head. "no, i moved too much anyways. up until six years ago when we stopped, i was a pretty distant kid. never spent too much time in one town to develop a serious attachment to anyone. i guess i'm still distant now, but not like then. so, i'm... yeah, nervous."

tilting his head. "that's also okay. you're here now, and i am flattered to be your first date."

at minghao's sudden wide-eyed stare, jun stuttered on his words. "wait, uh, date. i guess not, because you said you wanted to- to just be friends..."

minghao shook his head. "no, no. forget that. i was being stupid. let's go back to the original deal. act like soulmates until the assembly, but this time with everything included. let's go on dates. let's try this out."

he swallowed. "i... i want to try this out. you... you have disrupted everything about the consistent life i had before. everything now is so much more different, unprecedented, even scary. however, it's also vibrant, adventurous and, well, i like it. i think. because i'm also a fucking idiot who doesn't know what i want."

jun didn't have a response for a moment.

minghao wanted this. 

he didn't know how much and minghao didn't seem so sure, but it was something.

was jun worth it? was he worth the risk? minghao's life was safe before this. safe and familiar. jun knew how fucking messed up his own was, and with all the things he was running from, minghao didn't need to run from them too.

and when he realized how flawed jun was, minghao would've known he was a waste of time.

"are you sure you want to take that chance?" jun murmured.

"i have thirty-four days to decide," said minghao in a hushed tone. "and on the assembly day, you'll know. i promise."

the sudden clarity in his tone made jun's eyes widen. minghao grew assured, his eyes finally meeting and staying on his. jun swallowed. he still didn't think he was worth it at all.

and yet

his smitten heart swelled with hope.

\---

二十四//이십사  
twenty-four  
//minghao

after their dinner, which was absolutely delicious and filled with gentle and somewhat flirty small-talk (all from jun), they walked around a nearby park. it had become dark outside, the moon was high up in the air, casting a glow behind the clouds. minghao looked at them with a sigh, wishing that the clouds and city life didn't cover the stars.

jun had stubbornly taken minghao's hand and held it in his jacket pocket, refusing to let go, even after minghao threatened to commit war crimes on jun while he slept. so he walked silently in defeat, watching the cracks in the sidewalk as they cruised below the streetlamps.

minghao gave jun a glance, looking at his clothes. he had chosen a white button up and unbuttoned it a few centimetres down from his collarbone, exposing his toned and honey-skinned chest. the shirt was tucked into crisp slacks that somehow made jun appear taller. on top of it, was a long brown trench coat that he rebelliously wore off one shoulder, after minghao had nagged him to wear it properly.

"i didn't tell you this before," minghao said quietly. "but you look very handsome right now."

"don't i always?" teased jun. at minghao's glare he looked away, suppressing a giggle.

sighing, minghao said, "yes, you do. but right now, it's just... god, fuck you, and accept the damn compliment."

"i'm down for both of those," jun said with a smirk.

lightly smacking him, minghao groaned. "you're impossible."

"and you're cute," said jun in a quiet voice. he looked down at minghao, his dark brown eyes warm with interest. "if you could go to the happiest place on earth, where would that place be for you?"

the happiest place on earth.

minghao let out a hum, thinking.

there was a summer that came to mind, the first summer after his mom left. his dad drove him up to a mountain cabin where they stayed for 3 days. each day it rained. and each day, there was a direct and glowing view of the sunset, followed by billions of stars. minghao was overjoyed, and it was the happiest and healthiest he would ever see his dad after she left.

"a cabin in the mountains," answered minghao wistfully. "with a view of the sunset. then a view of the stars, not blocked by clouds or city pollution. that's the happiest place on earth."

jun smiled. "that sounds lovely."

"what about you?"

another moment of silence. minghao's eyes became stuck on the sharp angle of jun's jawline while he was thought, then quickly looked away once he realized he was staring.

"there's this english word," said jun. "serendipitous. i have not had many moments that felt that way. but i'm told that watching the sunrise on the beach with someone you love is serendipitous. i'd like to experience that."

"ser- seren-" minghao tried, his tongue twisting around the syllables. "fuck it. mandarin, dialect, and korean are enough for me."

jun giggled. "thank you, minghao."

"what for?"

"tonight," murmured jun. "it was incredible."

\---


	25. 二十五//이십오

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: medical imagery/hospitals

二十五//이십오  
twenty-five  
//minghao

it became quickly evident that jun got tired quickly.

on the walk home, he leaned onto minghao's side, eyes drooping and head tilted downward. minghao held his hand the way back, keeping him moving. he rubbed the back of his knuckles soothingly, at which jun smiled.

god, whenever jun smiled, minghao felt like fucking melting.

even before they discovered each other as soulmates, catching a glimpse of his dazzling smile from across the room was enough to light minghao on fire.

when they arrived back at the apartment, jun was blinking rapidly to stay conscious and stifling yawns by covering his mouth. minghao scoffed at the sight, pulling on his hand and taking him back to his room, quickly switching on the lights so jun wouldn't get scared.

jun flopped down on his bed, letting out a tired groan muffled by his face in his pillow.

"did you have a good night?" minghao asked, sitting beside him on the bed.

"i really did, thank you, hao," jun mumbled. his face still buried in his pillow, his hand came up and gently patted minghao's back.

"we have a doctors appointment tomorrow during first period," said minghao. "get some sleep."

jun turned his head and looked back at minghao, meeting his gazed. though wary from sleep, his eyes were bright and affectionate, narrowing with his smile. blush burst forward on minghao's cheeks and he looked away.

"goodnight, minghao," said jun softly.

minghao stood and awkwardly cleared his throat. "goodnight, jun."

"you know," jun said right as minghao was about to close jun's bedroom door, "isn't there something about kissing on the first date?"

"then we're long overdue," minghao told him. "today was our third."

"but it was the first real date," sighed jun. "the other two don't count."

minghao blushed again and sighed, dismissing jun's flirts (which were becoming a common occurrence). "goodnight, jun."

\---

the following morning, the walk and bus ride to the hospital were quiet. at least for minghao. jun was rambling like he did, speaking a mixture of korean and mandarin, with minghao silently nodding along.

he didn't mind. in a way it was...

cu-

no, he refused to even think of that word.

nope.

suddenly jun giggled at pointed at a girl walking a fat and quite frail looking chihuahua down the street.

cute.

the chihuahua. yes. cute chihuahua.

"we're here," jun announced in a sing song voice, walking into the hospital lobby.

minghao looked around for heeyeon, who told them she could get them in and do a checkup for their injuries. when he found her across the lobby, close to the cafeteria, he walked over, waving and calling her name.

then stopped when he realized who she was talking to.

"oh fuck no," minghao hissed, grabbing jun's arm and pulling him to hide behind a wall.

"what's up?" jun asked.

peeking over the wall, minghao looked again. seated at one of the cafeteria lobbies, conveniently placed by the entrance to the checkup rooms, was minghao's dad.

who had no idea minghao was injured and also had never met jun.

"that's my dad with dr. ahn," minghao groaned.

jun's widened and he silently mouthed 'oh shit.'

"minghao? that you?" calls heeyeon's voice. 

facepalming, minghao lets out an annoyed groan. he gestures with his head for jun to follow him. the two walk over to heeyeon and his father, who was staring at the both of them intensely.

his dad looked from minghao, to his bruise, to the sling hidden by his jacket, and then to jun.

"what the hell happened, kiddo?" his dad asks incredulously.

his brain looking for an excuse frantically, minghao tries to remain convincing as he comes up with a lie. "i fell down the stairs."

"and your friend?" his dad asks with a raised eyebrow, staring at his busted lip and face.

"he fell with me."

jun nodded and replied in hurried mandarin. "yes. we fell together. old apartment complex, non-trustworthy stairs."

"they really need to get that checked out," said minghao. "we were walking to school and 'BAM' we tripped, on each other, and fell."

the look on his father's face suggested there was no way in hell that he believed either of them. he looked to heeyeon, who was 'coincidentally' looking elsewhere. 

who the fuck would believe them, anyways? minghao had thought he was a pretty decent liar before. he learned how to lie quickly just to protect his dad and so he wouldn't worry about him. however, lying to your sick and oblivious father, about being attacked and threatened by a loan shark gang, with your soulmate of whom you have a questionable relationship, does something to your ability to lie.

"we're here for a checkup from dr. ahn," said minghao, forcing her to look. she threw him a glare, which he returned.

"fine, go to your checkup, but stop by my room afterward," his dad sighed. he met jun's eyes. "the both of you."

"love you dad," said minghao, catching him in a quick hug before following heeyeon.

heeyeon sped down the hallway, dipping into an empty checkup room and commanding the two of them to sit on the edge of the patient bed. she sat down at the desk across from it, clicking at her computer.

jun threw minghao a glance, probably freaked out about just meeting minghao's father. in response, minghao shrugged, being the genius he was. at that, jun frowned and let out a sigh.

"wen junhui and xu minghao," heeyeon read aloud in mandarin, looking at their files. "i'm going to call in an intern to help with the exam since there are two of you."

the two were quiet as she paged the intern, then stiffened when she turned around back to them. she pointed at minghao.

"you are dead," said heeyeon. "your dad isn't stupid, there's no way you bought that. if you were going to lie you at least could have been more convincing."

when she turned to jun, he flinched. but her face softened and her mouth pulled into a gentle smile. "and you're jun, minghao mentioned you. you seem like a good kid, sorry this dipshit turned out to be your soulmate."

"hey."

jun chuckled. "it's nice to meet you, dr. ahn."

"same to you. you can call me heeyeon. minghao is like my kid brother, i'm close to him and his dad. if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call," she replied. "i studied abroad in china so i'm fluent in mandarin, too."

"she has so many connections," minghao muttered. "she's even friends with my music theory teacher, mr. kim."

heeyeon shrugged. "are we friends or mutual acquaintances with blackmail? cannot say for sure, heechul and i have quite the history."

shortly after, the door opened, revealing a young man who minghao recognized. he had dyed brown hair, a carefree smile, and welcoming eyes that reminded minghao of a cat. while he had never talked to him personally, he knew that the intern was close with seungkwan and seokmin.

"oh, hi joshua!" said jun brightly.

joshua's eyes widened, looking from minghao and then to jun. "the fuck happened to the 2 of you?"

"changkyun," stated jun.

minghao looked back at him, surprised. "he knows, too?"

"yeah, i've known shua since i've moved here. went to school with him, jeonghan and another friend, who went to a different college," he explained.

"this is why you've been gone?" sighed joshua. "when i asked jeonghan, he said to ask you, but you didn't reply to any of my texts."

jun smiled impishly. "i'm sorry, i've been distracted."

joshua looked to minghao with an eyebrow raised, then back to jun. "noted. hey, distraction."

awkwardly, minghao waved. "hey, joshua."

the awkwardness faded as heeyeon and joshua went through their checkup. joshua bickered with both jun and heeyeon, who was scolding him as she led him through the appointment. minghao thought he was doing fine, though, heeyeon was just picky.

he got thinking, wondering more about jun. he had always known that jun was fairly popular in the sense he was well-known and had lots of friends. it was just... weird, to minghao, to see him be so familiar with so many people.

after all, minghao only had seungkwan and seokmin as his trusted friends, and was slowly becoming closer with hoshi. who jun also knew. heeyeon was more like... a weird aunt fused with an older sister. claiming that the doctor in her 30's who performed surgery on your dying dad is your friend is depressing.

conclusion. jun was that outgoing guy who smiled at everyone and knew everyone's name. if he was clumsy or out of place it came off as charming. minghao was well... awkward and shy. it wasn't doing him any favors.

their appointment ended with minghao not needing a sling, just a brace, which would be required for the following 2 weeks, afterward there would be 6 more weeks of rest without much strain on the shoulder.

so, no dancing.

jun's concussion would go away completely in another week or so. afterward, he resume dancing at the rate most comfortable for him.

"well, the universe hates xu minghao," minghao sighed aloud.

"there is a way to speed it up," said heeyeon.

"if it's about soulmates-"

she gave him a pointed look, then nodded. "it is."

"how many more cliches will i live through? i'm telling you. the universe hates xu minghao."

at jun's comically sad and wounded expression, minghao shut up.

heeyeon cleared her throat and then continued. "kid, i'm involved a lot in the medical science surrounding soulmates. i'm working hard to find a cure for your dad. and let me tell you, there's a lot of proven success with recovery time speed influenced by soulmates. fractures, lacerations, tears and more, healed in just a couple weeks. like, think about it. there's an entire disease out there that destroys people's cardiovascular system after soulmate-induced heartbreak. why is it so hard to believe that soulmates can also heal?"

"we tried it, actually," piped jun. "minghao just kinda touched my bruises or my head and the pain was gone. we haven't tried it on him, though."

heeyeon nodded. "if minghao allows it, that'd be fantastic. actually, if you would allow jun to touch your shoulder and then report your findings to me, i would love it."

she crouched down in front of minghao and her voice became hushed. "kid, it would seriously help me, too. if you can give me proven success that soulmates speed up reaction time, it might help me figure out how to cure your dad."

cure dad.

those two words had never been in the same sentence for minghao. lover's heart disease was basically a death sentence. he knew that it weakened your cardiovascular system and heart muscles, leaving you vulnerable to heart attacks, blood clots, arrhythmia, strokes... no one ever lived through the disease after diagnosis.

cure dad.

minghao shut his eyes and then exhaled. "what kind of results are you looking for?"

heeyeon's face lit up. "if you can get your shoulder to heal before next monday, it'll give me a great 'jumping off point' for a clinical trial."

"so, a week? you want jun to heal my dislocated shoulder, that's supposed to take 8 weeks to heal normally, in a week?"

"yes," she nodded. "there are many pros to this, my guinea pig. you get back to dancing quicker, you can perform at your assembly recital thing in time or whatever, and bonding."

jun snorted. "i like the bonding part."

"if i extend it to tuesday will you accept?" asked heeyeon.

minghao groaned and facepalmed. now he had 8 days.

cure dad.

he would have to set aside his discomfort. the idea of seeing his father happy and healthy was all that mattered.

and besides, he told jun that he would put an effort in to try out being soulmates.

"okay, i accept."

\---


	26. 二十六//이십육

二十六//이십육  
twenty-six  
minghao

"i accept."

minghao stood against the door to his dad's hospital room, forehead pressed into the wood. beside him, jun was staring quizzically.

"aren't you going to go in?" he whispered.

in a moment. but first he needed to quietly stress out and think about what he agreed to.

him touching jun was one thing, it was purely for jun's pain relief. it was something he could control and something he knew jun was comfortable with. but someone else touching minghao? he thought back to the shower and how apprehensive he had been then, but didn't really have a choice. technically, now, there really was no choice. if he hadn't agreed, he would just be an asshole son who threw away a chance to help his father.

"okay, let's go in," said minghao abruptly.

leaving jun sputtering at the suddenness, he quickly turned the doorknob and stepped in. his father was on his bed, flipping through a book. he looked up and waved at the two of them, staring harshly at jun.

"hello, boys," he said. "minghao, who's your friend?"

wincing as he gestured, minghao said, "this is junhui."

"hello." jun bowed as he said the formal version of saying hello to respected elders.

at jun's formality, his dad chuckled. "it's okay, relax. it's nice to meet you. i was wondering if i would ever get to meet my son's soulmate. where are you from?"

"shenzhen."

"ah, why did you move to south korea?"

out of the corner of his eye, minghao saw jun stiffen. "my sister came here for college, so we followed."

"how nice." minghao's dad looked back to his son. "what do you think of minghao?"

ahh shit. 

his dad's face was unreadable. he assumed that he asked it out of parental concern, but also because minghao had mentioned their deal before.

jun pursed his lips thinking. "minghao is a very considerate person, even if it might not seem like it at first glance. he cares a lot about the people in his lives, and doesn't want to cause unnecessary worry that he deems as a burden to other people."

minghao frowned. was that a compliment?

"aren't you frustrated that he's your soulmate?" his father asked bluntly. "he must have told you. he doesn't want one. his life was fine before this. all those numbers and patterns. he doesn't need anyone else."

what the fuck. minghao looked up and glared at his dad, then to jun. he stood there awkwardly, head tilted as he formed a response.

"dad, why the hell-"

"it's frustrating."

minghao's eyes widened and his mouth shut, waiting for jun to finish. jun's head turned and stared back at him benevolently.

"it's frustrating because he's wrong. he shouldn't be alone. i don't know if i deserve to have someone like him at my side, if anything, i don't think i'm enough. but fate said that we're soulmates, so that should mean something," jun continued. 

"i'm sure minghao told you about our deal, that's probably why you asked. i fully intend to let minghao decide what to do, he shouldn't be rushed to decide anything. especially if he thinks he'll be unhappy or uncomfortable," he finished. "but, i am happy, that minghao is my soulmate."

to anyone else, this, confession of sorts, would make them ecstatic. the act of telling a parent how much their child means to them is supposed to be powerful, grand, and meaningful. right?

for minghao, it wasn't. he didn't know how to respond.

if it were up to him, jun wouldn't have met his father until after the deal. if minghao had decided to stay with him. that outcome was still an unclear and foggy mess.

hearing jun speak so sincerely to his father...

did minghao deserve that? was he worth jun's patience? minghao had no idea what he wanted for himself anymore. this grand confession to his father was supposed to happen towards the finale, when they were sure. when they had an ideal ending in mind.

minghao didn't have one. he was here to fulfill the deal and try it out for jun, who desperately wanted a soulmate. and hopefully, minghao would find clarity for himself by being with him.

he knew he cared about jun and was genuinely happy around him, especially last night. but that didn't mean it would stay, and minghao had no proof that it would.

this was just too soon.

\---

二十六//이십육  
twenty-six  
junhui

there was clearly something wrong with minghao.

he had noticed it in the hospital room, noticed it when minghao asked him to leave so he could talk with his father, and saw it blatantly clear on the bus ride to school when minghao didn't talk to him. 

"11:43," murmured minghao when their bus arrived at the college.

"i'll see you this afternoon for dance, yeah?" said jun with a smile.

minghao nodded as he left, the only sign that he had heard what jun said. brow furrowed in concern, jun watched him leave, then slowly made his way to his class.

it was a required class on korean culture and language that jun should have taken his first year, but put it off until now. it also started ten minutes ago, but jun walking in late was never a surprise to his classmates or teachers.

normally, he didn't gather attention when he did because people were used to it, but walking in sporting a horrendous bruise on your face and busted lip did garner some confused glances.

he quickly found a seat behind jeonghan, who threw him a very unimpressed glance. jeonghan too, thought he could get away without needing to take the class. but here he was in his fourth year of college, needing the credits to graduate.

"how's minghao?" he asked.

jun raised an eyebrow. "nice to see you too, jeonghan. i'm great, thanks for asking."

jeonghan smirked. "just giving you a hard time. how are you?"

"i'm good, doctor said i'm healing up fine, and so is minghao. healing-wise. but he was acting weird earlier," said jun with a sigh. "so, we ran into his dad at the hospital. apparently he has lover's heart disease. they talked, and after, minghao was acting weird."

"if his dad has lover's heart disease, is that why he doesn't want a soulmate?" asked jeonghan.

shrugging, jun responded, "not sure, but it's a good guess. i think there's something more to it than just his dad being sick, though."

"still, that's sad, isn't lover's heart disease fatal?"

"yeah. but our doctor said she wants minghao and i to try and heal his dislocated shoulder. she wants to see to what extent soulmate's touching each other can heal," he explained. "if she gets good enough results within a week, she says it could help her develop research for curing lover's heart disease."

"damn. that's kind of a lot," said jeonghan. "wait, professor do is looking, we have to shut up."

\---

he intended to get to the dance studio before minghao did. and yet, jun arrived a minute late, and minghao was already there at 4:30, surprising no one.

doing stretches on the ground and warming up, he looked up at jun. "i told mr. jung that i can get back to dancing in eight days."

"so, what do we do?" asked jun, setting his stuff down against the wall.

"develop choreography more without using my shoulder i guess, do other work," brought up minghao. "leave at 6:30 to get on the bus at 6:35, arrive back at the apartment at 6:45..."

eyeing him curiously, jun sat down in front of him. "are you alright?"

noticing how minghao was avoiding his gaze, jun scooted closer. "you've been acting weird since we left the hospital. what did you and your dad talk about?"

"nothing bad," replied minghao quietly, still looking away.

"i know i've said this before. you're not obligated to talk to anyone, but i would really appreciate it if you would talk to me," said jun gently. "i'm not going anywhere."

exhaling, minghao scratched the back of his neck. "we just talked. he likes you, just so you know. he asked about my shoulder and made sure i was okay. he asked if you're okay too. asked how school is going. not really anything."

"then what's the matter?"

"it's just... i would rather have waited for you and my dad to meet. and if you did meet, i would have it be because i decided to stay with you when the days are up," he sighed. "it would be because... we both knew how we wanted to spend our lives together. but i'm still so unsure. i don't know what i want right now. i don't know what i'll decide. i just feel so very lost in all this."

jun reached out slowly and ruffled minghao's hair. "the whole point of the deal was for us to try it out and for you to see whether or not you want to continue. it's unfair to you to just be given a soulmate out of nowhere when you never wanted one in the first place. not knowing is okay. everything suddenly changed for both of us and it hit you a lot harder.

"but also," he carried on, "there's no right way to do things. there's no formula for how life works. there's nothing written saying that 'this has to be this way' at all. we make decisions and we choose to navigate through whatever life throws at us. and sometimes, we don't know what to choose. but seriously, that's okay."

minghao groaned and hung his head. "how can you be so patient with me? you even said i can be frustrating. not that i'm angry that you said that, i know that i can be."

"i mean yeah, i wish you'd be a lot less stubborn and harsh to yourself," jun explained. "but you need someone there for you who will listen and be patient. i think everyone does."

minghao was quiet, and jun watched him with observing eyes. he still didn't know why minghao didn't want a soulmate, but intended on letting him tell him why when he was ready.

did he not have someone in his life who would actually listen? seokmin and seungkwan clearly cared for minghao the best they could, and his dad seemed very kind. maybe it wasn't that he didn't have someone he could go to, but minghao wasn't giving them the chance.

he was scared to let someone in.

"minghao, i'm glad that you trust me enough to talk to me about these things," jun said quietly.

minghao nodded and looked down. his shoulders quivered briefly, there was an almost inaudible choked sound coming from minghao, then his hand came up to wipe at his eyes.

he was crying.

"oh shit- hao, are you okay?" jun's eyes widened.

minghao tried to nod, but ended up letting out a louder gasp and then a distorted sob.

"can i hug you?" he asked suddenly, looking up at jun with teary eyes.

instantly, jun leaned forward and wrapped his arms around minghao. minghao crumpled into his chest, head buried into his shirt, letting out quiet sniffles while jun gently trailed his hands down his back and in his hair.

"why are you crying?" jun asked quietly.

another sniffle. "i don't actually know. i think i just needed to cry."

"what do you know?" jun teased. minghao chuckled quietly, his hand reaching up and holding onto jun's arm tightly.

"can we... stay here for a moment?" asked minghao.

"of course."

\---


	27. 二十七//이십칠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> conversion: ₩500,000,000 KRW is about $452,000 USD and €373,000 Euro

二十七//이십칠  
twenty-seven  
junhui

later that night, jun regarded minghao with hesitance. dr. ahn wanted results within the week, so they would have to start soon.

minghao was on the floor against the couch, buried in his textbooks. his arm was awkwardly propped onto some pillows, and he shifted on occasion to adjust his shoulder brace.

jun walked over and sat on the couch behind him, peering over and looking down at his schoolwork.

"what are you doing?" asked jun.

"reviewing textbook pages for calculus," he responded, without looking up.

nodding with no enthusiasm in response, jun playfully leaned over and looked at minghao's face, upside down. the latter frowned and swatted his head away.

jun looked at minghao's brace. "is your shoulder bothering you?"

a pause, then a sigh. "nothing too bad. sometimes it throbs a bit."

"want me to lightly hold it like dr. ahn said to do?"

a second pause. followed by the ruffle of minghao's clothes as he turned around and looked at jun, sitting cross-legged on the couch with an eager expression.

minghao stared at him, unimpressed, then exhaled. he nodded in confirmation and reached for the strap around his torso to unhook his brace. jun grabbed it and helped him get it off, minghao reacting stiffly as he gingerly rest his arm back down.

slowly, worried that he might accidentally hurt minghao, jun pressed a hand to minghao's shoulder. he was tense at first, probably expecting pain. then he let out a breath.

"is it okay?" asked jun, looking at the watercolors on his hand and on minghao's shoulder worriedly. the familiar warmth spread up his arm, involuntarily soothing his nerves and causing him to lean farther back into the couch.

"yeah, it doesn't hurt," murmured minghao. "i'll just... i'll just keep studying."

as minghao turned back around, jun gently set both hands on his shoulder, as if he was holding a hot pack to him. which wasn't exactly a lie, the warmth from soulmates making skin contact felt similar, but it felt more full.

jun thought of it as if he were an empty cup with warm honey being poured into it. slowly filling up every bit of him.

he gently ran his hands up and down minghao's shoulder. he saw his back muscles tense at the motion, then relax. soon minghao was laying against the couch, his head limp and his eyes closed.

"are you asleep?" asked jun.

"no," minghao whispered. "this... feels nice."

"doesn't it?" jun agreed. "you expect it to hurt or something, because there's a fucking injury right there, but it doesn't."

minghao turned to him, eyebrows furrowing in thought. then suddenly he stood and sat next to jun, grabbing the pillows and stuffing them under his arm. jun froze, shocked by the sudden closeness. their sides were touching and their faces were close.

"here," said minghao, grabbing jun's arm and bringing it around the back of minghao's torso, to his injured shoulder. his good arm came up and snaked around jun's neck, lightly pressed against the bruises there. "keep doing what you're doing, let me help you, too."

it was a somewhat awkward position with their limbs dangling over each other, but they quickly relaxed. jun looked at minghao, to the blue watercolors appearing on his own palm and the red on minghao's skin.

minghao leaned his head back, eyes closed again, sighing out of fatigue. jun looked at him, tracing the features of his profile, something he had been doing too much. there was no denying that minghao was incredibly handsome.

and he was right there. his soulmate.

a familiar dark thought arose in his mind. he doesn't even want you.

but he pushed it away.

he didn't care, regardless of how much truth that thought held.

right here, with his soulmate in his arms, jun was content.

\---

二十七//이십칠  
twenty-seven  
minghao

the next day started like any other. jun was ready to leave at 7:38 to catch their bus. the two of them rode side by side, jun's arm draped around minghao's to soothe his shoulder.

they arrived at 7:50 (which annoyed minghao, it was only 5 minutes off from being 7:45. 45 minutes were good because they were 3/4 of an hour, which is just satisfying. but at least it didn't end in a number other than 0 or 5.)

minghao made it to his first class, cutting it close to 8:00, welcomed loudly by seungkwan and seokmin. class occurred as normal (before leaving, mr. kim told minghao to say hello to heeyeon).

jun found minghao later during lunch, the two leaving with the intention of going to the library to work on some homework for their dance class.

at least, that was what was supposed to happen.

as they walked through the hallway, passing by other groups of students walking around, jun spotted something ahead and abruptly stopped, grabbing onto minghao's sleeve.

he looked forward, eyes freezing on the person who had made them stop.

changkyun.

standing in the middle of the hallway, looking at the two of them with an amused expression. leisurely, he walked forward. jun and minghao stiffened, bracing for some sort of violence. minghao hadn't realized jun's fists had risen until changkyun stood a foot away.

"relax, i'm not here to fight," changkyun grinned. "not here."

"get the fuck out of here," snapped jun.

changkyun studied the two of them with piercing eyes, then looked up to jun, brow raised. "the two of you look good, all things considered. my guys you beat up, they've got it off a lot worse. partly from you..." he tilted his head and stared at minghao. "partly from me, as punishment."

"i'll call campus security," jun threatened.

"go ahead, i wanted to make this quick anyways," sighed changkyun, shoving his hands into his pockets. "qianxia's debt. it's time you pay it off. after some calculations and... added incentives, you owe me a total of ₩500,000,000 in korean won."

"are you fucking kidding me? i could buy a house with that much," jun said incredulously.

"i know you moved somewhere else, maybe you should've thought about that." changkyun shrugged. "if you get it to me before the new year starts, i'll forget that this all happened."

jun took a step forward, looking down at changkyun, eyes ablaze. "and if i don't?"

changkyun shifted his posture a bit and stared evenly back. his smile hadn't left, it grew wider and more sinister. minghao's throat tightened and he looked around, wondering if anyone was seeing this, but no one was paying attention.

"maybe i'll kill your friend wonwoo first," said changkyun, dropping his voice to a whisper and yet enunciating each vowel as if they were daggers being stabbed into their chests. "then maybe wonwoo's soulmate next, the tall one. after that, some of your teachers and classmates might end up in the hospital, oblivious to why. or instead..."

he looked to minghao. minghao went rigid, eyes narrowing and glaring back at changkyun who disgraced him with a wicked smile. "your soulmate. i'll kill him right in front of you."

"you bastard-" jun reached out and grabbed changkyun by the collar, slamming him into the wall.

students passing by looked up, confused at what was going on. changkyun laughed. "careful. if you step out of line, i have no problem killing anyone it takes to get to you. also, people are looking."

jun let out a frustrated sound at the back of his throat, releasing changkyun. the latter brushed off his shirt and smiled at students in the hallway, as if what had just happened had all been a joke.

"₩500,000,000 before the year ends," warned changkyun. "step out of line before then, or miss your deadline, and you and the people you love will pay. see you, junhui."

before he left he turned around and chillingly said, "you too, minghao."

wide-eyed, the two of them watched him leave slowly down the hallway, and when he disappeared from sight, minghao let out a shaky breath.

"he knows who you are," jun gasped. "no, no, this can't happen."

minghao ran a hand through his hair. "it did, and it was going to anyways at some point."

"i can't get that amount of money before the year ends," jun cried. he slumped down, sitting onto the floor. "my parents don't give a shit. even if jeonghan offered to help pay, it's still too much. i can't... what the fuck do i do?"

minghao crouched down. "jun, we'll solve this, okay? we can solve it."

groaning, jun shook his head. "minghao, just leave. you'll be safer away from me."

"jun-"

"leave."

minghao stood up and looked at him, his heart wrenching in his chest seeing him upset.

he wanted to make it all go away. jun didn't deserve this. it hurt seeing him like this.

"i'll see you back at the apartment then," said minghao quietly.

turning his back on him felt so wrong. he needed to run back to him and be there.

but jun didn't want him.

bitterly, he wondered if this is how jun had been feeling ever since minghao's continued rejection of him.

whatever.

minghao would figure out how to fix this.

for jun.

\---


	28. 二十八//이십팔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: descriptions of a (minor) panic attack

二十八//이십팔  
twenty-eight  
junhui

he arrived back at the apartment a bit later than usual. the day seemed to go by like normal, but jun couldn't follow along.

he was scared.

jun wouldn't admit it, though.

he could handle this on his own, as he had been doing this whole time.

as he rode in the elevator up to the apartment, jun let out a shaky exhale.

breathe in... breathe out...

the elevator doors slid open with a ding, and for a second, the lights in the hallway were off. jun froze. panic rose instantly, seeing the utter darkness in front of him. his heart pounded his palms grew sweaty his lungs became rock-solid and heavy his eyes were wide open in terror-

the lights flickered on. it had just been a few seconds.

and it was enough to almost trigger an anxiety attack.

jun stepped out, walking quickly down the hallway and to their bedroom, fumbling for the key in his pocket and hurriedly unlocking the door, slamming it behind him with a gasp.

he slumped to the floor, taking a breath.

if he couldn't face the dark, how would he face changkyun?

"jun?"

minghao's voice. jun stood, brushing off his jacket, then walked into the kitchen. minghao was standing at the counter, staring intently at his computer screen.

"are you alright?" minghao asked, looking him up and down.

avoiding his eyes, jun nodded. "yeah. sorry... for earlier. i was being too harsh. but minghao, i really think it would be best if you avoided me, for your safety."

"i can't do that," said minghao, shaking his head. "i told you i wanted to help keep you safe."

"that won't matter if we're attacked by them again," said jun loudly. "they dislocated your shoulder last time, but they have no problem going to further extremes. changkyun even said he'd kill you-"

"that won't happen," said minghao, stepping forward. "and actually, i have a bit of a plan."

jun looked down at him, with an eyebrow raised. "what's your plan?"

"well, it requires a bit of digging, and if you don't mind, i need to ask you a bit more about qianxia and her... death," minghao said, dropping his voice at the end of the sentence. "if it's okay."

that would be easy.

everything he knew about that night he had memorized.

and for the most part, he had moved on. he missed her so fucking much, but she was gone, and jun had accepted that a long time ago. but still, the consequences of her actions and her death still haunted him.

"ask me," jun said quietly. "it's fine."

minghao nodded. "you told me she was driving drunk on some mountain roads. why was she driving?"

he closed his eyes, recalling the facts from the case. "she had gone to a party, she was on her way back home. there's a bigass mansion up there and she knew the home-owner. i've never met him, but i know his name. chae hyungwon. i guess they met when she was twenty, right before she lost her college scholarship and got expelled."

"do you know his address?" minghao asked, pulling up a map website.

jun nodded and typed it in, looking at the house on the map. in the photo it was fucking gigantic, with a white and pristine exterior, large columns and balconies, decorated with grand floor to ceiling windows. 

minghao pulled out his phone and started typing something on instagram. jun frowned, wondering what he was doing.

"i found his instagram account," he said finally, looking up.

jun blinked. "damn, you scare me."

"to be fair, he uses his full name in his username," said minghao bluntly. he scrolled through hyungwon's profile, quietly judging.

jun sat back onto the counter, confused. "what are you thinking?"

"something about this just doesn't sit right with me," said minghao. "qianxia died seven years ago. the last time you were harassed by the loan sharks was three years ago, until now. has the debt always been that big?"

"no, three years ago it was around ₩89,000,000."

"₩89,000,000 to ₩500,000,000 is a massive jump," said minghao, leaning back in thought. "not to mention the sudden acceleration just now. you said changkyun doesn't like getting his hands dirty earlier, but today he showed up in person, and it's only been our second meeting. i'm not sure what happened, but it has to do with qianxia's debt. why not go to the last place she was seen alive?"

the last place she was seen alive?

jun stared at minghao incredulously. "what are you insinuating?"

"we go to hyungwon's mansion," said minghao.

"and do what? police questioned everyone at the party, including hyungwon. nothing was suspicious. and besides, she died because she had too much to drink."

"i'm not saying that's not how she died. however, we don't have any other leads," said minghao. "i looked through his instagram. his house is incredible and basically a work of art. we just need to get in and see if we can find anything inside."

"how do we get in?"

"i'm a photographer, remember? you can be my intern. i'll send him an email offering to take photos to include in my portfolio. while i take the photos, you can snoop around," minghao explained.

jun stared at him blankly.

"are you sure that's going to work?"

"we have to try."

his head was racing. he still felt out of it from moments before and this was a lot of added pressure.

minghao should've stayed out of this for his own safety. but the determined look on his face made jun know that he wouldn't budge. minghao was smart and calculated. jun hated to admit it, but he needed help.

he just had to accept it.

which was a lot more difficult than it seemed. endlessly he debated what to do, weighing all his options. his thoughts were chased by anxious fears of everything going wrong and people ending up hurt.

if he did nothing, people would get hurt anyways.

"okay," said jun. "let's try it."

"great," minghao grinned. "i'll send hyungwon a business email with some basic portfolio shit. tomorrow, i'll give the police department a call to see if we can view the case."

"oh, ask for choi seungcheol. he's a friend of mine and currently a recruit officer there," said jun.

minghao nodded and turned back to his computer. letting out a sigh, jun made his way over to the couch and collapsed on the cushions.

maybe, just maybe, they could solve this.

\---

二十八//이십팔  
twenty-eight  
minghao

later that night, minghao had found himself tucked into jun's side while he quietly brushed minghao's shoulder with his hand. the rush of warmth spread through his body, eliciting a quiet sigh from minghao as he relaxed. his eyes watched the flames of red watercolors dance on his shoulder.

"you're quiet," jun pointed out.

"i'm always quiet."

a sigh from jun. "well, yes, but more so than normal. you good?"

"yeah, i'm good," murmured minghao, leaning his head back and letting his eyes fall shut.

he couldn't name what he was feeling exactly.

something about that moment, sitting in jun's arms, warm and soft, listening to jun's tired breaths and seeing his chest rise and fall. the lamp in the corner casting a homey glow over the corner of the room, the night sky in the windows, the dull noise of cars driving by.

something about that moment, the preciousness of it, and the inherent bliss of being in it, was something minghao hadn't really felt. it was euphoric, yet tranquil. heart-pounding, yet calming.

"i'm used to taking care of others," minghao murmured. his voice was hushed, desperate not to disrupt the moment. "thank you... for doing that for me."

jun stroked his back, making a quiet noise in the back of his throat in acknowledgement.

"you know," minghao said quietly. "my mom left when i was little. i told you that. it really wrecked my dad and i. i was six years old when it happened. she just... left, middle of the night. didn't say anything, except for a note saying there was money in a bank account for my education. her family stopped talking to us, too. my dad had a heart attack and got diagnosed with lover's heart disease. then we just... kept moving.

"we never stayed in one place for a few months. if i wasn't teaching myself school concepts due to rapidly changing schools and curriculum, i was looking after my dad and his health. or, i would go in the middle of the night to places around town, parties that other people from school were hosting. one day, my dad had a really shitty heart attack when i snuck out, and after, i stopped going out," he continued.

his voice got quiet for a moment. he looked at jun, who was staring ahead, head tilted in his direction. his hand was rhythmically tracing shapes on minghao's shoulder.

minghao drew in a breath. "that's when the habits started. the schedule, the time, always making sure i was home quickly enough to be there for my dad. got really good at figuring out school routine and getting ahead so my focus could be on him. did photography on the side at my dad's request because my routine concerned him. finally, we moved to seoul six years ago, but after a year living here, my dad had the worst heart attack yet.

"i don't know... it's just difficult for me to accept affection and shit because i've always been the one looking out for everyone else," minghao said quietly.

jun looked down at him. his eyes were doing that thing again. looking with such softness and gentleness that minghao felt like melting into them. not saying a word, jun raised his other hand and caressed minghao's cheek.

heat flushed minghao's face, not the soulmate kind. the heart fluttery kind. minghao nervously laughed. 

"thank you for trusting me," jun said quietly, not looking away. "after everything, i think some love is long overdue."

he dropped his hand from his face.

minghao let out a gasp as jun moved it to his back, suddenly holding him.

locked in his embrace, jun reclined onto the couch, pulling minghao to lay on his chest. his hand reached up and tangled themselves in minghao's hair, the other continuing to soothe his shoulder.

"yeah, it's kind of hard to do this with your dad when he's hooked up in a hospital bed," minghao murmured into jun's chest. he could feel the thudding of jun's heartbeat against his. despite the cool demeanor, jun's heart was rapid.

minghao snorted at it. "you're acting all suave and shit. i know you're freaking out on the inside."

"shh," said junhui. "never. i am very suave and all that shit."

"yeah, sure." minghao closed his eyes.

he moved his injured arm to jun's side and the other closer to him, doing his best to hug jun back. it made jun's heart beat faster, but minghao decided not to tease him more.

minghao never wanted to leave jun's embrace.

\---


	29. 二十九//이십구

二十九//이십구  
twenty-nine  
//minghao

31 days left until minghao had to come to a decision.

42 days left for them to figure out how to deal with changkyun.

and it was 3:57 on wednesday, during which minghao was in the middle of a science quiz that he wasn't paying attention to.

"minghao," urged seokmin's voice next to him, who gave him a subtle nudge to concentrate on his quiz.

startled, he nodded and went back to the sheet, filling in bubbles for answers quickly. the time slot ended, and their teacher walked by and collected their work.

while he was grading at his desk, seokmin turned to minghao with an eyebrow raised.

"why are you so distracted?" seokmin asked him. "normally you're the first one finished."

minghao shook his head. "i've had a lot on my mind."

"yeah? about jun?"

"yeah."

seokmin dramatically looked up into the air. "you poor, helpless, gay little boy-"

"i'm literally a centimetre shorter than you."

shrugging, seokmin grinned. "still short. how are things between you two?"

"we've been like... really cuddly," answered minghao. "is this too fast? to be fair, we only started actual conversations a few weeks ago."

"but you knew him beforehand. and i've heard about how strong the pull between soulmates is," seokmin shrugged. "my mom and dad started dating the moment they found each other and literally got married the month after."

minghao frowned.

"it's super common for soulmates to do that," he continued. "i've seen some of my friends meet their soulmates one day and the next they're all over each other. snogging on the bench, even. obviously i can't tell you how it exactly feels because i'm still single. but i'm sure the pull is really strong for you two and that it feels nice in each others' presence."

looking away with a sigh, minghao agreed. "there's no denying that. i obviously knew about the watercolors, but i didn't know the warmth i would feel with him too."

"warmth?" seokmin blinked. "oh, wait yeah. soulmates feel different things when they touch. that's a pretty common one."

minghao blinked. "they feel... other things? also why do you know so much about soulmate shit? is your job exposition and relationship advice?"

"ouch. no, i'm a romantic and someday want to meet my soulmate, unlike your ungrateful ass," seokmin scowled. he punched minghao's uninjured arm. "but yeah, it's not always a warm feeling. it can differ. we're all different and so is each relationship. how does it feel exactly for you?"

minghao thought about it. he remembered how soothing it felt to be in jun's arms, watching the splash of red and blue on their skin, relaxing into each other and basking in their embrace.

"kind of like... i'm melting? but not in a bad way. the heat just... fills you up, and then you just relax," explained minghao. "like a really comforting hug."

seokmin nodded, then grinned.

"damn, you must be lonely then."

minghao glared back at him once more.

"shut the hell up."

shrugging, seokmin leaned back in his chair. then his smile dropped. "you know, once seungkwan summons up the courage to talk to that vernon guy, i might be the only single one left in this friend group."

"i'm technically single."

he was met with a glare and raised eyebrow. "right," said seokmin dryly. "also, you know what i mean."

shaking his head, minghao leaned back in his seat. he wondered what would happen if seungkwan and seokmin met their soulmates before minghao came to a conclusion about jun.

he massaged his temple, instead choosing to think about his plans for the week. dance class had become hectic. one class he would work on choreo with jun, the other was a work day, and the last day was in-class. mr. jung kept vocalizing how he wanted to switch up the schedule too, which stressed him out. he had already assigned different research and homework that was starting to flood minghao's plate.

their teacher walked past, finished with grading the quizzes. he watched as seokmin was handed back his quiz, eyeing the "91" on his paper. then he was handed back his own, and minghao's stomach dropped.

to anyone else, the grade would've been fine.

but the "83" staring back at him in glittery purple pen felt like a death sentence.

minghao was great at science. he always had been. the lowest grade he's had in college was a "89." 

"hey, are you okay?" said seokmin, snapping him out of it.

abruptly, minghao folded up the paper, hoping to fucking god that he didn't see his score.

nervously, he nodded in response. "yeah. uh, how are you?"

"i'm fine..." seokmin trailed off, eyes narrowing. despite seokmin's clumsy and dorky personality, he was extremely quick to pick up when things were wrong with his friends. gently, seokmin punched his arm, quickly lighting up with a smile. "friday, there's going to be a party at joshua's. he invited seungkwan and i, and he also mentioned you. would you want to come? might be good for you to hang out with other people."

minghao found himself nodding, distractedly. he was still freaking out about the low grade in his head. his stomach felt sick and his leg was bouncing. 

pull it together. you're fine.

"yeah," he replied.

"great, i'll see you friday!" said seokmin, standing and grabbing his backpack.

an unsteady exhale escaped minghao as he watched seokmin leave class. he glanced back down at his crumpled quiz.

fucking hell. he was so... so stupid.

as he stood to leave class, minghao tore it in half and tossed it in the trash bin.

his next class was at 4:30. he could kill some time in between studying.

\---

二十九//이십구  
twenty-nine  
//junhui

the bus ride home was another quiet one. minghao seemed disinterested in conversation, so instead jun turned on his mobile hot spot and played minecraft with chan.

next to him, minghao was diligently staring at his textbook.

"oh my fucking GOD there's a CREEPER- shitshitshit!" jun yelled suddenly in a confused mix of cantonese and mandarin, watching in horror as both chan and the corner of their dirt dick tower exploded.

"ahem."

jun looked up and smiled weekly at the confused bus passengers. minghao was glaring. it was probably a good thing he didn't swear in korean, or else he would be yelled at by all the scary old ladies on the bus.

"chan died," said jun simply.

"good riddance," minghao muttered, looking back down at his book.

pouting, jun leaned towards minghao, resting his head on his uninjured shoulder. "such a bully."

minghao didn't respond, so instead he pressed his palm to minghao's jaw. his bruise from the fight had turned to a yellowish green and the scrapes had scabbed over. but that meant it was healing well.

at that touch, minghao's shoulders slackened and he leaned further back into the bus seat. jun smirked.

"just let me keep studying," minghao said quietly. "i don't care what you do, as long as i'm not bothered."

"of course." jun used his other hand to pat his head in a jokingly patronizing way. "my little hao is so smart."

minghao huffed.

"if we have pork belly tonight will you return my affection?" jun tried.

"you can make shao rou? do we even have pork?"

jun shrugged. "nope. but i know a place that does takeout"

for a moment minghao stared at jun with a blank expression, seemingly debating. then, a quiet "fine." jun grinned and playfully hugged minghao, unaware that he had just been blown up by a creeper in minecraft.

\---

"food is here!" jun sang operatically, taking a bag of food from their apartment door to the counter.

minghao closed his textbooks and walked over, digging into the plastic bag and reaching for a container of rice. he got his helpings of food, ignoring jun's suspicious stare, then sat back down at the table and opened his book again.

"do you have an upcoming test or something?" asked jun, transporting food to the table.

"no, i'm just studying."

jun made a popping sound with his lips. "interesting. very cool. i know you study a lot, but you've been doing that since we left school and it's almost eight at night."

quizzically, minghao looked back up at him. "yeah...?"

"nevermind," jun sighed, sitting down in the chair across from him.

watching him with an unreadable expression, minghao sighed. "thank you for the food."

"of course," jun grinned. "i was craving it anyways."

that promptly ended the conversation. minghao went back to studying through his textbooks, taking bites of food between paragraphs, leaving jun to himself. he finished quickly, and after washing his plate made his way back to minghao and placed his hands on him. gently, jun massaged minghao's shoulders.

"this okay?" asked jun.

at minghao's hum for a response, jun continued to massage his shoulders, peering down at his textbook. he was learning some confusing science shit, that was all jun could understand.

"are you going to go to joshua's party this friday?" asked jun suddenly.

for a moment, minghao didn't respond. "what? oh, uh, no. i wasn't invited."

"really? i'm sure it'd be no big deal if you came anyways."

"that's alright, i don't want to impose."

jun nodded and let out a drawn out "ah" in response. "that's a shame. but also fine. could you at least help me with what to wear?"

not looking up, minghao shook his head up and down. smiling, jun leaned down and set his chin on his scalp. "fantastic. thank you."

gently pushing him off, minghao stood, smiling rather weakly. "yeah. i'm going to go to bed now."

confused, jun glanced back at the time. it was only eight o'clock. though minghao had become more discreet about his routine, jun knew he still secretly stuck to it. normally he went to bed later. "you okay?"

"yeah, just feeling a bit sick. i'm okay though."

following minghao's footsteps with his eyes, jun said unconvinced, "yeah, okay. well, get a good rest in."

at that minghao waved before going into his room. the door shut with a quiet click.

jun frowned. there was something upsetting him, but he wasn't telling him what.

which was fine and jun didn't want to cross any boundaries. however, it was bothering minghao, so it seemed to be bothering him in return.

he wondered if he should knock on his door, but then didn't seem like a good idea. sighing in defeat, jun cleaned up the table and returned to his bedroom, confused.

\---


	30. 三十//삼십

三十//삼십  
thirty  
//junhui

thursday went by quickly.

for the most part, minghao was quietly keeping to himself and studying, only taking breaks to let jun massage his shoulder.

there was a pretty visible improvement with it, jun noticed. the bruising had faded significantly, same with their other injuries. his concussion had faded to a dull ache that was tolerable.

then came friday. school went by just as quickly as the previous day. too excited to bother about school when he had joshua's party to get to later that night, jun felt like he had phased through his classes.

back at the apartment, jun had pulled minghao into his room to get his help with clothes as minghao had promised. sitting nonchalantly on the edge of jun's bed, minghao watched as the latter shifted through his closet.

"why all the effort?" asked minghao.

"well, it's a pretty large party from what i'm told. and joshua is kind of rich. might as well look nice," said jun, turning around and holding a red-button up to his figure. minghao shook his head at it.

kind of rich. actually, he was extremely rich. his family had connections overseas and were big investors in hospitals and medical education. 

"here," murmured minghao, walking forward.

he passed through clothes in his closet, briefly staring at a few before putting three garments on his bed. black trousers, a blue sweater, and a plaid blazer over top.

"the blazer will make your already broad shoulders even broader," explained minghao. "tuck in the sweater into your trousers, you'll look taller. and you can borrow one of my belts, i guess. if you cuff the trousers and wear converse with it, it'll look nice but still casual enough for a college party. even if it's a college party for rich people."

jun grinned. "why, thank you."

a noise in the back of minghao's throat signaled his response, but it quickly turned into a very stressed out shout once jun suddenly began to pull his shirt off.

"what the fuck are you-"

jun peeled off his shirt, then frowned. "i have an undershirt. it's cold outside."

flushed, minghao nodded. momentarily frozen, he stood there for a moment, then swiftly left the room. at the sight of it jun laughed.

quickly he dressed, then exited, where minghao was waiting for him near the living space. he gave him a quick once over, then picked up a belt he had laid on the sofa.

not paying attention, jun stiffened when minghao suddenly held onto his waist as he fastened the belt around him. recovering from the shock, his awkwardness turned into a sheepish smile. when minghao glanced up and noticed it, he scoffed.

"turn around so i can see the whole thing," said minghao.

jun obliged, comically waving his arms around him and then mocking a bow. "how do i look?"

minghao walked forward again, pulling on his jacket and straightening his collar, then leaning down and doing something with the way the sweater was tucked in. jun refrained from making a dirty joke or flirt.

when he stood, jun could feel his warm breath on his face, just inches away. jun met his gaze, still smiling. "do i get an answer?"

his eyes dropped down, then back up, causing jun's heart to go into overload. quietly, minghao responded, "you look handsome."

he tried not to blush. oh fuck, minghao was cute.

"you can come," jun tried. "even if you said you weren't invited, i know joshua wouldn't care."

their gaze was broken by minghao looking down to the corner. "still, it's okay."

"alright," replied jun in a lower tone. "i'll be lonely..."

"hmm, mingyu and wonwoo and jeonghan will probably be there," pointed out minghao. "have fun."

jun backed away, shoving his hands into his pockets. "i will. don't set the apartment on fire while i'm gone, or something."

"no promises."

\---

shortly after, jun was picked up by jeonghan in a shiny white sports car he'd never seen (it was probably new). ducking into the front seen, he nodded to jeonghan, whose outfit took him by surprise.

uttering a silent wow, jun looked at his sparkly silver suit jacket with surprise, a shirt with a panel from a junji ito manga on it, and the bright red trousers.

"i look amazing," grinned jeonghan. "also, i lost a dare. who styled you, your boyfriend?"

"not my boyfriend, but, yes. did you lose the dare to your boyfriend?"

jeonghan chuckled. "no, no, no. shua is not my boyfriend."

"mmm, right. you pull the look off, though."

"hopefully i can get someone to pull it off-"

jun slapped his arm. "shut up and drive."

laughing, jeonghan shifted the car to drive and somewhat aggressively pulled into the lane.

getting lost in the music on the radio and in conversation, jun didn't realize they had arrived at jeonghan's until he had braked harshly into a parking spot.

he glared at him, then walked up the sidewalk to the massive apartment building joshua lived in. the outside was modern and crisp, a sharp outlier compared to the older buildings surrounding the area. after riding in the elevator to the top floor, the two found themselves in front of a clean white door that muffled the music in the apartment.

"will he even hear us knock?" jeonghan sighed, pounding on the door.

it opened quickly, revealing a familiar face.

"seungcheol!" exclaimed jeonghan and jun, rushing forward and capturing him in a hug.

seungcheol laughed brightly, his punctuated 'ha's' making jun burst into a massive smile.

"you're here!" jun yelled. "i heard you graduated police academy, congratulations!"

wrestling out of their arms, seungcheol broke away and smiled. "i did. and i heard that you finally have got a soulmate."

"that's all anyone talks about," sighed jun.

jeonghan snorted and linked his arms over both of the other's shoulders. "we missed you, cheol. now you're the only cop i trust."

"i've learned you're notorious for your speeding tickets," seungcheol pointed out. "if you get another they'll suspend your license."

cackling lightly, jeonghan ruffled seungcheol's hair. "i'm aware. now, where's the alcohol?"

jun frowned. "will i have to stay sober to drive us back?"

"no, i can," seungcheol offered. "i have work tomorrow anyways."

nodding in thanks, the trio walked into the apartment. jun grimaced at the loud music and the amount of people. it certainly wasn't the largest party he'd been to, but there were still more than he would've liked.

joshua's apartment was large, with floor to ceiling windows with a decently-sized balcony that overlooked the streets below. the main area had a silvery kitchen and plush couches that probably cost more than the cost of jun's original apartment. people were everywhere, dancing to music, standing on the balcony, or standing around talking with drinks in hand. 

"how many of these people are rich doctors or medical interns i wonder?" said jun aloud.

"probably about half, the others are from school and such," said seungcheol. "imagine being rich."

jeonghan snorted.

the night continued with ease. despite the amount of people, jun did his best to talk to a handful. the alcohol probably helped. joshua appeared and disappeared randomly, still somehow sober. nothing had been broken either, which impressed jun because of how expensive the whole place was. the oxygen even felt pretentious.

a shout was heard later in the night, causing the crowd to turn around. for a moment there was a silence, staring at two people by the windows who were holding onto each other's arms. one of them, jun recognized as seokmin. his face was wide with shock, as with the girl he was looking at. he looked down at their arms, and then understood when he saw the watercolors.

"congratulations!" someone shouted, joined by people clapping and cheering.

jun grinned, watching the two of them quietly sneak away, hiding their blushing faces.

"what happened?" asked jeonghan out of nowhere, his cheeks saturated with pink.

jun explained, "seokmin found his soulmate."

blinking, jeonghan slowly nodded. "uh, who?"

"nevermind."

still somewhat out of it, he nodded again and walked away. jun sighed and shook his head, watching him go.

later he found himself with wonwoo and mingyu. initially they were wrapped up in some sort of engaging (and drunk) conversation, until the two of them started to be cuddly with each other. third wheeling with two drunk puppies who forgot about your entire existence got awkward fast.

i kind of wish minghao were here, jun thought. we would've sat outside together where it was quiet because i don't think he'd like all the people.

putting a halt to his thoughts, a loud voice called out jun's name. jun swerved, clumsily looking around, then landing his gaze on a beaming seokmin.

"hey! congratulations on finding your soulmate! what's her name?" asked jun.

seokmin blushed. "minji. and thank you. uh, where's minghao?"

"he said he wasn't invited, so he's probably at the apartment. and probably studying."

an expression crossed over seokmin's face that jun couldn't quite place. probably because he was tipsy. confusion, sadness... frustration?

"what do you mean?" asked seokmin.

"uh, that he wasn't invited?" jun blinked. "sorry, am i already that drunk? or are you that drunk?"

for a moment seokmin didn't say anything. he looked down and let out a sigh, then back up and smiled at jun. but it was weak. it was nothing compared to the utter joy that was on his face seconds before. "we're both drunk. give minghao my regards, i guess."

jun noticed the difference, but didn't say anything. "i will! say hi to minji for me."

"yeah," nodded seokmin, walking off.

yikes. jun frowned. whatever was going on between him and minghao, jun didn't want to pry. maybe he should've said something, or asked another question. damn.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry.... hetero seokmin


	31. 三十一//삼십일

三十一//삼십일  
thirty-one  
//junhui

jun was completely, utterly,

drunk.

of all the stupid thing he's done in his life, this was certainly up there, considering he was still healing from a concussion.

but he didn't care. if someone offered him a drink that night, he took it. which was also incredibly stupid in case someone wanted to drug him, but luckily he had his knight-in-shining-armor (or unpaid babysitter) choi seungcheol with him.

when seungcheol arrived at jeonghan's apartment building, the most sensible thing for drunk wen junhui to do was run into the middle of the freshly watered lawn and lay down on the moist dirt, earning groans from his chaperone.

"fucking hell, do i need to personally escort you back to your hotel room?" asked seungcheol incredulously, yanking him up by his now damp jacket.

"yes," agreed jun. "but don't talk to minghao."

"why can't i talk to minghao?"

"no, i can't talk to minghao."

at this seungcheol frowned. though seungcheol wasn't aware, even drunk junhui understood how honest he was when intoxicated. which often lead to disaster.

they arrived back at the apartment after much struggle, jun leaning against seungcheol's shoulder and shuffling down the hallway. the door opened to a very confused looking minghao, who looked back and forth at the two men standing in front of him.

"here's your boyfriend," sighed seungcheol. "he's drunk off his ass. nice to meet you. choi seungcheol."

"xu minghao-" but his introduction was cut off by jun lurching forward and pulling minghao into a hug.

clucking his tongue while sending minghao a pitying look, seungcheol said, "jun is a clingy drunk. best of luck. goodnight."

"it's three in the morning... but goodnight," nodded minghao, closing the door.

jun set his chin on minghao's uninjured shoulder, sighing. "you should've come tonight."

"i was studying," he responded. he shifted underneath jun, supporting him as he guided him to jun's bed. "why are you wet?"

groaning, jun yelled, "stop studying! no, no more numbers. you're just... you're just a calc... the fuck is it called? you're a calculator."

he shot up and leaned towards minghao. "what's one plus one?"

minghao raised an eyebrow. "two."

"incorrect!" shouted jun, laying down on the bed with a audible thud despite the cushioned mattress. "it's eight."

"how much did you drink?"

jun let out a 'hmm' sound and stroked his imaginary beard. "eight."

"eight bottles?"

"no, no," sighed jun. 

minghao stared back at him, dismissing his drunken behavior with a nonchalant expression as he sat on the edge of the bed. he looked at the converse on jun's feet and bent down to untie them, inwardly cringing he didn't take them off before entering.

"minghao," murmured jun.

humming in response, minghao didn't look up.

"xu minghao. i have something to say."

looking back up at him, minghao nodded and gestured to go ahead. jun stared at him for a moment, his brain working its damnedest despite being all over the place from alcohol. he looked at his messy hair and tired eyes accentuated with dark circles, but then at his button nose and creased eye corners that make jun's heart explode with cuteness.

as such, jun thought what he was about to say was the smartest thing he'd come up with.

"i want to kiss you," he said with finality.

minghao's jaw dropped.

"i want to kiss you. i want to take all of your... uh... stress and worries away. you concern me. go to sleep, stupid. you don't need the fucking... books and shit," jun continued. 

"jun you're drunk-"

"yeah, i'm drunk as hell!" yelled jun, pumping a fist into the air. "i still want to kiss you. but i can't... no... kissing on the lips when drunk. i can't... consent. you know, you make me confused xu minghao. you can talk to me! you can share! you don't have to hide your thoughts! stop being scared of... of attachment. because like, i wanna kiss you but you're like nooo... i want to hold you but you're like nooo... but then we do! make up your mind! i want to yell to everyone-"

actually, this was the smartest idea jun had ever had. instantly, he shot up and waddled over to the window and opened it with an aggressive slam.

he inhaled, summoning as much volume as he could and shouted into the night sky, "MINGHAO IS MINE. I'M THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD! MINGH-"

"JUN-" minghao yanked on jun's sleeve and slammed the window shut. "oh my god, you're an idiot."

"i'm your idiot. actually, you're the idiot. i wonder what it's like in your angsty emo brain but you don't let me know. you also don't know what you want, which is so-" jun sucked in a breath and then yelled, "STRESSFUL! for me! just talk to me minghao... pleeeease."

minghao stared back, his face the color of a tomato from embarrassment. abruptly he buried his hands in his face. "the neighbors hate us."

like a little kid, jun jumped back into the bed, scurrying under his covers. "they're jealous that the unbel... unbelievably adorable minghao is my soulmate. uh, can you pull the blanket up?"

minghao groaned and walked over, pulling the blanket over jun, who looked at him with wide open eyes. "i find it astonishing that you're the older one. you're a toddler trapped in an adult's body."

"and you're a grandma," said jun confidently. 

grumbling, minghao stood and went to walk away. jun rose his voice a bit, "wait-"

minghao paused.

suddenly embarrassed, jun said sheepishly, "no kiss?"

he turned, his face an unreadable expression. his lips pursed and minghao sighed (again. he was stressed). walking over, minghao leaned over and swiftly kissed the top of jun's head. "goodnight."

"goodnight."

\---

三十一//삼십일  
thirty-one  
/minghao

at exactly 12:37pm, jun came out of his bedroom. minghao, who was seated at the couch with bulky notebook in front of him, sent him a quizzical look.

jun met his gaze, still groggy from sleep, then suddenly his expression changed. swiftly, it turned into a look of horror. "oh my god. i'm... i'm a fucking idiot."

minghao nodded. "yes, yes you are."

crouching down on the floor, jun pulled his knees to his chest. "never. never. never let me drink again. i am so sorry."

minghao pursed his lips. "you remember everything?"

"everything. why did i do that? if i even see alcohol again i think i might vomit."

with a sigh, minghao patted the spot on the couch beside him and motioned for jun to sit beside him. in an apprehensive manner, jun slowly shuffled there and sat stiffly on the cushion. there was a brief moment of awkward silence. then, minghao gently grabbed jun's arms, guiding him down to lay on his lap.

"you probably have a hangover and i'm sure it's doing wonders for your post-concussion," said minghao sarcastically.

he let his fingers roam through jun's hair, massaging his temples and drawing shapes on the back of his neck. he noticed how the bruises had faded, which brought minghao relief. heeyeon would probably be happy with those results, too. jun shuddered at the feeling.

after a few moments, jun whispered, "i'm sorry i made you uncomfortable."

shrugging, minghao kept combing his fingers through his hair.

last night was a shock, to say the least. before jun and his friend appeared, minghao had been staying up and studying for their upcoming exams.

drunk jun was... well, he was an annoyance. he was clingy and blunt and abandoned reason.

but the alcohol-induced honesty was appreciated.

"would you have told me how you felt, otherwise?" prodded minghao. "yeah, it was awkward. but my guess is you would've kept your thoughts to yourself out of fear of... hurting me somehow. which you didn't. and this also is not excuse to get wasted just so you can be blunt without regret."

a couple seconds passed. jun was quiet.

"you can talk to me," minghao said firmly. "i'm here to help and listen if you need."

jun turned and looked up at minghao. "how ironic that i'm the one getting a speech about vulnerability."

"shut up."

in response he grinned. it was an endearing action and minghao felt his heart swell. the way the corners of his lips turned up into such a wide and beautiful smile, shining in joy and genuine happiness, was everything to minghao.

not realizing, minghao reached out and pressed his palm to jun's cheekbone, holding his face. he stroked the areas where the bruises had been like he had done so many times this week. he soaked in jun's appearance, his glowing tan skin, cat-like eyes, and the lines of his cheekbone and jaw.

even if he was in the middle of a hangover, jun was stunning.

a feeling arose. an odd one. minghao had never felt it before, but it seemed so nostalgic and familiar that it made sense. as if his chest was an empty canvas, and in the center, a dot of violet watercolors were spreading slowly.

"what are you doing tonight?" asked jun.

"studying for exams. you should too, they're coming up," he murmured in reply.

half-halfheartedly, jun chuckled. "probably."

"why do you ask?"

"let me take you on a date," jun said confidently. "not tonight, then tomorrow. to make up for my stupidity yesterday."

softly, minghao smiled. "i'd love that."

\---


	32. 三十二//삼십이

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: happy couple :(

三十二//삼십이  
thirty-two  
//minghao

"this is our second date," jun said proudly.

"technically, it's our fourth."

"the first two don't count."

the two of them walked side by side, jun's arm looped through minghao's. cool breeze tousled their hair and caused minghao to sink a little deeper into the collar of his jacket.

it was 5:00 in the afternoon and minghao had no idea where jun was taking him.

out of the corner of his eye, minghao looked at jun. his hair was combed and straightened, he wore a nice grey jacket that minghao hadn't seen before, and a grin lit up his face. it was really jun's smile, a bit naive but free nonetheless, always playful and boundless.

damn. 

minghao loved his smile.

jun's head turned and met his gaze. he raised an eyebrow. "you okay, hao?"

in response, minghao just hummed and faced front again, unaware of his own smile.

the two of them continued together, walking down the street. minghao didn't think of schoolwork or of the time, he wasn't aware of the numbers on street signs or the seconds it took to walk down the pavement.

he was right there with jun.

jun lead him into a restaurant, several more times casual than their previous one, and the two sat down at a table somewhere near the back. the restaurant had a cozy atmosphere, decorated in deep reds and browns that made you feel at home.

"this place okay?" asked jun, taking off his jacket.

"yes, it's great. don't worry about it."

sheepishly, jun rubbed the back of his neck. "i know. but i worried anyways. it's not super fancy..."

"it doesn't have to be. it doesn't have to be anything," minghao interrupted. "you know? i'm here with you, right now. and i'm happy."

jun blushed.

wait. jun blushed? because of minghao?

it happened on occasion, but every time it did, minghao took it as a silent victory.

smirking on the inside, minghao continued at it. "you look handsome, tonight. the jacket looks great on your figure."

the blush grew farther. shocked at his own audacity, minghao leaned forward and gently brushed his palm over jun's fist. 

"oh my god- since when are you flirty?!" exclaimed jun, sitting up straight all of a sudden. he looked down at the watercolors that appeared on their hands.

minghao snorted and sat back into his chair, releasing jun's hands. "i don't know either."

the night continued with ease. their food came out steaming hot and the date carried on with stolen glances, bursts of laughter, and shy smiles.

everything was good.

"let's play 20 questions," jun suddenly said as they were walking down the street. minghao had taken jun's hand and they swayed next to each other, basking in the lights of street lamps and signs.

the moon had risen high into the night sky. minghao smiled up at it.

"all of a sudden?" said minghao. "why not. you start. also, let's both answer."

nodding, jun debated for a moment. "first question. what's your favorite smell?"

"petrichor."

"what?"

"the smell after it rains," clarified minghao. "and your's?"

jun sighed dramatically. "smartass. but mine would have to be the ocean during winter."

"so specific."

"you could've just said the smell after it rains."

"fair point."

they walked in an almost dazed manner, not caring about speed or where they were going. walking aimlessly down the street, roughly in the direction of the apartment, simply basking in each other's presence. 

their footsteps were in cadence, their smiles identical.

the same warm feeling he felt when he touched jun's skin.

the security he felt when jun draped his arm over his shoulder.

when jun laughed and minghao felt it in his heart.

when jun's eyes met minghao's and for a second the world seemed to pause and stare in awe at the lifetime and freedom they held.

"question 8," said minghao. "if you were to die, how would you have it go?"

jun laughed again. "how depressing. it would have to be grand, i want my death to break records. to be in the headlines. 'reckless chinese man breaks neck after falling off a mcdonald's sign to turn the 'm' upside-down.' you know?"

"i didn't expect anything less," sighed minghao. "for me... well, i guess a more serious answer would be protecting the ones i love. but... a better answer would be getting run over by beyoncé."

and again, jun laughed.

before they knew each other, minghao didn't know why he was so drawn into jun. why he noticed him all the time. why is laugh seemed to light up his day.

it made sense now.

jun was his soulmate.

of course he was. minghao knew that.

but right then, it was hitting him hard.

wen junhui is my soulmate. the thought replayed in his brain.

he smiled at it.

"question 19..."

19.

n i n e t e e n . 

jun stopped in front of him. "can i kiss you?"

minghao's breath hitched.

his world collided.

space between their two faces was little. 

jun's breath was warm.

his eyelids were heavy as he stared down at him, asking with his gaze.

minghao blinked, head racing, heart thudding, mind spinning, chest leaping, palms sweating, limits breaking, lips saying...

"yes."

then jun kissed him.

it was quick, soft and gentle. it was warm.

and it was everything.

nineteen was a perfect number.

\---


	33. 三十三//삼십삼

三十三//삼십삼  
thirty-three  
//junhui

memories of that night replayed endlessly in jun's brain.

the delicateness of minghao's smile.

that dazed and burning question on the tip of jun's tongue.

"can i kiss you?"

a moment of hesitance, thoughts whirring and adrenaline rising before

"yes."

jun had kissed people before. he'd experienced romance, dates, flings-

this was new territory and it was wildly terrifying. he had never felt anything like this.

jun kissed minghao and exhilaration rushed through his veins. the feeling of minghao's soft lips against his, his hand cupping jun's cheek, tilting his head-

the rushed feeling of warmth, hands and lips dripping in watercolors, the pure bliss of it.

it was short but it felt like it lasted a lifetime.

when they drew away, minghao let out a quiet gasp. feeling blush rising on his cheek, jun tried to look away, but couldn't as minghao was cupping his face. gently, he brushed the side of jun's cheek, then ran his fingers through jun's hair.

"was that okay?" jun asked quietly, for some reason feeling embarrassed.

minghao grinned widely. "it was. it was perfect."

sunday night was filled with flustered glances, not-so-subtle giggles, flirtatious gazes and a euphoric feeling of belonging.

hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, brushing each other's legs and heads as they walked.

jun couldn't stop smiling.

\---

the following morning, jun laid down in his bed, staring at the ceiling.

he hadn't stopped thinking about the kiss.

he was still in disbelief that minghao even said yes.

blushing, he buried his face into the pillow and grinned. like a fucking middle schooler. he swatted away the thought. i'm allowed to be this excited. i kissed my soulmate.

after checking his phone, he quickly got dressed in some clothes for the day, pairing jeans with a yellow hoodie.

when he stepped out of his room, he saw minghao in the kitchen. he was messing with some food in the table, wrapping some veggie looking shit with some bread.

"what are you doing, hao?" asked jun, walking up to him. he leaned on the counter beside him, noticing how minghao stiffened and his ears turned red.

"making a little breakfast for myself," he replied.

"that's just a salad in between bread."

minghao turned and looked him in the eye, smiling. jun found it cute. "spinach is healthy for you."

jun shrugged and instead ruffled minghao's hair, earning a scowl.

minghao was already dressed, and although jean jackets paired with jean trousers could be a hit or miss, minghao looked great in them.

"i got a reply from hyungwon," minghao said. "he approved the photo shoot. we're going on wednesday, after school."

right.

jun had forgotten.

things had been too good, of course they wouldn't last.

"we'll figure this out," continued minghao, quieter this time. jun smiled at that.

"it's almost time to go to school, isn't it?" pointed out jun.

surprised, minghao looked down at the time on his phone and nodded. "yeah, let's go. since when do you point it out before i do?"

jun shrugged and grabbed their backpacks, then tugged on minghao's hand (who barely noticed since he was shoving breakfast into his mouth).

\---

三十三//삼십삼  
thirty-three  
//minghao

jun didn't let go of minghao's hand until he walked him to his first class. he stumbled in blushing, waving goodbye to jun.

we kissed we kissed we kissed-

he blushed to himself, thinking about what happened the night prior. they hadn't talked about it, which made it a bit awkward, but minghao thought it was a giddy sort of fluttery awkward. if that makes sense.

walking down to his normal seat, he saw that seungkwan was already there, but not seokmin.

"hello," he greeted, walking by and playfully tapping seungkwan's head.

"hey," seungkwan replied.

there was something off about seungkwan's demeanor. minghao frowned as he stared at him, wondering why he was so stiff and had a downcast expression on his face.

minghao reached forward and pat the top of seungkwan's hand. "you okay?"

groaning, seungkwan leaned forward and ran a hand through his hair. "i'm okay. but seokmin isn't."

"how come? where is he?"

"i think he's just late on purpose," seungkwan sighed.

minghao frowned. "is he avoiding you?"

shaking his head, seungkwan replied, "no, he's avoiding you."

he almost asked "why," but then remembered.

"it's because i didn't show up, right?" asked minghao quietly.

solemnly, seungkwan nodded. "please talk to him and figure it out. i personally was fine that you didn't show up, i know you don't like that scene, but seokmin takes stuff personally. fix this."

minghao sighed and slumped forward, feeling guilty. he saw seokmin arrive in class a few minutes late (but before mr. kim, who was perpetually tardy). instead of sitting with them, he sat at a different table without sparing them a glance.

nausea rose in minghao's stomach.

you've fucked up.

after class ended with mr. kim showing videos of his wife's dancing, minghao quickly jumped out of his seat. he pushed past the other students trying to leave, dashing into the hallway to find seokmin.

when he found them, he quickly grabbed seokmin's sleeve, ignoring his protests, and pulled him into an empty classroom.

he stood in front of him, closing the door.

seokmin's face was passive, but minghao could see the hurt in his eyes. shit.

"seokmin, i'm so sorry," said minghao. "i'm so sorry that i didn't show up like i said. i blew you off, and you don't deserve that, i fucked up."

seokmin didn't reply, he just folded his arms, still quiet.

"i got caught up with school and studying, so i didn't show up, and it's not my scene..." minghao trailed off.

another quiet moment.

it was scary when seokmin was like this.

rarely was he angry. but when he was, you could feel it.

"i ran into jun," said seokmin quietly. "at the party. he said that you hadn't been invited and was probably studying. so you lied to jun, too? you're okay with that?"

minghao didn't respond.

fuck fuck fuck

seokmin's brow furrowed, the only change in his expression. "did jun tell you what happened? i'm assuming not, because i haven't even talked to you all weekend. i found my soulmate, minghao. i finally found my goddamn soulmate."

minghao's eyes widened. "really? i'm so happy for you. that's-"

"stop," sighed seokmin, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. "maybe you don't understand how important this is to me. either because you don't care about your soulmate or don't care enough about the lives of your friends."

"what? that's not true! i care about you and seungkwan so much-"

"i really want to believe that but with the way you've been acting, it's difficult. i have spent so much energy giving you advice and help. is that what i am? free exposition and counseling? since you figured out jun was your soulmate, that's been the majority of our conversation. how can we help minghao. minghao, minghao. oh, and i'm sure you were studying. did that 83 freak you out that badly?"

his breath halted. he felt like crying, mostly out of shame. "...you saw the score?"

"i did, that's why i invited you out. i know how you get about school, so i thought we could have some fun," seokmin sighed, his voice starting to rise. he noticed it and closed his eyes, took a breath, and continued at a level pace. 

"if you didn't want to go, you could've told me. if you cancelled on me beforehand, that's fine too. but you ended up lying to your soulmate, disappointing your friend, and missing out on one of the most important events of my life."

minghao stood there, quiet. he looked down, feeling tears brimming.

he knew he fucked up.

one... two... th-

he wanted to fix it. this was so wrong.

1... 2... 3.... 4...

"i'm sorry," was all he could manage.

there was a sniffle, from seokmin. he looked away and wiped at his face. "i'm sure you are. you're a good person but... you disappointed me. you need to get off your ass and focus on all the good things you have. i'm one of them. so is seungkwan. so is jun. and we're all worth a lot more."

5... 6... 7...

seokmin continued, his voice quieting. "i just want to be left alone for a bit."

nodding, minghao murmured a quiet okay, and didn't stop him when seokmin quietly left the classroom.

he couldn't continue counting.

he sat down on his ankles, burying his head in his hands. 

seokmin was gone.

he's never felt so alone.

\---


	34. 三十四//삼십사

三十四//삼십사  
thirty-four  
//junhui

minghao was quiet.

more so than usual.

after school he didn't talk much, when jun cuddled him on the couch he barely spoke, and tuesday morning he was still silent.

it's not like he was refusing to speak, he answered when jun called to him.

it was a bit like before, before they knew of each other, when jun would say hello in passing and minghao would respond.

it was concerning.

now seated in the hospital lobby, minghao was rigid in his seat, save for his bouncing knee.

jun reached over and pat his thigh. "hey, what's up?"

minghao sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "i have a lot on my mind."

"do you want to talk about it?" jun asked.

"not now, but i need to," murmured minghao.

"okay. i'm always here. do you know what time-"

"8:46."

jun blinked. "-it is. and when was it supposed to start?"

cringing, minghao responded, "8:45. heeyeon is late."

normally, jun wouldn't have paid any mind to if he was late or not. but a bad feeling arose in his stomach. maybe it was just nerves about the appointment, but something in his gut was telling him that today was going to go wrong.

"xu minghao? wen junhui?"

the two of them rose at their names being called, following a nurse down a hallway and into heeyeon's office. she was waiting for them, sitting at her desk. her focused eyes were glued to her computer screen, not seeing them walk in.

minghao coughed, alerting her to them. her eyes widened and she jumped up with a smile on her face.

"hello!" she greeted enthusiastically, ushering them to sit down on an exam bench. she began looking them over, staring at where the bruises on their faces were. "damn, you're pretty much all healed. how's the concussion?"

"pretty much gone," replied jun.

"great. i might order an mri scan..." she trailed off, then looking to minghao. "how's your shoulder? take off your brace and roll up your sleeve for me."

"uh-" minghao started, following her orders. "it's been good, no pain at all."

jun watched her as she led him through some shoulder exercises, asking him if he felt anything and him responding that he was fine.

heeyeon beamed. "can i ask exactly what you guys did? skinship-wise."

"isn't there a better term for that?" minghao huffed, at which she responded no.

"hugs, massaging the area, holding it..." jun trailed off.

he didn't notice until just then that heeyeon was noting stuff down, nodding fervently along.

she hummed. "i'm also running some other trials with this. the other parties showed a much slower recovery. did you two do anything... massive, that might trigger a significant response? pertaining to being soulmates."

significant..?

immediately realizing, jun blushed. he stole a glance from minghao, who had reddened. heeyeon just raised an eyebrow.

jun coughed and looked at the ceiling. "well, we kissed."

"aww! i'm so happy for you two," said heeyeon with a grin. "when?"

scratching the back of his neck, minghao responded, "sunday night?"

"was there a greater pain relief after the fact?"

jun thought back and nodded. afterwards, his concussion had dulled a lot.

"fuck yeah," nodded heeyeon. "i'm going to page an intern to help me with the checkup and also to get an mri for jun scheduled and an x-ray for minghao..."

"why do so much?" asked minghao.

"this could help me develop a valid clinical trial for treating soulmate-related ailments," she said. "i need to know everything. there's not just lover's heart disease, there's split heart disorder, soulmate regression, soulmate rejection, l'amnésie mourante..."

"what..."

jun dazed off as heeyeon began to list off other soulmate-related health shit. too much for his easily-distracted brain to handle. he was focusing quite vigorously on the impossible shade of yellow that her plant had turned when the office door opened.

"dr. ahn," greeted a pleasant and gentle voice.

recognizing it, jun smiled when joshua walked in. he waved at the two of them, then turned back to heeyeon. she started listing off directions for him, when she was suddenly interrupted by her pager going off.

after swearing loudly, she instructed joshua what to do and then ran out of the room to attend to some sort of incoming trauma.

joshua awkwardly turned around, quietly asking minghao some questions and giving him a check up.

out of nowhere, he suddenly asked, "we missed you at the party on friday."

visibly, minghao stiffened. maybe joshua didn't notice, but jun did. he frowned.

"i... i couldn't go. sorry."

"it's okay. seokmin missed you, though."

"yeah," minghao muttered. "we talked."

wait a moment.

jun replayed what had just happened in his brain a second time to make sure he understood it all.

we missed you at the party on friday.

but minghao told jun that he hadn't been invited.

at the party, seokmin had asked where he was.

jun frowned. what the fuck?

\---

after the exam ended and an awkward wait for an mri and x-ray, the two of them were headed home.

they sat on the bus together, jun looking out the window, quietly thinking to himself. he peaked over at minghao, who was paging through some notes (surprising no one).

tilting his phone away, he quietly sent a text to seokmin.

\-------------  
jun  
hey man. something up with minghao? specifically abt shua's party?

hao's friend seokmin  
did he not tell you?

hao's friend seokmin  
we got into a bit of a fight-

hao's friend seokmin  
i invited him to shua's party, he said yes. he didn't show, ig he told you that he hadn't been invited.

hao's friend seokmin  
i also kinda yelled at him for not being... aware of everything. is he ok?

jun  
idk, he's been quiet.

jun  
ngl i'm kinda frustrated with him now

hao's friend seokmin  
i'm sorry

hao's friend seokmin  
i hope you can figure it out. rn i'm avoiding him but you should probably talk to him.

\-------------

jun glanced over at minghao again, suppressing a sigh.

during school, whenever he saw minghao, he saw that seokmin was nowhere to be seen with him. seungkwan mainly hovered around him during passing periods. he texted seokmin more during the day, getting more of the story, and growing increasingly frustrated.

even while working on their dance choreo, which they had been cleared to start up again, jun was doing his best to keep quiet and wait to talk to minghao until after.

on the way back to the apartment, he was still just as quiet, and when they got back, jun dragged him to the couch and sat him down.

"what the hell is going on?" asked jun.

"what do you mean?"

sighing, jun massaged his temples. "were you going to talk to me about what happened with you and seokmin and the party? or were you going to lie about that too and brush it off."

minghao froze. staring evenly back, jun continued. "come on, minghao. talk to me. you know i value your privacy and right do to whatever, but i would really appreciate it if you would work with me for just a moment."

the latter gulped. nervously, minghao scratched his thigh.

"i'm sorry," he eventually said. "i lied to you. seokmin invited me, but i didn't go. i got a bad score on a test and i don't know... i got all freaked out and wanted to stay in to study."

"you could've told me that. i would've understood," pointed out jun. "if you hadn't noticed i'm a pretty patient person. but you lied to me instead. it was a minor lie, but you still made the decision to lie to me. i really, really, don't like when i'm lied to."

his voice broke a bit. "it really breaks my trust in that person and i shouldn't have to question my trust in my soulmate."

"i'm sorry... jun, i'm so sorry. i fucked up."

"yeah, you did fuck up. and seokmin makes fair points too. this whole thing you have going on, it can easily come off as selfish and ignorant. i understand your reasons for why you're so closed off and why this soulmate shit is stressful for you, but that shouldn't consume your life and also affect your friends," jun sighed.

it was quiet for a moment. then minghao asked, "how is it affecting you?"

momentarily, jun was surprised.

"it's stressful," he answered quietly. "a soulmate is all i've ever wanted. to share my life with someone... i've been alone for so long, and the person i treasured most in my life, shared that dream as well. i like you a lot, actually. but this back and forth is stressing me out."

jun felt like crying.

partly because he was emotional, he cried when he was angry. also because of the expression on minghao's face. he was hurting and internalizing what jun was saying probably, but jun in that moment didn't care. 

"i'm worth it," jun said, his voice raising somewhat. he wasn't yelling, but his words became more enunciated. "right? that's what you said in the hospital. that i deserve to get what i want. i can try to believe that, but at the end of the day, it's pointless because you can't realize how important the people in your lives are. it feels like- it feels like you take everyone for granted."

"that's not true-"

"if it's not true then show it, don't just say it. i know you're a caring and kind person, i've seen it, but it's so hard to believe it sometimes when you shut down. you can't keep locking people out, especially if you're having a crisis. that ends up hurting the people around you," exclaimed jun.

"i don't know how to show it," said minghao with a sniffle. "i feel so bad- i know you're both hurting and it's my fault. i know i have a problem with shutting down and that it's toxic, not only to me but to you guys. i'm so sorry, i let you guys down."

minghao drooped his head, wiping at his face. "i don't want to lie to you. i have no reason to. my brain just... kept fixating on that score. that's what happens when something doesn't fit. when something breaks what i'm used to and everything gets all fuzzy and high stress and suddenly i can't function correctly and-"

"calm down," said jun quietly, reaching out and lightly grabbing onto his shoulder. "we can... we can figure this out."

it was quiet for another moment.

his thoughts were laced with concern and frustration.

"would you rather leave?" asked minghao softly.

"no, no. i'm going to go back into my room, so should you. but i'm not going to leave you all of a sudden," muttered jun. "tomorrow we have the photoshoot at hyungwon's, right? we have bigger stuff to focus on."

this was so unfair. they had just kissed.

"yeah," sighed minghao, standing up, walking in the direction back to his room. "okay."

jun groaned and leaned back, running his hand through his hair.

god dammit.

he felt like yelling, maybe crying, throwing something.

not for a particular reason. he was just stressed with all of this. he wanted to yell at minghao just as much as he wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be okay.

but he was unsure if it really would be.

\---


	35. 三十五//삼십오

三十五//삼십오  
thirty-five  
//minghao

wednesday.

the days had become incremental again. digits and dates to be ticked off until their expiration. numeric. convenient to be marked with their numeral symbol instead of spelled out. consistent.

n i n e t e e n

felt more like 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24-

days until minghao had to choose. 24 subtracted from the 83 test score he recieved 7 days ago subtracted by the day of such choosing, the 20th, was 32.

32 meant something, but minghao wasn't sure what. it was related to 19 somehow.

there were 32 bus seats maybe. 16 rows. it was a large bus.

jun sat beside him, sharing the seat, but not talking to him.

they spoke less today. jun tried, but he seemed disinterested in conversation. minghao tried to, but conversation wasn't his strong suit.

"we go to hyungwon's at 6:00," minghao told him.

"epic," said jun, somewhat comically pumping his fist in the air, a contradictory response to the given situation of figuring out his sister's death and inherent debt.

minghao shut his eyes, hard. he was doing that thing again in his brain. numbers and long words with run on sentences that never seemed to stop going on and on and...

fuck, he did it again.

"your knee is bouncing," jun pointed out. it was in fact, bouncing. jun reached out and gently pat his thigh and folded his arms again in his jacket. it was cold.

school was cold that day too. temperature wise and... human wise. if that made sense. seokmin paid him no mind if they were to see each other in class.

jun was still a bit awkward from their argument yesterday, if it hadn't been clear. minghao looked down at his hand gently patting his thigh. it was the most he'd done with skinship so far since their argument. he didn't mind.

minghao had the window seat so he blew some air on the window, watching his breath collect on the glass. absentmindedly, he drew patterned squiggly lines with his finger. 17 in total.

"how are we getting to hyungwon's? and what's the plan?" asked jun.

"seungkwan is dropping off his car for us to borrow," minghao explained. "in return i'm letting him hang out in the apartment. your name is park junhee, a friend of mine, who is also a real estate intern, helping out. i'm seo minkyu-"

"mingyu?"

"minkyu. we're college students and i was scouting for locations nearby for a photoshoot, saw his house and are interested. i showed him some of my stuff over email and he agreed for us to take photos of his house. along with some other methods of buttering him up, i got him to agree," he continued. "while i follow him around and take photos, i'll send you off to look for 'locations' for whatever. during that time, go look for anything useful."

"useful as in..?"

"any clues regarding qianxia or changkyun. or suspicious in general. we don't have much to go off of other than it was the last place she was seen."

"what if someone sees me?" jun asked worriedly. "or asks why i'm alone."

minghao nodded. "i already considered that. i trust you but i also don't have faith in your ability to lie. i'm introducing you as javier pedrero, a spanish exchange student, whose korean name is park junhee."

jun stared at him and blinked. minghao stared back, inwardly impressed at his masterful plan.

"i don't even speak spanish."

"they don't know that. but i suggest you download duolingo and start learning. for starters, repeat after me. 'ayudame. yo no hablo coreano.' it means you don't speak korean."

"ayudame, yo no hablo coreano..." jun mumbled. "will this work?"

"of course it will."

\---

三十五//삼십오  
thirty-five  
//junhui

"this isn't going to work."

minghao lightly kicked the back of his knee. "it will work, shut up. remember your duolingo spanish."

the two of them stood on the porch of hyungwon's giant ass mansion. it was built on top of the mountain, with a cleanly paved driveway leading up to the grand structure. it was sleek and modern, with artistic touches with pillars and archways. the windows were huge and caught the sunset in their reflection.

"and i thought jeonghan and joshua made me feel poor," jun muttered.

the door opened, revealing an older woman with a kind face. she smiled at the two of them.

"hello, i'm seo minkyu. the photographer?" announced minghao, holding up his camera. jun grinned and raised a bag that said photography on it with silver sharpie marker. it was minghao's.

"good afternoon, i'm ryu eunju, the caretaker of this house. come on in, i'll get hyungwon for you," she smiled, gesturing to walk inside.

the two awkwardly stepped inside, staring around in awe at the house on the inside. it was modern in design, with white furniture that probably cost thousands to just sit on. the hallway was open and bright with fancy jeweled lights hanging down. the walked into a sitting area, where two men were seated on the couch and quietly talking.

"hyungwon," eunju called. "the photographer is here."

one of them stood, seeming to be around jun's already tall height. he had longer hair that was styled around his face, droopy eyes and a lazy smile. he was dressed expensively, in a nice silk shirt and red patterned pants that were probably fashionable if you could afford them.

"hello," greeted minghao, bowing. "i'm seo minkyu."

exchanging greetings, the other stepped forward and shook his hand. "hyungwon, nice to meet you. and your handsome friend..?" he looked to jun and extended his hand.

jun shook it and grinned. "hola. me llamo javier pedrero. me gusta manzanas. ayudame, yo no hablo coreano."

minghao coughed quietly. "this is my friend, javier, call him park junhee. he's an exchange student from spain and he's helping me out. he's also a real estate intern so he knows what he's doing, even if you can't understand what he's saying."

hyungwon raised an eyebrow and deepened his smile. "oh, hola! san sebastián is a beautiful city. i love paella. unfortunately i know only a few spanish words... namely 'te deseo,' if you know what i mean."

"igualmente."

hyungwon stared at him, winked, then looked back to minghao. "right. how do you want to get started? i love your work, by the way."

"thank you. if you want to show me around the house, i'll follow. if it's okay with you, junhee is going to go look for some locations around."

"perfect. follow me then."

minghao looked back at jun and nodded his head, turning and following hyungwon. jun tightened his grip on the bag, and for a moment, met eye contact with the other man on the couch.

he was very clearly strong, his shirt clinging to his muscles. his hair was a tousled mess, bleached blonde, and his expression was unreadable.

nervously, jun bade him an adios and dipped down a different hallway.

he walked around slowly, eyes scanning the walls. he had only seen pictures it before in crime scene photos that had been hung up at the police station, moments before he was told what had happened to his sister. seeing it up close... there wasn't exactly a word for it.

qianxia had been here. she walked down this hallway. she was breathing, her heart was beating, hopefully she was smiling.

lost in his thoughts, he turned down a different hallway. it was narrow, covered in photos. he slowly stopped to look at them all.

there were various pictures, of hyungwon, of whom he assumed to be family, friends, of vacation spots... then he paused.

near the center, were a series of photos with large groups of people. the frames had written, hyungwon's nineteenth birthday, hyungwon's twentieth birthday, hyungwon's twenty-first birthday...

it was his twenty-first birthday that caused him to stare.

there was a large group of people posing for a photo at the front of the house. on the corner, there was a familiar face. qianxia.

when she died, he was given what was left of her clothes. they matched the photo. white blouse, light blue jacket, dark jeans. not tattered or stained with blood. she was smiling.

his breath hitched in the back of his throat.

a couple people down in the photo, he noticed a few more familiar faces. hyungwon was there in the center, next to him was the man in the living room. a bit further than that, was changkyun.

he was younger then, clearly having aged harshly in just seven years.

jun's jaw set. changkyun was with qianxia on the day before she died. he was at the party.

"hello?"

jun froze and looked down the hallway, recognizing the woman who had opened the door. eunja.

"ah, looking at the photos?" she said, walking towards him with a warm smile.

she stopped and stood beside him, eyes trained on the wall. "hyungwon's birthday. since he was sixteen, he invites his party guests to take a photo together before the night starts. of course, these days, the amount of guests who appeared in the photo in the beginning triples when the night is at its peak. the boy likes to party."

nodding awkwardly, jun said, "su elefante bebe leche."

eunja chuckled. "my apologies. you speak spanish."

without another word, she walked off. jun exhaled in relief.

quickly, he took a photo of hyungwon's birthday, then continued to walk around the house. he couldn't find anything further pertaining to qianxia or changkyun, which was frustrating.

at some point, he ended up in the living room. the man who was there earlier had left. he looked outside, watching some birds attack each other in a fountain, when a car pulled up.

it was black, which was already raising suspicion to jun from all of the spy movies he had seen. three men stepped out, dressed smartly, but one of them stood out.

he was bandaged and bruised, standing tall. jun immediately recognized him as one of changkyun's men who had jumped him and minghao. specifically, the one who had choked jun against the wall.

adrenaline rose in his stomach. he fumbled for his phone, snapping a quick image of the license plate. hands shaking, he sent the image to minghao and told him to hurry and get out.

as he turned to leave, he nearly crashed into someone.

"in a hurry?" it was the man from before. he stood shorter than jun, but was several times bigger. his muscles were a thousands times larger than they had looked when he was sitting, the black shirt emphasizing them further.

"uh- la nevera-" jun stuttered. the man looked behind him, out the window. sharply, he reached out and grabbed jun's wrist.

"follow me," he said quietly, pulling him into a separate room. it looked like a tiny study, with two chairs, a table, and some shelves for storage.

jun protested and watched with wide eyes as the man locked the door behind him, then gestured his arm to sit down at a chair.

"what the fuck?" said jun, the only thing coming to his brain. 

"keep your voice down," the man said, taking a seat at the opposite chair.

whisper-yelling, jun angrily waved his hands. "oh my fucking god am i going to die in here? did i see something i'm not supposed to see? those men out there-"

"-would kill you if they saw you," the man interjected. "i have to keep this brief. where's the guy you came here with?"

"hyungwon took him around the house to take photos," jun responded, eyes widening.

"we need to get both of you out of here. i'll distract hyungwon, there's a back exit."

the doorbell rang. the man swore. "come on, hurry."

jun shot up and followed him and thought to himself: wait, why the fuck am i trusting this guy? it's the muscles. he's seducing me. i bet he doesn't even know it.

hyungwon was walking towards the door with minghao in tow, frantically looking around then meeting his gaze. the man walked over and draped an arm over hyungwon's shoulder and began to speak to him. jun waved minghao over, and took him into the study.

"jun what the fuck?" asked minghao when he locked the door. parallels.

"i don't know," jun said quickly. "hot man with muscles said to and for some reason i trust him, against my better judgement. all i do know is that scary guy who gave me a concussion is out front."

minghao shushed him and gestured at the door. "then let's listen to what they're saying."

\---


	36. 三十六//삼십육

十六//삼십육  
thirty-six  
//junhui

jun leaned against the door, lips pursed as he listened to the conversation in the foyer. he cast a glance at minghao, who's eyes were unfocused as he eavesdropped.

"why the hell are you guys back here?" it was hyungwon's voice.

"you know why. now, are you going to pay up or not?" it was an unidentified voice, probably belonging to one of the men who knocked on the door.

there was a grumble from hyungwon. jun's brow furrowed. were they collecting a debt from hyungwon too?

"you're not so intimidating with the beat up face," noted hyungwon.

for a moment, jun and minghao shared a proud and knowing look.

"here's the money. tell changkyun to bite my ass when you deliver it to him."

"careful with that tongue of yours. you know very well who we can go after."

who they could go after? jun's heart dropped sympathetically. threatening them to pay up by risking a loved one's life. again, he glanced at minghao.

"fuck off, take the money and go." the muscle'y man's voice.

the sound of receding footsteps, then a door opening and closing. hyungwon sighed.

"where did you take the photographers?" asked hyungwon.

"around back, i'll escort them out. you paid them already?"

"yeah, tell them thank you for me. and the tall spanish one, he was cute. tell him he's welcome back any time. i'm going upstairs to shower."

minghao scoffed and brought up a hand to stifle his laughter. jun blushed a little bit and gestured for minghao to shut the hell up.

hyungwon walked away and could be heard retreating up the stairs. jun held his breath for a moment, exhaling when the muscle-y man opened the closet door and looked up at the both of them.

"hola," said jun.

"hello," the muscle-y man sighed. "come on."

the pair were quickly ushered out of the closet and were lead to a backdoor, into the yard behind the house. jun was impressed at the sight. green grass, large shining pool, well-trimmed trees and a bustling garden.

the man pulled them to a corner in the shade and sighed. jun noticed he was holding a frame of some sort in his hands.

"javier pedrero?" the man said, raising an eyebrow. "anyone could see through that. you're lucky hyungwon didn't care because he wants to get into your pants."

crossing his arms with a huff, jun responded, "what do you want?"

"i know who you are. you're qianxia's little brother, junhui," the man stated. "it's nice to meet you. you can call me wonho."

oh fuck, his identity was exposed.

before jun could say anything, minghao stepped in and asked again, "to repeat the question, what do you want?"

"to help," wonho said quietly. "i was... a friend, of qianxia's, back in the day. she was a good person. you're here for a reason, i'm guessing it was because it was the last place she was seen alive?"

"yeah," nodded jun. "you were there, too. in the photo of hyungwon's twenty-first birthday. what do you know about that day?"

wonho pursed his lips and ran a hand through his hair. "i can't say very much. it's... it's not safe here. you saw those men come to the front door. we're being watched too."

he handed jun the frame in his hands. jun looked down at it in shock.

on the left were three men he didn't recognize, who seemed to be around the same age. then there was hyungwon, smiling broadly. in the center, there was qianxia. she was wearing a college hoodie with a present in her hands. it must've been for a birthday. beside her was wonho, then two other men who he recognized instantly, causing his stomach to churn.

"who are those people around her?" asked minghao.

"in order, that's kihyun, minhyuk, jooheon, hyungwon, qianxia, me, shownu... and changkyun," described wonho, his voice saddening at the last two names.

"who are they?" minghao asked.

jun's breathing felt tight in his chest.

"we were friends in college, actually," wonho murmured. "kihyun left to pursue a music career. minhyuk works at a company in gwangju. jooheon moved to the states. hyungwon is here, obviously, same with me. changkyun... well, i'm sure you're aware. and shownu..."

"he's the cop who told me qianxia died in a car crash," jun said quietly. "officer son hyunwoo, but he was still new then."

wonho nodded grimly. "kihyun, shownu and i knew qianxia the best. hyungwon has always been distant, and you don't look like your sister, so he didn't recognize you. i can't say much, but you need to go down to the police department and ask for shownu to help."

"how do you know he'll help us?" jun asked. "when she died, i was kind of a menace and now most of the officers know me by name and tell me to 'get the fuck out, stop asking questions.' that sort of thing."

"tell him i sent you," answered wonho. 

there was an emotion in his eyes that was familiar, but jun couldn't exactly explain.

minghao coughed. "this is so vague. we're just supposed to trust you?"

shrugging, with his bigass shoulders, wonho replied, "it's up to you. when junhui walked in, i immediately recognized him. you even walk like qianxia. the wits are there too, but she had more, sorry javier. you're looking for answers and shownu can give you some and help you find more."

jun sighed. he ran a finger over qianxia's face in the portrait. he didn't have many photos of her.

"changkyun... he's changed since college, shit's gotten dark. be careful. watch yourselves. shownu can keep you safe." wonho looked around. "that's all i can give you for now, i'll escort you to your car."

they followed, jun silent while minghao did his best to get answers out of wonho (who, for the most part, stubbornly remained quiet). outside the gate, minghao ducked into the driver's seat. wonho looked over to jun.

"when you get there, don't tell shownu anything else about me, just that i sent you," wonho murmured. "it's... it's for his own safety. and if he knows better, he won't be able to refuse helping you both."

"that's it?" jun frowned. "nothing else?"

a moment of silence. wonho pursed his lips. "tell him i'm okay. and... be wary of ryeojoon."

from the driver's seat, minghao let out a groan. "why are you being so damn cryptic?"

wonho raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "i just gave you a shit ton of information and directions, more than the both of you would ever gather from snooping around hyungwon's house under the guise of photographers."

jun giggled, swatting off minghao's hand when he grabbed his wrist to tell him to get in the car. he heard wonho chuckle.

"you guys are soulmates?" wonho asked, at which jun nodded. "makes sense. qianxia would be proud of you, junhui."

jun's heart swelled at the thought. he smiled and thanked him.

minghao started the car, and as they left the house, jun watched wonho disappear in the rear view mirror.

there was talk of theories from minghao's end, but jun was quiet. he leaned against the car window, looking down at the photo.

this was a start.

\---


	37. 三十七//삼십칠

三十七//삼십칠  
thirty-seven  
//minghao

minghao drove pensively, occasionally looking over his shoulder at jun. silence filled the car as they drove, with jun looking over the photo.

he thought of a way to talk to jun. though, it still felt somewhat awkward after the other night.

show that you care about him, he thought to himself.

"what's going on in your head, right now?" minghao asked softly.

a sigh from jun's end. "a lot, but also not very much. i didn't go into this expecting much information but we have a lead."

"what else are you thinking about?"

he felt jun stare at him, but kept his eyes on the road.

"that there's a possibility my sister lead a different life than expected," he answered in a quieter voice. "i don't know what, exactly. but you've seen that house. hyungwon is basically a socialite. and she knew changkyun too, they were friends. what... what happened for it to get this way?"

it was quiet for a moment, before minghao told him that he didn't know.

cars whizzed by, mountainous landscapes turning into flatter lands, dense green turning into steel buildings.

"where are we going?" asked jun, noticing that they were taking a different route.

"the police department," replied minghao. "we're going to talk to shownu."

"already? we're not going back to the apartment first?"

shaking his head, minghao glanced at him. "no, we need to figure this out."

there was a sigh from jun. he slumped in his seat, leaning his head against the window. his arm was resting between the seats. minghao glanced down at his hand, which had balled up into a tight fist.

tentatively, and still focusing on the road, minghao reached over with a hand and placed it on top of jun's. when jun didn't move away, he took his palm into his and held it. red and blue watercolors splashed across their skin. warmth blossomed from the touch and minghao felt jun relax.

"we will figure this out," minghao said reassuringly.

\---

parking the car into the lot, minghao looked up at the police agency. it was a tall building, with people ushering in and out.

"let's go in," minghao murmured.

jun followed as minghao lead them inside, sticking quite closely. the interior was also busy, with people inside waiting at seats.

unsure of what to do, minghao just walked forward to the front desk. the receptionist looked up at him with a smile.

"hello, how can i help you?" he asked.

"hello," minghao responded quietly. he cleared his throat. "i'm looking for an officer son hyunwoo?"

"do you have a crime to report?"

"well, no... kind of? i just need to speak with him, about a crime, we were referred to him," minghao said weakly. "uh, the name is xu minghao."

the receptionist raised an eyebrow. still, he picked up a phone and called for shownu, causing jun to exhale in relief behind him.

they were instructed to sit down, so they tiptoed around the people and leaned against a wall by the corner.

jun seemed nervous. gently, minghao reached for his hand again and held it. in response, jun drew circles around the top of minghao's hand with his thumb. splashes of watercolor traced their skin.

a few moments passed, then a familiar face walked out. minghao blinked, recognizing the man who had dropped off drunken jun after the party.

"seungcheol?" jun said, sitting up. "hey, man."

seungcheol walked over and ruffled jun's hair. "oh, hi! i didn't realize you were here too. why are you here..?"

jun huffed. "changkyun... we were told to come here and meet with shownu."

eyebrows knitting together, seungcheol mentioned quietly, "you sure that you're up for that?" 

slowly, jun nodded. minghao cast a worried glance at him, then gestured for seungcheol to lead the way. he pulled jun up and they walked together, hand in hand.

they followed seungcheol into an office, which was small and off to the side. behind the only desk inside it, was a tall man with broad shoulders that barely fit into his button up. he had messy black hair and was squinting at some files through his glasses. lieutenant son hyunwoo.

"seungcheol, civilians aren't allowed back here..." he started, then trailed off when he looked up.

"hey, shownu," jun said awkwardly.

the latter looked from him, to minghao, then to seungcheol. "close the door, if anyone sees him back here, your badge will be suspended."

hurriedly, seungcheol closed the door behind him and pointed to some seats for the two of them, directly across from shownu.

minghao cast a look at jun. "you're that much of a menace?"

shownu crossed his arms, quietly sitting and watching. uncomfortable under his gaze, they squirmed a bit.

"junhui," shownu said quietly. "what are you doing here?"

"that's a funny story," jun said, cracking a nervous grin. spontaneously, he shot shownu some finger guns. "it goes way back to when my sister died. guess what? changkyun is back and harassing me and now i owe him a shit ton of money that if i don't pay him by the end of the year, everyone i love will be murdered."

shownu blinked. "oh my god, kid-"

"also, wonho sent us and gave me this," jun said abruptly, handing him the photo.

the air grew cold. shownu sat still, staring at the photo with wide eyes. "wonho- what? you talked to him? where is he? how-"

before jun could start spewing more bullshit, minghao cut him off.

"i'm sorry," said minghao. "jun's pretty freaked out right now. i'm xu minghao, this bastard's soulmate. let me explain what's going on, instead."

\---

三十七//삼십칠  
thirty-seven  
//junhui

i should let minghao talk more, jun thought when he had finished.

minghao told shownu about the day they were attacked, the day they were confronted at school and given the debt price, and what they had found at hyungwon's.

shownu was quiet for awhile.

"ho- wonho's really okay?" shownu asked quietly. minghao nodded.

maybe they hadn't seen each other in forever.

"that's what he said," said minghao, keeping it brief about wonho. shownu didn't know that wonho had been at hyungwon's house, and probably realized they were withholding information, but didn't pry. "he also gave us a name. ryeojoon. that mean anything to you?"

out of the corner of his eye, junhui saw seungcheol throw a worried look towards shownu. exhaling a sigh, shownu rubbed the sides of his temples.

"yes, unfortunately, and it seems like we have some overlapping information," he said. "i should probably tell you a bit more backstory, though.

"i was there, seven years ago, at hyungwon's twenty-first birthday. i had arrived late. everyone else was there, drunk off their ass, except for changkyun. prior to qianxia's death, we were all friends, but there was growing tension between us," shownu murmured. "i didn't even know she was indebted to him until just now."

"changkyun was involved with loan sharks, the gang at the time was small and changkyun kept going deeper," continued shownu. "qianxia had been drinking a lot that day and refused to stop. the last time i saw her, she was running down the stairs and had crashed into kihyun. i don't know what she told him, but he looked scared shitless."

jun bit his lip, knowing what was coming next.

"she left, got into her car, then crashed and died," he finished simply. "i questioned kihyun about what qianxia had told him but he was silent. i haven't talked to him since. i almost would've lost my badge, i was still a rookie then, and..." shownu trailed off and looked to jun.

"i felt obligated to tell you what had happened," he said sadly. "it was my fault, i wasn't doing my job, i even saw qianxia and didn't stop her. i'm sorry."

a part of him felt like shouting at shownu. 

his fault his fault his fault...

but he knew it was irrational.

he saw her running, but he couldn't have known what would happen.

"it's been seven years," jun said quietly. "'sorry' won't change anything and i'm sure you're just as beat up over it as i am."

"it has been seven years and i thought i've moved on," muttered shownu. "guess not. that leads me to ryeojoon. as i said, changkyun kept moving deeper. he has connections everywhere. even within this department. i'm not sure what exactly he wants, but i know apart of it and some of what he's done to get there. ryeojoon is a high-profile gang member, we've been tracking him for the past ten years."

"we don't have a lot of information on him," popped up seungcheol. "we know that changkyun has been working with him somehow. changkyun is not the head of his own gang, but his division have had a higher rate of loans collected compared to the rest. we're thinking that he's using the money somehow for ryeojoon."

"gangs?" clarified minghao, frowning.

fuck, jun thought. the whole thing with changkyun initially was too much to drag minghao into and it was way worse than jun had thought prior.

"changkyun is part of a gang called northwest, they stick to the seoul area. they're small, the head is a man named choi jeonghun. he's passive and weak, seemingly unaware to what changkyun has been doing within. ryeojoon's gang is unamed, all we know that he is at the head of the power and is one of the strongest in south korea, with lots of activity in seoul," said seungcheol. "his followers are no strangers to violence and have been linked to different homicides and break ins around korea."

jun gulped. "what- what would this have to do with qianxia?"

"i'm not sure," said shownu. "but wonho told you to come here and gave the name for a reason. i... i haven't spoken to him in years, he deliberately went into hiding. if he knows who ryeojoon is then this is a lot more connected than i thought."

almost as a joke, jun imagined his parent's reactions to finding out what qianxia was tied to. they'd probably think she was an even bigger fuck-up than they already thought.

"why can't you just arrest changkyun?" minghao asked.

there was a sigh from both seungcheol and shownu. jun, too, looked dejected.

"as i said, changkyun has connections here. he doesn't leave much evidence behind in the first place, and if he's ever challenged by the law, he manages to get out of it," shownu sighed. "not many people here even care. changkyun knows the system is flawed and how to manipulate it to his advantage. there's not much a subordinate officer and his rookie partner can do about it."

jun thought back to the days he kept coming to the department to ask for updates on qianxia's case. he had annoyed his way through the chain of command, getting yelled at and told to get the fuck out. one officer told him qianxia was a deadbeat drunk who crashed out of her own stupidity. had shownu not been there to stop him, jun's impulsive teenage ass would've punched him.

minghao leaned forward. "you said at the party that she was running from something and whatever she told kihyun scared him shitless. where's kihyun now?"

"he's a signed artist now, successfully working with music. he's probably had it the best out of all of us from college," shownu answered. "but if you're thinking of talking to him, i don't know if he will. he never spoke to me and still hasn't."

"we have to try," sighed minghao. "this is all linked somehow. think about it. changkyun is working with this ryeojoon prick and money is involved somehow. qianxia's debt drastically increased to ₩5,000,000. the money is for something, and there must be a deadline attached. new year's. the best shot is to talk to kihyun and figure out what he knows."

"can't you ask for a warrant?" junhui asked.

shownu shrugged. "i could, but he still has the right to remain silent and have a lawyer present. it wouldn't get us anywhere."

"then jun and i go talk to him," said minghao.

his stomach flipped. who knows what they would find? and if changkyun found out what they were doing, he would have no idea hurting them or others.

he hated this.

but he knew there was no escaping it, he tried for three years and failed.

he sighed, then looked up. "we can do it."

\---


	38. 三十八//三十八

三十八//三十八  
thirty-eight  
//junhui

"jun, for the last time, be fucking patient."

thursday, lunchtime. the two of them were a block away from the cafe, with jun pestering minghao.

"i just want to know when!" jun sighed in exasperation.

"me too. shownu said he needs to figure shit out with kihyun first. then, we talk to him. for now, have some patience, and trust shownu."

jun hmphed. "not to get depressing but it's hard to trust the man who told me my sister died and scarred me for the rest of my life."

minghao turned around and shot him a glare. meanwhile, jun feigned innocence.

they had arrived at the cafe door, jun dashing ahead and bowing comically as he opened the door for minghao. ignoring the embarrassed glare he was given, jun followed him inside.

hoshi was there, beaming brightly when he saw the two of them. they walked over, luckily there wasn't a line at the register.

"my favorite homosexuals," he greeted.

snorting, jun grinned. "i'm so flattered."

there was a sigh from minghao.

the two of them ordered, then sat down. jun watched him, brain turning in different directions and speeds all at once. 

everything felt rushed.

they hadn't even had the chance to talk about the kiss and the feelings that it meant.

the fight with seokmin left things ambiguous, minghao had a stifled energy around jun still, but hung out with him to avoid seokmin. he had, though, started asking more about jun and checked in.

that evil and self-destructive part of him told him that minghao was just saying nice things to appear like he was trying to change. his heart told him otherwise.

feelings aside, shit had gotten intense really fast. he inwardly cursed qianxia, annoyed she left him her dirty laundry to clean. it was a lot worse than he had thought previously, and, well...

he was terrified.

the police were involved now, police who jun didn't fully trust. qianxia was a lot deeper involved with changkyun and whatever he was up to. it was fucking scary.

minghao was looking down at his phone, unconsciously brushing away strands of his hair. jun smiled softly at the action, but his heart pounded.

he needed to keep minghao safe.

there wasn't much time allowed for processing his thoughts and emotions anymore, but he was sure about that.

"what are you looking at?" minghao suddenly asked.

startled, jun felt himself blush, and quickly brushed it off as nothing.

hoshi suddenly came over, drinks in hand. he pulled up a chair and sat next to them, instantly hanging onto jun's forearm. jun swatted him off.

"you guys are already cleared to start working on the dance choreo again?" he asked.

jun smiled. "yep, we're back. we got the all clear, but still need to be careful."

hoshi grinned back. "ah, the power of love. i heard that kissing your soulmate is healing."

as minghao froze, jun almost choked on his drink. raising an eyebrow, the instigator just smirked.

"i'll pretend to ignore your flustered reactions," chuckled hoshi. "au revoir, see you guys later at dance class."

they watched him go back to the register, awkwardly avoiding each other's gazes. a bit later, they began to make their way back to campus.

before, they probably would've held hands. but after sort of yelling at him about seokmin, the air felt heavy. 

additionally, he was distracted. jun kept looking behind and in front, eyes sweeping behind building corners and allies. the thought of being watched by changkyun kept him on edge.

minghao noticed. he stopped suddenly, grabbing onto the sleeve of jun's hoodie. "you good?"

jun nodded absently. looking down at minghao's hand on his collar, he drifted off.

"let's get back to school jun," chided minghao.

back at school, they continued to work on and develop their choreography. it was a good break for them, simply being with each other and not having to worry about changkyun or qianxia or emotions. just dancing.

\---

later back at the apartment, jun was playing minecraft on the sofa with chan while minghao was at the table doing homework.

they were rebuilding a house that had been destroyed by the creepers jun had accidentally lead to their area. that earned a harsh scolding from chan that could be heard through jun's earbuds. even minghao said he was surprised that jun was older.

a few moments later, chan had to leave. sighing, feeling bored, jun peaked over at minghao.

the tension was still there. it was stifling.

jun walked over, plopping in a seat beside minghao. he leaned forward, propping his chin on his hands.

"what's on your mind?" minghao asked, not looking up.

he'd been asking stuff like that more often. progress.

"i've just been thinking," jun said slowly, unsure how to approach the subject in his mind.

he was worried about minghao's mental health in all honesty.

the stress of having to take care of a sick father, trauma from a parent leaving, coping unhealthily with numbers and routine. then suddenly thrown into jun's chaotic life/

it was a lot.

"what about?" 

jun sighed. fuck it. "thinking about you... your well being specifically. tell me to shut up if this is uncomfortable, i genuinely say this from a place of support. have you... have you ever considered talking to someone?"

minghao looked up. "as in..? as in seeing a therapist?"

pursing his lips, jun nodded. "i think after the stuff with seokmin, it highlighted some things. you talked about fixating on routine and on the score. and also freaking out and not knowing what to do. you know, it's alright to talk to someone. you can figure out how to respond more to stress and... be kinder to yourself."

silence. with an unreadable expression, minghao stared at jun. then he sighed. "it really has gotten that bad."

"it doesn't have to be bad for you to see a therapist. anyone can go. it doesn't make you fucked up or 'crazy' or whatever. you could be perfectly content in life and go see one, too," said jun. "hell, once i find the time, i'm thinking about seeing one too. there's nothing wrong with it at all."

jun had looked up online 'how to recommend seeing a therapist to a friend,' earlier. he had forgotten the steps as there were lots of words, but hoped he was coming off sincerely enough.

"like i said, you deserve to be kinder to yourself," jun murmured. "it could help. if it doesn't? alright. but maybe... maybe give it a try. i'm sure heeyeon has connections too. you don't even need to say anything to me right now, or give an answer, but keep it in the back of your mind?"

he held his breath.

a moment passed. then finally, a sigh. "thank you, jun. i'll think about it."

an exhale from jun. "okay, that's all i ask. i'm sorry if that came off confrontational-"

"no, i appreciate you looking out for me," said minghao hurriedly. "i mean it, thank you."

jun smiled. he stood, looking at the night sky outside. he reached out and ruffled minghao's hair playfully.

"i'm off to bed," he said. "let me know if shownu says anything."

"...goodnight, jun."

"goodnight, hao!"

\---


	39. 三十九//삼십구

三十九//삼십구  
thirty-nine  
//minghao

thursday quickly became friday.

it was uneventful, stuffed with studying for exams and seokmin ignoring him.

jun was even a bit distant, preoccupied with either playing minecraft with chan or bugging him about kihyun.

there was still no word from shownu about kihyun and it had already become saturday.

tomorrow was the 1st day of december.

20 days to come to a decision.

minghao sighed. they were hanging out at the apartment, which had become the norm. everything had essentially gone to a standstill. their only lead with qianxia was silent and the tension between him and jun was still there, but it had lessened. he even had texted his dad if we wanted company, but his dad was preoccupied. probably watching reruns of dramas with the nurses.

there was also the whole therapy thing. he probably could've called heeyeon about it then, but didn't want to have too much on his plate in the future.

the thought was uncomfortable, but necessary. his attitude and habits were negatively affecting the people he cared about and he couldn't solve them on his own.

he glanced at jun, who was engaged in minecraft, sitting next to him on the couch.

everybody has little mannerisms and quirks, which minghao found endearing. they were even cuter when the person wasn't paying attention or aware of it.

jun had several little quirks. when he was focused, he would bite his bottom lip and his eyes would narrow. he was doing that while staring at his phone. occasionally he would giggle at something chan did, quickly widening into a smile that sent butterflies into minghao's stomach.

he had a little mole above his lip that minghao found cute, too. when he was feeling awkward and didn't know what to do with his hands, he'd either wave them around or scratch near the area where his mole was.

jun looked up, eyebrows furrowing when he realized minghao was staring at him. minghao blushed.

"like what you see?" jun flirted. minghao was taken back, realizing it was the first time he flirted like this since they had argued.

"yeah," minghao said simply, then looked out the window, avoiding jun's gaze.

a cough from jun's direction was all that could be heard, before jun quickly bade chan a goodbye and set his phone down. the couch cushion squeaked as jun leaned forward.

"care to repeat that?" jun asked.

minghao's heart pounded, then he turned around. their faces were close. unable to look away completely, he dropped his gaze to the slope of his nose, the little mole, and his lips...

"i like what i see," minghao said quietly.

there wasn't much conversation about the last time they had kissed- was this awkward? going too fast? they had argued earlier that week but- oh god the fucking tension.

he refused to acknowledge what that might mean. like a pounding sledgehammer, his heartbeat roared in his chest.

"jun," he said suddenly. "let's do something tonight."

as jun leaned back, he felt his pulse slow down. 

thank fucking god-

"what should we do?" jun asked.

show them that you care. that his feelings matter to you, because they do.

minghao smiled softly. "you decide. i don't care what it is. you choose."

noticeably taken a back, jun tilted his head in thought. yet another cute mannerism.

"anything?"

"anything."

\---

"i think i'm starting to regret letting you choose to do anything for this date," minghao grumbled.

jun looked at him like a wide-eyed kitten. "this is a date?"

ultimately, he had decided it was a good idea for them to go on a mountain hike while it was 7°c at 5:36pm. well, it wasn't much of a hike. the road was paved and had railed stairs up the mountain, which was more of a hill with tall trees making it seem a lot denser. it was close by to the apartment.

"sure," minghao said. he buried his hands deeper in the pocket of his jacket.

jun looked at his hands, then quickly reached inside one of his pockets and intertwined their fingers. smirking, he quietly said, let's go, and they began their descent.

the cold wasn't much of a bother. the heat from their palms spread far enough. additionally, minghao's face had flushed a bright shade of strawberry red from jun's flirts. by the time he reached the top, he looked like a stop sign.

a weird analogy, but minghao's brain had begun to melt from jun's comments.

"woah!" jun said comically, staring at the view.

it was undeniably incredible. the nightlife of seoul was twinkling with lights, buildings standing tall and shining. roads looked like spun spools of golden wool, weaving in and out of the city blocks. signs were lit up in the distance, glowing brightly and scattered in the distance.

"it's lovely," murmured minghao. he dragged the two of them over to a bench, sitting with their thighs touching.

"see, it wasn't that bad," smirked jun. "the view is beautiful tonight."

"mmm."

"do you know what's more beautiful?"

"mmm."

"you," jun said cheekily. minghao rolled his eyes at the lame flirt, but couldn't hide his smile.

they sat there for a bit, taking in the sight and catching their breath. it was a comfortable silence. slowly, minghao rested his head on jun's shoulder, relaxing with a sigh.

this was nice.

he was beginning to understand better why having a soulmate was so important to jun.

having someone beside you, holding your hand or lending a shoulder, sharing little moments together... it wasn't what he had thought before. it was... it was safe. minghao wanted to keep it that way.

"your brain is loud," jun said quietly. "what are you thinking about?"

"thinking about... thinking about making you happy. giving you a life you deserve. about seeing your goddamned dorkish smile that makes me feel such inexplicable emotions," minghao murmured. "i think about the little things you do. you make funny expressions when you're focused. oh, when you think of a funny joke, your eyes do this thing. i can't put it into words."

he pursed his lips. "i think about how your hand feels in mine. the splashes of red and blue watercolor. the warmth i get from your touch. the security i feel beside you. and when i look at you..."

he raised his head, turning to jun.

minghao continued, "when i look at you, i think to myself, fate gave me you as my soulmate. i'm unsure still, about how to navigate it, but... i'm happy that it's you. and i think, that no matter what, i will do everything to keep you happy and safe."

"minghao..." jun said quietly.

"i'm so sorry that i can be frustrating. i am going to work on it. i am going to fix things," he promised. "i will make myself a better person and maybe... maybe i can work on forgiving myself more. it won't be easy, but i'm glad that you're here with me."

tentatively, jun reached out and fixed minghao's hair. he swept away his bangs, tilting up his face.

"i hope that you can love and respect yourself in the way you deserve to be," jun said quietly. "you make me happy too. i want for you to be just as content."

his heart thudded in his chest.

words were written there, climbing into his vocal chords, begging to be said.

"i like you," he said quietly. his voice felt hoarse for some reason.

staring with wide eyes, jun's lips parted. they looked velvety. bashfully, they spread into a smile. "that's good, because i like you too, xu minghao."

"remember last sunday, when we kissed?" minghao said. "i think we left off a bit abruptly."

blushing, jun giggled. "should we continue?"

nerves on fire, minghao grinned. "junhui, can i kiss you?"

"please," whispered jun.

slowly, minghao reached for jun's cheek. he cupped it gently, setting watercolors alight on their skin. he leaned in with a quiet sigh and met jun's lips with his.

last time it was quick and sudden. this time, it was slow and soft.

he felt jun's hand tangle in his hair, pressing him into the kiss. there was a certain calamity to it- everything in that moment felt right.

breaking away briefly to catch his breath, minghao leaned in again. he caught jun's bottom lip lightly. at that he felt jun smile into it, then he deepened it. minghao let him lead, letting out a sigh when he felt jun's hand at his neck. minghao reached for his jaw, pulling him closer.

they broke apart, pressing their foreheads to each other's, breathing heavily.

"why do we wait so long?" sighed minghao.

jun leaned forward and kissed minghao's jaw. "we're stupid gays."

at that, he snorted.

they held hands gently, smiling and blushing, looking at the nighttime splendor.

the walk home was filled with smiles and stolen glances that left minghao's heart feeling full.

"thank you, jun," he said when they got back.

"no, hao. thank you."

\---


	40. 四十//사십

四十//사십  
forty  
//junhui

they walked back to the apartment hand in hand, smiling under the light of passing cars and streetlamps. if he was alone, jun would've felt more anxious about the dark, but he felt safer at minghao's side.

"i like you," he had said.

jun blushed, remembering it. 

he even said 'junhui.'

'jun' was what most people called him and suddenly hearing his full name from minghao never failed to make jun's heart race.

he likes me he likes me he likes me-

"jun," said minghao, pulling him out of his thoughts. they had arrived at the door to their apartment.

he grew hot, probably even a brighter shade of red now. "y-yes?"

"you have the key on you."

"oh, right."

flustered, jun fumbled for the key and quickly unlocked it. embarrassment kept his head down as he shuffled inside and blundered out of his shoes. 

watching him stumble inside, minghao suppressed his laughter. 

ignoring it, jun instead made his way to the fridge for a glass of water. taking advantage of his unawareness minghao crept up behind him and poked his back. jun jumped, gasping in fear and nearly spilling the glass of water. minghao was too busy walking away innocently to notice jun's confused glare.

"hao," jun said, following minghao over to the couch where he sat. jun leaned over the back of the furniture, causing minghao to tilt his head back and look up at jun. the upside-down angle was a bit laughable. jun didn't really care.

he's so fucking cute, oh my god.

setting the glass of water down, he ran his fingers through minghao's hair, admiring his face.

"like what you see?" minghao teased suddenly.

freezing, jun's jaw dropped at the sudden flirt. he huffed.

"that's supposed to be my line."

minghao's eyes flit away, grinning bashfully. his lips were pressed together, then released with a quiet breath of air. jun looked at them, thinking about how badly he wanted to kiss them. 

he pressed his hands to the sides of minghao's face, watercolors racing on their skin. "can i kiss you again?"

like a fairy, minghao suddenly giggled. goosebumps raced down jun's arms. 

"yes," minghao replied.

tilting his head up the best he could, minghao met jun in a gentle kiss. it was a bit awkward due to the different angles, but neither cared.

minghao reached up for jun's neck to pull him closer. not expecting it, he let out a muffled noise, almost a moan.

smiling, minghao broke away for a moment. "what was that?"

"uh-" jun stuttered. "i was surprised-"

"you're okay, it was cute."

grumbling, he leaned down and kissed minghao again. it was more forceful this time, which minghao didn't seem to mind as he smiled into it. 

pressing kisses to his bottom lip, jun began moving to the rest of his face. he peppered his cheeks and adorable button nose with kisses, causing minghao to stifle his giggles.

"you're cuter, you know that?" jun told him.

minghao laughed loudly and shook his head. he pat the cushion on the couch, gesturing for jun to sit beside him. wasting no time, the moment he sat down, jun leaned towards minghao. still smiling, minghao closed the gap. 

his lips were soft as he pulled on jun's top lip, catching the bow of it. his hand reached up and pulled jun's face closer as jun's own tangled in his hair.

wonwoo had told him how different it felt to kiss your soulmate compared to someone who wasn't. and fuck- he was right. jun felt like his heart was full- filled with warmth and comfort and more happiness than he had ever known. the touch of their skin sent a rush of thrill through him. with each touch and kiss it built up further and further, completing him in a way he couldn't describe.

minghao broke apart with a shaky exhale, eyes heavy and drunk with the same feeling. he leaned up and kissed the freckle above jun's mouth and the one on his cheek. his heart fluttered at the gesture.

he leaned back into the chair, not breaking his gaze from jun's. smirking, jun grabbed minghao's waist and leaned back, pulling minghao onto his chest and hugging him tightly.

minghao protested as if he was offended at the sheer audacity, but was laughing genuinely.

"wasn't it last tuesday when you told me it's hard to accept affection?" jun pointed out teasingly.

laying his head down on jun's chest, minghao sighed. "oh trust me, inwardly i'm freaking out and resisting the urge to sulk in the corner without physical touch. but... you're just so warm."

jun smiled to himself. with a soft hand he reached up and smoothed down minghao's ruffled hair. "you didn't strike me as the type who knew how to kiss someone."

against his chest he felt minghao rumble with quiet laughter. "well, prior to it all i snuck out to parties and such. i was a young, curious teenager. shit was bound to happen. plus, you couldn't have expected me to stay so rigid 24/7, could you?"

with a shrug jun replied, "well, you certainly came off that way. i thought you said you had never taken interest in boys or girls."

"i hadn't, but i didn't necessarily stop people who were coming onto me," minghao pointed out. "don't worry, i was never forced into anything. i guess people were attracted to that aloof, cold, brainy type occasionally. i never saw it more than two people kissing just for the enjoyment of kissing someone."

jun was quiet for a moment. he didn't want to kill the mood, but he was curious.

"how are you feeling with the whole soulmate thing?" he asked quietly.

he could feel minghao's heartbeat against his own. maybe it was just jun's that had quickened its pace, but it seemed like minghao's pulse accelerated a bit.

"honestly i- i'm still trying to figure it out. i'm scared of lots of things. and i'm indecisive and second guess everything. but... if there's one thing i'm sure about..."

he leaned up and propped himself up with his elbows, looking down at jun. "it's that i'm glad it's you."

jun blushed, stunned for a moment. he was a bit disappointed, sure, but this made him so inexplicably happy and proud. 

minghao had said something similar on their hike, but it felt a lot more fluffy while they were cuddling.

"what about you?" minghao asked quietly.

"me?" jun pursed his lips together. he reached toward's minghao's cheek and swiped his thumb across it, watching the red watercolors follow suit.

"i'm just simply amazed, that you, xu minghao, are right here with me. i hope... i hope that it stays that way," he murmured.

minghao's eyes were shining with several emotions. jun himself felt like crying. breaking into a dainty smile, he placed his hand on the back of minghao's neck, pulling his face towards his. he waited for minghao to close the gap, his eyes fluttering shut when minghao did so with a salty kiss.

"i don't deserve you," minghao muttered. his lashes looked watery.

mustering fake confidence, jun laughed in a low voice. "of course not. wen junhui is too good for everyone."

snorting, minghao brushed his fingers in jun's hair. "yes, yes he is."

\---


	41. 四十一//사십일

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: medical imagery/hospital

四十一//사십일  
forty-one  
//minghao

the following morning, jun surprised minghao with a quiet back hug in the kitchen. it took minghao by surprise, tensing briefly.

"too sudden?" jun had asked.

minghao blushed and reached up and touched his arm, watching the swirls of blue watercolors on his skin.

"it startled me, but i don't mind," he responded, sinking into jun's arms.

giggling to himself, jun tightened his arms around minghao's waist and put his chin on his shoulder. the latter leaned back into him, tracing patterns on his arms.

his skin was so soft, as well as a warm and darker tone. to himself (of course because he wasn't saying it aloud) minghao thought about how much he liked it. was that weird? liking someone's skin? 

before he could bury himself deeper in a hole of existentialism, jun ruffled his hair. "can i kiss you?"

"where?" minghao asked playfully, not turning around.

"just here, on top of your head," jun replied.

at minghao's nod, he placed a swift and affectionate kiss to the top of minghao's head, then one at the top of his neck. minghao stiffened at it a bit, but jun didn't seem to notice.

he turned around and draped his arms over jun's neck. "since when are we touchy like this?"

jun frowned. "is it too much?"

"no, no. i'm just not used to being..."

"cared for? appreciated? held?" jun raised an eyebrow.

damn, minghao thought. he just sighed and rubbed the back of jun's neck. jun leaned into him, resting his chin on minghao's shoulder once more. jun huffed a relaxed sigh, dropping more weight onto him. 

at the motion, minghao smiled. it was cute. he stayed in jun's embrace for a bit longer.

fuck, i am one touch-starved bastard, he thought when jun pulled away to get some food.

his phone buzzed in his pocket. sighing, and still a bit groggy from having just woken up, he pulled it out and read the message.

it was from shownu.

glancing up at jun, minghao looked back down at his phone and opened the message. he quietly read over it, making sure jun didn't see just yet. he didn't want to overwhelm him.

reading over it a few more times to make sure he understood, he walked over to jun with a sigh. he had sat down at the table and was eating a slice of bread. a weird choice, but jun was weird.

"jun," he said, pulling up a chair next to him. "i hate to ruin your morning already. but i got a text from shownu regarding kihyun."

pausing, jun looked at him. the bread was stuck halfway out of his mouth.

"kihyun declined a meeting with us and shownu," he explained. "he also threatened to contact a lawyer or his agency."

jun frowned. "why? that's suspicious."

"very. but obviously, we can't just not do anything."

"how the fuck do we meet with him? he's a signed artist, a celebrity, albeit a minor one. it'd be difficult to meet him," sighed jun, slumping down into his chair.

"honestly? i'm not sure. let me figure out a solution. but don't worry, we can figure this out," minghao assured him.

throwing a smile at him, jun sat back up in his chair. gently he reached out and massaged the area where minghao had dislocated his shoulder before.

"there's no way shownu would let us do this on our own," jun pointed out.

innocently, minghao shrugged. "correct, he told us not to do anything. but he doesn't have to know. and i'm already thinking about how to reach him. just be patient for a bit."

"i trust you."

minghao looked away to hide his smile. jun probably saw it anyways.

as it was a saturday, they were quite bored doing nothing at the apartment. jun brought up going to see a movie, but nothing good was out. then, minghao realized he hadn't seen his father lately.

"if think i'm going to go visit my dad today," minghao said. "it's been awhile."

jun nodded. "then i think i'll go visit my friends today. annoy them for a bit."

"good, get all of your energy out on them so you're quieter when you get back," teased minghao.

pretending to be offended, jun scoffed with a smirk.

"i'll get going then," he said. jun ruffled minghao's hair as he stood to get dressed and leave.

\---

later, minghao arrived at the hospital somewhere around midday. his dad had texted him that he was in "the club room." it was actually a recreational area for long-stay and terminal patients, set with couches and television for news, magazines, books, and just a generally calm area.

he navigated through the halls and pushed the doors open, looking for his father. the room was large, with broad windows and clean couches. hospital staff were scattered around and keeping an eye on patients.

finally, he found his father. he was by the wall, with some nurses and other patients standing around him and watching whatever he was doing. minghao frowned and walked over, then realized that his father had a deck of cards in his hand that he was doing magic tricks with.

he sighed and joined the small gathering, crossing his arms. his father was shuffling through the cards, quite masterfully, despite usually having problems with shaking wrists. he leaned forward in his wheelchair and picked out a card, showing it to one of the patients.

"is this your card?" his dad said theatrically.

the patient nodded and started laughing. they were a younger kid, it probably made his day.

"mr. xu, you've outdone yourself," one of the nurses said with a smile.

his father beamed, then caught sight of minghao. "ah, my son! i'll leave you all now, have a lovely day."

the two of them went over to one of the chairs by the windows. minghao reached for the deck of cards and shuffled through them.

"you're a magician now?" 

"yep, i have future plans too. xu wei, travelling magician. i'll do shows on the streets of seoul."

minghao smiled. "magic busking?"

"i'm not sure what that means, but yes. you can be my apprentice."

as his dad continued talking, minghao watched him carefully. he had been in the hospital more frequently these days. usually he lived in an assisted living complex, despite being in his 50s, and made hospital visits for checkups or surgeries. after his most recent surgery, which was minor, he was supposed to be back at assisted living facility. so, he was a bit concerned when his father told him to meet him at the hospital.

"how are you feeling?" minghao asked quietly.

his father sighed. "that makes me feel old, kid. old and dying. or fragile. i'm still quite young and kicking. and i'm feeling fine."

in return minghao didn't say anything. if he was in a wheelchair, that meant he was too fatigued to walk. or, a surgery didn't go well. occasionally, his father would lean back and straighten his back, inhaling slowly, which meant he was having problems breathing. that combined with the iv drip following him around meant something was wrong.

sighing, minghao sat forward. "has your arrhythmia gotten worse? is the pacemaker working?" 

lover's heart disease could cause a variety of cardiovascular illnesses. arrhythmia, irregular heart beating, was the most common. the disease on its own could often be helped significantly with treatments, but lover's heart disease meant there was no curing it, just slowing down the effects.

his father shrugged and laughed nervously. "well, what can you say? technology isn't perfect."

minghao glared. he would have to interrogate heeyeon later and ask what was wrong. based on his reaction, his father probably wouldn't say much else so minghao dropped the subject. 

"how's your soulmate?" his father suddenly asked.

"he's good." minghao talked about jun occasionally over the phone with his dad, but never went into much detail.

"just good? c'mon, kid. he's your soulmate. gush about him a bit."

letting out a sigh, minghao decided to humor him. "he's been really affectionate lately. it's... jarring at first, but comfortable once i get over it. he plays minecraft a lot. but it's funny. and when i'm studying sometimes he'll just come over and continue doing whatever he's doing, but next to me."

"you like him?" his dad asked. his expression turned a bit more serious now.

"i do. i'm still... unsure, about what happens next. but, i really do think i like him. even if we weren't soulmates it'd be impossible to deny the amount of kindness he has in his heart," minghao answered softly. "i know you're worried. but i'm really okay. jun's a good person."

relief washed over his father's face. minghao studied it quietly, staring at the lines that had grown harsher. his hair seemed greyer now, too. a bitter feeling rose, his father was worrying about his son's love life while the son in question was scared for his dad's health.

"he seems like it. especially from what i've heard. i'm more nervous about if you reject him, either of you gets this shit," his father said, gesturing to his chest.

weakly, minghao smiled. he was scared of that, too, but less so for some reason.

the two of them continued their conversation for a bit, then his father declared he wanted ice cream from the cafeteria. minghao offered to go get them some.

a bit distracted, minghao walked down the hallway. he knew the layout of the hospital pretty well at this point. the cafeteria was a bit of a walk.

as he walked down, he suddenly caught glimpse of a familiar face.

"heeyeon!" he called, walking over to her. she was leaning over a nurse's desk and flipping through some charts. "i'm sorry, you busy?"

she waved. "no, good to see you! what's up you little bastard."

minghao sighed. "nothing really, just visiting dad. he's being weirdly cryptic at the moment. is there a specific reason he's back at the hospital?"

heeyeon's face drooped a bit. she gestured over to a wall where it was less crowded. "at the moment, he's okay. don't worry. his recent surgery was to repair some complications from his previous catheter ablation. right now, he's back for some follow up. the assisted living staff have noticed significant fatigue from him."

minghao groaned and scratched his neck. this sort of news was never surprising. "is his pacemaker okay?"

"yeah, it's fine. his lab results show that his arrhythmia has gotten a bit worse. but, with the catheter and pacemaker he should be okay for now. we're keeping an eye on him, tomorrow he should go back to the facility."

for now. because it wasn't like his dad would live very long. a morbid thought, but unfortunately a realistic one.

"i'm going to go get him some ice cream," minghao sighed. "uh, please call me next time he's admitted or anything else happens. he likes to avoid mentioning medical shit so i don't get worried or whatever. but me not knowing is more worrying."

playfully she saluted. "will do. hurry, i think they're low on chocolate ice cream at the moment."

he thanked her and walked faster down the hallway. there were only vanilla and chocolate flavors available. his dad would only eat the chocolate kind. minghao didn't care, and honestly the hospital ice cream was incredibly bland, but he had grown used to it over the years.

turning round a corner, he crossed a lobby area of the hospital to go into the cafe. until suddenly, an uncomfortable feeling rose in his stomach. an eerie feeling of being watched crept upon him and made his hairs stand on end.

minghao froze and turned. he met eyes with a man seated at one of the tables in the lobby, smiling with a charismatic smirk from across the room. it felt like daggers being dug into his skin.

changkyun was here.

"minghao!" he waved, as if they had been close friends for years. he gestured at the chair directly in front of him. "let's have a chat."

\---


	42. 四十二//사십이

四十二//사십이  
forty-two  
//minghao

after jun had told him he was scared of the dark, minghao grew curious and researched it.

nyctophobia.

extreme or irrational fear of the night or darkness, according to google.

"nighttime i can deal with, as long as there's street light. it's the absence of light that scares me," is what jun told him.

the absence of light.

there wasn't a better phrase to describe the look in changkyun's eyes.

now that he was seeing him up close, there was no doubt that he was incredibly handsome. smooth features, a defined jawline, even a handsome posture. before, minghao assumed he was a weaker person after he didn't fight them physically and let jun almost beat him up in the hallway. but no, there was definite strength in his build.

but god, his eyes.

sharpness was one of their key features, accentuating his intimidating gaze. his irises were dark brown, but looked black in the shadow. light seemed to be swallowed up in his gaze, always calculated and punctuating, staring coldly.

he seemed hollow. his laid-back and charismatic smile was all on the surface. underneath, minghao wasn't sure what lay there.

it was utterly terrifying.

"xu minghao," changkyun finally said. "it's a pleasure to meet you like this."

minghao just scowled. never did he think he'd be sitting in front of someone like this, passing as a pleasant conversation between two friends.

lazily he leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms like a cat. "quiet, i see. i suppose you hold true to your reputation. stoic and rigid. you're also supposed to be intelligent i hear."

darkly, he chuckled. "i'm not so sure about that last one, though. do you think you're intelligent?"

he didn't want to answer. but the pressure was intense and each word felt like knives from changkyun's cavernous voice.

"a smart boy," changkyun continued, smiling wider and revealing dimples, "no, a good boy would answer me."

still, minghao didn't respond.

changkyun sighed, seeming immeasurably disappointed. "well, i suppose i can't blame you. after all, i've both threatened and unleashed violence upon you and your soulmate. fair. but, i'm not here to hurt you, per say. at this moment in time there would be no point."

he reached into his pocket and pulled out a package of cigarettes. minghao recognized the brand, it was a cheap one.

leisurely, minghao tapped the side of the box with his finger. "shame, smoking is strictly prohibited in hospitals. i'm sure you're thinking, 'but changkyun, smoking can kill you.' and i'm also sure you're entertained by that idea. me dying, that is. but frankly, i don't care. should we step outside? i would like to smoke."

"why are you here?" minghao asked, finally speaking up.

a momentary pause, then a amused eyebrow raise from changkyun. "so, he speaks. and alright, i won't smoke. i'm sure you especially don't want to be a second hand smoker. heart disease is often genetic. let's keep it to the father, shall we?"

wait. what?

minghao stiffened. in his chest his heart thudded like drums. changkyun knew about his father.

"that's why you're here, right? to visit the sickly old man," he said. mockingly, with a shaking hand he reached into his pocket and drew a playing card. in a wheezing voice he grinned as he asked, "is this your card?"

the card was slammed on the table with a surprising amount of force that made minghao jump. his eyes were stuck to changkyun's.

"let me cut to the chase." changkyun smoothed down his shirt, taking his time. "you have not been behaving recently. i told you to not step out of line, or there will be consequences. i told you i had no problem hurting the people you and junhui love. did you not believe me? did you think you were somehow immune?"

he leaned forward and supported his chin with his hand. "i have no problem hurting or killing people. done by my hand or at my command. you're still new to this, so maybe i should cut you some slack, but irresponsible behavior should be punished."

minghao's throat felt dry. 

not his father.

please.

please.

"if you hurt my dad-" minghao started, but was cut off by changkyun waving his hand. 

"i haven't escalated quite there yet," changkyun said with a shrug. "so you met hyungwon and wonho, so what? a small mistake. not completely unforgivable. grief is a bastard, and of course anyone would take pity on a lonely man like jun."

hyungwon and wonho was all he said. maybe he doesn't know about shownu, yet.

"speaking of, what do you even see in someone like jun?" changkyun sighed. "right, you couldn't choose. he's a fated soulmate or whatever bullshit. sucks to be you, paired with one of the world's biggest cowards."

"he is not a coward."

where the hell did that come from? minghao's eyes widened, shocked at himself.

changkyun's expression grew into a surprised smile. he seemed delighted. "every time you say something i get so excited. it's quite incredible speaking to you like this, i must say. i never imagined it'd go quite like this. 

"but you're wrong, oh so intelligent xu minghao. jun has been running for the past 7 years, from me. he's terrified. he knows, deep down, that it's all pointless. that he's going to keep running or end up with everyone around him dead or hurt as a consequence of his actions. cowards stay cowards. there's nothing for them at the end once they stop running, except for a violent finale."

his chest grew tight. he felt so goddamn angry. minghao knew jun was nothing like changkyun was saying. his mind thought back to all the times jun was kind and patient with him, unafraid to help minghao and stood strong in the face of danger.

jun was brave. 

he exhaled slowly. changkyun was baiting him.

"you're incorrect," minghao said curtly. 

"perhaps, but i've known junhui for seven years. you've known him for a month now. i understand him a lot more than you do," changkyun shrugged. "what color are you guys, or whatever. your watercolors. my guess... is that you're blue. you seem like a blue. jun, royal purple. that'd be ironic, but i hope he's an ugly color, like shit brown."

he laughed to himself, for some reason finding it funny. minghao wanted to punch him.

"you said there would be consequences," minghao cut in, annoyed. "so what are they?"

changkyun scoffed. "rude. interrupting a man while he speaks. but yes. consequences. i'm going to give you some options, here. we can make it a bit fun. option one. you pay me ₩50,000,000 korean won. no, it will not be subtracted from jun's total debt. option two. jun and his friends, wonwoo and mingyu, get hurt. choose."

minghao's eyes widened.

paying ₩50,000,000 would just trap minghao into a debt with changkyun. it would be disastrous. but it was that or people could get hurt. jun said he was going to go visit them, but didn't say where. his stomach grew uneasy.

"that's just it?" minghao asked, voice wavering. "i pay the money or jun and them get hurt."

"correct. no fine print, either. i'm sure if you choose the second option you'd want to save them. fine, you can try, the lesson will still be learned," changkyun sighed. "i'm an impatient man, minghao. mind choosing a bit faster?"

oh god, oh god, oh god.

his mind raced, debating what the fuck to do.

both were traps.

he went over them again. if he paid the money, changkyun would have him essentially bound to him and he'd be just as worse off as jun. additionally, changkyun needed money for something. minghao didn't want to support that.

option two. they get hurt, according to changkyun. if minghao could figure out where they were and how to get there, he could keep them safe. he never said he would kill them either, but then again, he didn't say how badly they could be hurt.

he shut his eyes and groaned, then opened them and stood.

"option two," he growled.

changkyun nodded. "not surprised. you really aren't so intelligent. what on earth made people think you were?"

"you're not hot shit either," minghao snapped. he stood to leave, then glanced down at the card on the table. nine of spades.

"goodbye, xu minghao," changkyun called.

minghao exited the hospital calmly, but the moment he hit the outdoors, he started running like his life depended on it.

he had to save jun.

\--


	43. 四十三//사십삼

四十三//사십삼  
forty-three  
//junhui

"why are you so bad at this?"

jun looked disdainfully at mingyu, who was struggling to play a racing game. he had wanted to go to a nearby arcade, and thus, dragged wonwoo and jun along with him.

"babe, you're in last place," wonwoo pointed out.

mingyu finished with an annoyed 'hmph' and got up from the game as if nothing had happened.

"waste of money," wonwoo chided. mingyu just wrapped his arm around wonwoo's shoulders and squeezed him.

jun looked around the arcade for any more games. they had been there for a while now, trying out some of the games in the dusty and outdated arcade. it was big, but not the best kept. no one had really cared, though. it was close and it was cheap enough for three college students.

"there's pac-man over here," said jun, waving over the other two.

jun made his way over, unaware of his surroundings, then shouted when he collided with something. his shirt felt wet and... sticky. in a boogery-little-kid sort of way.

"hey-"

inwardly disgusted, he looked down. a kid of elementary age had rammed into him at full speed, and spilled a bright red soda down the front of his white shirt.

are you actually fucking kidding me?

maybe jun's expression was too scary, because the kid scrambled to his feet and ran away with a look of horror on his face. he watched the kid disappear into the lobby, cussing him out with his eyes.

"oh shit, jun," mingyu started to laugh, pointing at the giant red stain.

"of course, we come to this arcade on one of its busiest days and some little kid with poor motor control falls into me," jun complained. "i liked this shirt."

sighing, wonwoo pulled the both of them into the restroom so jun could wipe off his shirt. it was a small family one, with a window close to the top. jun grumbled as he wiped his shirt in the sink, mingyu and wonwoo not even bothering to hide their laughter behind him in a show of clear friendship.

if minghao were here, he'd make a sarcastic comment about 'how fucking cliche' this was.

suddenly, his phone in his pocket buzzed with a call. jun brought it out, staring at the caller id. minghao not hao. speak of the devil.

"hello, flattest ass in the universe," jun said teasingly, turning off the faucet. "what's up?"

minghao sighed loudly over the phone. "jun, are you still at the arcade?"

he could hear the sounds of a car engine over the phone. where was he going..? "yeah. are you done at the hospital and coming here or something?"

briefly, jun caught a glimpse of the other two in the mirror. they caught his gaze and started to make lovey faces at him. jun pretended to fake-vomit.

"jun, i need you to listen to me carefully. changkyun stalked me to the hospital."

his breath halted for a moment, replaying that last sentence in his mind. jun's chest felt hollow. "what?"

"i'll explain more when i see you. but, you and wonwoo and mingyu are in danger. all he said was that he's going to hurt you guys. i don't know how or when, but that's what he said."

"did you call 119?"

"no, i called shownu instead. the last time we got into a fight you said not to."

with a tired groan, jun leaned against the sink basin. "good. we'll-"

a blaring, high-pitched noise made him jump. the fire alarm on the ceiling had started flashing on and off and making shrilling sounds.

worriedly, he looked at wonwoo and mingyu. the two were frozen in shock.

"jun? jun! what's that?"

"uh-" jun stuttered, walking over to the door. if there was a fire, the metal door handle could be hot, so he touched it with the back of his palm. it wasn't. he tried to open it, but the door wouldn't budge.

panic rose in his stomach. fuck, fuck, fuck.

he shook the handle, ignoring minghao over the phone, desperately trying to get the door open. it still wouldn't.

"okay, minghao, some shit is happening. we'll be okay. just- get here as fast as you can and make sure shownu does too. the fire alarm is going off-"

"the what?!"

"calm down. it'll be fine," jun tried. "i'll see you soon, okay?"

"you better be alive in one piece when i get there, wen junhui."

trying not to stumble over his words out of nerves, jun replied,"pulling the government name, ah. but i will. hanging up now, goodbye, hao,"

putting the phone away, he looked back at wonwoo and mingyu. they had gone over to the door, trying their best to open it, but to no avail. at one point, mingyu attempted to slam his shoulder into it, but it still remained closed shut. movies are just movies, wonwoo told him.

his ears were ringing from the fire alarms. he staggered a bit against the wall, rapidly trying to figure out what to do.

"i can smell smoke," wonwoo pointed out. "mingyu, you have asthma, go stand against the wall furthest from the door. there's a vent above it."

"right, take some paper towels, get them wet, and try to cover the gaps in the door and vent," jun said, remembering what to do in a fire. "we don't know if there actually is one or some games overheating, but it's best to be safe."

nervously, mingyu stood away from them, running a hand through his hair. jun looked around, scanning the bathroom. the window up top was narrow and over the sink counter.

"there's a window, but i don't see a way to open it," jun noticed.

the three of them looked at each other. wonwoo spoke first. "okay, so clearly that's our exit. we should consider it to be a last resort because we'd have to break the window. we can instead wait here for the fire fighters."

"but they might not know we're back here," mingyu mentioned. "otherwise, we break the window and get out now."

"let me go look at it," jun offered.

his heart was pounding.

he had been doing his best to remain calm, but inwardly, his mind was scrambling for ideas on how the fuck to survive and what the fuck was going on.

was this what changkyun meant by hurt them?

climbing onto the counter, jun hoisted himself up to investigate the window. the glass seemed thin, and the wall was a bit tall on the outside. if they jumped out of it, the worst injury they could get was a rolled or broken ankle from landing badly. 

"it's a doable jump," jun said. "we don't have any other option."

getting anxious, mingyu walked over towards wonwoo and held him tightly. wonwoo soothingly pat his arm, but was clearly freaking out as well.

jun looked nervously at the vent above the door. they hadn't been able to cover it all the way; the vent was high-up on the wall. if smoke came in, they would die of that before any potential flames killed them.

"what the hell do we do then?" mingyu asked.

jun ran his hands down his face. "it'll have to be the window. we can't take any chances. we're trapped in here."

\---


	44. 四十四//사십사

四十四//사십사  
forty-four  
//minghao

he had seen situations like these in movies. where the two main leads were separated, and one was in danger and the other was lashing out, pacing and scared, losing all common sense.

minghao found it a bit jarring that he was reacting the opposite.

he had hailed a taxi from the hospital, quite calmly, and frigidly sat in the back seat. his thoughts were a dull roar in the back of his head, not quite pounding, not too loud to be distracting. his heart thudded slower than usual. each beat felt heavy and weighed down with gravity.

the cars outside seemed to be moving too slow. colors had desaturated. his breath a bit too shallow. the numbness of feeling only interrupted by the feeling of sweaty palms clasped together.

it was too calm for someone who was distressed.

"how much longer?" minghao asked with stoicism.

the taxi driver glanced back in the rear view mirror. to say minghao's attitude wasn't worrying was an understatement. anyone could tell that there was something wrong, and minghao was trying to compensate for it.

"roughly three more minutes, traffic's a bit tight," the driver responded. "uh- you alright there?"

clearly not, and despite not understanding a word of his rushed mandarin over the phone earlier, minghao just nodded. "yeah, i'm okay."

i have to be okay.

he counted the passing trees. he had made it to 32 trees before the driver spoke up.

"holy shit- are you sure this is the place?"

minghao looked outside. his eyes widened immediately. they had pulled up to the side of the parking lot, and several meters away, there was the arcade. the side of it was smoking.

jun-

he paid the driver quickly, snapping out of his daze. he ran up, stopped by a crowd who was staring at the arcade. fire trucks and police cars had kept the people at bay. he scanned the crowd and first-responders for any sign of jun or his friends. there was none.

panicked, he sped over to a police officer. "uh, hello, where are all the people who were inside?"

the officer pointed to a clearing with ambulances parked. some people were being checked for injuries there.

"are there still people inside?" minghao asked.

the police officer looked at him for a moment. "the firemen are still checking it out. if you're looking for someone, i advise you to go by the ambulances."

minghao swallowed and cast a look at the smoke. there was no obvious fire, but that doesn't mean nothing was happening inside.

he ran over to the area with he ambulances, scanning for any sign of jun, wonwoo or mingyu. there was none. panic rose further in his chest, clawing at his throat from the inside and tearing away at him.

pushing it down, he looked at the people who had been inside. at most, people were bruised and coughing. the bruises were probably from pushing each other aside and the coughs were from the smoke. he didn't see anyone being treated for burns.

granted, the smoke will kill you before the flames do. 

minghao slapped his arm for thinking that. anxiety bubbled up again. he walked over to some trees nearby to steady his thoughts, quietly counting the branches on the ground.

"are you xu minghao?"

startled, minghao spun on his heel to face the person who had spoken behind him. he frowned, his guard instantly raising when he met their eyes. he was dressed in black, which wasn't necessarily conspicuous, and was holding a cell-phone towards him. if jun were here, he would've made a comment about how he seemed like a bad guy henchman.

"changkyun is on the phone. answer it," the man said.

minghao regarded him carefully and slowly reached for the phone. if anyone jumped him they would have the balls do to it in front of emergency vehicles and plenty of cops.

so this is how bad guys do it? a bit cliche, minghao thought before raising the phone to his ear. "what do you want?"

"minghao! there you are. you left so suddenly. i had grown lonely," mused changkyun on the other end.

minghao opened his mouth to respond, then paused. he heard people milling about, wherever changkyun was. lots of them. the chatter was dull and there seemed to be a whir of machinery close by. was he still in the hospital?

"i'll repeat myself," minghao muttered. "what do you want?"

"a lot of things. like the money jun owes me. to see you and him suffer."

"classic villainy," minghao muttered, looking back to the arcade. no one had exited it yet.

"villainy? how harsh of you. but anyways, how are junhui and his friends? are they out?"

minghao looked around, casting a look at the men dressed in black, who stood dully about a meter away. he must not be getting updates.

"what's the point of calling me if you know what's going on?" minghao asked carefully, choosing to humor him.

"for the fun of it. i want to hear the fear in your voice- but i must say, i'm a bit disappointed. you don't sound scared. tell me... is that a coping mechanism? living with your father, not knowing if he was going to drop dead, probably waiting in hospital rooms unsure if the operation would be a success... you're too used to knowing your loved ones are in danger."

minghao's grip tightened on the phone. he closed his eyes, urging himself not to fall for his taunts. "it's better to be calm and collected in the midst of this."

"hmph. you're not as fun, not like junhui. he likes to act all brave but once you hit him hard enough he cracks. seeing him terrified and hopeless... it's all quite worth it."

minghao frowned. that last sentence seemed loaded. "what's worth it?"

"maybe someday you'll understand. but for now, watch yourself. you'll see i'm being merciful this time."

"yeah? well, to hell with your mercy." minghao said into the phone, then hung up swiftly. he felt like a bit of a badass for that one.

the man extended his hand for the phone and minghao passed it to him, watching him walk away. when the man was no longer in sight, minghao let out a breathy exhale and sank to his knees.

think, think, think! changkyun called from the hospital, so he's still there. did he actually have a reason for being there besides sending threats? what did he mean by it's worth it?

minghao groaned and hung his head.

minutes ticked by and he had run out of branches to count, so he chose to just count numbers in his head.

he was about to reach 20 when his head snapped up, recognizing three figures stumbling out of the other side of the building.

jun, wonwoo and mingyu.

he leapt to his feet, running over. the three of them were led by some firemen over to the ambulances. minghao called his name and jun perked up.

dashing forward, minghao skidded to a halt in front of jun. they both seemed to pause, looking at each other in shock. then, minghao leaned forward and hugged him.

he didn't have anything to say in that moment. he buried his head in jun's chest, hugging him tightly, feeling jun's arms tighten around his shoulders. minghao was brought even closer, and they stood there for a few moments in each other's embrace.

a paramedic checked jun out, minghao hovering out of the way with his back against one of the ambulances. jun was fine, save for a cough and some minor cuts. he explained that he, wonwoo and mingyu had been trapped in a bathroom and had to break a window to get out. the cuts were from the glass and were mostly on his arms and hands.

mingyu escaped with similar injuries. only wonwoo fared the worst with a rolled ankle from jumping, but nothing too serious.

eventually, they were deemed to be alright and the four of them sat down on some grass close by. wonwoo let out a sigh, collapsing into mingyu's arms. minghao and jun's hips were touching, with minghao patting jun's knee.

wonwoo and mingyu were quietly talking. minghao realized he hadn't said a word. quietly, he turned to jun and asked, "are you okay?"

solemnly, jun nodded. "i'm okay. just some scratches."

wincing, jun coughed into his elbow. "and a cough. a given."

"this is my fault," minghao murmured. tears started to well up. he looked down at his lap.

jun reached over and held the hand on his knee. his thumb traced the back of minghao's hand. "no, it's changkyun's. don't blame yourself for this. the firemen said that the fire was minor, probably started by a faulty cable. everyone except for us got out before the smoke got too bad, we just got trapped in the bathroom. probably by you-know-who."

"no, jun, you don't get it," minghao sighed, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand.

he heard jun sigh beside him. then, the hand on his hand went to his cheek and cupped it gently, having minghao meet jun's gaze.

"we can talk about this when we get back," jun murmured. "i'm safe. mingyu is safe. wonwoo is safe. hao, it's okay."

minghao couldn't do anything but bite his lip. if he said anything else, he would probably start to sob. jun noticed, and pressed minghao to his chest. minghao rest his head on jun's shoulder, quietly crying. maybe jun was too, his chest was rising a bit too fast.

"i was so worried," minghao whispered. "if anything happened to you... i don't know what i would do with myself."

"it's okay," jun whispered.

eventually, the four got up and left, getting taxis back home. minghao and jun were quiet, sitting close together. their fingers were interlocked tightly, a reminder almost, that they were together.

\---


	45. 四十五//사십오

四十五//사십오  
forty-five  
//junhui

ever since they got back, jun noticed that minghao was hovering. it had become late, somewhere around eight at night. and wherever he was around the apartment, minghao would follow at a distance. he tried to be inconspicuous about it, but jun noticed quickly.

if he went into the kitchen, minghao would get up and hang around the counter. if jun sat down on the couch, minghao would sit nearby. if he sat down at the table, of course, minghao would follow.

they hadn't talked much since they got back. clearly, there was something weighing on minghao's mind.

jun told him he was going to go lay down, and to no one's surprise, minghao asked if he could follow. in his mind, jun grinned. 

aha, you've fallen for my trap. now, i will make you open up about your feelings.

the two got settled on jun's bed, a fair amount of distance between them. minghao was probably feeling awkward. it was evident, as he had turned to his back and was scrolling on his phone. jun turned to his side, watching him for a bit.

"hao," he murmured after a moment.

there was a hum in response, but minghao didn't look away from his phone. jun reached out and pressed his arm down to put away the phone. minghao tensed for a brief moment, not expecting it, but quickly relaxing at the sight of watercolors dancing on their skin.

he turned over to his side, recognizing that jun needed something. minghao's face was relatively impassive, as it had been for the rest of the afternoon following the fire.

"you okay?" minghao asked.

"yeah, i'm okay," jun responded.

he watched as minghao looked down at his arms. they had a few bandages on from where he got cut by glass. he had another on his upper back. 

"minghao, i'm okay," he reassured. "really. the cuts aren't that bad. we just had to crawl out of the window because it was a bit narrow."

"how'd you break it?"

jun laughed a bit. "hit the edges as hard as we could with bathroom supplies. like a plunger. you can't hit the center of the window, that's bad. i wanted to just hit it with my elbow, but i was quickly shut down, thank god. otherwise, i would break my elbow and not the glass."

minghao 'tched.' "i'm glad your friends aren't dumb."

"they are, just less so than me," jun said teasingly.

it got quiet again. jun shuffled closer, carefully draping his arm around minghao's side. slowly enough for minghao to realize and tell him to stop if he wanted. but he didn't. instead, minghao reached out and grabbed his arm, lightly going over the bandages. jun relaxed into his pillow with a sigh.

gradually, minghao's emotionless mask started slipping. his eyes seemed puffy and red, his lips parted in an exhausted sigh.

"what's wrong?"jun asked him gently. his hand crept up and started running down his side, lightly tickling it. "you started to say something earlier at the arcade."

minghao avoided his gaze. then, softly, he said, "there's this old french play, le cid. in it, the main character has to choose between two actions. both equally harmful, with negative consequences to himself or others. you would call this the 'cornelian dillema'."

"sounds like some smart shit."

cracking a small smile, minghao continued. "you can think of, picking the lesser of two evils, i guess."

jun frowned. he could tell where this was going.

"did changkyun make you do that?"

minghao nodded. "i guess, similar to what's already happening with you. but he made me choose between paying him money, or you and your friends getting hurt. something like 50 hundred thousand won. and... i chose the latter. and i'm so, so, sorry. it was a selfish decision and it ended up like this-"

"minghao, no, no. it's okay," jun shushed.

"is it? yeah, you guys are all more or less okay. but it could have been so much worse. if the fire wasn't small, you could've been sent to the hospital instead of coming back. or, maybe i'd get a call from heeyeon saying you were in a car accident. or had been beat up again. and wonwoo and mingyu... they don't deserve to be pulled into this!"

jun's chest felt heavy. he knew this too well. changkyun liked to do this a lot, where he presented two options. both could be equally bad. if you paid the money, you'd get trapped into a larger debt. you could never fully pay it back, even if you gathered it all. but if you chose to risk someone else's well-being, it was vague. changkyun would either not do very much at all, or go all out with violence.

he sighed and rubbed minghao's waist. "minghao, you knew that if you chose to pay the money, you'd have loan sharks coming after you even more. there would be no end to it. and you must've trusted me enough to get everyone to safety. it was a risk you had to take."

"but it's not right."

"it's changkyun. he thrives on fucking with people," jun said bitterly. "he enjoys blurring morals for his own sick pleasure. he's done the same thing with me. it's... it's awful."

it got quiet again. minghao was looking down, probably thinking about how guilty he felt. jun kept tickling his back and side, drawing swirls of patterns through his shirt.

"can i hug you?" minghao suddenly asked, gently.

jun smiled and nodded. he scooted closer, intending to wrap minghao in his arms. but instead, minghao reached for jun and pulled him into his chest. jun was momentarily stunned.

but... i'm the big spoon.

minghao had one arm over jun's side, pressing against his back. his other, the one that they laid on, wrapped around his neck. his hand ran through jun's hair.

"i'm sorry," he said again.

"i know you are. but i'm okay. i'm honestly glad you didn't choose to pay changkyun. this shit ain't fun."

snuggling closer, jun held onto minghao tightly. he was warm.

"i was so scared," minghao said softly.

"i know, i know," jun soothed.

minghao sighed quietly. "can i kiss you?"

jun hummed against his chest and began to turn his head up, but was stopped by minghao who softly kissed jun's forehead instead. internally, his heart combusted from the softness. holy shit. it was just a forehead kiss but- goddamn.

they lay like that for a long time. eventually, jun noticed that minghao had fallen asleep. it was dark outside, so he figured that he might as well do the same. he sat up, moving minghao's arm out from underneath him so it wouldn't go numb. he pulled the blankets up as well.

as jun went to lay back down, he looked down at minghao and smiled to himself. he reached out and lightly swept away minghao's bangs, staring at his face for a moment. then he went closer, leaning into minghao's chest.

it was actually nice, being the little spoon.

\---


	46. 四十六//사십육

四十六//사십육  
forty-six  
//minghao

when minghao woke up, he felt lost for a moment.

these weren't his blankets. this wasn't his pillow. a lamp had been left on, and minghao usually slept in darkness.

when he saw jun laying next to him, he realized he had fallen asleep in his bedroom. jun's face was centimetres away from his own, the covers pulled up to their shoulders. minghao smiled softly. jun must've tucked them both in.

lightly, to not wake him, minghao reached out and brushed jun's hair out of his face. he rested his palm on jun's cheek, creating a burst of watercolor on their skin.

he lay like that for a little while longer. eyes laden with sleep, minghao gazed at jun's features. they had been traced into his memory at this point. jun's soft eyelashes, the curved bridge of his nose, the way his lips parted as he slept.

it would be nice if they could stay like this.

where it was safe.

where they were together.

minghao was pulled out his thoughts when jun began to stir. he hummed lightly, then his eyes flicked open. he stared at minghao, a lazy smile upturning his features.

"morning," said minghao softly.

jun reached up and placed his hand on top of minghao's, the one on jun's cheek. his were larger, minghao noticed.

"how'd you sleep?" jun asked. his voice was scratchy and low.

"good, you?"

"a bit sore, but otherwise, good."

letting out a sigh, minghao rubbed his thumb under jun's eye.

"what are you thinking about?" asked minghao.

"thinking about kissing you like this."

a bit startled, minghao blushed. he smiled shyly. "then do it."

jun leaned in, their lips pressed against each other's. it was a bit messy, both of them had just woken up. minghao dropped his hand from jun's face to his neck, pulling him close. he felt jun's hand press against his side, closer to the pits of his arms. minghao giggled lightly at the touch, surprising jun.

"are you ticklish, hao?" asked jun.

"not really, but there i am," minghao admitted. "sorry."

jun snorted. "what's there to apologize for?"

before minghao could respond, jun sat up and kissed minghao. his hand pressed on his shoulder, pushing minghao from his side to his back. he gasped quietly. jun leaned over him from the side, their chests pressing together as they kissed.

minghao's hands went to jun's face and back, while jun used his forearm to hold his weight and the other tilted minghao up by his chin.

after a moment, they broke away. minghao looked up at jun, thinking. he broke out into a wide smile. jun noticed with a raised eyebrow.

"what?" he asked.

humming in response, minghao tilted his head. there were words forming in his chest, faint but distinct. not strong enough to say yet, but the feeling was there. minghao curled his fingers, running them across jun's cheek, watching the watercolors go by. warmth trailed up his hand.

"am i not allowed to smile, now?" teased minghao.

jun shook his head, bending down to steal another kiss. minghao broke away first, looking at his features again.

"you're handsome," he told jun. "i like you like this."

"what- with messy bed hair and a swollen face from sleeping?"

minghao leaned up and caught jun's lips briefly. "you're perfect."

blinking in surprise, a look of shock passed over jun's face. minghao laughed as his face reddened.

"you don't flirt like this often," jun said. he lay down on minghao's chest, burying his face in minghao's shoulder. probably to hide his flustered expression.

at that, minghao 'tched' sarcastically. "i know. your reactions are cute. and i'm not just flirting, i'm stating a fact."

a few moments passed. minghao wrapped his arms across jun's back.

"we should get breakfast," he pointed out.

muffled, jun groaned. "let's just... stay like this some more. you're warm, hao."

grinning, minghao just nodded and tightened their embrace.

\---

later in the afternoon, after school, seungcheol arrived. he wanted to talk to them on behalf of shownu and figure out what was going on with changkyun.

surprising minghao, there was another person who had tagged along when he had opened the door.

"hello, fellow homosexuals," jeonghan greeted, carrying a large package of oreos.

jun and minghao blinked, but gestured them inside. seungcheol just sighed.

the four of them got settled on the couch, minghao and jun sitting with their waists touching. minghao leaned over and whispered to jun, "is it okay if jeonghan overhears?"

jun nodded. right, jeonghan knew the situation anyways.

solemnly, minghao and jun told seungcheol everything that had happened the day prior. changkyun showing at the hospital, the deal, and the fire. throughout it, seungcheol's expression had hardened and he grew stiff in his seat.

"what the fuck?" he said quietly, almost restraining himself. jeonghan cast a worried look at him.

jun shrugged helplessly. "so, what do we do?"

"well firstly, i can talk to shownu and get him to set up a tighter police presence around the hospital. that way your dad isn't in danger," seungcheol began. "and wonwoo and mingyu don't know anything, so... personally, i would rather keep it that way. but how can we keep them safe? police at the hospital is nothing new, but suddenly stationing more around those two would just paint bigger targets on their backs."

minghao frowned, thinking quietly. it was risky. if changkyun found out about police watching over wonwoo and mingyu, it'd serve as more reason to hurt them or someone else. not to mention, changkyun had people inside the department. it wouldn't mean much.

"actually," jeonghan spoke up. "i have a place-"

jun scoffed. "of course."

"-for those two to stay. as you know, son of rich ceo," explained jeonghan. "they complain about their current apartment, i'm sure they wouldn't mind. but again, back to the son of a rich ceo portion. jun, why won't you let me fix the loan?"

jun shook his head. "he wouldn't accept it."

"but he doesn't have to find out," jeonghan pointed out.

"he would find out anyways," jun sighed. "he knows i don't have the money. if i suddenly scraped up enough to pay him back, he'd figure it out. that's why we have to stop him somehow before the loan is due."

the whole thing really was hopeless. minghao swallowed, not wanting to think about what would happen if they failed. then, he frowned, and looked at jun.

"wait," he started. "maybe i'm looking to deeply into things, but isn't it weird? he has a massive amount of money he needs from you, but he knows that you can't pay it back. and yet, he's still asking. and then, when he offered me a deal, he says it was separate from qianxia's debt."

"which means... what? that he's going after jun?" seungcheol frowned. "i mean, it's pretty obvious."

"right. okay. but for some reason, he approached me out of nowhere and asked me to pay him. why?"

jeonghan blinked. "because he has to? he's a loan shark?"

"no, i mean. there's something weird. suddenly asking for 50 million won, to pay for the first loan? changkyun is smart, he knows how to trap people. it would've been easier if he lowered the price to something more reasonable," minghao continued. "but he didn't. my theory is that for some reason, he needs the money badly. and then, this sudden end date for jun. why now? after all of this time? the debt is an insanely high price, and fueled by a personal vendetta, but it could also be more.

"i'm serious... changkyun needs money for something. maybe it's for ryeojoon or maybe it's because he doesn't have enough? at the arcade, i only saw one of changkyun's men there. he acted like he had seen everything, but he thought jun, mingyu and wonwoo were already out. bu they weren't, they were still inside. the fire was minor. i think he wants us to believe he's just playing with us, but in reality he can't staff enough people to help him or afford to cause more damage."

beside him, jun had started to fidget. minghao noticed and rubbed his thigh calmingly.

"these are all assumptions," seungcheol pointed out. "we have no proof."

"i think changkyun is full of bullshit," minghao said honestly. "even when we went to hyungwon's, one of the guys who beat us up was there. now that i think about it, the man at the arcade was also at hyungwon's. changkyun doesn't have enough people and i'm willing to bet it's because of money reasons. something got fucked up, making him desperate."

it went quiet for a moment. minghao's words were sinking in, the others mulling over them quietly.

then, jun spoke up. "well, we would need proof, right? proof that his loan rates have been going higher and also that he can't afford much."

"do loan sharks carry flash drives with all of their victims information and debt?" jeonghan said jokingly. a glare from seungcheol shut him up.

"no," jun admitted. he leaned forward, eyes sparkling with an idea. "but they know. seungcheol... is there a way you could interrogate one of them?"

"it'd be hard," seungcheol admitted. "we'd have to figure out their identity and gain a warrant from the judge. we don't have the basis for either of those things."

"yes we do!" jun grinned. 

he pulled out his phone and swiped through his photos. he stopped on a photo of a car. minghao recognized it as the one changkyun's men pulled up to hyungwon's in. the license plate was clearly displayed. he passed the phone to seungcheol.

"as for warrants..." carried on jun with a triumphant smirk. "medical records from when that guy beat me up. witness statements from the both of us. hyungwon if he's willing to cooperate."

humming, seungcheol looked back up at the two of them. "i can work with this. this is a good lead. i'll take this photo to shownu, hopefully we can get it past the command chain and not be stopped along the way. this- this had better be something."

they talked some more, discussing ideas on what to do. seungcheol would figure it out with shownu, and until then, jun and minghao were to lay low. jeonghan would find a place for mingyu and wonwoo to stay.

if everything went well, it could be taken care of safely.

"can you give me a ride?" jeonghan asked seungcheol when he stood to leave. "i don't feel like hailing a taxi."

"this wouldn't be an issue if you didn't get your license suspended," seungcheol sighed. "fine. where to? joshua's?"

when jeonghan nodded, jun shot up out of his seat with a gasp.

"so are you guys dating or not?" jun demanded.

the three of them turned to look at jeonghan pointedly, who had frozen. then, he exhaled in defeat.

"well," jeonghan murmured. "yes. we are dating."

shouting in triumph, seungcheol and jun high-fived each other.

"it's about time, you gay ass," teased seungcheol. "joshua has been complaining to me for so long, about how he felt like you hated him because you weren't soulmates, even though you clearly crush on each other like elementary students. let's go, i'd happily drive you over to his rich twink house."

cursing under his breath, jeonghan bade jun and minghao a goodbye and followed seungcheol out the door. when they had left, jun collapsed back into the couch, cuddling up to minghao.

"you okay?" asked minghao.

"don't know," murmured jun. "but, for the first time in awhile, i have some hope. and... i really want to hold on to it."

grabbing jun's shoulders, minghao positioned jun to lay in his lap. jun looked up at minghao's face, his expression indiscernible. softly, minghao brushed his hand under jun's cheek.

"i don't know what i'll do if this fails," jun said quietly.

minghao's eyebrows creased together. "don't worry about that. it's not going to."

"god... i really want to believe you're right."

\---


	47. 四十七//사십칠

四十七//사십칠  
forty-seven  
//junhui

minghao was born to dance.

as they practiced their choreo that following tuesday, jun kept staring at minghao in the mirror. goddamn, he was elegant.

gravity loosened its hold on him, allowing minghao to seemingly glide through the air. his limbs rose in gentle, but strong movements. his legs carried him through graceful jumps as if he were a feather falling to the ground.

his heart pounded.

"jun," minghao called, once the song had come to an end. "we need to make the ending... better."

"better? in what way?" jun lay down on the ground, breathing heavily from exhaustion.

the sound of shoes squeaking against the dance floor were all that could be heard for a moment. jun looked up, seeing that minghao was coming up with some movements in the mirror.

"the choreo is supposed to represent us as soulmates, right?" minghao asked. "there's this common theme, of coming together and then being pulled apart. the ending is good, don't get me wrong, but there needs to be more."

making his way over, minghao pulled jun up. he led him through the dances, the two of them rushing through some complicated footwork. then, he pulled in close. minghao leaned his back against jun's chest and set his hands on his waist.

"can you lift me into the air?" minghao asked.

jun nodded, then minghao guided him to lift him upwards. he watched in the mirror, minghao striking a breathtaking pose that reminded jun of a renaissance painting. then, jun set him down, and minghao led him into the ending pose, where minghao hugged him tightly with his leg draped around jun's waist.

jun's heart pounded louder. minghao began to explain the artistic significance of it, which got drowned out in jun's ears. grinning softly, he pet minghao's hair and dragged his fingers down his back.

"what are you doing?" minghao asked.

jun smirked, then grabbed minghao's other thigh to hook him around his waist. minghao let out a shout of surprise, wrapping his arms around jun's neck as he was hoisted into the air.

"hao, you're cute," laughed jun.

teasingly, jun asked for a kiss. with a grin minghao leaned down and briefly caught jun's lips.

minghao broke away with a quiet sigh, making jun widen his eyes. minghao ignored it. "we should keep practicing. but do you like the idea?"

"i do, very much."

\---

when they got back to the apartment, minghao had gone straight to the kitchen to start on dinner. he occasionally checked his phone, seemingly waiting for something. jun watched him from a stool at the counter.

since shit happened with seokmin, minghao had been hanging out with jun and his friends. he didn't mind, in fact he was happy that minghao was getting out of his shell, but there was still a dissonance. he quietly hoped that they could rekindle things soon.

"oh shit," minghao said softly, staring at his phone while he lazily stirred a pot on the stove. "i've got our way to meet kihyun."

jun blinked. "wait, really? how?"

"this is pure luck. but heeyeon is throwing a banquet this saturday. it's to fund research for lover's heart disease. she said she's close to a breakthrough. but anyways, there's going to be a lot of rich people there. kihyun is going, and supposed to perform."

"damn, heeyeon said she had connections but i didn't know she knew celebrities."

minghao nodded. "she texted me just now. she invited us, dad's also going. does that sound good?"

jun walked over, making eye contact with minghao as he gave him a back hug, waiting to be told to stop. when minghao nodded, he slouched into it, drooping his head onto minghao's shoulder.

"it does," said jun. "can't wait."

he mulled over it in his head. this saturday... this saturday was the seventh. currently, it was the third.

seventeen days until minghao would choose.

things seemed to be going well. realistically, it should go okay. right?

his stomach churned. so much could go wrong. he hugged minghao tighter at the thought.

"until then, we wait for seungcheol and shownu," minghao continued.

humming, jun softly rubbed minghao's stomach. he shifted, probably a bit taken back, but didn't say anything.

"you okay?" minghao asked gently.

in all honesty, no. but he didn't want to talk about the twentieth. after all, that was minghao's choice. he knew jun's feelings. hearing him be nervous about it would just make minghao feel guilty.

he was also scared, of a lot of things. but he didn't feel like talking about them. 

leaning forward more, jun huffed a sigh. hugging minghao like this was nice. "how come you don't have any nicknames for me, hao?"

minghao shook his head. "not sure. what should i call you?"

"i can think of several, but you should make them up. it's not much of a nickname if i chose them," jun pointed out.

although a bit awkward from the different angles, minghao leaned his head back on jun's shoulder. his hand came up to his jaw, brushing it softly.

"you act like a dog, but you remind me more of a cat," minghao said bluntly. his eyes narrowed. "...kitten?"

instantly, jun blushed. "i mean..."

it was easy to notice how flustered jun was. with a smirk, minghao leaned closer, pulling his jaw close as he murmured into jun's neck, "kitten."

"isn't that kind of sexual though?" panicked jun.

minghao shook his head and went back to stirring. there was some sort of broth with meat and vegetables inside. "i mean, it can be, but kitten is a cute nickname. maybe i won't call you that often."

there was a sigh of relief from jun. minghao plated the soup, setting their respective bowls down at the counter. before they could sit down, minghao tugged on the hem of jun's shirt. he turned, but was suddenly pushed back against the counter, minghao in front. his palms rested on the surface beside him, trapping him there.

"uh... hao..?" jun smiled in confusion.

a moment passed. minghao blinked. "junnie."

jun's lips parted slightly, surprised at the suddenness of it. minghao had never said his name with an ie, at the end of it. which suggested that he was saying it endearingly.

holy shit.

jun had said minghao's name cutely, but only to tease him. being on the receiving end... it was different, to say the least.

but of course, being the spineless homosexual he was, he enjoyed it.

"you're blushing," minghao pointed out. his face had also been dusted pink.

"you called me junnie."

"is that okay?"

no longer able to contain it, jun burst into a wide smile. "of course it is. can i kiss you? please?"

"i don't think i'll call you junnie often."

"that's fine. please kiss me."

"it's kind of out of character for me to call you something cute."

"minghao-"

silencing him, minghao leaned forward and kissed him. jun made a surprised noise, but quickly melted into it. he draped his arms over minghao's shoulders and deepened it, then willingly surrendering and letting minghao lead.

one of minghao's hands went to his waist, the other to his shoulder. he stepped a bit forward, his hand slipping under his shirt and pressing against his skin. warmth blossomed from the touch. neither really cared, but jun blushed at the feeling.

he broke apart for a moment, gazing down at minghao's lips. they'd be swollen soon. smiling at the thought, jun went forward again, catching his bottom lip in the kiss.

seconds passed, but they felt longer. at some point they stopped, minghao resting his head against jun's chest.

"let's go eat," he murmured. "the food will get cold."

later that night, minghao slept in jun's bed again.

he fell asleep first, his face merely centimetres away from jun's. 

it was cold that night, so the blankets were cool when they got in. the night had a fuzzy hum to it, faded white noise in the background. the lamp he always left on cast warm light over minghao's face. his chest rose and fell in his sleep.

jun thought of that word again.

serendipitous.

he still didn't know the meaning, and he didn't want to, either. he wanted to focus on that feeling... that warmth, that quiet happiness. a certain specialness of being with those you care for.

that was the moment.

when jun was watching minghao sleep, that he had a realization.

it was as every bit as shocking and terrifying as it made perfect fucking sense. minghao sleeping there next to him felt so right. kissing him put the world into focus, holding him brought him peace. listening to him speak and watching him dance were absolutely beautiful.

that was the moment.

it came to him in gentle shades of ocean blue, lulling softly into shore, dappled in painted colors of warmth and serendipity.

jun was hopelessly in love with xu minghao.

\---


	48. 四十八//사십팔

四十八//사십팔  
forty-eight  
//minghao

seokmin told him hello that wednesday morning.

it was the first thing he said to him in a week.

simple enough, he simply passed by him in music theory, met eye contact, and said 'hello.'

minghao was too surprised to form a response back, just awkwardly waved like a dumbass. seungkwan was there too and was smiling after. maybe it was a hint that things could get better.

well, not really.

on the bus ride back to the apartment, jun's parents called him. minghao didn't want to eavesdrop, but it was nearly impossible when they shared a seat together. his grip on jun's hand tightened, sensing him stiffen when he picked up the call.

his mother was calling him primarily, his father piping up from the background. some sentences were in mandarin, the others in cantonese, so he couldn't understand all of it.

"college is going well," jun said quietly. "you know, there's a big end of the year assembly that i'm going to be performing in, would you like to-"

he was cut off, his face growing grim. no, his parents said. too expensive. just a concert. not worth the money.

after talking some more, jun sighed and nervously began, "you know... changkyun is after me again-"

"see?" minghao heard his parents say. "it's dangerous too. just figure it out, we'll be staying here."

"but-"

"oh, don't be so sensitive. it's your fault for letting yourself be found. just focus on school... put your energy into your grades. knowing you, they're probably not that good anyways."

there was a strong urge to grab jun's phone and yell at his mother. swallowing his rage, minghao latched onto jun's arm and gently pat his thigh.

the call ended shortly after. jun set his phone down but didn't say anything, just rest his head on minghao's shoulder.

when they arrived back, minghao pulled jun to sit on the couch with him. he helped him out of his jacket, and for a moment, the two of them sat there. jun looked down at his lap, quietly. minghao's heart ached with concern. he reached out and pulled jun into a hug, laying back onto the couch and pulling jun onto his chest.

"you want to talk?" minghao asked softly.

jun sniffled, playing with the threads of minghao's sweater. "i probably should."

"you don't have to if you don't want to. regardless, i'm right here."

letting out a sigh, jun muffled his face in minghao's chest. then he turned and spoke. "that's the first time my parents have called me since october. we don't talk much, anymore."

minghao listened quietly, circling shapes onto his back soothingly.

"i haven't seen them since they moved," he murmured quiet.y "it's been years. the way they talk to me hasn't changed. they don't care. they don't even know my life is in danger. hell, they don't even know about you. i'm- i'm so sorry-"

"junhui," minghao said quietly, shushing him. "you don't have to apologize for that. it doesn't matter to me whether or not they know we're soulmates."

again, it was quiet. jun spoke up again, his voice barely above a whisper, "but it matters to me."

minghao wondered if jun was thinking about the deal. he had been acting a little off that morning, but nothing uncharacteristic. 

"they always do this though. they don't expect anything from me. the only good thing they've done for me was paying for my college, probably because they felt guilty that they aren't actual parents to me. they're the people who raised me but abandoned me in a foreign country, all alone to cope with my grief," whispered jun bitterly. 

he sucked in a breath. "they would say, we clothed you, we fed you, we gave a roof over your head. we paid for your college. are you so incompetent you can't do shit yourself? you cannot be respectful? one time, mother saw my shit grades. she had said, 'wow, i can't believe both of my children are failures, alive and dead.' i'm just... i'm so tired of them."

the urge to punch his parents was even stronger now. he remembered what jun had told him in the hospital, about feeling like he was nothing, and it was beginning to make sense.

"jun," minghao tried, tightening his hug. "you're not a failure. you don't owe your parents anything. caring for you throughout childhood is literally the bare minimum for a parent to do. it's expected. and if they hold it over your head to appear morally superior, then they certainly don't deserve respect."

jun tensed a bit, shaking. it seemed like he was doing his best not to cry.

"you can cry," minghao said softly. "i think i've only seen cry once. it's okay to, you're safe."

inhaling shakily, jun simply replied, "if i cry, i think my voice would shatter."

the last time he cried, he had also been talking about how his parents left, but also how scared he was of changkyun.

it must've been paralyzing, isolated from a young age, with parents who didn't care, expected to manage emotionally by yourself. as the realization dawned on him, minghao held him tighter.

jun was lonely. and a lot more than minghao had thought before.

"hao... you're squeezing me."

"i don't want to let you go. even if you shatter... i'm right here to help pick up the pieces again," responded minghao. he still slackened his grip a bit, worried about hurting him.

"but you could get hurt-"

"i won't."

jun sighed. "you're stubborn."

minghao just shrugged. he ran his hand through jun's hair, massaging his scalp. jun still didn't cry, but minghao could feel his body relax as the tensity seeped out of him.

they lay like that for a bit longer. minghao's arm had gone numb, but he didn't really care. they only stilled once minghao got a phone call. his blood ran cold when he saw the caller id, recognizing it as shownu's.

he listened solemnly, anixety rising in the pit of his stomach. technically, it was good news. when he hung up, he looked at jun's expectant face with a nervous expression.

"they got one of changkyun's guys," minghao explained. "they were a lot faster then expected. shownu would like us at the station as quickly as possible."

"oh shit," was all that jun said.

right, it was good news.

but if changkyun found out, who knew what could happen to their loved ones.

minghao ruffled jun's hair. "let's hurry."

\---

seungcheol was waiting outside the doors to the police department when they arrived. he smiled at them, but it was grim. he led them hurriedly inside.

they entered one of those rooms that minghao had only seen in movies. those rooms connected to the interrogation one, split by a one way mirror that allowed minghao to look inside.

seated at the table inside, the only furniture there, were two familiar faces. one was shownu, who looked especially intimidating with his button-up that squeezed to accommodate his broad shoulders and thick biceps. the other was the man who had choked jun in the alleyway and had appeared at hyungwon's manor.

jun grew still beside him. reassuringly, minghao held his hand.

"shownu just started," seungcheol explained. "the man's name is nam sungkeun. his backstory isn't anything special, basically had been living on and off the streets and joined changkyun's gang to avoid that life. he hasn't really said anything, hasn't even asked for a lawyer either."

minghao nodded, watching quietly.

shownu shuffled through some papers in a file, then looked up. "so... nam sungkeun. born 1972. from the looks of it here... well, really there's not a lot. i see you did wrestling in high school, but was expelled from the team for aggressive and disorderly conduct. served in the military, but was dishonorably discharged for the same reasons. sorry to hear that."

sungkeun shrugged. he was maybe a bit shorter than shownu, with similar broad shoulders. his cheekbones were high-cut. maybe he would've been attractive, if not for the glaring eyes and crooked nose, probably from breaking it.

"so you work with im changkyun, how's that?" shownu asked.

sungkeun shrugged, but didn't reply.

"i assume grueling. beat up by two college students... but the injuries they reported to have inflicted don't match the ones you have right now," shownu gestured to the bruises and bandages on his arms and neck. "who did those to you? changkyun? for not being able to follow orders?"

a flash of discomfort could be seen on sungkeun's face, but he still was silent.

"he's an interesting one. i knew him in college, regretfully," shownu admitted. "damn, he knows how to fuck with you and rope you in. what... did he offer you money? safety? a chance to get off your ass? maybe he's threatening you with something to keep you tied to him."

"shut up."

minghao blinked in surprise at sungkeun speaking for the first time. seungcheol looked proud.

"i'm sure you must have some hatred towards the man. impossible demands, bitchy attitude, making you go beat up some innocent kids for fuck's sake. who the hell does that?" shownu continued.

the expression on sungkeun's face was an almost constipated mix of angry and uncomfortable. "what do you want?"

"information. on changkyun specifically." replied shownu. "interestingly, you didn't lawyer up. if you did, it's because you have something for lose. right now... you seem like a man who doesn't have anything at all."

shownu rolled up his sleeves and then crossed his arms, his muscles straining further. it was impressive on the protected window end, but to sungkeun, it was probably terrifying.

"i'll give you an offer," said shownu. "you agree to give me all the information you have on changkyun, then i'll let you go. anywhere. i'll even arrange to get you to a different city, away from changkyun. or, you don't. in that case you are jailed for the felony of aggravated assault, gang violence, extortion, organized crime... the list could continue. i'll step out for a moment and let you think."

shownu exited his chair, smoothing out his shirt as he stood to his full impressive height. he reentered into the room outside, greeting minghao and jun.

jun bit his lip nervously. "what's going to happen?"

"that all depends on sungkeun. hopefully, he agrees and we get information," said shownu. "otherwise... well, we're kind of fucked. i tried to keep this discreet as possible because changkyun has connections here. if all goes well, this will fly under the radar."

minghao gulped. he really didn't want to think about what would happen if changkyun found out. still, the anxious thoughts began to flood his brain, and minghao found himself counting.

somehow, jun noticed. he pulled on minghao's arm, keeping him close. at that, minghao slightly relaxed.

some more time passed.

minutes. so many fucking minutes.

they felt a lot longer than they needed to be.

after dull chatter and nervous pacing, sungkeun suddenly spoke up.

he looked at the glass, sitting up in his chair. "okay, i'll talk."

\---


	49. 四十九//사십구

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: depictions of a panic attack

四十九//사십구  
forty-nine  
//junhui

there was a stifling blanket of silence that had been draped over the room, as the three watched shownu sit down in front of sungkeun. jun's heart thudded in his chest. he knew his hands were sweaty and tried to pull away from minghao, who instead linked his arm with jun's.

it was an unnerving feeling, watching sungkeun through the one-way glass. he distinctly remembered staring into his lifeless eyes, overcome with violence, as the air was choked out of his lungs. subconsciously, he rubbed at his throat.

"changkyun's a fucking manipulative prick," sungkeun began. "the 'boss,' jeonghun, is an idiot. he thinks changkyun is his loyal right hand, all eager to please him because jeonghun was the one who brought him in. but he doesn't even know..."

"know what?" asked shownu.

"changkyun is the one who pulls most of the money in. but what he gives to jeonghun is just a small percentage of what he actually has," sungkeun sighs. "the money he makes either goes to himself or to ryeojoon. what ryeojoon needs it for? couldn't fucking tell you. i'm just the one getting money out of people."

"what does he do with the money for himself then?"

"again, couldn't fucking tell you. recently though, changkyun has been telling us to get more money. the amount he pays ryeojoon and jeonghun remains the same. so, whatever he's doing, it's expensive," sungkeun finished.

jun frowned. despite being a selfish prick, changkyun never struck him as the materialistic type.

"who does changkyun have loans on?" shownu asked.

"can't say off memory. changkyun keeps the lists of people on a file."

"does it show how much the loans have been?"

sungkeun nodded, but grew stiff in his seat. "yeah, it goes back. is that what you want?"

"yes," said shownu. "i know i said i'd give you freedom if you fessed up, but i'd be more willing to insure it if you got the files for us."

jun's eyes widened, not expecting shownu to go back on his word. it was minor, but still surprising nonetheless. it must've been noticed by seungcheol, who muttered a quiet "what?" under his breath.

"i'm not sure if i can make it happen," sighed sungkeun. "changkyun is really the only one with access to the files. we get notified on who to extort and for how much."

"if you were to ask could you view the file?"

"maybe," sungkeun muttered. "let's say i do, i download the file, and run back. when you go after him, i'll be anonymous right? and safe?"

shownu nodded. "i guarantee it. just get me the file."

when sungkeun agreed, jun let out a sigh of relief. he wouldn't have been able to imagine an outcome like this a few months ago. beside him, minghao rubbed his arm supportively.

"last question," said shownu. "do you know about a woman named wen qianxia?"

taken aback, jun froze.

"other than that she's that junhui kid's sister? no, but i've heard she and changkyun have some history," sungkeun said. "nothing good."

nodding, shownu closed the interview, a bit defeated. when he came back, he handed some notes to seungcheol.

jun rubbed at his temples, tired, then minghao spoke up. "i mean, i'm thankful we're getting information. but this guy is getting off free? he should be arrested for assault."

"trust me, there's nothing i want to do more than throw him in a jail cell," admitted shownu. "but if i were, changkyun would know. this department isn't good at keeping secrets, and again, he has ties here. unfortunately, it's a tough call i had to make."

minghao rolled his eyes, at which jun lightly kicked his ankle. "thank you, shownu."

"yeah, give me a call if you need anything or find anything else out," he responded. "be safe, i'll reach out as soon as we get the file."

jun bade him and seungcheol a goodbye, then hurried minghao out of the police department.

there was a rising sense of dread in his stomach, spreading to his chest and to his throat. he pushed it down.

not in the fucking mood, he thought to himself.

\---

cw: description of a panic attack + negative self deprecating thoughts  
jun had previously thought that he was good at constructing masks and hiding behind them.

ones decorated with a bright and welcoming smile, exuding an aura of confidence. they were convenient, and would make life easier for everyone else.

if the mask slipped, jun didn't know what the hell he would do.

the thought of people seeing how vulnerable and terrified he was made him feel exposed, like he was standing in the middle of a dense crowd with all eyes on him. voices jeering, calling him a coward. a fucking pansy. a shitty excuse for a man.

though he was open with a few trusted people, they rarely saw past the mask. perhaps they would get just a glimpse, that's all. 

but later that night, jun felt his mask slipping.

it started with his parents calling him. then, with the police department, staring at sungkeun's face. hearing him speak. it grew worse when the bus they rode went through a tunnel, temporarily descending into darkness. but now, seated alone in his bedroom, thoughts about the fire had been returning. he stifled them, not exactly registering that day and locking them somewhere inside his brain. but after everything, they were coming back.

now he was thinking about everything.

everything and everything and how scary it all fucking was- how changkyun was violent and how people's lives were in danger and how sungkeun was right there and he had been choking the life out of him and how the lights in his room didn't seem bright enough to keep him safe and how everything was spiraling out of control and

and

fuck

jun hung his head in his hands, drawing his knees into his chest. he felt himself rock against the headboard, his head racing with thoughts that were echoed by the ringing of fire alarms.

his breathing grew rushed.

god- he did his best to keep it under control but it kept getting faster and faster and faster until it felt like his lungs would explode in his chest and his heart would swell and shatter his ribs and his voice would be a soundless scream as his mind descended into chaos because

everything was happening all at once and jun couldn't do anything about it and

"jun?"

he squeezed his eyes shut. the voice was in his chest but it was too quiet to say anything.

he wanted to scream please come in but it was quickly replaced by thoughts of shame.

how dare he react like this? if minghao saw this he would be embarrassed by you. get over yourself. what the hell is your problem? are you really that weak? this is the second time today you fucking moron.

"jun!"

the voice was beside him. jun looked up and saw minghao standing worriedly above him.

"what's wrong?" minghao asked, the features of his face crinkling into a gentle expression of concern.

he inhaled a breath, wanting so badly to tell him, but the words still refused to form. minghao seemed to pick up on it.

"do you want to be held?" he asked softly.

after jun nodded in response, minghao climbed into the bed. he wrapped his arms around jun and laid them down on the pillow, drawing up the blankets. jun allowed himself to be pressed to minghao's chest. his fingers were interlaced in jun's hair, massaging his scalp.

his eyes stung with the feeling of tears. as he choked them down, the burning feeling only grew worse, and he began to hyperventilate again.

"hey, you're safe," minghao said softly. "how about you breathe with me, okay? slowly. deep breath in... hold for one, two, three four seconds. deep breath out, hold for one, two, three, four seconds. deep breath in..."

the two of them continued the breathing patterns. throughout, minghao murmured gentle words of encouragement.

"you're okay right now. we're safe in your room. the lights are on. nothing is happening to us right now. there's no danger. you're doing good, junnie. just breathe with me."

a couple more minutes passed.

each one felt like an eternity.

at some point, jun's voice found its strength again to speak. raspy, he uttered a quiet, "i'm sorry."

"i know you're sorry. but there's nothing to apologize for right now. it's okay. you don't gotta be strong all the time. it's okay that you're not fine," minghao told him. "you're not bothering me or anything. it's alright."

jun bit his bottom lip, debating what to say. "i'm just so tired."

"of?"

"everything. i wish the world would just stop. i'm so... so tired."

minghao's hand went from his head to his back and began lightly tickling it. "i know you mean tired in a different way, but how about we go to bed early tonight? i can sleep here."

"that'd be nice," said jun in a hushed tone.

he pulled in closer to minghao, sighing at the feeling of watercolors racing on touching skin. the warmth pooled in his chest spread out in a gentle rush of heat. it was calming, acting like a heating pad almost.

"do you want to talk about what's wrong?" asked minghao.

"yeah," sighed jun. "i think... everything came at me at once. my parents, sungkeun, the fire, changkyun... all of it. i'm really, uh- i'm really scared. i know what shownu said and i know we're making so much progress and i'm glad but, i'm scared."

"it's okay to be scared. this is a lot for anyone to handle. but you're so strong. you're working through this and you're doing your best."

bitterly, jun laughed. "i'm not strong. i just had a panic attack."

"strong people have panic attacks, too. it's okay. that doesn't make you weak. it makes you human. and when all of those emotions and memories flood your mind all at once- it's terrifying. it makes sense," minghao said. "you're not alone. i'm here for you."

his eyes felt heavy with sleep. the thoughts were still there, scraping at his skull, though a bit nullified once jun had gotten his breathing under control. 

"what do you need from me?" minghao asked.

"to stay here," jun answered simply.

"of course, i'll stay."

\---


	50. 五十//오십

五十//오십  
fifty  
//junhui

the following two days were about as mundane as ever. though, a nice break from the stress of everything else. he and minghao practiced their dance at the end of the day; they were close to refining the routine. by some miracle, minghao even got jun to study for the upcoming finals week.

in a way, minghao regarded jun with a concerned hesitance. probably still worried about that panic attack. jun still kept the mask up, not wanting to worry him further. it would make things easier, or something.

well, jun was still anxious. so maybe it was just getting worse.

saturday came suddenly, and he woke up to find a pacing minghao in the kitchen, worried about heeyeon's banquet fundraiser that night. right, where kihyun would be.

"two things i'm worried about," minghao said as he was washing some plates. "first off, how we're going to get kihyun away. maybe we can ask heeyeon or something, or corner him in the bathroom."

"hold him at gunpoint," jun said, intending it to be a joke, but he said it so nonchalantly that minghao gave him a look. "or... not."

"i have some ideas," he murmured. "but i also genuinely am excited for the night because it's raising money for lover's heart disease research. which leads me to my second worry... what the fuck are we going to wear?"

jun blinked. "is this a suits occasion?"

minghao nodded. "i have some suits, but i need them to look... good. if you don't have one, you can borrow from me. i might have some larger jackets but the trousers should fit."

staying true to his word, a few hours before the party approached, minghao began to look for suits. jun didn't have any (well, he did. but the two he owned weren't minghao approved), so minghao lent him one. it was a simple black one, with blue embellishments on the cuffs and lapels.

"how many suits do you even have, hao?" jun asked.

"several, some were my dads and others were thrifted," said minghao, holding up the jacket to jun.

"i didn't even know you packed them..."

"always be prepared, especially if you want to look good."

jun rolled his eyes playfully. minghao told him to try it on and then come back out and show him. he went back into his room and put the suit on, finding a white button-up to pair behind it. he noticed the blue embellishments were hand sewn into tiny intricate patterns, and there was some lace on the lapels. it was pretty.

when he came back out, minghao was already dressed in a form fitting black suit with a red button up beneath. similar to jun's, there was black lace on the lapels.

minghao walked up and started fixing jun's collar, causing heat to flood jun's face. not noticing, minghao pulled on the lapels, straightening the jacket, and smoothing jun's shirts beneath.

"where'd you get these?" jun asked.

"they were my dad's, i added the lace and details," minghao murmured.

he looked up, meeting jun's gaze and flustered face. smiling shyly, minghao drifted his hands down to hold jun's waist.

"you look handsome," he said, causing jun to redden even more.

"can i kiss you? i might explode," jun muttered.

laughing, a bit sinisterly, minghao nodded. "of course, junnie."

jun leaned forward quickly, so minghao wouldn't see his further embarrassment. he kissed him softly, grabbing him by the waist.

"you're getting more confident," jun murmured, breaking apart. he kissed minghao's cheek and jaw softly.

"you're rubbing off on me."

\---

五十//오십  
fifty  
//minghao

joshua was nice enough to give them a ride. he arrived in a very expensive car and in an equally expensive black suit. to their surprise, jeonghan was in the passenger seat. he was dressed in a white suit, completing the expensive boyfriends aesthetic.

"gay," jun whispered when he sat down behind him. jeonghan raised his eyebrow and smirked.

him, jeonghan and jun took up most of the conversation, while minghao just quietly listened. it was an easy-going car ride.

the banquet was in a different wing of the hospital, in a large area just for large hospital parties. evidently, they were frequent enough to have their own room. it was spacious, already crowded with people seated at the varied tables. the venue had a raised platform on one end, with a mic stand hooked up. that was probably where kihyun would preform.

"fuck-" minghao said audibly, staring at the sheer amount of people. "let's just try and find my dad, yeah?"

the two of them swam through the crowd, looking around finally, minghao spotted his dad at a table near the back. he was still in a wheelchair, minghao noticed sadly. but he had donned a nice looking dress shirt and trimmed his beard.

"dad!" he called, smiling.

his dad waved him over and gestured to the chairs at the table. jun shook his dad's hand, at which minghao laughed to himself. his father also tried to maintain a stoic face, but it was clear to minghao that he found it funny as well.

"how are you mr. xu-" jun began, but his dad cut in.

"you can just call me wei. xu is so formal. relax, kid," his father said.

blushing from embarrassment, jun nodded. "uh, how are you... wei?"

their conversation carried on, somewhat awkwardly for jun. it was amusing for his father, who only continued to tease him subtly. heeyeon was nowhere to be found, nor kihyun, and minghao was too overwhelmed to look for them.

instead, he sat beside jun and held his hand. red watercolors splashed on minghao's palm, blue on jun's. 

a few more moments passed, then suddenly, heeyeon's voice could be heard broadcasted over some speakers. the room quieted and looked to the stage, where heeyeon was. she was dressed in a red suit, with her hair pulled back into a long ponytail.

"good evening everyone, thank you all for taking the time to be here," she greeted. "my name is dr. ahn, head attending of the cardiac department. i'm the leading researcher in lover's heart disease. i should also credit my resident, dr. kim namjoon. and my interns, joshua hong, kim hongjoong, and yoo jeongyeon.

"we're making excellent strides with research and are now ready to progress into a clinical trial," heeyeon continued. "tonight's fundraiser serves as a moment for us to raise money for the trial's starting point."

she continued on, talking about some medical shit that flew over minghao's head. but it sounded smart enough, and he could understand a bit, so it seemed trustworthy. when she began to name off a list of investors, minghao zoned out. he didn't really care about the old rich guys. until she got to one name.

"im changkyun-"

minghao shot up in his seat and looked around. on the other end of the room, a familiar figure rose from his seat. the crowd clapped for him.

changkyun was right there.

minghao and jun shared a look. "what the hell is he here?"

at a loss for words, jun shook his head. "no fucking clue. did he see us?"

he looked back at changkyun, who had sat back down. he was hidden behind the rest of the crowd.

"i don't think so," minghao told him. "let's keep it that way."

nervously, the two sat back in their chair. luckily, his dad didn't seem to notice anything.

heeyeon continued. "to celebrate tonight, we have yoo kihyun tonight to sing! please give him a hand."

minghao watched as a man the same height as heeyeon (who was in heels), arrived on stage. he had brown hair and a smiley expression. although, it was seemingly forced. minghao wondered if it was because of the arrival of changkyun.

he began singing, and minghao had to admit, his voice was beautiful. but he was more focused on figuring out how to separate him from the crowd, without changkyun noticing.

\---

as the night progressed, jun and minghao did their best to keep distance from changkyun. he didn't seem to notice them and was mostly preoccupied in his corner. heeyeon darted around, talking to everyone, same with his father. kihyun was nowhere to be seen.

"heeyeon!" minghao called when she got close.

"hey kid! and the kid's soulmate," she smiled.

jun smiled at her. "hello."

"i'm sorry to skip the pleasantries but do you know where kihyun went..?" minghao asked.

"i think he left to the bathroom, but the far one, by the patient services unit," she told him. "want his autograph or something?"

smiling nervously, he nodded. "or something. thank you, heeyeon. you're a godsend."

he grabbed jun's hand and led him out a nearby back door. a bit disoriented, jun ran to catch up as minghao led him down the familiar halls. he had explored all the ones he had access to when he was younger, so he knew them off memory.

"patient services!" minghao said when they found the office unit. 

he looked around for the bathroom and pulled jun inside with him. luckily, he found kihyun washing his hands in the sink. it was otherwise empty.

"uh-" minghao started. "hello..."

kihyun looked up at them and offered a friendly smile. "hello! are you two fans, by chance?"

coughing awkwardly, minghao responded, "well, no, not really."

pausing briefly, kihyun inhaled sharply. "oh. that's- i'm sorry. now i look like a prick. this is embarrassing, so, i'm going to leave now."

"wait-" minghao cut in. "we actually have to talk to you. this is um... this is wen junhui. my name is minghao."

"wen junhui- fuck, you mean like wen qianxia?" kihyun asked. his eyebrows knitted into a frown.

jun waved stiffly behind minghao, who nodded. "yeah. we really need to talk to you about changkyun."

based on how he refused to talk to them before, he expected kihyun to lash out in anger. instead, his expressions softened into more of a concerned look. "i'm sorry. i can't- i don't think i can give you what you need."

"let us explain," jun sighed. "look, after qianxia died, her debt fell onto me. i've been chased by changkyun relentlessly. now, i only have a few weeks left to pay it, or else... bad shit. like, violent shit. so minghao and i went looking into everything and it's really suspicious. we talked to wonho and shownu-"

"wait, you actually talked to wonho?" kihyun asked incredulously.

frowning, minghao thought back to when shownu was equally surprised when they mentioned his name.

"yeah," continued jun. "he's the one who told us to go to shownu. look- it's getting weird. something's up with changkyun. do you mind telling us anything you know? specifically, what qianxia said to you at the party."

after that last sentence, kihyun's gaze dropped. he let out a sigh and leaned against the sink.

"kid, i'm not supposed to talk about that," he muttered. "you're not the only one that changkyun set his sights on."

minghao cut in, "do you owe him money, too?"

solemnly, kihyun nodded. "unfortunately. he... found out about what qianxia told me. said that if i kept my mouth shut, he'd help start my music career. and... the people involved would be safe. he left out that i'm going to owe him a shit ton of money, but you know changkyun. he knows how to manipulate shit."

"what did qianxia say to you?" jun asked, stepping forward. "please i- i really need to know. according to shownu, it was the last thing she said before she died."

kihyun looked at him sadly. "if changkyun finds out about this, not only will the three of us be in danger, but our loved ones."

"i know, it's risking a lot. changkyun hasn't seen us and we're alone in here," jun sighed. "please, kihyun."

he rubbed his temples. it was quiet for another moment as kihyun thought it over.

"fine," he finally said. "on that night, qianxia had gone upstairs and accidentally listened in on a conversation between changkyun and a man named ryeojoon. keep in mind, we knew changkyun was in a gang then, but didn't figure out he was extorting money from qianxia until later.

"apparently, changkyun wanted two things: to work for ryeojoon and for shownu to die."

minghao's lips parted in shock. "why?"

"probably because shownu was qianxia's soulmate."

\---


	51. 五十一//오십일

五十一//오십일  
fifty-one  
//junhui

emotions are a puzzling thing, especially when you have to verbalize them. sometimes there's no good word for what you're feeling in that moment. there's nothing accurate enough to convey it. or, your vocabulary is too small.

either way, jun couldn't figure out what he was feeling.

"what do you mean? shownu was her soulmate?" jun repeated.

kihyun cast a nervous glance to the door. his voice had grown quiet since. "exactly that, sort of. it's... it's complicated. see, shownu was qianxia's soulmate. but, qianxia wasn't shownu's."

jun was going with his vocabulary was too small. he felt like an idiot.

"what?" was all he said.

out of the blue, minghao clapped his hands together. "oh! like her soulmate colors appeared on shownu but his didn't appear on her?"

kihyun nodded grimly, and jun just stared blankly. "please explain this to me."

"well, there's three possibilities," minghao began. he looked excited for some reason. "the first one is called 'soulmate rejection.' so, you know how when you touch me, my skin turns red? that's the color of your 'aura,' and means that i'm your soulmate. however, if i touched you in return and no colors appeared, it would be a rejection. for whatever reason, i'm your soulmate but you are not mine."

jun frowned. "that's a thing?"

"yes, i read up on it," minghao nodded. "see, you can't actually reject a soulmate. like with my dad. he and my mom are still soulmates even though she left. that's different. it's called rejection in this case because it's one-sided."

"and, the other option?" jun asked.

he noticed kihyun kept glancing towards the door a lot more. a pit of nausea rose in his stomach.

"split heart disorder. it's like soulmate rejection, but you have two soulmates. you may or may not be their soulmate in return. there's not a rule for it, other than that a person sees their aura on two people. like... if you touched kihyun and i and your red watercolors appeared on both of us. we may or may not see our colors on you."

"what the fuck-" jun trailed off. this was all going over his head.

kihyun nodded. "i'm not sure what it was. but, shownu already has a soulmate. like, a normal one. for whatever reason, he was qianxia's soulmate too. and changkyun... well, he and qianxia didn't get along. they would argue a lot. but he still had complicated feelings towards her."

he shuddered and leaned against the wall. "i don't know exactly how messy it is. qianxia was always pissed off with changkyun though. my theory is that changkyun got jealous of shownu and how she fawned over him and just wanted him dead. that, and the fact he was becoming a cop, potentially putting him in danger with his gang."

jun stood there for a moment. his brain was doing it's best to process everything.

he sucked in a breath. "okay, so. when qianxia touched shownu, her colors appeared on him, but his did not appear on her's. there's medical terms for what it could be. changkyun and qianxia didn't get along, changkyun may be jealous of shownu? qianxia overheard changkyun talking to ryeojoon and told you. that's... that's it?"

kihyun nodded. "the day prior, we had a small party for hyungwon with just us, before the big one. in the middle of it, qianxia and changkyun argued. she slapped him in the face in front of all of us- it... it sure was something."

minghao scratched his head. "is there a possibility that changkyun was the one who killed her?"

jun's heart pounded. he had wondered that too, but all the evidence said that she was just a drunk driver.

"doubtful. he was at the house the whole time," sighed kihyun. "now listen, we need to get back before he suspects anything. i'll leave first, you guys wait like... ten minutes? so it's not suspicious."

jun turned and caught kihyun's sleeve before he left. "oh- uh, sorry. i'm just... shownu said that you were close with qianxia."

the words stopped abruptly, as he was unsure of how to continue. kihyun looked at him with thoughtful eyes, seeming to pick up on what jun was trying to say.

"she was a bright person," kihyun said with a sad smile. "courageous, outspoken, determined. i admired her a lot. actually, she kept a journal. we tried to give it to your parents, but they didn't want her stuff. i think shownu has them in a box somewhere. maybe you'll find some answers... and some comfort."

jun smiled. he and minghao watched kihyun go, and when the door closed behind him, jun let out a shaky breath.

tentatively, minghao wrapped his arms around jun in a gentle hug. jun rest his head on minghao's jun and let out a sigh. 

"what are you thinking?" minghao asked.

jun knew that minghao wanted to get straight into the theories, as that's how his brain worked. but it was nice to be asked.

he traced circles on the sides of minghao's waist. "not exactly sure. this is just... a lot. qianxia is a lot different, you know? it's weird because i only had one image of her up until i was fourteen... i'm an adult now. shit's different."

minghao drew his hand down jun's spine lightly, sending a rush of goosebumps across his back. "even if she's different, she's still your sister. we're just understanding more and more about what happened. and... it'll be alright."

huffing another sigh, jun drooped into minghao's embrace. he staggered back a little, and clung to jun to steady him.

"you'll crush me," he pointed out.

"so be it," jun teased. humming, he thought about what more to say. "thank you, hao. for being here and helping me through all this."

minghao scoffed. "of course. i won't leave you alone to deal with this."

at first, jun smiled. then was remembered painfully about how temporary this was. like a clock ticking down in the back of his head. there were only thirteen days left until the assembly.

minghao was probably thinking about it too. when he did, jun could tell. so, he just hugged him tighter.

\---

五十一//오십일  
fifty-one  
//minghao

after some quiet moments of hugging and talking, they snuck back into banquet room the best they could. his father asked where they went, and took minghao's blush and lack of a response as "oh, so they made out in a closet somewhere."

heeyeon, too, teased them about it when his father asked. this only caused jun and minghao to become even more embarrassed and look even guiltier.

it was soon replaced with an energy of uneasiness, when minghao realized he didn't know where changkyun had gone. his stomach churned, hoping he wouldn't pop out somewhere and scare him shitless.

he stood by jun closely, holding his hand. if his father happened to throw them a glance they would separate instantly.

the night began to draw close to an end. heeyeon reappeared on the stage, beginning to list off the money they had raised and the investors.

he listened, half interested and half bored, just wanting to go home and sleep. maybe in jun's bed.

"and our top investor of the night," heeyon smiled. "donating more than 10 hundred million won, im changkyun-"

holy shit.

when minghao looked up at heeyeon, changkyun was standing next to her onstage.

his breath stilled.

changkyun was staring directly at minghao, his face hardened into a frightening glare that minghao had never seen before. 

the times he had seen him before, changkyun donned a lazy and charismatic smile. he seemed to be uncaring and confident, as if nothing would ever come in his way. still, that terrifying look in his eyes persisted, and it had only grown harsher. they stared into minghao's with a dark sense of anger, his expression set into a fine line of unrivaled resentment.

minghao gulped. they weren't supposed to be there, and somehow, they had fucked something up for changkyun.

as changkyun's glare refused to leave minghao, he frantically wondered what the hell was going to happen to them. whatever it was, he knew changkyun would waste no time wreaking chaos and violence to get his way.

\---


	52. 五十二//오십이

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: depictions of violence/fight scene + medical imagery/hospital

五十二//오십이  
fifty-two  
//minghao

"dad, i'm going to leave early, okay? i'll call you tonight," minghao said hurriedly.

the longer he stayed, the more of a risk the others would be under. he grabbed jun's hand and walked out. he vaguely heard heeyeon saying something about the first surgery attempt overlapping his father's voice.

jun followed him quickly, stumbling a bit as minghao led him down the hallway.

"changkyun saw us," minghao explained. "we should leave, now."

"yeah, yeah, okay.'' jun's voice was rushed and slightly panicked.

glancing at his phone, minghao checked the time. the next bus would be here at 9:30 and it was 9:21. he sighed, "we'll have to wait at the bus stop for a bit."

they ran outside and made it to the bus stop, a bit out of breath. minghao collapsed on the bench, jun beside him, who rest his head on his shoulder. the moon was covered by clouds, light being shone by streetlights and lamps across the sidewalk.

was it a good idea to even leave? if they did, changkyun could still hurt the people there. nothing was stopping him. there was no way of knowing what he would do.

minghao ran his hand through his hair. he glanced at jun and asked, "you okay?"

sitting stiffly, jun looked back at him with a disoriented expression. he had been acting off since they talked to kihyun. which was, of course, understandable. qianxia's story was a lot more twisted than previously thought.

"i don't know," muttered jun. "we... we should talk to shownu."

"yeah." minghao held his hand and watched as blue watercolors washed onto jun's skin.

they sat there for a few more moments. it had grown cold, so they huddled close together.

it was 9:29 when they heard someone yelling in pain.

taken aback, minghao flinched and sat up, looking around. there was another shout, nearby and closer to the direction of the hospital. he met jun's eyes, with a grim look on their face. they both feared the worse.

jun stood up first and began to run in the direction of the yelling. some ambulances in the background drowned out the noise. minghao ran after him, skidding around a corner of the hospital.

they froze, staring down the alley beside the hospital, eyes wide open at the scene. collapsed with his back to the wall, was a man with a bloodied face. he held his arm protectively, wincing in pain. a light above illuminated his face, and with horror the two recognized him.

"jeonghan!" jun yelled, darting forward to help him up.

"wait, jun," jeonghan sputtered out, blood dripping from his mouth. "behind minghao-"

before either of them could register what he was trying to say, minghao was suddenly grabbed from behind. he yelled in surprise, trying to wrestle out of their grasp, but was forcefully kicked in the back. a hand reached out and tightened around his neck.

he stopped fighting when he felt something cold and metallic press against his neck.

minghao froze, staring at jun and jeonghan. looks of terror met his gaze, mouths agape. he glanced to the side, recognizing the sleeves of the suit of the man who had grabbed him. his grip tightened on his neck, with minghao helplessly holding onto his arms.

"don't fucking move," spat the voice of changkyun. "i swear to god, i'll cut his neck."

the cold air caused their breaths to form in clouds. minghao's own panicked breath caused him to fog up his view, unable to focus on jun's face.

"changkyun," jun said shakily. "please, please let minghao go."

bitterly, changkyun scoffed. "you're in no place to make pleas. you've fucked up. you shouldn't have been here tonight."

"we didn't know you'd be here, we were invited-" minghao tried, gasping for breath.

he winced as the changkyun suddenly pressed the blade of the knife into his throat.

"wait, please-" jun cried out.

"both of you, shut up," groaned changkyun.

breathe, breathe, just stay calm.

it's okay it's okay one one oen on1 1 1 two tw2 2 3 thre3

minghao shut his eyes tightly. he couldn't focus. 

fuck fuck fuck fuck

changkyun continued. "i don't care what your excuses are. i warned you two. don't think i didn't see you disappear, conveniently around the same time kihyun did. i'm not a fucking idiot."

he jerked his head at jeonghan. "this one tried to run after you. i got to him first. he's lucky, he's a lot better than the other one."

his blood rushed cold. he mustered enough energy to speak and gasped, "what other one?"

changkyun didn't answer. "in any case, at least the timing of this is somewhat convenient. jun, your debt is due december 23rd. don't ask or complain, your soulmate's life is literally in my hands right now. do you understand me?"

jun nodded, uttering a 'yes.' minghao saw his hands shake as they held onto jeonghan. when he met jun's eyes, he stared back helplessly.

"imagine if i slit your throat right here, right now," sighed changkyun. the knife pressed harder against minghao's throat. "a shame, i need insurance. otherwise i'd kill you right here."

minghao glanced up at the clouded sky. his heart thudded in his chest rapidly, a drum being endlessly beat erratically. ice froze his veins as blood dripped onto his collar. changkyun coughed, dryly, his lungs seeming to shrivel with each inhale.

"hopefully this is enough to make you stop," changkyun growled, his voice raspy. "i'm really tired of all this. speaking of the 'other one,' maybe you should check on your dad when you get back."

minghao stiffened. "what did you do?"

"nothing, according to his medical papers. they'll say he took a tumble down the stairs when he lost control of his wheelchair," changkyun muttered into his ear. "i heard dr. ahn took him into surgery, they're worried about his pacemaker. after all, he only recently had surgery."

all of the blood drained from minghao's face as he went cold. his heart pounded, threatening to shatter his ribs with its artillery of adrenaline and fear.

"when i let minghao go, the three of you will let me walk away. your friend's arm seems to be broken and minghao's dad is in surgery," said changkyun. "we can end on amicable terms, can't we?"

slowly, changkyun removed the knife from minghao's throat. he stood frozen, and when changkyun's footsteps became silent, he crumpled to the pavement.

jun darted forward, grabbing him. "minghao! let me see your neck."

he pulled him towards the light and looked at it, his expression worried. jeonghan hovered nearby, seeming to be okay except for the bruised face and his arm.

"it doesn't look deep," jeonghan pointed out. "we need to go inside, right now, and get help."

"what the hell do we even say?" jun asked worriedly.

"we got jumped or some shit," said jeonghan. "it's kind of correct."

jun shot him a glare. minghao sat there, wincing, unable to process anything that was happening.

"my dad," he managed to say. "we- we gotta go see my dad."

\---

五十二//오십이  
fifty-two  
//junhui

it was the moments like these that made him hate qianxia.

which was awful. she was dead. she had no control over this.

but still... it wouldn't have gone like this if she was alive.

that feeling was quickly replaced by shame, only heightening the self hatred he had for himself for letting changkyun get his way. he sat in minghao's dad's empty hospital room. he was in surgery for a broken collar bone and hip bone. they were also worried about his heart.

jeonghan was in the emergency room getting a cast and some antibiotics for his beat up face. otherwise he was okay. minghao sat beside him, leaning forward with his face buried in his hands. his neck had been bandaged, but like jeonghan suspected, the cut wasn't deep.

jun let his head hang back as he stared up at the ceiling.

three people were now hurt because of him.

his chest felt hollow and chasm-esque, a deep chamber that just seemed to suck in more and more darkness. it choked up his lungs and tightened around his heart, stifling his breath and holding him in a swath of shadow.

earlier he hid in the bathroom and had a panic attack. it was dark outside, but his anxiety was delayed by the shock of everything.

of course afterward it felt like shit. everything felt like shit. 

logically he knew it was unrealistic to hate himself for this. it was out of his control.

but he also knew changkyun was taking out his anger on him by inflicting pain on others. and jun couldn't do anything to stop it.

the self-hatred had taken root seven years ago when he stood alone at qianxia's funeral and had only grown into an ugly weed that tormented those he came close to.

"junie?"

jun looked down, seeing that minghao was staring worriedly at him.

"what's wrong?" he asked softly.

words formed shapes in his mouth, but jun couldn't say them aloud. so instead, he let out a weak sigh.

minghao leaned on his shoulder, his hand reaching up to scratch his back. "everything will be okay."

"will it really?" jun asked in a strained voice. 

"it will," tried minghao. "it's... it's got to be. or this will all have been for nothing."

"it's my fault," muttered jun.

"no. it's changkyun's," minghao said. "this wasn't you. the fact we even ran into changkyun tonight was by chance. we couldn't have known."

unable to look at him, jun turned away and facepalmed. "god... today started out so good."

"you're crying."

jun removed his hand and wiped his cheek. sure enough, his hand was wet. "shit."

silence befell them, only the sounds of the hospital in the background and their breaths filled the air. minghao's hand reached out, gently grabbing his jaw and turning his face towards his own.

heart dropping, jun's eyes flit down to the bandage on minghao's neck

"don't look at it," said minghao. "don't blame yourself for this."

"you deserve better. your father deserves better," jun said. he felt the urge to sob choke up his throat, but he pushed it down. "you deserve a soulmate who can protect you and show you good things, not drag you into this. i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry minghao-"

suddenly, minghao leaned forward and pulled him into a tight hug. "jun... don't say that. please. please don't say that."

jun hugged him back gently, burrowing his face in minghao's shoulder.

"i know you're worried about my dad, but he'll be okay. heeyeon is a good doctor, i trust her a lot," minghao murmured. "and i'm used to this waiting. but every time, he's been okay. and changkyun... we'll beat him. shownu is working on getting information. we'll stop him and throw his ass in jail. it will be okay."

unable to say anything else, jun just let out a defeated sigh.

it was unfair, really. he thought to himself sadly.

'the moment i love someone, the moment i get a chance to live my life, i risk it being taken away. god, i just want to be happy.'

\---


	53. 五十三//오십삼

五十三//오십삼  
fifty-three  
//junhui

it was some time in the morning when the surgery had finished. it was still dark, so probably around three. minghao probably knew, but jun didn't want him to go on a number rant.

his father was placed under a medically induced coma to help his body heal and recover from the stress of the surgery. he'd be conscious sometime on monday, but if he woke up earlier then the hospital would call minghao.

seungcheol had appeared after jun called him and he graciously drove them back. they filled him in on what had happened, leaving out the bit about shownu and qianxia being soulmates. 

"i'm not tired," minghao said when they arrived back at the apartment. he had changed into some nightclothes.

bullshit, jun thought. minghao hadn't slept at all, dark shadows framed his glassed-over eyes. he normally went to bed at 10:30ish. 

jun didn't press, instead he gestured for him to come sit on the couch. when minghao did, jun pulled him into his lap and had him lay there. softly, he ran his fingers up and down minghao's side, through his scalp, on his back. his other hand lay gently on top of the bandage, hoping to make it heal a bit faster.

within a few minutes, minghao had fallen asleep. jun smiled in triumph, and doing his best not to wake him, lifted minghao into a bridal-carry and tucked him into his bed.

he sat on the edge of minghao's mattress for a bit, watching his soulmate sleep soundly. the stress lines from worry had faded into a soft and comfortable expression. jun reached out and gently held onto minghao's hand, staring at the watercolors on their skin.

right. they still had a deal amidst all this. just twelve more days until the assembly. he wondered, even if minghao said yes, if it would be worth it. if they succeeded in time to stop changkyun and ensure they could live a safe life.

because if they didn't, minghao would be in danger. his loved ones were already guilty by association in changkyun's eyes.

jun let out a sigh and rubbed at his temples. if minghao said yes, jun would do everything in his power to keep him safe. if he said no, jun would be heartbroken, but would know that he would be out of harm's way.

there weren't great outcomes to either of the answers. but if he wanted minghao to say yes, then jun would have to ensure his safety and stop changkyun for good. it was the only way.

as jun swept minghao's bangs out of his eyes, he said quietly, "i will do my best to protect you so that you don't ever get hurt again. i... i really do love you, xu minghao. goodnight."

a bittersweet smile melted jun's face, heart contorting in his chest as he stood and left minghao's bedroom.

\---

jun slept like shit, which was disappointing. he fell asleep an hour after minghao did and woke up while the sun was still rising. and of course, he couldn't even fall back asleep.

he stared up at the ceiling, heaving a frustrated sigh. i'm convinced that whatever god is up there, hates me.

sometime around noon, minghao emerged from his room. he had already gotten dressed and done his hair, despite it being sunday and despite them having no plans.

"hey flat ass," jun greeted.

minghao glared. "dumbass."

"hey, that rhymes."

"...no."

jun just grinned anyways, watching minghao look around for items in the kitchen. minghao kept glancing at the clock, and jun noticed he inspected each individual slice of the apple he was cutting.

"is it getting bad again?" jun asked. he knew minghao counted a lot, but when it became overtly obvious, it wasn't a good sign.

minghao just looked at him, first blankly, but it quickly turned to shame. "it helps me have some control."

"if you're relying on it this much, are you the one in control? or is the routine in control?" jun mused.

he was met with minghao's second glare of the day. jun was on a roll, it had only been a few minutes. aiming for his third, jun walked over and ruffled minghao's hair.

"you're cute when you sleep," jun teased.

minghao swatted him off. he was blushing, but was muttering some dongbei-dialect insults under his breath. 

of course, jun didn't stop. "you fell asleep on my lap and i had to carry you to your bedroom."

minghao held up the knife he was using to cut his apple. "junhui, i will not hesitate."

laughing, jun stuck his tongue out. "if i die today, i'm glad it'll be by your hand."

seeing that there was no solution to shutting jun up, minghao just grumbled and went back to assembling his food. but, jun could see him trying to suppress a smile.

stubborn, he thought to himself. but cute.

the rest of the day was filled with minghao studying for finals and jun annoying him occasionally. he gave him about an hour before he'd come back to tease him, hoping some humor would keep minghao sane. it seemed to work, because minghao didn't yell at him and sometimes giggled.

it was nice to see him smile. the idea of minghao locking himself away in his studying and numbers made jun worried, like minghao would revert to the robotic person he was before all this had happened.

later, while jun and minghao were having dinner, there was a knock at the door. jun volunteered to get it, sending minghao a warning glare to not steal food off of his plate.

he looked through the peekhole, recognizing the muscular man in his police uniform who stood outside. it was shownu. letting out a dejected sigh, jun opened the door.

"hey," shownu greeted, rocking back and forth on his feet. "we need to talk."

\---

五十三//오십삼  
fifty-three  
//minghao

jun didn't stop glaring at shownu as he sat down. inconspicuously, minghao kicked his shin from under the table.

"hello," minghao greeted, ignoring jun's stare.

"hello, are you alright?" asked shownu.

minghao nodded. "fine. this is good timing, actually. we need to talk to you, too. we met kihyun at the party and he explained some things."

"...i can imagine. seungcheol debriefed me on the conflict with changkyun but there wasn't much on kihyun," said shownu. he glanced at jun. "i expect you have some questions for me."

"yeah, i do," said jun. he stood and clapped his hands together ceremoniously. "officer son hyunwoo. were you fucking my sister?"

"jun-" minghao grabbed his sleeve and yanked him back down to his chair. he turned rigidly back to shownu, whose face was frozen in a mix of horror and confusion.

"fucking your- no?! junhui i'm gay," said shownu in exasperation. "for some reason, her colors appeared on me. i already have a soulmate. but one day, she accidentally touched my arm and her watercolors appeared on me. mine didn't do the same."

"do you know why?" asked minghao.

"no, but i knew it was either soulmate rejection or split heart disorder," he replied. "junhui, i can't believe i'm saying this. i did not have sex with your sister. i was already in a committed, homosexual relationship with my soulmate prior to even meeting qianxia."

"ah," jun muttered under his breath. "okay so you weren't fucking. but why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"i didn't think it would be relevant-"

"well it is! that night when she died, she told kihyun that changkyun was going to kill you. why? we don't know. perhaps it was jealousy or he felt threatened because you were a cop," jun said.

"changkyun was going to what?"

minghao coughed loudly. he shot jun a glance, hoping he understand the unspoken message to shut the hell up. thankfully, he did, and minghao began to speak instead.

"i'm sorry, jun is an idiot," minghao sighed. "kihyun told us this. that night, qianxia told him that changkyun was meeting ryeojoon. he wanted two things, to work for him and for you to be killed. we're unsure why or what for. it's my theory, that after she died, he no longer had a reason to kill you."

shownu blinked, staring at him as he absorbed the information. "jesus christ."

they were silent for a moment. jun's arms were crossed and he sat slumped in his chair, childishly avoiding anyone's gaze. at the other end of the table, shownu seemed to be doing mental gymnastics.

"okay..." minghao began again. "how about we think of some reasons for why changkyun would want to kill you?"

groaning, shownu shrugged halfheartedly. "well, your reasons seem to be pretty good. i had just become a member of the police force a month before hyungwon's birthday. it probably made changkyun feel threatened. jealousy... maybe? he never expressed much interest in qianxia. they fought a lot."

minghao scratched his head, thinking. there really wasn't much to go on.

"did qianxia act differently when she found out about the watercolors?" jun piped up.

"not at first. she wanted to pretend like they weren't there," shownu answered. "the last two weeks before she died though, we talked. she expressed that she felt regretful and that she wanted to be with me. she was a lot more obvious about her... feelings, and the other guys caught on. i turned her down, of course."

"and how did changkyun react...?" minghao asked.

"during that time, his and qianxia's relationship got worse. that's when the fighting was at its height. she slapped him the day before hyungwon's party. now that i'm thinking about it, he was hostile towards me as well."

that helped things. minghao began to wonder of changkyun had some sort of convoluted crush on qianxia, and when she started expressing interest in shownu, had possibly felt betrayed or jealous? 

he glanced at shownu and jun, who seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"so, we have possible motive now," said minghao. "how is getting the list of debtors?"

brightening up, shownu straightened in his seat. "good, actually. we got the file, currently i have a small team going through it and analyzing everything. we're trying to find all the people in the list. sungkeun was even able to get us some of changkyun's financial information, so we'll be putting a warrant to search his bank records soon."

minghao smiled and looked at jun. his face had relaxed and his eyes were less clouded. it was good news.

"things are looking up," said shownu with finality. "once we get all the evidence we need, we'll have enough to put changkyun in jail and make him stay there."

afterwards, they engaged in a bit of small talk. minghao realized that underneath his stoic and professional exterior, shownu was actually quite kind. he patiently listened to minghao and jun. though he seemed a bit confused at times, which was funny.

"before i leave..." shownu muttered, reaching into his jacket. he pulled out a journal and passed it to jun. "seungcheol said that kihyun told you to read qianxia's diary. it had been in storage, so i grabbed it. it's all in mandarin so i can't exactly say what's inside."

jun grabbed it tentatively, almost as if he were grabbing the handle of a pot that he didn't know was hot or not. the journal was bound in leather, embroidered with gold flowers. though, it was quite worn. 

"thank you," said jun. "oh, i have one last question. what color were qianxia's watercolors?"

reminiscing, shownu smiled softly. "i only saw them maybe three times. but they were a bright, royal purple color. quite telling of her personality, in my opinion."

minghao blinked, trying to remember something. that phrase triggered some sort of memory, but he couldn't place it. maybe it would come up later. 

jun grinned and told him 'thank you' as he walked shownu to the door. when he left, jun sat down on the couch and began to read.

he did that for the rest of the night. just as minghao was getting ready to sleep, jun popped into his bedroom. he had a grim expression on his face, qianxia's journal in his hand.

"hao... i think you should read this."

\---


	54. 五十四//오십사

五十四//오십사  
fifty-four  
//minghao

minghao watched as jun walked over and sat next to him on the bed, handing him qianxia's journal. his face seemed apprehensive, his mouth was pulled into a thin line.

"are you okay?" minghao asked.

jun shook his head. "just read. i put some sticky notes in the most important parts. which is like... more dedication than i'll ever put towards school notes."

chuckling softly at that, minghao opened the journal and began to skim through the pages. qianxia had pretty handwriting, her letters were written neatly. some of the dates and titles were even in calligraphy. her teachers must've loved her for that.

//august, 23rd. '09  
first day of college in south korea! met a nice boy named yoo kihyun and his friend jooheon. they're inviting me to lunch with some others tomorrow. i'm glad- i thought it would be harder to make friends.

//august, 26th. '09  
they did not tell me that their friends were incredibly attractive oh god. minhyuk and hyungwon are scarily elegant and i thought they would be really judgey of my bad korean, but they were nice! kihyun and his friend shownu talked to me the most. shownu is veryyy tall and muscular. he has a soulmate named hoseok who's even more buff somehow.  
then there's changkyun. in my opinion, he's the best looking. but he's quiet and didn't talk to me much. maybe he doesn't like me because i can't speak korean that well?

//october, 13th. '09  
i've gotten a bit better at korean now! mom said that my brother is adamant that we no longer call him junhui, now. apparently it's just jun.   
changkyun seems to be warming up to me. he asked my help with learning chinese and english. but he's still kind of distant. maybe it's his personality.

minghao cast a glance at jun, who was perched over his shoulder and reading along with him.

"you read fast," jun murmured.

//january, 14th. '10  
my grades are kind of slipping. coach was pissed but he can't really do anything because i'm the best hitter on the team. granted, that's not assurance i'll be allowed to stay.

//february, 3rd. '10  
i'm starting to think that i'm cursed. i touched shownu's arm today, and guess what happened? the watercolors appeared. my watercolors. they're purple. but his didn't show on mine. we're split somehow. to make it worse, he already has a soulmate! and he's gay! what kind of universe fuckery is this??  
obviously, i can't really do anything. shownu doesn't feel anything towards me other than friendship. his colors aren't there. so... i told him that we can just carry on like nothing happened.  
i told kihyun about it, though. he seems kinda stressed lately. his music career isn't coming along great. i worry about him.

//april, 18th. '10  
i'm really tired now. i miss china. everything was simpler then, you know? i'm not sure if i'll be able to continue on my current scholarship.

minghao skipped ahead to the other sticky notes. the passages in between were unrelated, just musings about her every day life.

//march, 12th. '11  
i lost my scholarship. it's my fault... i don't attend school enough. i show up to class late or with a hangover. often both. my grades are plummeting. i got kicked from the team. mom and dad aren't talking to me anymore.

//march, 18th. '11  
i lost my job. fuck. i don't know how i'm going to get enough money to even survive... but there's also a lot of debt i owe the school now.

//march, 29th. '11  
changkyun said he can help me. he'll take care of the debt i owe the school, but it would put me in debt to him. i'm an idiot, because i said yes. it's a close friend versus the school... he said it'll be okay and he can help me.

//may, 3rd. '11  
changkyun is a fucking asshole. i knew he had some criminal involvement but he's a goddamned loan shark?? i can't believe what i got myself into.  
luckily, though, i got an actual steady job. i'll be able to pay everything back soon.

//july, 15th. '11  
all changkyun does is raise the debt i owe. because he said it's cumulative. i know that's not how it works and so does he. he just raises it as he sees fit. what a prick.  
kihyun suspects something. i haven't actually told anyone i owe a debt to changkyun. least of all shownu... he's still a cadet and i can't break his heart if he realizes his friend is a criminal. i'm a fool, right? i know i am. but i would rather deal with this quietly so that everyone else doesn't worry.

"you're like your sister," minghao muttered.

"hm?"

"selflessly an idiot," minghao responded.

jun gave him a glare, but minghao went back to reading. he had to skip ahead a bit.

//december, 29th. '11  
the universe definitely hates me.  
i thought before that the soulmate shit with shownu was soulmate rejection. that's what we all thought. but it was wrong.  
i have split heart disorder. my watercolors appear on two people. the difference is that with shownu, it's just one sided. but with the other person, we both have the watercolors. his are a vibrant, yellow-gold.  
but why... why the hell did it have to be him?

//january, 1st. '12  
can you hate your soulmate? i hate both of mine. even though shownu is like... half of one.  
i have a lot of regret. i'm suffocating under changkyun's debt and cannot get out of it still. and shownu... god. he treats me so kindly. it's hard not to fall for him. so i told him i liked him. why? i don't know. i know he's gay and in a relationship. i just had to tell him. i was also kind of drunk.  
of course, he had to say he didn't like me back. i expected it. it broke my heart nonetheless.  
i just want to be happy.

//january, 7th. '12  
jun asked me what serendipitous meant. i told him i didn't know, like always. but that's a lie. i know what it means, and honestly, the real definition isn't too far off than what i tell him.  
lying to jun has become a bit of a common occurrence. the other day he called me and asked about soulmates. he had lots of questions. i told him one day he'll meet his. i told him that his soulmate will be perfect for him. that they'll be a person he can trust and love with all of his heart, and get the exact same thing in return.  
i'm a liar. but i can't crush him like that.  
fate fucked me over good. the one person who treated me like that is shownu, who doesn't have any feeling back for me. and then the man who actually reciprocates the watercolors? an utter asshole. i hate him i hate him i hate him... so, so much.

//january, 14th. '12  
it's almost midnight. today was a weird day. as i sit here in bed, i can't help but to think that tomorrow, something bad is going to happen. which is awful- it's hyungwon's birthday.   
maybe it's just today. today, i slapped changkyun. hard. in front of everyone. he didn't expect it and frankly neither did i. he was taunting me and being an asshole and i just had enough. i wanted to see him hurt. it was actually quite scary how little i remember. just adrenaline and the stinging of my palm, quickly dulled by a cool rush of golden yellow.  
right now, i can't help but think about jun. the hope he has in his spirit. his bright, wide-eyed smile. i hope that freedom and innocence is never tainted or hurt. i don't want him to live a life like mine.  
i hope junhui lives happily. that's all i need.

the entries end there. minghao realizes that hyungwon's birthday was the day that she crashed her car and died. he sucks in a breath and looks at jun.

with just one lamp on in his room, a soft pinkish light is thrown over him. it cascades on jun's tanned skin, highlighting the bridge of his nose and height of his cheekbones. it reflects in his eyes and glistens on his forming tears. jun wipes at his face before they can fall.

"jun..." minghao begins to say, then remembers something.

royal purple. yellow-gold.

shownu said qianxia's watercolors were royal purple.

at the hospital, changkyun asked if jun's watercolors were royal purple. that it would be ironic if they were.

qianxia's second soulmate's watercolors were yellow-gold. she hated him.

when she slapped changkyun, she wrote, "quickly dulled by a cool rush of golden yellow."

holy shit.

changkyun and qianxia were soulmates.

\---


	55. 五十五//오십오

五十五//오십오  
fifty-five  
//junhui

judging by minghao's expression, he had come to the same conclusion that jun did.

"oh junnie..." minghao said softly, setting down the diary.

when minghao reached out to hug him, jun immediately relaxed into his arms. he laid down in minghao's lap, staring up at the ceiling blankly.

"do you wanna talk about this?" asked minghao. one of his hands tousled jun's hair.

huffing a sigh, jun nodded. "i guess i'm just confused. first of all, why didn't she get help? she could've completely turned her life around. but there's no point dwelling on the past, especially when she's dead. which brings me to point number two. why is changkyun going after me if he and qianxia are soulmates?"

minghao pursed his lips, looking down at jun. he swept the hairs out of jun's face, who smiled slightly at the way minghao's eyebrows knit together in thought.

"maybe she felt guilty," minghao offered. "she didn't want to pull anyone else in... it was just her problem, in her brain. maybe she didn't want else to worry."

"well, that was stupid of her."

lightly, minghao smacked his head. "you're a hypocrite. you agonize over the idea of me helping you with this."

"well that's because you could get hurt, and you have gotten hurt-"

in a swift motion, minghao leaned forward and cupped jun's face. he tilted his head up a bit. "you've been hurt too. physically and mentally for years. why should i stand by and let that continue to happen? what kind of soulmate would i be?"

jun blinked. he said soulmate.

he was aware of the fact that he was missing minghao's entire point. which was... undeniably correct, but jun wouldn't admit it. instead he focused on the fact that minghao called himself jun's soulmate. it made butterflies crowd his stomach.

"and regarding changkyun..." minghao continued.

so we're just brushing past that. got it.

"well, he needs the money for one thing. maybe he's taking out his anger on you," he murmured. "if you think about it... his entire life was torn apart. you lost your sister, he lost his soulmate. that fucks people up."

"he's still an asshole."

minghao nodded. "yes, he is. that's an irrefutable fact."

it grew quiet, with just minghao combing his fingers through jun's hair. he let his eyes flutter closed, drawing in a deep breath and relaxing in minghao's lap. at some point, minghao was softly humming to himself.

he had a nice voice. well, more than nice. it was nostalgic in a sense, reminding jun of the time he had gone kayaking in a lake. the reflection of sky blue in the water, and found serenity of drifting there in the middle of the lake. he was twelve year old jun staring up at the sky and letting the sun warm his face. he melted into the memory, unaware of his smile.

he opened his eyes, groggily, when minghao stopped singing. they held eye contact for awhile, then jun's eyes fell to study the rest of minghao's face. the light encompassed him in a halo of soft light.

jun sat up, whispering minghao's name. he held onto minghao's waist and flipped him over, switching their positions. falling into the pillows, minghao's fluffy hair framed his face in tufts. jun knelt over him, his forearms against the mattress on either side of minghao's face, trapping him there.

minghao's breath caught, staring at him with a surprised expression. then he giggled lightly, his eyes crinkling with his smile. jun found himself laughing with it, staring down at his soulmate right there.

i've really fallen for him, thought jun. he leaned down a bit more and whispered, "can i kiss you?"

smiling broadly, jun was barely able to process it when minghao's arms wrapped around jun's neck and brought him down for a kiss. the shock lasted for a second before jun deepened it, trying to ignore how hot he thought minghao was acting when they were being wholesome and cuddly.

the kisses were long but gentle, with both of them returning after they caught their breaths. jun caught the bow of minghao's lip in his, then placed another to the corner of his mouth. he lead another to his soft cheek, the spot below his ear, jawline, then nudged his chin up with his hand.

once there, jun placed a chaste kiss to his exposed neck. at that, minghao tensed and he drew in a sharp breath.

"sorry," jun apologized through a breathy laugh. he thought minghao's reaction was cute but he probably shouldn't say that.

"no, it's fine... i just didn't expect it," minghao said quietly. "it also felt nice..."

for a moment jun looked at him. then he laughed louder. cringing, minghao hit jun's shoulder.

"don't laugh at me."

to hell with it, jun thought. "you're cute."

minghao's face went red. "no, i am not."

"you are."

"no-"

jun silenced him with another kiss.

\---

the following day, jun didn't see much of minghao at school. finals week had started, so the two of them were off on their own until their dance class. they had the time to work on their dance, which was already finalized and just needed to be finished.

during the middle of it, minghao got a call from the hospital saying that his father was awake and could see family. he left quickly after giving jun a quick kiss 'goodbye.'

so, jun was left on his own.

he had a few options. study for the rest of his finals, keep dancing, go back to the apartment... he didn't want to do any of them. it would be weird without minghao.

this lead him to be awkwardly standing in front of shownu's office. he didn't really know where else to go and had important information, anyways.

"hello," jun greeted as he walked in.

shownu was at his desk, looking surprised to see him. "junhui. can i help you?"

"well... minghao and i read qianxia's diary," jun said, pulling out a chair and sitting in front of shownu. "do you know what split heart disorder is?"

shownu frowned, but nodded. heaving a sigh, jun pulled out the diary and flipped to one of the pages he marked with a sticky-note.

"it reads here, 'i have split heart disorder. my watercolors appear on two different people... with the other person, we both have the watercolors. his are a vibrant, yellow-gold,'" jun translated.

he glanced up at shownu, whose eyes were wide.

continuing, jun said, "the day she slapped changkyun, she wrote this after it had happened. 'just adrenaline and the stinging of my palm, quickly dulled by a cool rush of golden yellow.' it's the second time gold-yellow watercolors are mentioned. and... you described qianxia's watercolors as royal purple, right? changkyun asked minghao if mine were royal purple, too."

shownu blinked. his mouth fell open a bit as his eyebrows furrowed. it was a bit amusing to watch him try and absorb the information. when he realized, his eyes widened and he straightened in his chair.

"qianxia and changkyun are soulmates?" he clarified. when jun nodded, shownu's expression quickly fell into one of fear and worry. "fucking hell."

"yeah. it makes the motive a lot more clear. maybe he was jealous of you because she liked you," said jun. "and she didn't like him. in fact, she wrote here about how much she hated him. he trapped her in a debt soon after she lost her scholarship and job. but that's about as much as this diary talks about. the only evidence it could provide is that changkyun had her in debt illegally, but i don't know how that would hold up in court."

"so you can talk like your brain works," shownu sighed. "the past times we've talked it's been your soulmate boyfriend with the braincell."

jun laughed sadly. "thanks... but we're not boyfriends."

"ah. you seem pretty in love to me," shownu shrugged.

when jun heard that, he sat up straight as if he'd been zapped with electricity. he frowned and asked, "what do you mean?"

"the way you look at each other. the way minghao is protective of you, the way that you trust him with this." a friendly smile spread on shownu's face. "sorry, i thought you guys were dating."

"well-" jun scratched his head, realizing they had never actually labelled their relationship. it was their soulmate free trial that either expired or renewed forever on december twentieth. other than that they were just two college guys. two college guys who shared an apartment. who cuddled each other on the couch. who kissed each other late into the night.

just your two, average college guys. no rampant homosexuality or childhood trauma following them whatsoever.

shownu seemed to pick up on this. he laughed. "sounds complicated."

"we're just seeing how it goes," said jun. "you have a soulmate, right?"

after jun finished his sentence, a pause hung in the air. cocking his head slightly, shownu looked off to the side. his expression had fallen into a wistful and dejected one. "i do. my very own lee hoseok. you've actually met him."

jun's eyebrows raised. "really? when?"

"you know him as wonho," shownu said. he let out a sigh. "it's been... four years since i've seen him in person. he said it's to protect me. from what? i'm not sure, but i have a feeling it has to do with changkyun. so... i want to catch him too. i'd like to be with my soulmate again."

oh. 

he thought back to when he met wonho. he was kind and had a warm smile, but carried a sense of urgency with him. the muscles too... it made sense visually that the two of them were soulmates.

jun's eyes flit to shownu's. "if you'd rather not answer this, that's fine. but... how did you deal with your soulmate leaving you?"

another silence took hold of the air. shownu spun slightly in his chair, resting his chin in his palm. his crestfallen expression seemed to stare off into the distance, unfocused and hazy.

"i haven't yet," shownu said finally. "sure i've... matured a bit. refocused my priorities. but knowing that my soulmate is out there and i can't be with him? it hurts. it's been four years but sometimes i feel like he's standing next to me, looking over my shoulder. when i look there, it's empty. i'll jump to the door when i hear footsteps outside of my apartment door. no one ever comes. i'm lucky i haven't gotten lover's heart disease, honestly."

dryly and bitterly, he chuckled as he leaned back. "the only thing that keeps me going is hoping he comes back one day."

jun looked down, suddenly feeling anxious. his mind went back to december twentieth. he only has twelve days.

twelve. days.

"are you worried minghao is going to leave you?"

still not meeting his gaze, jun nodded.

"just be there for him. i don't know your situation, but... be his person. i also don't know what the hell fate has got to do with it, honestly. but what i do know is that the bond you have with your soulmate is one of the most important things in this life. don't lose it. speaking from experience," shownu said.

an idea starts to form in jun's head. before the twentieth, they have one last weekend. they can't do anything about changkyun until shownu gets the results and names he needs.

he and minghao still have time. who cares if there's just twelve days.

all he needs is one.

"this saturday i'll be gone with minghao," jun says. "don't bother us, please. we're going on a short little vacation."

shownu smiles. "where to?"

"we're going to his favorite place to watch the sunset."

\---


	56. 五十六//오십육

五十六//오십육  
fifty-six  
//minghao

the rest of the week went by so quickly, minghao wasn't sure he was even awake for it. it was finals week and he vaguely remembers showing up to each class for the test then coming back to the apartment to crash. repeat repeat repeat.

before he left school on friday, however, he passed seokmin in the hallway. they shared eye contact, then seokmin smiled and waved at him.

stunned, minghao did the same back.

more progress. maybe it would all work out.

though, shortly after, jun told minghao to pack a suitcase for a day. they were going somewhere.

"where are we going?" minghao had asked.

"short vacation," was all jun responded.

he did not elaborate when minghao asked on the bus ride home, nor when minghao pressed him against the couch, or even when they got into the taxi. minghao could see the destination and route on the taxi gps but he couldn't make sense of it.

school had ended early, so it was only sometime around 3 in the afternoon. but as the taxi further and further in the direction of the mountains, the trees began to block out the sun in patches.

minghao threw jun a look. "are you taking me into the woods to kill me?"

chuckling, jun shook his head. "no, i told you. short vacation. trust me, you're going to love it."

letting out a sigh, minghao leaned against the seat and looked out the window. the trees began to block out any sign of the city as they drove further into the mountain.

finally, the taxi came to a stop. minghao looked out the window, eyes widening at what he saw. from the edge of the road, a driveway lead up to a small cabin. it had a modern design but still took influence from more forest-y aesthetics, with wood paneling on the outside and tall windows.

they paid the taxi and left, with minghao practically running to do the door and anxiously waiting for jun to unlock it. when it was, minghao darted in and looked around in awe at the cabin. after a very thorough exploration, he discovered that there was a kitchen and dining area, a living room, one bedroom and one bathroom. it was small but it was absolutely beautiful.

the living room had a long couch that faced the back patio, a fireplace, and large glass doors that could be slid open. if he sat there, he could get a perfect view of the sunset.

"you're like a little kid," jun joked, pulling minghao into a back hug.

"the last time i've been in a cabin, i was a little kid. let me relive that," minghao said, still looking around. "how did you even-"

"jeonghan. it's his place."

"ah. is he just your personal credit card?"

jun snorted. "no, i've actually never asked him for favors like this. the apartment is one thing, changkyun was looking for us. i just... i thought we needed a get-away from all of that. away from changkyun. this can be just for us. a break."

minghao nodded, falling back into jun's arms. "thank you, jun. this is incredible."

his chest rumbled slightly with laughter against minghao's back. "i know. i'm the perfect soulmate."

"yes, you are."

it was quiet for a moment, then jun pulled away. he ruffled minghao's hair and said, "let's go drop our stuff off in the bedroom. i hope you don't mind that there's only one bed, if you do i'll take the couch."

"we sleep in the same bed all the time. it's fine," minghao assured.

he saw jun blush out of the corner of his eye, which minghao smiled at to himself. as they unpacked their bags, he watched as jun ran around trying to set stuff up. he had taken some blankets and food from jeonghan's apartment with him and was filling in the pantry and fridge.

grabbing one of the blankets, minghao fell back onto the couch. he looked out the massive window that overlooked the mountains, seeing that the sun was close to setting soon. the sunlight brightened up the room itself, not even needing to turn the lights on.

jun was washing some vegetables in the sink, already making dinner. minghao smiled.

he'd never had someone do this for him. this was all so new. at first, the way jun treated minghao was jarring and he was unsure, untrustworthy, scared, even. scared that he would leave minghao just the same.

but there he was. jun with his perfect and dorky grin and his messy hair and sleepy brown eyes that were always crinkled with a smile. 

something tugged at his heart. that feeling had been steadily growing familiar the more time minghao spent with jun. it made the watercolors even brighter and his chest even warmer. it made minghao want to hold jun as tightly as he could in his arms and never let go, because goddamn, wen junhui was all his and he was his soulmate.

twenty was becoming less of a daunting number.

\---

after jun had finished cooking, the two ate dinner rather quickly. jun seemed impatient and kept looking down at his watch, encouraging minghao to eat his food faster. when he did, jun pulled minghao out of his chair, ignoring their dirty dishes, and brought him to the couch.

hastily, jun pulled the glass doors open, turned on the fireplace, and sat down next to minghao. he reached for minghao's hand, sending watercolors alight on their palms. as if he had done nothing at all, jun nonchalantly sipped some coffee he had brewed earlier.

"what are you doing?" minghao asked, confused.

"i didn't want you to miss the sunset," jun said shyly. "you said that the happiest moment for you would to see the sunset in the mountains. you also said you want it to rain, but i can't really do anything about that. it's december."

surprised, minghao's lips parted. jun was looking ahead, unaware, then minghao suddenly said, "i want to kiss you."

"huh-" jun turned around, eyes wide in surprise.

"i want to kiss you. but i am going to wait for the sunset," minghao said with finality. a hot blush immediately spread across his face. "that sounds suggestive, it's not meant to be, i just want to see the sunset."

after a moment of stunned silence, jun began to laugh. "okay okay. let's watch the sunset. but how about..."

out of nowhere, jun grabbed minghao's waist and pulled him into his lap. minghao stiffened at first as he was cradled against jun's chest, head on his shoulder. one of jun's hands was wrapped around minghao's back and clasped onto his shoulder, holding him there. the other was still on his waist to keep him close.

huffing a sigh as he relaxed into it, minghao grabbed a blanket and pulled it over them, sinking further into jun's warm embrace.

'what are you doing to me, wen junhui?' minghao wondered.

the sun finally began to set, sinking in the sky in brilliant swaths of pink and yellow. it shone over the mountains and dipped behind them, leaving trails of blue and purple sky in its descent.

it was beautiful.

sunsets were the third thing he loved most after rain and jun's smile. he looked up, seeing him warmly beam up at the sky. maybe jun's smile came first.

a couple more moments passed before minghao shifted, letting the blanket fall. he sat up on jun's lap, straddling him. he leaned forward, pressing jun backwards into the couch. minghao ghosted his hands over jun's shoulders and looked down at his expression, which had turned from surprise into something delicate and sweet.

"can i kiss you now?" minghao asked.

"do it-" jun's voice was barely above a whisper but it was all minghao needed to crash his lips onto jun's.

he was met with softness and the scent of coffee; as minghao cupped jun's face the elder's arms wrapped around his upper back, one hand sweeping into minghao's hair. minghao wanted to go fast, wanted to soak in jun's presence and kiss him until he was bruised and breathless, but jun kept going slower. he took control of the pace, kissing him even more deeply and passionately with long kisses between each breath.

"impatient," jun noted, breaking away for just a mere second before minghao caught him in another kiss.

one of minghao's hands slid down to jun's neck, tilting his head up. "yeah, but god, i've been wanting to kiss you like this for so long-"

"like hmm?" jun reached up and held onto minghao's hand on his neck. "what do you want me to do?"

butterflies burst in his stomach when minghao looked down at jun's gaze, which had become dark and almost sultry with the way jun peered up through his lashes.

"please just- just kiss me," minghao said. "i don't care if it's fast or slow or- i don't care, i just want you."

"are you saying you want to have-"

"oh, no. i just want more. not sex or anything, but i want to kiss you and be touched, you know?" minghao said quickly, becoming embarrassed. "i'm sorry, am i being weird? i'm not making sense."

jun hummed, then suddenly held his waist again (minghao wondered if jun had a thing for waists. at this point, minghao definitely did too), and flipped him over onto the couch. jun hovered over him, trapping minghao underneath.

"you're making sense, hao," jun said. "basically, you want to make out. right?"

"yeah but... that doesn't sound nearly as romantic as what i imagined in my head..."

at that, jun laughed. "alright. you can me what you want, okay? in fact, please tell me. communication is important especially in moments like these when we're both a lot more vulnerable. i doubt anything will happen, but, if at any time you want me to stop, let me know."

minghao's eyes widened, wondering what could even happen that would make them stop. but he realized jun was being kind.

he was a bit proud. his soulmate knew how to properly ask for consent.

"i understand," minghao said. "can we... get on with the kissing now?"

answering with his actions, jun bent down and caught minghao in another kiss. it was even deeper than the last, but faster like minghao had wanted. he felt jun's tongue swipe at his lip. minghao, not knowing quite what to do, parted his mouth and let jun take the lead. 

as jun kissed him, one of his hands drew up minghao's side and rubbed at his torso. he gently caressed his chest, his shoulder, everywhere and minghao felt like burning.

after jun stopped to breathe, minghao leaned in first and caught jun's bottom lip, tugging softly. his hands knot themselves in the fabric of jun's shirt, roaming across his back, eliciting soft sounds from jun.

jun broke the kiss again, only to pepper minghao's face with more. under his eye, his cheekbone, his chin. the softness of it was suddenly interrupted when jun tilted minghao's chin up and went for that spot on minghao's neck.

not expecting it, minghao sharply gasped. he felt jun smile against his skin, probably delighted to have accidentally found that sensitive bit on his neck from the last time they kissed. 

"jun..." minghao sighed when he stayed there, lightly sucking on the spot then continuing to cover his neck in kisses. jun looked up, waiting for minghao to finish what he was saying, but minghao just shook his head. jun blinked, a sly smile upturning his face.

'wait- oh my god, i just whined his name-' minghao thought, burdened by the realization that he was very gay and there was an extremely attractive man covering him in kisses; he was turned on. well then.

"you're enjoying this," laughed jun.

to embarrassed to reply, minghao tightened his grip on jun's shirt and brought him down for another kiss.

'shut up shut up let me kiss you,' he thought.

he felt jun's hand rest on his hip bone, softly drawing up the hem of minghao's shirt by an inch or so. they looked at each other, jun going still and silently asking for confirmation. when minghao nodded, his shirt was pushed up to reveal his torso. the cold air hitting his bare skin sent shivers up his arms.

jun went down, placing a soft kiss above minghao's navel. his breath caught in his throat as jun trailed kisses up his stomach and chest, feeling the rush of watercolors dancing on their skin. minghao buried his hand in jun's hair, scratching slightly at jun's scalp, then freezing when jun made a low noise at the touch.

"did that hurt?" minghao asked frowning.

looking up at him, jun smiled weakly. "uh, quite the opposite, really."

minghao snorted. "this makes us even, then. come here."

at this point their lips were bruised and swollen, but neither cared and kissed each other softly. after, minghao wrapped his arms around jun and pressed him into his chest. he lightly scratched jun's back as he rest his head on minghao's shoulder.

"was that okay?" jun murmured.

"yes, yes of course," said minghao hurriedly. "don't worry about that- you're...you're a damn good kisser. but even if you slobbered all over me i'd be fine."

muffled laughter resounded from jun. "liar."

"well... you caught me."

looking up at the ceiling, minghao smiled. jun was right there, in his arms. it felt perfect. everything was perfect.

"thank you," minghao told him.

"you say thank you a lot."

minghao shrugged. "i mean it. thank you. this... this is all incredible."

the sun had finally disappeared behind the mountains. but at that same moment, daybreak dawned in minghao's heart.

he realized what that feeling was. that foolish and happy feeling that sparked from minghao's heart whenever jun gave him a glance. the feeling that made minghao trust jun with his life. the one that made minghao realize how badly, more than anything, he wanted jun to stay by his side.

love.

his eyes widened, finally being able to name that feeling.

minghao was in love with jun.

and on the twentieth of december, minghao would tell him yes.

\---


	57. 五十七//오십칠

五十七//오십칠  
fifty-seven  
//junhui

jun figured out, that night, that minghao liked to cuddle more than he would admit. after the sunset, and several more moments of heated kissing, they had wound up in bed. minghao was tucked under jun's arm, head on his shoulder. their legs were tangled with each other's. the blankets were pulled up high, keeping them even warmer.

he looked down at minghao, who seemed to be half asleep. softly, jun swept away minghao's bangs.

"you do that often," minghao murmured, eyes flickering open. he moved to look up at jun, his expression upturned into a teasing smile.

"i like to see your face," jun said. 

minghao hummed, laying back down. jun could see a few bruises peaking out from under minghao's collar, mostly collected in one spot. jun blushed.

"uh- does your neck hurt?" he asked.

minghao snorted. "if you're asking about the cut from changkyun, it's mostly healed. i changed the bandages earlier and it's not bothering me. but if you're talking about the hickeys, no, they don't hurt. you're fine."

"i didn't expect you'd be so sensitive right there," jun murmured, lifting his hand and lightly tracing the spot on his neck. minghao tensed at the feeling, gasping quietly. it was an action that jun hated to admit was a turn-on. mentally, he chided himself.

"i didn't expect that you like your hair pulled. we both have weaknesses," said minghao.

blushing harder, jun said quickly, "it just- it just feels nice. but this makes it seem like we did more than just kissing."

lightly, minghao laughed. "it was a good kiss. kissing... kisses? i don't know, there was a lot of kissing. but... it was good. i really enjoyed all of this. the cabin is beautiful, the sunset was amazing, spending it here with you..."

jun pressed a quick kiss to the top of minghao's head. "me too."

he began to run his hands down minghao's back, pulling him closer. minghao shivered when jun's fingers drifted down the center.

"junnie," minghao said quietly, his tone dropping to a more serious one. "uh- are you worried at all?"

"about what particularly? changkyun?"

"well, changkyun is an obvious thing to be worried about. i mean like... we've both changed a lot in the time we've known each other. are you ever worried that... maybe we'll switch back to being like that?"

jun pursed his lips. before. before, jun could afford to be a bit more reckless. but he was reckless because he was running from everything. he didn't care how he lived his life, because who knew how long it would take for changkyun to fuck it up? every time he thought he moved on from qianxia, his parents, the violence... it came back. 

he was still reckless perhaps. still a bit stupid. but he had hope this time. and he wasn't lonely like before. 

but then again... his relationship with minghao still wasn't permanent.

he swallowed the thought. now was not the time.

"i don't want to switch back to how it was before," jun said quietly.

he thought to himself, 'i don't want to be lonely. i don't want to be lost.'

'i want to keep loving you.'

"me either," minghao said. "you know- i still count things. i still see numbers in everything. but it's gotten better, i think, since meeting you. and i find myself still in a routine, but it's less intense. before... my routine and numbers served as distractions from all the bad shit. there's still bad shit... but i think i can acknowledge them now. does that even make sense?"

"yeah, it does. you've come a long way. i think we both have. we've gotten better at... accepting things. and hopefully, we can move forward once this is all done with," said jun.

he looked at minghao. 'move forward' had a sense of finality to it, suggesting it would be something they'd do together in the future. 'together' and 'future' always seemed to be uncertain, especially to minghao. especially since the twentieth was in a week.

so it surprised jun when minghao said, "i hope so too."

he was glad that minghao couldn't see his smile. "so... what does that make us, then?"

"two hopeless homosexuals in desperate need of therapy."

jun snorted. "yeah."

softly, minghao began to rub jun's chest and stomach. it was a sweet, affectionate action, that was currently turning wen junhui into a mess. with a face flushed pink from embarrassment, he pulled minghao onto his lap. their chests were pressed together and minghao looked up at him, surprised.

"you're tiny," jun whispered.

"i'm four centimetres shorter than you."

"but you're tiny," whined jun. he wrapped his arms around minghao's back and held him tightly.

"this is oddly affectionate."

jun 'humphed.' "says you, what was that? rubbing my chest all domestic and shit?"

minghao raised an eyebrow. "what. does the little kitty like pats on his belly?"

"i will kill you-"

laughing, jun flipped them over, laying on top of minghao and holding him tightly. minghao struggled, playfully hitting jun's sides.

"take it back and i'll let you up," jun said, trying to sound threatening despite the dorky smile on his face.

"no!" minghao yelled. his head was buried in jun's chest.

sighing dramatically, jun said, "then... there must be consequences."

he reached for minghao's sides, ticking below his arms. minghao shouted in laughter, trying to push his hands down. they tussled on the bed, playfully tickling and pulling each other. at some point, minghao had rolled on top of jun.

"got you, kitty," minghao murmured. he had pinned jun's wrists above his head and kept jun's legs locked with his own. his eyes were narrowed in mischief, smirking down at him.

"you're annoying," jun sighed. it was probably a bad time to be a bit turned on. 

"you're a loser." with an exhausted sigh, minghao slumped forward on top of jun.

smiling to himself, jun wrapped him in a hug. soon, the two fell asleep.

\---

五十七//오십칠  
fifty-seven  
//minghao

the weekend, despite being one of the best in minghao's life, passed quickly. after finals week, classes were over. though, he and jun were often at the studio practicing for the twentieth.

the dreaded twentieth. it was in three days.

3\. three. t h r e e.

numbers seemed to be a bit different now.

20\. twenty. t w e n t y.

minghao sighed, flopping against his bed. it was tuesday, and absolutely nothing was happening. he was alone at the apartment. jun was with wonwoo and mingyu.

he was bored. he didn't have assignments to study for. their dance was perfect and jun wasn't here to practice anyways. seungkwan was busy, he had asked out vernon from art class on a date. hoshi was working.

and seokmin...

minghao's phone began to ring. groggily, minghao rolled over on the bed to see who it was. his eyes widened.

seokmin was calling him.

he scrambled for the phone, and quickly said, "hello?!"

"minghao?" 

jesus christ, seokmin's voice was literally sunshine. minghao smiled wildly. "seokmin!"

"hey, it's me. uh, am i interrupting something?"

"no! no, not at all! what's up?"

"well, i'm not really doing anything today. so... i was wondering if you'd maybe like to go to the mall?"

oh-

holy shit.

"yeah! yeah, i'm good. uh, would you be able to pick me up?"

"of course. thirty minutes?" seokmin asked.

"see you then!"

after minghao hung up, he sat on his bed for a moment, frozen. seokmin was talking to him. seokmin wanted to go shopping again.

seokmin was here again.

everything was beginning to correct itself.

\---


	58. 五十八//오십팔

五十八//오십팔  
fifty-eight  
//minghao

the first thing seokmin did when he saw minghao, was hug him.

it was sudden. minghao had barely exited the building and made it to seokmin's car. immediately, seokmin met his eyes and ran up to him, arms spread and holding him tightly. he smelled like peppermint.

"i'm sorry," seokmin said quickly, stepping back. "was that- was that weird? i just, i missed you, like a lot. i was annoying seungkwan about it and he told me to get off my lazy ass and-"

minghao cut him off with another hug. "don't be sorry. i'm the one who should be sorry."

letting out a quiet sigh, seokmin collapsed into minghao's arms. he pat minghao's hair affectionately, the way he did all the time, and it was enough to make minghao cry.

hearing sniffles, seokmin pulled back. "why are you crying? i've, like, never seen you cry. it's okay!"

"i'm so, so sorry," minghao stuttered out, wiping at his eyes. "i don't know why i'm so emotional all of a sudden, but, i've missed you too. i realize i haven't been a good enough friend and it hurt you, and that was so dickish of me. i wasn't putting in enough time to listen to you, i blew you off and lied... i'm so sorry."

something endearingly sad about seokmin was his extreme level of empathy, which caused him to cry when other people cried. even when watching movies, if someone cried in the film, minghao and seungkwan would look to seokmin. and sure enough, he would be wiping tears out of his eyes.

so there he was, staring at minghao with the widest and watery eyes, which made minghao feel even guiltier.

"aw, seokmin please don't cry," he tried.

"you know i can't help it! you're crying so i'm crying," seokmin said tearily. he hugged minghao again.

"you're... you're so dumb," said minghao, without any malice. "you're just a big puppy. you should hate me right now. why?"

seokmin sniffed. "like i said. i missed you."

"i know, bud. same."

"bud..?"

minghao chuckled. "it's what came to my mind."

they stood there for a few more moments, then walked back to seokmin's car. in the ride to the mall, seokmin sang loudly along to songs on the radio. minghao watched, grinning, more than happy to be in his presence again.

seokmin wanted to eat something right away, so the two of them went and got some ice cream. they talked happily, asking each other about school.

it was nice.

"uh, how's minji?" minghao asked eventually. "what's she like?"

"she's good. we went on a walk the other day with her dog," answered seokmin, grinning brightly. "she's very sweet, smiles and talks a lot, even more of an extrovert than i am."

"oh god. so there's two of you?" minghao teased.

snorting, seokmin nodded. "seungkwan said the same thing. she's just a few centimetres shorter than me, too. uh, she has black hair, brown eyes... a very cute face and dimples when she smiles. like joshua, she's a med student, so she's scary smart."

"and you like her?"

"i do. i really do."

minghao smiled. "that's good. i'm happy for you."

he really was. seokmin had been minghao's friend since he moved to seoul, and along with seungkwan, had been there since the beginning. he had watched seokmin grow up and mature, even if he was still the same ball of sunshine with a little kid at heart.

it was comforting to know that he had found someone who made him happy. seokmin deserved that, the most of all, honestly.

"and jun? how are you guys, the twentieth is coming up."

"we're good. so good, in fact, that i'm telling him yes."

seokmin blinked, processing the information. "oh shit. oh SHIT. that's great! yes! i'm so happy for you two. finally."

"i didn't realize you were so invested-"

waving his hand, seokmin said, "i'm just happy for you, too. you've come a long way and i'm happy to see that you've... changed? but in a good way."

in response, minghao smiled. he looked down at the table, then hesitantly asked, "seokmin, have you told minji that you love her?"

"yeah."

"when?"

"like, a week after meeting her."

minghao blinked, though he probably shouldn't be surprised. "and did she say it back?"

"she did. we had our first kiss after that."

"ah."

nodding and looking away, minghao slumped back into his chair. seokmin stared at him, trying to figure out what the hell that just was. finally, as if there was a cartoon light bulb above his head that turned on, he realized and clapped his hands.

"you love jun!" seokmin exclaimed. "and you haven't told him yet?"

"we don't got to talk about this if you don't want-"

"no, it's fine. you love jun?"

minghao pursed his lips while seokmin looked on expectantly. the answer was quite simple, minghao knew, but for some reason he was having trouble verbalizing it. he had only realized it recently, but that feeling had been there for awhile.

he wanted to tell jun. very badly.

"yes, but i don't know how to tell him," minghao said with a blush.

"that's okay! you don't even have to tell him yet. we all move at our own paces, you know? i fall in love really easily so it didn't take me long. but you've always been pretty reserved with your emotions. so much so, that i'm surprised you realized this soon."

"oh, shut up."

seokmin stuck his tongue out. "anyways, if you want to tell him, just say it. say 'jun, i love you.' it's actually pretty easy. just four words, technically three. you could even tell him on the twentieth after your performance."

minghao thought about it. "that's actually not a bad idea."

"this feels like a marriage proposal."

playfully, minghao kicked him under the table. "shush. i'm already freaking out as it is."

"it'll go well. oh, seungkwan and i will be at your performance. so make sure you tell us how it goes the moment it happens," seokmin said. "and you can meet minji! she's also a friend of chan's, so she's going to be there too."

"i can't wait to meet her."

the two carried on, then drifted around the mall. minghao didn't buy anything, just helped seokmin pick out some clothes.

seokmin also revealled that he and jun had became friends and was asking jun for updates on minghao. so, in an odd sort of way, seokmin had never left minghao.

it was a good feeling.

\---

五十八//오십팔  
fifty-eight  
//junhui

thursday.

it was thursday.

tomorrow was the assembly. tomorrow, they would perform their dance together. tomorrow, minghao would give jun an answer.

jun looked over at minghao, who was standing in the kitchen getting a glass of water. he had set the cup against the fridge so the water would fill by itself and was currently dancing while he waited. cute.

they had practiced all day, so both were tired. at this point, the performance was flawless.

hopefully it would be worth it, too.

after a moment, minghao walked over and sat beside jun on the couch. he winced slightly in pain, rubbing at his neck.

"you okay?" asked jun.

"yeah, it's sore from the dance," minghao said.

"c'mere, sit on the ground in front of me," jun instructed.

following his directions, minghao sat on the floor, positioned between jun's legs with his back to the couch. with gentle hands, jun slowly massaged the area. minghao let out a sigh, drooping his head forward and letting jun work the muscles. any pain caused from the massage was quelled by the warmth of the watercolors.

he looked to his neck, where a thin, almost invisible red line remained where changkyun had cut him. they were able to heal it fast enough, thankfullty.

"so... tomorrow," jun murmured.

"yeah. uh, do we wanna talk about the deal after the performance? we can meet somewhere," minghao suggested.

jun nodded, raising an eyebrow at one of the sounds minghao made when jun hit a particular part of his neck. "sure."

"i'm trying to remember the layout of the auditorium... oh. they have those really pretty gardens right outside, with a path and everything. it should be isolated enough to be just us," minghao said.

he gaped a bit, thinking about the location. it sounded pretty, like it had to be special, so minghao would say yes? or he chose a pretty location so jun's heart wouldn't break as badly.

or he was an idiot. after everything, it did seem like minghao would say yes.

jun hoped so.

"that sounds good," said jun. "we perform and then... yeah."

minghao hummed. "i can give you an answer now, if you want."

internally, jun was screaming. he was both excited and terrified. "honestly, i'd rather wait for tomorrow. we decided on the twentieth, so let's stick to it. i can wait."

"alright."

a few more minutes passed with jun massaging minghao's neck. when he was finished, minghao stood up and climbed onto jun's lap, stradding him.

"i'm beginning to think you like doing this," jun commented, resting his hands on minghao's thighs.

"perhaps," mused minghao, slinging his arms over jun's shoulders. his eyes were bright with mischief. "can i kiss you?"

"of course," jun said, trying hard not to smile when minghao pressed his lips to his own.

it was soft and didn't last very long, and when they broke apart, minghao was staring with fondness in his gaze.

"you don't always have to ask," said jun. "to kiss me."

"you always ask."

"well-"

minghao shushed him. "it's the same. i, for one, like that you ask. consent is sexy. so i'm always asking, too."

jun hummed. "alright. but sometimes, it's okay if you don't. i feel like... we're far enough in our relationship to trust each other when it comes to being physically intimate."

he was a bit nervous with that last sentence, because it implied that their relationship was going to continue. however, minghao didn't seem phased.

"that makes sense. i'm glad you trust me," minghao smiled. he leaned forward and pecked jun on the lips. "that okay?"

"yes, it's okay," jun huffed. "consent is good. let's keep that up. but you don't have to ask for every small kiss, it's okay. i'd kiss you any day."

minghao giggled softly, which made jun swoon. god, minghao's laugh was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

"junnie," minghao said suddenly, smiling softly. "can i at least say this? i don't want you to be worried about tomorrow."

heart thudding in his chest, jun looked at minghao with wide eyes. "okay," was all he was able to muster.

"let's go to bed, yeah? we can sleep in my room," minghao said, pulling jun up with him as he stood.

jun followed him, tugged into the bed by minghao. when he laid down, minghao came beside him and pulled jun against his chest. it was another rarer moment of minghao being the big spoon, but jun couldn't complain.

minghao fell asleep first, arms wrapped around jun's figure, breathing softly. jun smiled and turned around, moving minghao's arms so they wouldn't go numb.

now facing minghao, jun studied his face. he did it a lot. but he could never get bored of the way minghao looked. he didn't want to lose that picture, the softness of minghao's face, the shape of his features. he would ingrain it within his memory time and time again, hoping it would never fade.

qianxia's was beginning to fade. and if the worst happened tomorrow, jun didn't want minghao to fade, too.

all things pointed to tomorrow going just as jun had hoped. but there was still a twinge of dark anxiety, reminding him that things could always go wrong. a gut wrenching feeling, not quite being able to place why tomorrow would screw itself up. maybe they'd botch the dance. maybe minghao say no.

the most jun could do was curl up closer to his soulmate, close his eyes, and dream of a future together.

\---


	59. 五十九//오십구

五十九//오십구  
fifty-nine  
//junhui

the moment had finally arrived.

december twentieth, the winter holiday art assembly. in a few moments, minghao and jun would go onstage in the massive auditorium to showcase the dance they worked on. and then after...

jun looked at minghao, who was sitting at a vanity. they were in a changing room with some of their other classmates, getting ready for their performances. hoshi was there with his soulmate, jihoon, who had offered to help them with makeup. he had worked as a makeup artist at some point, or something. in any case, he was good at what he did.

he looked in the mirror to make sure his outfit wasn't missing anything. loose, flowy blue cropped tunic, high waisted black dance leggings. the tunic had a low cut to it, a v-line that exposed his chest. the back was mostly gone, too. the leggings hugged jun's legs tightly, defining his muscles. jihoon didn't put much makeup on, just enhanced his features so they'd show under stage lighting.

minghao was dressed similarly, with a loose red tunic and the same black dance leggings. his tunic was a bit large, and instead fell off his shoulder, exposing his collar bone and upper chest. the sleeves also had slits in them, showing more skin from his arms. like jun's, the back was also exposed. when he raised his arms, his stomach would be shown. 

having been the one who decided on the outfits, minghao explained that the more exposed skin would be cool when the soulmate watercolors appeared, especially because that was the theme of their dance.

"minghao," called jun, after more waiting. "our time slot is here. we're on."

when minghao stood, jun's heart fluttered a bit in his chest. the outfits were, yes, quite artistic and fit with the theme. but the exposed collar bone was affecting jun as if he were a victorian maiden who had just been scandalized.

"you look pretty," jun murmured, latching onto minghao's waist.

minghao snorted, but he was smiling. "thank you. so do you."

"let me grab the sheet with our names," jun told him, turning around.

shuffling through their bags, jun searched for a program sheet he had to give a stage manager before they went on. he found it, but it was not the only piece of paper there. folded into the pocket of his bag, was a small sheet of paper with a date, time and address written on it.

he didn't recognize the address, but knew the date: december twenty-third. six in the evening.

it was when changkyun wanted to meet.

"jun?"

he spun around when minghao called his name, giving him a concerned look.

"got it," he said, shoving the other note back into the backpack. "let's go."

as the two got ready to walk backstage, jun's stomach twisted. he had no idea how that note got into his bag- was changkyun here? shownu told him that he would take care of the twenty-third, that jun didn't have to worry.

well, jun was worrying anyways.

"hey," minghao said suddenly. they stood behind the curtain, about to go up. "you ready?"

mustering a smile, jun nodded. "let's go, hao."

hand in hand, the two walked onstage, getting into place under the dim lights. finally, they turned on, and minghao and jun were ready to dance.

the music started, with a slow and gentle beat. they fell into it, doing short and concise movements, but trying to stay as fluid as possible to match the music. they scaled the stage with swift and featherlike footsteps, then were drawn back into the center for the buildup to the chorus.

jun glanced at minghao, who was completely immersed in the music. the chorus hit, and the two were dancing together. jun's hands grabbed minghao's waist, pulling him close, earning some gasps from the audience when they saw watercolors dappled on their skin. jun tried not to smile.

the song continued, with them dancing around each other, as if pulled together by some unseen force. the music fizzled out briefly, allowing them to go into their respective solo parts. minghao, of course, did a flip. there was some applause for that alone.

the chorus was coming again, so they drew into each other, the intensitity beginning to swell. the dance had turned intimate, holding each other close. jun hoisted minghao into the air like they had practiced, causing people to gasp in awe. then he brought him back down, trapping minghao in his arms, and the two rhythmically danced to the song's ending.

when it was over, minghao was draped in jun's arms, the two staring at each other and panting for breath. the dance was fluid, intimate, full of back and forth attraction that was impossible to take your eyes off of. when the audience stood to applause, jun pecked minghao's lips. 

"you're incredible," minghao murmured.

"you are too," said jun.

once backstage, hoshi ran up and hugged them with bone-crushing force, congratulating them in excited whispers. even their teacher, mr. jung, praised them for the dance.

they had done it.

"so," minghao whispered. "how about we go out to the gardens now? after we get changed."

jun grinned. "you go ahead, i'll meet you out there. going to send chan off, his performance is next."

after giving him a quick hug, minghao left back to the changing room. jun smiled, watching him go, thinking how everything was going to be okay.

he sent chan off, ruffling his hair, smiling when the kid started to bounce from excitement.

"you'll do amazing," jun told him. "you're the best dancer here, go kick some ass."

chan scoffed, but smiling and didn't deny jun's statement. his confidence was cute.

he turned to leave, to meet minghao in the changing room, but stopped. on the far end of the backstage area, near a fire exit, was a familiar face. leaning leisurely against the wall, dressed in pressed black slacks with a white button up, was changkyun.

his heart dropped in his chest. 

fuck.

changkyun grinned, tilting his head to beckon jun forward. all of his instincts told him not to go, to stop, go see minghao instead and leave this all behind-

but he couldn't.

he stood in front of changkyun, looking down at the man, yet still feeling extremely small. even in the dim lighting, jun could see his daggers for a smile and dark eyes.

"lovely performance," changkyun mused, peering around his shoulder. they were far enough from everyone else to not be seen, and likely, no one would care anyways.

"why are you here?" jun asked, his voice a whisper.

the music began to play, muffled in the background, drowned out by the drumming of jun's heart. 

"i'm sure you got my note," changkyun drawled. "be sure to show up at that location, at that exact time, yeah? or there will be consequences."

jun stared at him, desperately swallowing his fear.

"if you do anything to minghao-" he started, but changkyun cut him off.

"i won't do anything to minghao," said changkyun. he smiled wickedly, red stage lighting catching in his teeth. "in fact, you are. now, you had better listen closely. if not, i swear to fucking god, minghao will be leaving here in a body bag. do you understand?"

jun's eyes widened, freezing.

fuck fuck fuck- his brain was haywiring, trying to comprehend what changkyun was saying.

changkyun was going to kill minghao. he was going to kill him. 

tears threatened to spill, ready to burst like a dam. his breath quickened, fingernails digging into his palms.

jun's voice came out in a defeated croak. "i understand."

\---

五十九//오십구  
fifty-nine  
//minghao

minghao had been waiting out in the garden for a bit longer than he expected. maybe jun stayed to watch chan's performance. he glanced down at his phone, wondering if jun texted him, but there was nothing.

he sighed, leaning against the railing of a cute gazebo he found. the cold nipped at his fingers, and he was sure his nose was red, too. but he didn't mind. it was a pretty night, one of those rare moments where you could see the faint speckling of stars in the city air.

the garden was pretty, too. even more beautiful at night. rows of fairy lights were strung around the garden fences, down the paths, wrapped around the gazebo posts. it had an other-wordly feel to it.

footsteps resounded behind minghao, so he stood up with a smile. finally, there was jun. he had changed out of his clothes and wiped off his makeup like minghao, better dressed for the winter air.

but there was something wrong.

jun's face seemed rather impassive, eyes not quite meeting minghao's own. there was no joy in his face, none of the excitement minghao could barely contain within his own body.

"jun?" minghao asked. "are you okay?"

letting out a sigh, jun nodded. a puff of cold air shrouded his face.

he wasn't okay. clearly.

tentatively, minghao reached out and grabbed jun's hands, holding them. he asked softly, "are my hands cold?"

jun didn't answer. he was finally looking at him, but his eyes seemed sad. regretful.

guilty.

"junnie, what's wrong?" minghao asked worriedly.

his hands were limp in minghao's grasp, standing there frozen. jun opened his mouth, but no sound came out, as if his voice had been stolen.

after a moment, jun finally spoke. "i'm sorry."

minghao blinked. "what could you possibly be sorry for?"

"for everything. for what i'm about to say," jun said softly. "i think... i think we should go our separate ways."

what?

jun continued, "it would be better for us to not continue whatever this is. i think we should just stop."

"stop what?" minghao asked. "just stop being soulmates? is that what you're saying?"

jun held his gaze for a moment, then solemnly nodded. "i think it would be for the better."

"yeah you said that," said minghao, bitterly. "what? what's going to be better? explain to me, why all of a sudden, this isn't going to work. you're the person who wanted this from day one. this whole thing was your idea. for fuck's sake, we just kissed! you seemed happy! i'm happy!"

"you're right," jun said softly. "i seemed happy. but it just can't work out, okay? please, it'd be better if you just left. okay? just leave me alone."

letting go of jun's hands, minghao stepped back. he held jun's gaze, wanting to badly to yell at him and wondering, what the hell was happening?

"what changed?" minghao asked. "you said, that i would be the one to decide if this continues. you made it clear from the start that you liked me and wanted to be with me. last weekend, we were together in the cabin! we were being all loving and affectionate and goddammit- i was going to say yes!"

jun looked as if he'd been stabbed in the chest. his lips parted slightly, and if one concentrated close enough, tears could be seen glossing over his eyes. 

"i guess you thought that way. you want to know why i did that for you? because i look at you and all i see is some- lonely and pathetic little perfectionist. who thinks the world revolves around him. who only cares about his own problems and doesn't give a shit about everyone else," said jun.

choking on his words, minghao just listened in shock.

"i pitied you!" jun continued, his voice breaking. "the deal was to act like soulmates, right? so i did. i acted."

"then, none of it was real?" minghao asked, his voice a whisper.

shaking, jun exhaled. he seemed like he'd start crying any moment now. this was all so horribly, horribly wrong but minghao didn't know how to fix it.

jun shivered as he said the words, slowly, as if trying to convince himself, too. "none of it was real."

how could none of it be real?

from the beginning, jun was so incredibly obvious that he liked minghao. he walked him to class every morning. he teased him. they held hands. jun kissed him first. and minghao kissed him again and again.

jun trusted him. and minghao trusted him back.

hell, minghao loved jun, and he knew that deep down, jun felt the same.

so minghao stared into jun's eyes, those loving and droopy eyes, now wet with tears. the second time minghao had seen him cry. minghao knew, just as well as jun did, that everything was real. every day spent in each others precense. every smile and kiss. every punch thrown to protect the other-

it was all real.

so why?

"you're a liar," minghao managed to say. "why are you lying?"

"i'm not," jun tried to say, but he choked on the words, barely being audible. tears streamed down his face.

"yes, you are. you're a god awful liar, too," minghao said. his voice rose. "goddammit, junhui i lov-"

"don't."

time seemed to stop as jun cried out that word. minghao's breath stilled, helpless to do anything else but stare in desperation. hoping, to whoever was listening, that this was all some horrible nightmare that he would wake up from soon.

jun stood there, as if built from glass, cracked into thin lines; at any moment, he would shatter into a thousand pieces.

at some point, minghao found his voice. "the only things consistent in my life are the watercolors that appear on our skin when we touch, and you, my soulmate. please, don't leave me."

the words tore themselves out of his throat.

after everything, how could it come to this?

all he got was a solemn shake of the head, muffled sniffles and tears, before a gentle,

"goodbye."

it wasn't going to end like this.

it won't.

right?

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i'm so sorry


	60. 六十//육십

六十//육십  
sixty  
//minghao 

there was an odd sense of numbness after it all. just for the first few minutes. at some point, minghao found himself back in the auditorium. seokmin and seungkwan were in front of him, smiling and congratulating him for the performance.

he tried to smile back, tried to say something, but no sound came out.

"minghao? what's wrong?" seungkwan asked.

right.

everything was wrong. everything got fucked up.

minghao didn't want to believe it. he couldn't help but hope this was just some shitty nightmare. and yet, his chest tightened, caught in a painful grip that tethered him to reality.

"jun left," minghao said, face still frozen with a smile.

"what? what do you mean jun left?"

his smile wavered, tears threatening to spill. "he- he left. he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. and, i- i was going to say yes."

minghao's voice broke on that last word, scratching his throat and triggering tears. at last they fell, soundlessly, with minghao standing like a broken doll.

his friends' faces dropped upon realization. minghao stiffened, not knowing if he could properly answer any questions they had. but instead of saying anything, they just walked forward and hugged him.

numbness slowly washed away, with minghao trying to blink away tears, before falling into his friends' embrace. he let the tears fall freely, muffling his quiet and choked sobs in seokmin's shoulder. 

"how about we go to our apartment, that sound okay?" seungkwan asked, ruffling minghao's hair.

minghao didn't care. about anything, in all honesty. he just wanted everything to stop.

he followed them anyways, laying on seungkwan's shoulder in the car as seokmin drove them back. he had stopped crying, just watched buildings and cars whizzing past in the window. music played softly on the radio, the only sound in the otherwise silent car.

at the apartment, seokmin had made him some tea. chamomile. it tasted weirdly sweet, and minghao wondered if seokmin had dumped sugar into it.

sitting down on the couch, minghao looked around. thanks to seungkwan's interest in interior design, the space was decorated cleanly. there were bright colors all around, with interesting decor that definitely screamed the stereotype of a gay man who liked house design. it was larger than minghao's old apartment, but definitely too small for two people.

old apartment.

that was weird.

minghao looked up at the ceiling, sighing quietly. where would he go now? if he ran into jun at jeonghan's apartment, what would he say?

and why did an apartment that wasn't even his, feel more like home?

home.

that was also weird.

he hadn't had one of those since he was six years old. and now... it was gone.

"hey..." seungkwan's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "do you want to talk?"

minghao blinked. seungkwan sat beside him on the couch, and because it was too small, seokmin sat on the ground.

"i don't know," minghao answered. he wanted to say something. but he could barely verbalize what he was feeling. unfocusing, minghao looked down. "i'm sorry."

"you don't have anything to apologize for, it's okay!" seungkwan said, getting a bit heated. "do you want a hug?"

minghao just nodded, instantly melting into seungkwan's arms. the warmth felt nice. but... it wasn't the right kind.

he sucked in a breath. "uh, so, jun and i... we had planned to meet outside in the little garden area. to talk about... whether or not we would continue things. jun's intentions had always been clear. he liked me. at least, he said he did. and i was going to tell him that i loved him, that i wanted to be with him."

tears began to cloud his view, so minghao blinked them away. "but then he said he didn't want to be with me. that we should stop. that- that i was conceited, more or less. and that he pitied me and it was all a lie."

seokmin sat up. "what? that doesn't sound like him at all. you guys even kissed onstage."

"i swear to god, i'll kill him, you know i will," seungkwan threatened.

"don't kill him," minghao murmured. "i knew he was lying. he's an awful at it, too. i just don't understand why he lied."

"is something going on with him?" seokmin offered.

scoffing, seungkwan responded, "yeah, it's called being a fucking asshole."

"i don't know what's going on," minghao continued. "something must have happened. right after the show he said he'd meet me in the gardens, he had to stay back and wish chan good luck."

seokmin frowned. "okay. maybe we're reading too much into this, but, what if something happened during that time?"

"he did take awhile to come outside..." minghao said softly.

digging in his pocket, seungkwan brought out his phone. "let me call chan and ask if jun was being weird."

minghao sipped his tea. it was far too sweet, upon further tasting. but he found he didn't really care.

he distantly heard chan's voice over the phone, watching seungkwan's face drop into a concerned expression. at the same time, he was becoming aware to an acute ache in his chest, but brushed it off.

"i'm sorry- is this too much? we're looking for answers instead of listening to you," seokmin said.

shaking his head, minghao just said, "no. it's fine. i would rather do that than dwell on the emotional shit. i don't even know how to say what i'm feeling."

gently, seokim pat minghao's arm. "that's okay. we're here to listen if you do and if you want to."

after quietly saying thank you in response, seungkwan hung up the phone. his face seemed grim.

"chan said he saw jun talking to someone backstage and didn't seem pleased to see him. he was dressed in all black, was shorter than jun, and had black hair," seungkwan said. "minghao..? is that someone you know?"

for a moment, his brain was blank. like all the nerves up there had fried into television static. minghao groaned, holding his head in his hands.

"i can't even think right now, in all honesty i-" minghao trailed off.

dressed in all black. jun wasn't happy to see him.

the note jun found, that he tried to hide from minghao. an address. a time. the 23rd of dcember.

he had seen it, and didn't say anything when jun shoved it back in his backpack, but minghao didn't say anything.

logically, it should be changkyun.

"i need to text someone," minghao muttered, grabbing his phone and searching for shownu's contact.

not wanting to call him, as it was a bit late, minghao texted him instead. he needed to meet with shownu sometime tomorrow, and asked if shownu could access the ccctv at the recital center.

"you okay?" seungkwan asked.

shutting his phone off after he sent the text, minghao shook his head. "not really. if... if it's who i think it is, the situation could actually be worse."

"should we not ask?"

"it's hard to explain," was all that minghao could say.

thankfully, neither of them pressed. minghao hadn't told them anything about changkyun, so not to worry them. maybe he should have. or maybe not.

but that was unimportant. if changkyun was really at the assembly, what did he say to jun? did he threaten him?

without realizing it, minghao had finished all of the tea.

"thanks for the tea," he said softly. 

seokmin nodded. "do you want to sleep here tonight?"

"you can take my room, i'll sleep with seokmin or on the couch," seungkwan offered.

wanting to say no, minghao almost shook his head, but realized he had nowhere else to go. jeonghan's apartment meant possibly running into jun. his own apartment wasn't safe.

"if you don't mind," said minghao guiltily.

"not at all," seungkwan said. "i'll go get the room set up. it'll be okay."

bitterly, minghao thought to himself, 'will it really?"

\---

the time was 11:23 in the night. minghao sat on seungkwan's bed, dressed in some of seokmin's pajamas. he stared down at his phone, where jun's contact was displayed.

should he call him? his better judgement said no. there was no point. minghao remembered watching movies where someone became heartbroken and tried to call their partner over and over again. he never understood why, until now.

so he called him.

the phone rang for a few seconds, before, "your call has been forwarded to an automatic voicemail. at the tone-"

minghao hung up. then he called again.

"your call has been forwarded to an-"

again.

"your call has been forwarded-"

again.

this time there was no ringing. just instantly, "your call has been forwarded to an automatic voicemail. at the tone, please record your message. when you have finished recording, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options."

the beep went off. minghao sat there, frozen and unsure of what to say.

"jun," he said finally. his voice was uneven, clear in its uncertainty. "i, uh... i don't know why i'm calling, honestly. you don't got to call back. i'm staying at seungkwan's and seokmin's. so... you can avoid me. i'll probably go grab my stuff from jeonghan's in the afternoon. so if you want to see me, i'll be there. otherwise..."

he trailed off, suddenly feeling the urge to cry. in a poor attempt to stop it, he bit his lip and sniffled softly.

"i don't know. i'm sorry, for calling you out of nowhere. this doesn't help either of us. and maybe i really am that selfish, because all i want right now is to be with you. fuck, i'm sorry. i... i hope you're well."

he hung up.

for a moment, he just stared at his phone. this probably fucked up something.

sighing, minghao turned off a lamp in seungkwan's room. the room itself was small, with a twin bed pushed against the wall. he had a tall dresser, painted white to match the bedside table. the sheets were light blue. a tall mirror against the wall. assorted plants of all sizes taking up leftover space.

it was a nice room. but there was still a sense of dissonance. the mattress felt too stiff. the sheets too scratchy. the eletric hum of the fridge outside was just a bit too loud. the room was too cold.

everything was just wrong. 

he wondered where jun was sleeping tonight. if he felt the same way minghao did. if he looked over at the empty space on his bed, laying under blankets too cold and heavy, missing the way things were before.

finally, tears begun to fall. he tried to hold back the sobs, but failed, ultimately choking on his own voice as he tried to be quiet. to no avail, a painful sound tore out of his throat with his cries. he turned over, burrowing his face in the pillow, muffing them. the tears didn't stop, neither did the sounds, and minghao had almost started to wail before seungkwan and seokmin came in.

seokmin pulled him into a hug, with seungkwan wrapping his arms around minghao's back. they held him as minghao cried and cried until his throat was sore and all he could do was hyperventalite through shaky breaths.

"deep breaths," seungkwan murmured in a sleepy voice, petting his back.

minghao's face was burrowed in seokmin's shirt, effectively ruining it with tears now. he shakily tried to regain control of his breathing, until that ache in his chest suddenly burst into a stabbing feeling, causing him to cry out again.

"wait- what's wrong?" seokmin asked.

sniffling, minghao tried to explain. "my chest- it hurts. do you have, like, ibuprofen?"

"yeah, one second."

when seokmin stood, seungkwan pulled minghao into his arms. he combed his hands through minghao's hair, quietly humming. minghao's cries became silent, but his breaths were shaky and he would aggressively inhale at random moments.

"i'm sorry," minghao forced out.

"you have nothing to be sorry for," shushed seungkwan. "you just had your heart broken. it's normal to react like this. it's okay, genuinely. seokmin and i are here for you. you're not bothering us at all."

"but i woke you up..."

"it's fine, i promise you. it's okay to cry."

seokmin walked back in the room with some ibuprofen and a glass of water. quickly, minghao swallowed them, sighing softly and hoping they would ease the pain.

he buried his head in his hands and asked, in a muffled voice, "is this supposed to be physically painful?"

seokmin rubbed his back. "it can be, for a lot of people. when they say heartbreak is painful, they're not exaggerating. but if it persists then maybe go see a doctor."

"yeah," minghao muttered. he rubbed at his temples, trying to ignore the anxious thoughts he had about the chest pain.

"what can we do for you?" seungkwan asked.

"i don't know... maybe we can watch a movie or something? unless you want to go back to sleep-"

"let's go!" seungkwan said, grabbing minghao's arm and pulling him back into the living room.

not caring that the couch was too small, the 3 of them squished onto the cushions, draping a blanket over them. seokmin wanted to watch one of the avenger's movies.

minghao sighed, leaning his head on seokmin's shoulder. halfway into the movie, he finally fell asleep.

\---


	61. 六十一//육십일

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: medical imagery/hospitals

六十一//육십일  
sixty-one  
//junhui

jun listened to minghao's voicemail over and over again.

he sounded like he was crying. the way his voice shuddered, the long pauses, the sighs. it hurt to listen to.

and it was jun's fault.

letting out a sigh, jun turned over in his bed. he was back in his original apartment and had come straight back there after the assembly. he figured that he'd be seeing changkyun on monday, anyways, so there was no point in hiding from him.

jun didn't even have the money. shownu was taking too long. minghao was... well, minghao was gone. 

changkyun had won.

finally, jun was alone and without help. the only thing jun had anymore, was the fact that he didn't have the money to pay changkyun. even if he scrounged up what he could, jun wouldn't give it to him anyways.

so, jun would show up on the twenty-third, empty handed. he was probably walking into his own death.

for some reason, he felt quite numb about the whole thing. he already cried the night prior, soaking his pillow with enough salty tears to outdo the dead sea. ironic. also a bad time for dark humor.

he considered calling shownu, but couldn't be bothered at the moment. he had resigned himself to the fact that changkyun was probably going to kill him. but, it was better jun than minghao. or anyone else.

changkyun had already threatened minghao enough.

"go walk up to minghao and tell him no. tell him you don't want to be with him. break his heart into thousands of pieces. if you don't, i'll kill him myself," was what changkyun said.

jun didn't have a choice from the start. sure, maybe holding back on the insults could have helped. but he had to lie. had to seem as harsh as he could to push minghao away so he wouldn't come running back into danger.

in a twisted, horrible way, minghao was being kept safe.

jun glanced at the time. it was around noon. minghao would be at jeonghan's, only to arrive at an empty apartment that hadn't been touched since they left for the assembly. 

he debated going back to the apartment. show up and hug minghao for hours on end and kiss him and apologize until he was breathless. they would cry and make up and everything would be okay and it could go back to way things were. but he couldn't. this kept him away from changkyun.

because what could he do at this point? even if he didn't show up, changkyun would find a way to make everything worse. hurt people he cared about. shownu was still gathering evidence on changkyun so that they could arrest him. and still, they didn't have enough. until he did, there was nothing they could do, and jun doubted that three days was enough time.

break minghao's heart. keep him safe. keep him far far away from all of this so that he didn't have to suffer more.

running his hands down his face, jun sighed. 'suffer more.' minghao was either locking himself away into one of his routines to cope. or, he was stubbornly searching for more answers that would only lead him down a path of further hurt.

if things were going to end like this, jun at least needed to know that minghao would be okay in the aftermath.

he thought of a few people to see, of places to go. but in the end, only one person stood out from the rest.

\---

"mr. xu, you have a visitor!"

the nurse gestured for jun to walk inside the hospital room. sheepishly, he shuffled inside, bowing to both the nurse and in the direction of minghao's father.

"hello, xu weiliang," jun said formerly, awkwardness on full display. 

"relax, my nickname is wei, you can just call me that. if that's too casual for you, weiliang is fine, too," minghao's father said.

jun looked at him, focusing more. weiliang was propped up in the hospital bed, smiling warmly at jun. but he seemed a bit more haggard since the last time jun had seen him, with a paler face and shaky hands. there were more machines around his hospital bed, with different readings that jun couldn't make sense of.

"is minghao here, too?" weiliang asked.

jun pulled up a chair, shaking his head. "well, no. it's just me. has minghao talked to you at all?"

"not since yesterday. oh, how did the assembly go? i feel bad i wasn't able to attend," weiliang sighed.

jun blinked, a bit taken aback. "it went good. we danced really well, i think."

"i'm happy to hear that! when i called minghao yesterday, he was really excited," said weiliang.

his face froze for a moment, then weiliang turned to the opposite side and coughed. it was loud, scratchy, seeming to constrict his chest with each heave.

worry in his eyes, jun asked, "should i go get a nurse-"

"no," weiliang said, waving his hand. "they know i've been coughing like this."

"are you alright?" asked jun, frowning.

straightening a bit, weiliang gave jun an expression that he couldn't exactly decipher. "right now, i'm doing alright. but before we get into that, are you and my son okay?"

jun sucked in a breath. "well, no, not really. we, uh, we're kind of... separated at the moment."

"can i ask why?"

"it's hard to explain. but... it's better for minghao. right now, at least," jun said, looking down.

a wave of silence took hold for a moment. jun tensed, waiting for weiliang to yell at him, shame him, just do something. what he did was surprising.

"i won't pretend to understand what either of you are going through," weiliang murmured. "and it's not like i can pick sides, either, because i don't know what's going on. but it must be difficult, if you don't want to talk about it. that's perfectly fine."

jun looked at him, mouth slightly agape. "you- really?"

weiliang shrugged. "i'm not exactly sure what you expected.

neither did jun, honestly. then again, when it came to parents, his experience had never been positive enough to expect anything otherwise.

"why did you come, then? it's fine if you don't have a reason, i need someone to show my magic tricks to," weiliang said, smiling as he grabbed a deck of cards beside the bed.

"to apologize, honestly," jun sighed. "i've screwed up a lot, honestly. i'm worried that minghao won't take the current situation between us well. again, it's hard to explain. i guess- i came here to say sorry for getting your hopes up about me. for trusting me with your son. he deserves someone a lot better than me, who can keep him both safe and happy."

with that same, indescribable expression, weiliang just looked at him, thinking. it wasn't a harsh expression by any means. there was a sense of warmth to it.

"minghao is... unique. that doesn't even cover any of it. but the way he responds to things can often be worrying," weiliang said finally. "how he internalizes things. expresses his emotions. has he ever told you about his mother?"

when jun nodded, weiliang's eyebrows raised. "that's new. not even seokmin and seungkwan know the story. what did he tell you, exactly?"

"that she left when minghao was six years old," jun said, trying to remember. "and after, you guys moved around a lot and you were diagnosed with lover's heart disease."

among the many things jun was internally freaking out over, that was another one. what if minghao couldn't handle this at all and developed lover's heart disease? what would happen then? 

"maybe... i should explain more about his mother," weiliang sighed. "her name was liu jiaying, a headstrong woman from a wealthy family. she was stubborn, had a sharp wit, independent, and couldn't handle not being in control. sound familiar?"

smiling slightly, jun nodded. 

"we met by chance, on the street during a festival, watching a folk dance. her watercolors were a brilliant, firery orange, and mine were teal," continued weiliang. "at first, we were quite happy about the whole thing. and well, we got a bit carried away, got a hotel room... well, jiaying was pregnant with minghao before we were even married."

that was something jun didn't expect. at jun's less than subtle reaction, weiliang laughed.

"as i said, happy and carried away," he said. "well, jiaying's parents were less than pleased. for one, i worked in an office. i wasn't exactly the rich bachelor they were hoping jiaying would be paired with. she was also pregnant. so, they kicked her out, and she moved in with me. we were in our early twenties.

"from there, things got worse. jiaying and i got along fine, but, neither of us put in the effort to maintain our relationship. i was often gone at work, so was jiaying. when minghao was born, we were even more stressed trying to balance our jobs and a child," weiliang sighed. "neither of us were ready for it all. i think all the stress just got to jiaying and she couldn't handle it anymore. so she left. she left plenty of money to go towards minghao's child support and college. and i never heard from her again."

oh. that's what happened. jun nodded along, listening intently to weiliang's story.

"then came the heart attacks, the moving, the hopsitals," said weiliang, gesturing around. "i'm sure you're familiar with his routines, the numbers. the constant need to be in control of something so that minghao doesn't seem like he's losing his shit. he doesn't know how to let himself feel those hurtful emotions, just tries to mask them and ignore them. least of all, he doesn't know how to handle it when people leave him.

"he was bullied in school, people made fun of him for having a single father with no soulmate. said that minghao would end up the same way. i think minghao got it in his head that no one would love him that way, so to avoid anyone breaking his heart or leaving him, he closed himself off," weiliang murmured. "so when he told me he had a soulmate, more importantly, when he met you, i was overjoyed."

stunned, jun leaned back. weiliang seemed to be full of surprises. "why?"

"because minghao is lonely. he thinks he can be on his own and be fine. and you know that he can't. he's just as human as the rest of us," weiliang said. "in regards to my health, now. it's not looking good. the disease has weakened me significantly. i've gotten a lot worse. i wouldn't be surprised if i died before the new year."

"wait-" jun said, snapping up. "what? when did..."

weiliang's expression changed to a sad one, stress lines harshening his features. "it's been declining for almost two months now. heeyeon is doing her best, but, it just isn't enough. there's no cure yet, for me."

"what about her medical trials?" protested jun.

"the first surgery she's doing is on a much healthier candidate," weiliang sighed. "i'm too old and weak for her to do anything experimentally invasive. even if she finds a cure, it'll be too late for by that point."

"but heeyeon..."

"heeyeon believes she can save me. and i know she's going to try. but... i've been living with this for about fifteen years. i'm only forty-five years old, but i look like i'm at least sixty. this illness has wrecked my body and i know i'm living my final moments," said weiliang.

the man turned to the window, smiling softly at the waves of sunlight drifting inside the room. there was the expression again, that jun couldn't figure out for the life of him.

"minghao needs to accept the fact that sometimes, people are going to leave," murmured weiliang. "and sometimes, they'll come back. i'm hoping that you'll come back to him. when i die... i need you to be there for him. you're a good kid, junhui."

jun just stared, at a loss for words. after all, he didn't know if he was going to survive the year either.

weiliang turned back. "do you love him?"

answering before he could even comprehend the question, jun said assuredly, "yes, i do."

"good."

\---


	62. 六十二//육십이

六十二//육십이  
sixty-two  
//minghao

the door to jeonghan's apartment was never this intimidating. but standing there, the keys trembling in minghao's hand, was terrifying. seungkwan and seokmin were down the hall, waiting if minghao needed them, watching him stand frozen before the entrance.

jun might be inside. or he might not. probably the latter.

swallowing his nerves, minghao inserted the key and undid the lock, then slowly stepped inside the apartment.

he was right, jun wasn't there. the apartment looked the exact same as it had on friday, before they left for the assembly. plates from their meal on thursday were stacked beside the sink, unwashed. minghao's winter jacket was thrown over the side of the couch. in the entry way, minghao's and jun's shoes were orderly lined up against the wall.

it was like nothing had changed.

the door closed behind him quietly, but the sound startled him anyways. he hastily undid his shoes and stepped in, looking around. he just needed to grab some clothes, for at least two more days, until he could figure out what was happening on the 23rd.

stepping into his room, he stared at the unmade bed, stomach flipping and growing uneasy. normally, he always tucked the sheets in and straightened the blankets and pillows before he left, unable to stand a messy bedroom. but that on the assembly, he was so excited to leave that he forgot about it.

he slept there with jun, the night before. holding jun in his arms as he slept, lulled to bed by the scent of jun's shampoo and soft hum of his breath.

minghao sat on the bed, laying where he slept that night. imagining jun's figure right beside him, looking at him with those droopy, bleary eyes, still clouded from sleep. thinking about the gentle kisses, soft touches, the warmth. missing wen junhui was painful, that was for certain.

his chest blared a bit, making minghao grimace and pulling him out of his thoughts. he was here to gather his clothes, nothing else. hurrying over to the closet, minghao grabbed some clothes that would probably look good together. well, they'd look good on minghao regardless.

he hastily left the room, intending to leave just as quickly, but caught a glimpse of jun's room from across the apartment. the door was slightly ajar. jun must have forgotten to close it before they left.

against all better judgement, minghao walked to jun's room and stepped inside. his sheets were even messier than minghao's, but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. again, minghao was tugged into the memories of cuddling in jun's arms. carressing his cheek. whispering sweet words of love that they'd forget the next morning but remember in their hearts.

"i'm a mess," minghao whispered to himself.

he looked over at they keyboard against the wall. it was thin, and in such a large room, barely noticeable. minghao never actually heard jun play it either. there were headphones plugged in, so that was probably why. some sheet music was displayed, and minghao leaned in to see what it was.

he gasped, reading the title. it was a lesser heard of b-side, from a popular chinese singer. minghao didn't really talk about his favorite music, for two reasons. the first was that his music was often pretty mainstream, this artist being one of them, and would often get made fun of for listening to someone "basic." his other music was either incredibly obscure, so no one would know the songs.

the b-side happened to be his favorite song. minghao wondered where jun had gotten the sheet music, and what it was for. there were letters in the marigns, in bright blue pen, written in messy mandarin that minghao struggled to read.

they were music notes. chords jun liked, didn't like, wanted to add. different music terms that minghao couldn't even pronounce. scribbles over sections jun wanted to completely redo, transforming the song into his own vision.

at the bottom, in small print, was a note that stood out in particular. the ink fizzled off as if jun got lost in thought while writing it.

'what would minghao like?'

it was a small, offhand comment, soley for brainstorming. but it was enough to make minghao crumple to the ground, looking up at jun's keyboard.

the song was for him. jun was improving the song for him. at some point, he probably meant to play it for minghao, too.

and yet, jun still insisted that the feelings they had weren't real. this was just further evidence that jun was lying his ass off. that jun still cared.

tears came at some point. just a few. minghao wiped them off and quickly stood. he stared at the sheets for a couple moments longer, then grabbed them and held onto them tightly, as if they were a life line.

this was proof. physical proof. that he and jun had meant something so much more. 

or maybe minghao was delirious, searching for meanings in an empty void, grasping at straws. this was just some fucked up way of dealing with grief and heartbreak. 

he knew that he couldn't move on. but minghao found that he really didn't care.

\---

thankfully, seokmin didn't ask any questions when minghao asked to be dropped off at the police station. nor did seokim complain when he asked him to wait in the parking lot.

seungcheol was already waiting for him, beaming brightly. minghao was wondering if jun said anything to him, and when seungcheol asked how jun was doing, he got his answer. so he just let out a half-hearted, 'he's doing fine.'

when they got to his office, shownu carried an aura of stress. he hurriedly said hello, beckoning him to sit down at his desk.

"i was able to get the cctv you asked for," said shownu, opening up his computer. "well, you should probably just watch."

he turned the screen to minghao, showing a black and white recording of a side alley. minghao recognized it, it led to the backstage area. he watched as a car pulled up, instantly recognizing it as the one at hyungwon's, the license plate that they had gotten a photo of. a man stepped out of the passenger seat, and minghao grew still.

it was changkyun, dressed in black, just like chan's description. his face, however, had hardened into a thin line, before suddenly contorting. he doubled over, spasming into a brutal cough, and then stood. his exposed palm had been darkened by something. blood?

changkyun said something to the driver before wiping his palm on a hankerchief and disappearing from the camera's view, presumably walking inside.

"what the fuck-" minghao started to say, but shownu cut him off.

"there's one more clip," he said solemnly.

the video changed to a later time, when it had become darker in the alley. changkyun came back into the view, arm wrapped around another man's figure as if they were good friends.

it was jun.

minghao's heart ached, staring at jun's horrified expression. he was backed up against the wall, with changkyun standing casually in front of him. they had some sort of conversation, jun's expression becoming more scared by the minute. at some point, jun broke, and sank to his knees.

he was pleading for something. desperately. minghao could see it on jun's face, the way he looked up at changkyun in despair. his gut wrenched seeing jun willingly do that. changkyun seemed amused, laughing as he shook his head. then he gestured back in the direction of the door, prodding jun to go back inside, and promptly left.

"what happened that day?" shownu asked urgently.

"after that, i think," minghao huffed. "jun came outside and told me that he didn't want to be with me. that i needed to leave. and he didn't explain why."

shownu frowned. "first of all, i'm so sorry. i understand... what it's like. believe me. do you think changkyun had something to do with it?"

"he has to," muttered minghao. "shownu i- i love jun's stupid ass. and i feel like he loves me too."

"based on our conversations, he certainly cares about you," shownu confirmed. "so... changkyun threatened him. probably to push you away, right? for what reason?"

"because he's an asshole? because i'm getting in the way?" minghao brainstormed. "i don't fucking know. he hates me, but jun is his main target."

shownu nodded. "and then when he coughed up blood."

"he must be sick or something," minghao murmured, recalling the last time they came face to face. when changkyun held a knife to his throat and his breath rattled in his chest. "there was something wrong with his breathing last time."

shownu dragged his hands down his face, thinking. it was quiet for a moment as the two of them went over all the details of everything.

"okay, so," began shownu after a moment. "changkyun drastically raises the price of qianxia's debt. he bumps up the date to the 23rd. he has something to do with that medical funding. he showed up and threatened jun, likely to end things with you."

"it feels like he's rushing," minghao murmured. "he knows jun doesn't have the money. or else he would've paid him back forever ago. why... why go to all this trouble? his hatred for jun by being qianxia's sister can't go that far, not all by itself."

"we're missing something," shownu groaned. "we're still working on getting his bank and spending history. by tomorrow, we'll have it. i hope. it better give us substantial evidence so that we can finally go arrest his ass and keep him in jail. before the 23rd."

minghao stared at him sadly. at this point in time, even with all their evidence, it still wouldn't be enough to bring changkyun to justice. with changkyun's connections and power, he could easily worm his way out if shownu were to arrest him now.

"and ryeojoon?" minghao asked. "that other guy changkyun is paired with?"

"i can't reveal too much," said shownu. his lips quirked into a smile. "but by tomorrow, we'll have him taken care of too."

exhaling softly, minghao slumped backwards into his chair, looking up at the ceiling.

everything still hurt. jun's words still bit like knives stabbed into his chest. the ache of missing him wouldn't go away until minghao had jun in his arms again.

but maybe, they could solve this.

and minghao and jun would be together once more.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The is a work of fiction and does not assume anything about the real relationship of Jun and The8, other than them being friends and colleagues. Romantic scenes are purely fictional and do not represent how I view the members, this work is meant to be based on the members at a surface level, nothing more.  
> Events and character traits are fictional as well - the ways characters act in the book are not meant to correlate with the real personalities they're based on.
> 
> Except for the disclaimer here, this work will be written in all lowercase for aesthetic purposes.
> 
> Updates will first come to the original fics on Wattpad, then will be posted to ao3. Please be patient.


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